Untold Refwatch. Arsenal v WHU: what we can expect from this referee

RefWatch: Mike Jones – Arsenal Vs West Ham 30/Oct/2010

By DogFace

• Referee: Mike Jones
• Assistant 1: Dave Bryan
• Assistant 2: John Flynn
• 4th Official: Keith Hill

This weekend we entertain Western side of the provincial hamlet of Ham in what promises to be a cracking encounter… probably.  But enough of all that – the build up will obviously be covered with far greater élan by Billy ‘The Dog’ – I hear he likes a bit of ham… or likes to ham it up a bit  (Careful – Ed)

Moving on…

…Watching, as it were, a referee in a West Ham game must be taken into context with what seems to be the incredible ‘luck’ that the hammers tend to get in the EPL; this is the sort of luck that ‘@ v end of v day’ doesn’t ‘even out’.

To the casual observer it seems that they get most 50/50’s, 30/70’s and, indeed 0/100’s in their favour in every league game they ever play (remember this time last season the 2-2 draw).

This coupled with the EPL’s refusal to dock points from the hammers for breaking the rules (off the pitch) such as those relating to transfers and insolvency makes it all quite remarkable that they still seem to bounce around the relegation zone every season… with, of course, the aforementioned illegal transfers given special dispensation to participate in these ‘relegation battles’.

Quite frankly it’s all getting rather embarrassing – shape up, pull your socks up or ship out!

But still, talk of the devil; let’s take a look at the Ref – Mike Jones:

Full name: Mike J. Jones

Date of birth: 18 April 1968 (age 42)

Place of birth: The footballing hotbed of Chester, England

Favourite Colour: Unknown

Mike Jones is fairly new on the scene, being one of the chosen three to be promoted to Premier League/European action last season; the other two being Stuart Attwell and Kevin Friend – so one would assume that these guys were ‘the cream’ of refereeing talent – the pick of the bunch…

Kevin Friend I’m currently undecided on as he has never pinged my radar where as Stuart Attwell’s fuckups are well documented (it would be, of course, my immense pleasure to collate and document them again should he ever grace us with his presence).

Our man Jones has also had his share of the media spotlight for the odd gaffette; and we’ll look at these now:

Mike Jones, if you recall, was in charge of the match between Sunderland and Liverpool where an outside agent crept onto the pitch (to wit, a beach ball) and gave Darren Bent the opportunity to demonstrate his immense skill of both football and snooker by getting an ‘in off the red’.

Correct me if I’m wrong (Walter) but should that not have been a drop ball on the edge of the area?  It seems that the cream of the crop does not fully understand the Laws of the Game… well – either that or an ‘outside agent’ crept into his dressing room and deflected a brown paper envelope into his back pocket?  Was it Wenger who once said, après mugging, that the ref must be either corrupt or incompetent?  Wise words indeed.

Don’t get me wrong though – I don’t hate all refs… there are some very good ones like Walter and, closer to the EPL, Andy D’Urso – but they never get games!  Promotion to the select group of English refereedom, in my eyes, seems to be entirely based on how shit you are i.e. the more you can be relied upon to cock it up, look the other way and randomise the result, the bigger the games you get.  When I say ‘bigger’ I mean in terms of overall gambling liquidity – you know – sky games, sky bet, red button, in-play… etc.

Where was I… oh yes – I’m wrong.  Mike Jones was eventually dropped, actually, (for one game) after totally mugging off Hull in Burnley’s 2-0 home win, in which he awarded Burnley a dubious (see ‘bollocks’) penalty and disallowed a Hull goal, that would have given them the equaliser, before sending off Geovanni for no apparent reason.

I know it’s only Hull and quite funny to see Phil ‘the power’ Brown fuming in his post match interview but one would still hope he used the time off over the summer hols to swot up on the old rules eh?

Has he learned his lesson, will we get a ‘home advantage’ – or will we just all end up chanting “you don’t know what you’re doing”…

…again.

Answers on a postcard please!

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