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October 2016
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Confirmed offer for striker is a hoax, as is Wilshere story, but another deal is imminent

By Sir Hardly Anyone.
First I bring you serious and grave news.
For those wretched fake links are back on the bloggettas, the one that persuades you to click a link onto an advert (thus earning the site money) when you think you’ve clicked to get the site’s stories, are back. is the first out of the blocks to use it this transfer window.  Shame on them I say. But enough of that; let has have the big one (not the hoax) first.  To them I award the 
Insult of the Day
The most infectious pestilence upon thee.  (Anthony and Cleopatra)
1: Alvaro Morata.
Caught offside (who called the player a “the 23-year-old stud” and a million other bloggettas that didn’t call him that) are telling us that is seems more certain than ever that Juventus loanee Alvaro Morata will become available for Arsenal.  So that’s not quite a transfer, but it is perhaps 10% of the way to a transfer.  And 10% is better than you get most of the time so make the most of it.And this drama comes “after his latest Instagram activity”.
The issue here is that Real Mad are said to have a buyback clause in Morata’s contract from Italy for £25 million, so they could buy him back and then flog him to Arsenal for £35m.  
Now this story is coming from Sun Sport who claim to have read it in AS, and in the past I’d have said that is was in the Sun so not true.  But since the Sun has taken up the cause of referee failings, and is verifying our figures on referees (in general at least) I must be more careful.In a story headlined, “Not just Xhaka: Arsenal beat Chelsea as they reach agreement to sign Real Madrid striker”Cristiano Esposito of tells us

Arsenal are close to reaching an agreement with Real Madrid striker Alvaro Morata has revealed.   The Gunners will offer a mouth-watering £155,000 a week salary to the player.

Chelsea and Paris Saint-Germain are also ready to offer the same to the 23-year-old and Juventus are determined to sign the player on a permanent basis but they are not in a position to offer the same amount of money to the player as the other three clubs.

The story is pretty much the same everywhere, with headlines like, “Arsenal closer than ever to signing striker as agent opens transfer talks.”

And then of course there is the transfer fee.   Arsene Wenger is believed to be highly interested in Morata and is reportedly willing to pay a club-record £46 million to bring him to Emirates Stadium this summer.

Morata scored 12 goals and made nine assists for Juventus this past season, including two of each in the Champions League. Last season Morata was named to the Champions League Team of the Tournament as Juventus made it to the Final before losing to Barcelona.

The main thing is not to think of him as a replacement for Giroud, as his scoring record is worse than Giroud’s.  Elsewhere it is said that Manchester United and Chelsea have also been mooted as suitors, although Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Karim Benzema seem to be the top priorities up top at United.

2:  Maxi Romero

Confirmed: Striker says Arsenal move is done,”Arsenal made a big offer and agreed to our main terms”

And that most certainly is what we used to call a “fast one”.  It is a hoax story, because we were this far along the line in 2015.   The full tale is that in April 2015 we were going to sign him, he was the next big thing, we had signed him, oh no we didn’t even though he was the next Messi because of the injury.   Now “Arsene Wenger is set to revive his interest in sealing the Arsenal transfer of Argentina youngster Maxi Romero, reports say.”  

But what you should also know is that this guy is always referred to as the “Next Messi”.

Wow! Arsenal Eyeing ‘Next Messi’ As One Of The Four New Signings This Summer

See I told you so.

Confirmed: Striker says Arsenal move is done,”Arsenal made a big offer and agreed to our main terms”

And it is a hoax because when he got injured and the deal stopped, it was merely put on hold, pending his full recovery from the injury.  And that clause was in the contract.   So, we are still where we were last time.

3: Chiori Johnson

This is real as it was confirmed by Arsenal Official Website that Highly-rated defender Chiori Johnson has committed his long-term future to the club, after signing the new deal.

The 18-year old full-back, who graduated from the club’s Hale End Academy, had a season full of injury problems but came back to become a key player for U-21 Arsenal player.

4: Henrikh Mkhitaryan

Another BIG ONE.   Arsenal are in pole position to sign Borussia Monchengladbach midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan after holding talks with German club and Armenian midfielders representatives.  (Try saying that after a couple of pints.)

The 27-year old playmaker has become one of the most dangerous attackers in European football since making the switch to Dortmund, this term he has been in terrific form as he has scored 23 goals and provided 32 assists in his 51 appearances.

That is the Daily Express’ take (although I’ve cleaned up the grammar).  Chelsea are also understood to be lining-up an offer.  However, it looks like Arsenal have now moved in pole position… he could be viewed as a potential replacement for England international forward Theo Walcott.

The bonus is his contract runs out next year and allegedly he doesn’t want to re-sign.  The cost is £24m.  And he has scored 18 goals in 47 Dortmund games this season.

5:  Superstar Confirms: Arsenal have completed another transfer

This is from whose web site tells us…

[an error occurred while processing this directive]

Nice one.

6:  Islam Slimani

Arsenal ponder bid for £23.25m Sporting Lisbon star – report

That is the headline and here are verbatim the next two paragraphs.

Arsenal are weighing up a bid for Sporting Lisbon forward Islam Slimani this summer, say reports

Arsenal are among the clubs weighing up a summer transfer bid for Sporting Lisbon star Islam Slimani, according to reports.

So now you are no wiser than when you started.  Arsenal, Tottenham and Leicester all said to be looking at him, and the Mirror says Arsenal are considering a bid.  €30m is the going rate.

7:  Arsenal Set To Announce Deal For Midfielder – Fans Will Love This

And guess what.  This is where the hoax starts, and it is in two parts…

Arsenal are looking to offer a long term deal to Jack Wilshere this summer, as they look to offer new deals to the existing first team player.

Manchester City and Chelsea are looking out for the player for a potential transfer move.

But don’t get too excited because there is more…

Wilshere leaving

See I told you.  He’s not staying with a new contract, he is off.

Arsenal midfielder signals summer exit after stating he’s not happy with role at the club

Oh dear.  Perhaps we should tell the other bloggettas.  Mind you he was the subject of the first ever “spotted at the estate agent” story during the winter suggesting his mansion was up for sale and he was off to Man U.

8: Medhi Benatia

Benatia has been unlucky with injuries which has kept him out his club side on numerous occasions, so the cynics are saying that he is obviously a man for Arsenal, forgetting that we are a long way below the top performers in the injury league.

Benatia has won the Bundesliga in successive seasons with Bayern Munich over the past 2 years as well as being named in the Serie A team of the season, during his time at AS Roma.  The 29-year-old would form an excellent partnership with Koscielny.

9: Wojciech Szczesny

Well is this transfer news?   Apparently so according to the headlines, and the news is …

According to the latest reports from London, Arsenal are ready to let their 26-year old Goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny on loan one more year.

10: N’Golo Kante – back on the radar

Leicester City’s defensive midfielder, N’Golo Kante and Borussia Dortmund attacking midfielder, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, are looking likely to be the next Arsenal signings according to The Evening Standard.

Arsene Wenger has been sending Arsenal scouts to watch the Frenchman play a few times this season and is obviously keen to make the player his second midfield signing of the season

And to finish, here is Football Transfer Tavern’s  starting line up for next season


Bellerin Koscielny Benatia Monreal

Wilshire Xhaka

Alexis Ozil Cazorla


And that is about that.  Morata is a maybe, and one of the Jack Wilshere stories has to be wrong, unless he’s been cloned.

Now there’s a thought.


Recent Posts

Anniversary of the Day… Tottenham defeated

  • 26 May 1913 Tottenham’s demand for an EGM of league clubs to stop Arsenal’s move from Plumstead to Highbury defeated at League’s AGM, re-iterating the League’s position from the 1910 AGM that the league regulations gave them no say in where a club played.

Untold Arsenal has published five books on Arsenal – all are available as paperback and three are now available on Kindle.  The books are

  • The Arsenal Yankee by Danny Karbassiyoon with a foreword by Arsene Wenger.
  • Arsenal: the long sleep 1953 – 1970; a view from the terrace.  By John Sowman with an introduction by Bob Wilson.
  • Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football.  By Tony Attwood, Andy Kelly and Mark Andrews.
  • Making the Arsenal: a novel by Tony Attwood.
  • The Crowd at Woolwich Arsenal by Mark Andrews.

You can find details of all five on our new Arsenal Books page

13 comments to Confirmed offer for striker is a hoax, as is Wilshere story, but another deal is imminent

  • Brickfields Gunners

    It would be wise to look at transfer news at some ‘super agent ‘ who has a stable of top players and managers as his special clients , and whom for some reason or other tend to move around quite often.
    That this football carousel earns everyone involved quite a bit of money is a given certainty . And probably oils it and keeps it all chugging smoothly along.

  • Gooner Sam

    Very funny, good work

  • colario

    Help Line

    “Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?”

    Her Helpdesk replied as follows:

    “First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command

    C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

    If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

    But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 which is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly wave files.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ colario -May 26, 2016 at 9:08 am – If I were in charge at the help desk , my advice would be –

    Delete all Nagging /Guilt / Anger files from memory . Permanently !
    Install suitable smiley as welcoming front face .Avoid angry birds !
    Use sexy , sheer lingerie or french maid or schoolgirl uniform slip ons.
    Wine , beer, whiskey or tea and comfy pair of slippers at entrance .
    Download and play required and appropriate music .
    Move , shimmy , slither ,shake your booty or lap dance to the rythm .
    Immediate attention erection will be noted.
    Notice that the disk is no longer floppy !
    Interface slowly …….
    For further tips and for unbridled joy and a happy home …please log in to
    http://www.brickfiedsgunnersblog.con with your credit card details .
    Learn the secrets of fun and frolicking from the Grandmaster himself !

  • Josif

    “Arsenal are in pole position to sign Borussia Monchengladbach midfielder Henrikh Mkhitaryan after holding talks with German club and Armenian midfielders representatives. (Try saying that after a couple of pints.)”

    Maybe they were drinking pints while writing this one as the Scrubble-friendly Armenian has been at Borussia Dortmund, not Mönchengladbach. He has scored a goal at the Emirates already – in 2:1 victory of Borussia Dortmund in 2013-14 Champions League.

  • Rantetta

    Tug of war. Arsenal in the blue shirt. Ref is PigMob:

  • Rantetta

    Tug of war. Arsenal in the blue shirt. Who does the ref remind you of?:

  • Andrew Crawshaw

    Spoiler Alert – Chiori Johnson is one of my tips for junior players likely to make the transition from U21 to first team.

  • norman14

    I think we could set up a blog just to log all the shit that’s written about Arsenal.

    Yesterday, Sky started breaking news that Mesut Ozil had decided to put off any contract talks until after the Euro’s. This was then upgraded in the media to include the suggestion that the player is unhappy at Arsenal.

    This morning, Sky started “breaking” the story that Mesut Ozil is not unhappy at Arsenal, and that new contract talks were always going to take place after the Euro’s.

    So it’s two non stories out of two non stories.

    As Arsenal supporters, we have been well aware of the timing of those talks for weeks – it’s a pity the mainstream media are only looking for negatives when it comes to Arsenal.

  • colario

    @ bfields. My help progs are shareware and free. All my pleasure .

  • bjtgooner

    Another fine update from Sir Hardly!!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Qoute of the Day –
    ‘ Orgasms are important . Otherwise people wouldn’t know when to stop screwing each other .’

  • Gord

    The 20 goal per season scorer.

    Let’s assume he plays every game in a season. And we’ll assume his scoring is Poisson.

    And we run the model for 10,000 years. Obviously, no scorer lives that long.

    Lowest number of goals per season observed, 6. Highest number of goals per season observed, 38. Most common was 19 (924 times). The average (20) was seen 905 times. The distribution seems to be approximately symmetric about something like 19.4 (slightly closer to 19 than to 20). A 10 goal season (half the average) was seen 52 times, about a factor of 20 down from the average production.

    So, we have 10,000 seasons of 38 games, or 380,000 games.

    There were 11,480 times were the player hadn’t score in the previous game, scored, and then in the next game didn’t score. The flip side occurred 19,773 times. The two comparable runs of length 2 were about half as common. The longest run of scoring observed was 14. The longest run of not scoring observed was 13.

    Theoretically, a Monte Carlo is not needed to derived this. It should all be in tables. The model is far too simplistic. Any other numbers you want out of this?