Arsenal plan mass raid on Italian club to cope with predicted January exodus

by Sir Hardley Anyone and a chicken called Frostie

Last summer, as you will know if you followed the Untold Transfer Index, 20 players were lined up to leave Arsenal.  Of course the mass exodus didn’t happen, but those in the know, or rather those who don’t have a clue but like to make it all up, are now saying that the mass exodus really is now going to happen in January, at which time Arsenal will be denuded of virtually all players.

Indeed it is getting so bad that we might not even be able to put out a team in some games and will have to concede the fixture.

But now fortunately Arsenal have found a way around this problem, and that is to buy a substantial numbers of players from Inter Milan.

Now if you are not a regular follower of football surrounded by the warm waters of the Med (where Mrs Sir Hardly and I love to spend a few weeks every month basking in the glow of the eternal whatnot) you may not have realised that Inter Milan who once were, no longer are.

Indeed in recent years they have ended up 6th, 9th, 5th, 8th and 4th in the one horse race that is the Italian League.

Indeed even though their current form (four wins and one defeat in the last five) is identical to that of Juventus who have won the league each year since the fall of the Roman Republic in 50BC, they are still lurking in 7th place and ready for another poor showing in the second half of this season.

So Inter Milan are planning to jettison their under performing turnips and flog them  to Arsenal, to cover up the gaps that the mass removal of players to clubs with a real desire to win things, will bring.

And all this is true, I can assure you because I read it in “Reports”.

First out of the innards of Inter will be Frenchman Geoffrey Kondogbia according to Football-Italia who say it is according to Gazzetta dello Sport who cite a Spanish newspaper I’ve never heard of as the source, which is rather strange.  Or when I come to think of it, the new norm in transfer issues.

Kondogbia is a “midfield enforcer” (which I think is Italian for “thug”) and he can also play as a central defender or left back which is just what Arsenal need – three players for the price of one.   He came from Monaco for €31m, but has failed to do much so he’s on the way out at a discount fee, and it is widely reported that Mr Wenger likes discount fees.  Better still he could also be available on loan so we can give him back when he turns out to be no good.

Prior to signing for the Inter, Kondogbia was said to be “one of the most coveted talents in world football” and was endlessly tipped to be a midfielder that Arsenal would sign.  But of course he didn’t, again showing his lack of concern for those who make money off the back of his efforts.  Chelsea, Liverpool and Marseille are all expected to sign him because they move faster than Arsenal which is why we never got players like Alexis and Mesut.  [I think you’ll find we did, Sir Hardly, not that I wish to challenge your sources – Tony]

€20m and €22m (or given the state of the pound £35m) should fix it and bring Kondogbia forth.

And package deals are also on offer as Jonathan Biabiany, known for his acceleration, his pace and his strange propensity for signing for Inter – which he has now done four times.

Also available are Felipe Melo, now 33, with Inter being his tenth club and last year was the most decorated Brazilian in Turkey and  Stevan Jovetic, a second striker or winger who Inter got from Man City, not to mention Rodrigo Palacio (another forward, this one aged 34), and Davide Santon (once again also 34), who are all going cheap or alternatively going nowhere.

Now it is said that Inter are interested in Venezuelan captain Tomas Rincon who plays for Genoa.  But the Very Enlarged Being who manages at the Palace when not doing crooked deals is said to be interested.   Arsenal could jump in given the random way in which Mr Wenger buys players without checking them out first.

Of course what sparks all this commentary is the fact that the little tiddly widdly bloggettas have still not got over their extreme frustration at the transfer of Mustafi in the summer.  No one picked this up more than a week before the move, and most only saw it coming two days before Arsenal announced it.  That meant that the whole “Everton reject on his way to Arsenal” saga had to be squashed into about 48 hours, and that story was felt to be worth at least a month’s worth of headlines.

With 110 players nominated as being Arsenal transfer targets, along comes the club and buys a player who hadn’t been mentioned since the Index started in May!   “It just shows the disrespect that Wenger chap has for us supporters,” said Wombat McCauley, editor in chief of GetWengerOutNow.com.

So who else is coming apart from the Inter Group.

Dimitri Payet

“According to the reports” (the bloggetta phrase meaning “I just made this up”) Arsenal are the favourites to complete the signing of France international winger.

Gabriel Boschilia

The only thing holding up the transfer of AS Monaco superman Gabriel Boschilia is that we already have a Gabriel, and negotiations over which one will change his name have stalled.  “The North London clubs are believed to be frontrunners along with Serie A giants Juventus in race for the Brazilian starlet, particularly after his fine start to the campaign for AS Monaco this season.”  According to reports.

He is 20 and spent last season (which for some bizarre reason the bloggettas insist on calling “last term” as if they were at school) on loan with Belgium “outfit” (ie club) Standard Liege but is fast becoming a key first-teamer, with Europe’s heavyweights (Fat Sam again?) starting to step up their interest.