THE BRICKFIELDS GUNNERS ‘ LIFE’S LESSONS 101 FOR ‘them’ –
After posting a funny piece on the comment pages of UA at http://untold-arsenal.com/
And seeing all the crap comments being posted over the last few days, I too want to join in the spirit of throwing!
So here we go …….
LESSON ONE (Revised.) BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS AKBs .
DANGEROUS: Who died and made you AKBs king?
SAFER: I fully understand your commitment and passion.
SAFEST: I bow before your age, superior intellect and wisdom .
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more wine .
SUPERULTRA SAFE: I think I ‘ll just scarper off and leave this site to you.
LESSON TWO. WHEN EXPLAINING YOUR PLAYING EXPERIENCE –
DANGEROUS: I played in the ……………( Fill in name of league -eg , Micky Mouse , Peanuts , Juvenile or Prison ….etc)
SAFER: I once played for North / South England School Boys ‘ vs the Channel Islanders .
SAFEST: I was the top player in my school /village / factory till ……….(state nature of injury, indiscretion or crime.)
ULTRA SAFE: I was an average player, but did spend much time studying the game while frequently on the bench.
STUPID: I am the current champion of the FIFA , EUFA , EPL, SKY , SUN , TALKSHITE or …….. Fantasy League.
‘ them ‘: I could have been a great player , if I was not untimely incarcerated at HRM’s pleasure . After all, my only crimes were that showed my privates to some birds and shot at some guy all just for a lark.
LESSON THREE. IN EXPLAINING WHY YOU ARE MORE QUALIFIED THAN ARSENE WENGER –
DANGEROUS: I have managed teams in the …(xyz)…League , following the principles of the great Charles Hughes, Don Revie and the Moaning one.
SAFER: I once managed a very excitable team of mixed / indeterminate genders and it was such a carefree and gay affair .
SAFEST: I like to think of myself as an ardent student/learner of the game and have read many books by all the top managers.
ULTRA SAFE: I have watched hours and hours of Youtube videos of famous great managers and have gleaned much.
STUPID: I am the current champion of the FIFA , EUFA , EPL, SKY , SUN, TALKSHITE or….. Fantasy League.
‘ them ‘ – How hard could it really be ? Just pick and buy your top eleven World Class players and , hey presto you’re done !
LESSON FOUR. MANAGING THE CLUB THE RIGHT WAY –
DANGEROUS: Spend our fucking money on new players , get a new manager , reduce ticket prices and don’t take any more money out of the club, Stan!
SAFER: Spend only half of that 250 million in the bank on new players now , we may need fresh reinforcements in January .
SAFEST: Just buy a World Class striker and a WC Central Defender and I know that all our lives will change for the better .
ULTRA SAFE: Bring the major shareholders to the negotiating table and get them to settle their differences and to contribute even more money.
STUPID: ARSEXIT out the foreign shareholders , Ivan Gazidis, the French manager, the useless medical staff and bring in …………… (?) Someone who has some experience in similar exits.
‘ them’ – We want ‘our ‘ Arsenal back. Back to the greatness (?) that was, and that is due only to us . Our rightful birthright.
LESSON FIVE: MY IMPRESSIVE KNOWLEDGE AND EDUCATION.
DANGEROUS: I qualified with a Summa Cum Laude from the University of life’s hard knocks .
SAFER: I picked up very valuable tips from the ‘gang’ on the dole queue and at the pub afterwards.
SAFEST: I read all the sportspages while waiting in the dole queue , and absorb much from the sports programmes on tv at the pub.
ULTRA SAFE: I read all the blogs with an open mind and try to make informed choices and opinions , without any feelings of angst or anger.
STUPID:All my understanding comes from reading The Sun and watching MOTD – many of their experts were great England internationals. Some even managed clubs.
‘ them ‘ – Piers Morgan and Talkshite are for me , like the nectar of the gods , and my cup runneth over .
To be continued …… go on , feed me with some more ammunition so that I can fire back.
Thank you .
The Brickfields Gunners
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