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October 2016
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Suddenly everyone seems to agree. We’ve done the deal for Gonzalo Higuain. Well, nearly everyone.

By Sir Hardly Anyone.

Now before we get going, let me offer you this.

On this day, in 1789, Louis XVI, king of France wrote in his diary as he went to bed “Rien” as his record of the day’s events.  The Bastille had just fallen.   So don’t judge things too quickly is my motto.

And yes there is one big story today…  It is our old friend Gonzalo Higuain.

Arsenal are making a 93 million Euro bid for Higuain.  That is on, a clickbait site sponsored by Sky Bet., another click baiter, with the same sponsor, has the same story.   What is the chance of that?  Two sites with the same tale?  It must be true. tells us that Arsenal have agreed a 5 year deal worth £7.6m a season (a journalist has confirmed it) except I can’t get their web site to load.  Maybe everyone wants to be on it to find out who it is and it crashed.   Or maybe they didn’t pay their monthly server fees.

Liga Financial say the deal is done too and are also quoting the salary.  Squaka has the story as well and quotes the deal at £78.8m.  See, I told you, it is everywhere.

Fun soccer gives us a real back to front story and says that Arsenal have agreed a contract with the player but not actually opened discussions with him yet.

Here’s another variation.   We haven’t had any rumours of Olivier Giroud moving but now they are here – he will travel to Napoli as a part exchange for Gonzalo Higuain.   His provocative agent (geddit? oh, never mind) said, “There is no fear in Olivier possibly going to Napoli, it is a magnificent city. In Campania, my client could live a wonderful life, not to mention that the type of game orchestrated by Napoli coach Sarri could enhance the quality of a centre-forward like him.”   Napoli officials are said to have been spotted at the airport, so an all out watch is now being kept on estate agent windows.

Mind you Tribal Football says that Napoli have just dropped the asking price of Gonzalo and RedLondon says yes Napoli are involved but actually we are after Kalidou Koulibaly who can play right back, centre, back and defensive midfield, although probably not at the same time.

So, is this real?  Well, not everyone is going down this line.  The Independent is running with the notion that Chuba Akpom “is set to start the new Premier League season as Arsenal’s only fully-fit centre forward.”

You can see where this is going.  Before you know it there will be multiple rumours that Theo is injured or off.  And of course because Theo had a hard time of it for a part of last season that will be it; it will be useless forever.  Because the last thing we’ve seen is always the definitive thing we’ve seen until we’ve seen something new.

Anyway, the Independent’s list of summer transfer targets for Arsenal only has 12 players as possible signings while Untold’s Great Transfer Index, has getting on for 100 so they have probably missed a few centre forwards.

Julian Draxler, the Wolfsburg winger is high up the list still for £55m.  Liverpool want him too as they attempt to recover from year after year in seventh and eighth.   Yakkity Yak (the radio station previously known as TalkSprout) have said Arsenal are “preparing” a €50m bid and that is soon going to be worth more that £55m, especially with Boris Johnson as foreign secretary.  (I think we’ve just declared war on Freedonia, but I’ll come back to that one later).

But no, here’s a goodie, and one I have not seen so far – so one more for the great Index.  “Arsene Wenger has also been linked with making a move to re-sign Thomas Vermaelen, who is reportedly stalling on signing a deal to join West Ham in the hope that he will be able to return to the Emirates instead.”

Sport (published in Spain) says it is highly likely (“highly likely” mark you) the Belgium international will return to Arsenal only two seasons after leaving the club to join Barcelona.   TV played 21 times for Barcelona last season.

Roma has made an offer we are told but Barcelona turned it down as they want £10 million.

However there is probably only room for one centre half as we used to call them, and that would seem to be Jeison Murillo from Inter.  Talks have already begun over a £15m deal for the man from Colombia.

Sky Sports say the deal is on the move.  

And now back to the tangled web that is Naples.  Neil Banfield has been talking and saying that Napoli’s Jorginho is “the strongest midfielder” in Serie A, adding that “watching him play is a pleasure for the eyes”.  Does that constitute genuine admiration or a transfer bid?  And do we need any more such players?  Maybe not but according to “reports” Mr B has said he would sign a blank cheque for him.  Fortunately he doesn’t control the bank account.

Well, maybe we are in Naples but for someone else as Marek Hamsik‘s dad has said that if Napoli don’t come up with a better offer his son will go somewhere that will.  “We expect a richer contract,” are his exact words.  Maybe.  

Mauro Icardi would prefer to stay at Inter but his wife has had a chat with Corriere della Sera suggesting that maybe the family is off to London following transfer chat between Juventus and Inter being interrupted by the good lady say the  €50 million deal is off and it is London that is their destination.

His agent said, “Atletico Madrid, Tottenham and Arsenal have made contact. Napoli and AS Roma are also interested.  Mauro, though, wants to stay at Inter and that’s what I want too. Icardi respects (Roberto) Mancini. He has never said anything wrong but we want to be respected as well.”

“I am pregnant now,” (sorry we are back with the good lady wife in another statement, not the agent), “I don’t want to move somewhere else. I don’t want to move four people away. However, both me and Mauro know the importance of money. Our families were not so rich so we know how important money is.”

The 25-year-old Roma and Greece international Kostas Manolas is on the way to either Arsenal or Chelsea, says Corriere dello Sport whose accuracy record in such matters is about as good as mine.

Speaking of Roma, we all thought that Roma had now re-signed Wojciech Szczesny for another year, but seemingly not because now Mr S might be staying as part of the Manolas deal.  He (Wojciech) played 34 times for them last season.    Of course that now means lots of stories about smoking under water (or at least in the showers).

Arsenal and Chelsea are now fighting it out over Arda Turan from Barcelona (according to reports, ho ho).  He’s a midfielder, as is everyone these days it seems.  He’s only been there for a year having come from Atletico Madrid.  But it seems his tax affairs were all in order so he didn’t really have anything in common with all the other players.

But he’s 29, which is a bit old for a Wengerian signing.  And he’s said he wants to stay in Barcelona and learn more about local tax legislation.  Apparently he’s available for £23m, although I suspect that amount is actually quoted in the much stronger and safer Euro currency.  Oh yes and Borussia Dortmund and Fenerbahce are also after him.

Meanwhile we can consider Juventian defender Daniele Rugani.   Gianluca Di Marzio, (a website) says Everton and Napoli are after him for £25.5 million to secure the youngster’s services.   Arsenal’s name was then thrown in, although probably just to fill up space.

Juventus having sold Paul Pogba and Leonardo Bonucci for billions (well, maybe £135m) will use some £36m of it to buy Alexis Sanchez, according to the fictionaires at Gazzetta dello Sport.

But of course this would not be a transfer window without Arsenal having been too slow and let someone they could have had slip through the net.    Today it is Djibril Sidibe who according to Le 10 Sport has now made his move between Monaco and Lille and Arsenal offering more money isn’t going to do anything to change that.

On to a player we have already signed, Kelechi Nwakali, who the rumour has it doesn’t have a work permit.  Oooops, silly Arsenal.  Always forgetting the detail.  This story is in African Football.  So the 18 year old is going to play in Belgium, where he can get a work permit.

OK, that’s enough.

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20 comments to Suddenly everyone seems to agree. We’ve done the deal for Gonzalo Higuain. Well, nearly everyone.

  • I think as Untold has pointed out “once or twice” that each transfer window we end up having signed some 85 new players except of course we haven`t
    But Joe Public gobbles it up
    I am sure it is the same for other clubs except of course I aint interested in those
    But it`s good to parody what is going on
    Gives us something worthwhile to read
    Well done Sir Hardly Anyone
    Someone said the other day, that your name is not really Sir Hardly Anyone, but I couldn`t believe them
    Why would anyone put porkies on a blog !!!

  • tunnygriffboy

    I’m glad people can be humoured by all this. We need to strengthen our team. It wasn’t good enough last season and as it is it won’t be good enough this season.

    We have no cover for Giroud who will miss the beginning of the season in any case.

    We have 5 possibly 6 players missing the first couple of games due to the international commitments. Our team will be up against in these fixtures whoever we picked. A couple of new faces would help this

    It is concievable that we lose both of these games and we’re out of the title by the end of August.

    This is a seminal moment for the club and the manager. Mess this window up and the murmurings and anger showed last season will once again manifest itself and the players will be playing in a toxic atmosphere which is bound to affect them. It’s up to the manager to get this right

  • colario

    Kids joke:
    An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log.

    So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

    “What did you do that for?” Asked a passing giraffe.

    “Because that’s the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 50 years ago!”
    “Wow, what a memory” commented the giraffe.
    “Yes,” said the elephant… ” I have turtle recall…”

  • finsbury

    Balotelli. (20 Big ones)
    Benteke (too much to even mention)

    Where was Venga when these superstars were signed?

    When instead he could have splurged £50M of MY money on those mules.

    What was he thinking?

  • finsbury

    Vokes > Benteke as target men go. Heh.

  • Madaki

    same old story, we wiii end not buying a prolific striker, i really wondered what is wrong Wenger, if a club like ataottenham can burst their attack with the of a striker like Jensen i see no reason why we cannot go for Higuain

  • Leon


    I think this Higuain story might even be true at last. Better to keep Giroud though, and have them both.


    It’s true we’ll be short of a player or three for the first couple of weeks, but Liverpool will probably themselves be missing a few Euro involved squad members. Leicester look as though they’ll only have Kante missing & Watford none at all.
    We can’t import new players just for the season’s start, and most other teams will be in the same position.
    Happens all the time.

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    There is not a chance I’ll believe Arsenal will trade their big striker – Oliver Giroud in a part player part cash transfer deal for Gonzalo Higuain with Monaco FC of Italy.

    Is Higuain that such an audacious striker who should command a £78.8m price in the transfer market? Why hasn’t him help Napoli to win the Italian League title since he has been there for the past 3 years if he’s such an audacious title winning goals scoring striker who will then be commanding a £78.8m price tag?

    Arsenal want the BPL title winning goals scoring striker. And not a striker who doesn’t want to come to Arsenal in the first place and could need some time to adopt to the Arsenal way of playing and the Premier League games before he can start to contribute any meaningful progress to Arsenal game competitions.

    If I won’t be sounding boring for repeating myself, I sincerely believe Arsenal could do very well if they sign Hal Robson-Kanu who has an almost oriented goals-striking features with Jamie Vardy and play him with Olivier Giroud as the 2 leading strikers for option and cover during this coming summer campaign.

    If Arsenal believe me and sign Robson-Kanu which I doubt they may not. The 2nd striker issue would be solved if he’s signed. And if Newcastle will agree to lower their asking fee of £35m to £17m, the Boss should sign Moussa Sissoko to play him as central attacking midfielder. That’s solved another issue at replacing Rosicky adequately. But I don’t know if the Boss intend to play Takuma Asano as CAMF. The other strengthenings that will remain for the Boss to strengthened ahead of the season opener are a 3rd top class CHB and a 3rd top class LB.

    Of course the Boss has to sell at least 3 senior squard players to make rooms if he wants to take the gamble on bringing in 4 more new players in addition to the 2 he has already brought in. The Boss talked on not wanting to disrupt the balance of his squad by limitting his singings to only 3 new senior players this window . But I believe he will need to sign in a total of 6 new players this summer to actually have his senior squard to balance. The deficit in qualities in the rank and file in his 1st team squad last season which had hindered Arsenal from lifting the Barclays Premier League title and other titles too were obvious for all us to contemplate on it. .

  • colario

    Editorial on the jokes that I submit here.

    1 Because I submit a joke, it does not mean I think its funny.

    2. I accept that what does not amuse me may amuse someone else. I therefore submits jokes that I don’t think are funny with the hope that someone else will be amused by them.

    3.I don’t make claims to any joke being funny.

    4 I only submit a joke on a non serious piece such as this one.

    Just thought you would like to know. 🙂

  • Goonermikey

    I did note yesterday, although I can’t recall where, that we weren’t going to get Higuain “because Wenger messed the deal up” or some such bull……..I can only assume the person making the claim was sitting at the table with AW and Napoli officials in order to make such a claim……………cos it’s all true you know…….well many get taken in by it anyway……eh tunnygriffboy?!!

  • ARSENAL 13

    @Sir Hardly Anyone,

    Where is the accent for the ‘i’ in Higuain??

  • WalterBroeckx

    Bring on the accents… 😉

  • tunnygriffboy


    Of course I wouldn’t bring in players for the first few games only. That would be absurd. Giroud has just finished the Euros and must be devastated with the outcome. Before this he needed sd some help and competion for his place. He’s carried the attack for four years and there have been patches when he’ overplayed and his form falls off a cliff

    Kos had the same experience at the Euros. He suffered numerous niggling injuries last season and his knee was heavily strapped in the final. Mert is into his thirties and looks all at sea when playing a high line. We could do with a quality CB as well.

    These players would help us throughout the season and would certainly help us at the beginnning of the season when many of our players would be getting up to speed after the Euros.

  • tunnygriffboy


    If you read my post you’ll see I am not taken in by it all.

    I just think we need two more quality players to improve the squad from where it was last season. Ie: not good enough to win the league.

    If we got those and manage to keep key players fit throughout the season we may have half a chance. Without them I fear another season of not being close to the winners.

  • Old Man

    Hi Tony,

    I have no interest whatsoever in what rot is written online or in the National papers.

    Arsenal without much argument from anyone desperately need a quality striker with a good goal scoring record.

    I know they maybe difficult to find and I know the risk is that it might be an expensive mistake.

    Wenger is paid a huge salary to make the correct call.

    I will judge him by the end of the transfer window and if he has not bought a striker I would consider it a dereliction of duty and he should go.

  • lee

    Dont worry Sanogo will come to our rescue…

  • Yommex

    Interesting observation from the armchair managers that never take time to use their rearview mirror. Imagine if it had been Wenger that bought Falcao or/and Angel Di Maria? He would have been crucified by now. But surprisingly, not a word was said by the pundits as regards the wrong judgment made by their acquisition (almost £80 million).
    Also, I would want to ask if the teams that buy the most expensive strikers have always won the title? Because the addition of Xhaka is often glossed over as if it is unimportant. Teams ought to buy what they need not the craze to just buy for buying sake. Not many strikers are better than Giroud in reality.
    Ozil, Sanchez, Ramsey, Xhaka, Elneny, Wilshere, Carzola , Coquelin to me constitute the best midfield combination in the Premier League. No credit is ever given to Wenger for this assemblage.

  • finsbury

    ” I really wondered what is wrong Wenger, if a club like ataottenham can burst their attack with the of a striker like Jensen i see no reason why we cannot go for Higuain”

    Was this written by a human being or by a spam bot?

    When the Borg was in a previous melt down (now it’s just constant melting) I spoke with someone inbetween their very angry and assured posts online about why were they were angry about Tottenham signing Soldado or Paulinho, after just having seen Chambo waltz his way pass a hapless Brazilian midfield (that were just twelve months away from an even more serious humiliation). This gibberish appears and can be observed to bear absolutely no relation to the football on the football pitch. Time, after time. If you’re in denial please remember the Partdrige-esque weirdness expressed towards Ramsey and Özil two of the standout footballers from the recent football tournament.

    Funny when you reflect up in the scale of the gibberish.

  • GoingGoingGooner

    I was dropping off my boy at a summer football camp yesterday and couldn’t help overhearing two of the instructors talking about the Higuain exchange for Giroud except that one of them KNEW that Higuain had been offered 800K a week to play in China. The response from his interlocutor was not one of scepticism about the deals but rather a shake of the head in disbelief about the mad money being offered by the Chinese. I bit my tongue and helped my son with his boots.

  • Simon

    Good call on the Falcao and Di Maria failures Yommex. If Wenger had got either of those jokers it would been armageddon.