By Billy “the Dog” McGraw watching the TV in the Auld Triangle
God this was awful. Arsenal didn’t have a clue. Mine’s a pint of Carlsberg. When Liverpool attacked Arsenal had no idea how to clear the ball, and I’ll smash the face in of anyone who says anything else. It can’t get any worse.
Ere mind where you’re spilling that beer vicar. This shirts nearly new, got it down the market know what I mean? What is the point of playing Fran Merida? A lucky goal, and what else did he do? Nothing at all. I’ll have a pint thank you very much. He should be out on loan. Walsall or somewhere. Playing like this we are going to be beaten by three banana trees and a coconut. Packet of peanuts landlord!
Playing like this, Arsenal will win nothing. God this beer tastes like its been poured down the front of a Liverpool shirt. Arsenal have no idea how to finish, they just want to walk the ball into the net. There is not the slightest chance of Arsenal winning a game. We should play like Chelsea. Get a goal, close the door. The end. Finito. Shut them out. Whose foot you standing on squire? Where’s the creativity? Where’s the passing? Where’s the style? Where’s my beer? Hey mate that’s mine. You owe me a pint vice principal.
All those back flips. all that playing from left to right, right to left, left to right, right to left. What is the point of that? Where is the goal? It’s down the middle. I’ll have a double scotch thank you archbishop.
Wenger should be sacked and replaced by a proper manager who knows something about football. 750 games he’s had and we’ve won fuck all. Sweet fanny adam. Nothing, and don’t give me all that crap about the doubles and the unbeaten season. Its a myth. Like this beer. We need to spend money now, if we don’t the club will be in the conference within two years. Did you know that time travel backwards in the string theory of the universe? Pint of vodka please landlord, and a double for my mates in the white coats.
[Editor’s note: members of the UNTOLD ARSENAL team do occasionally partake of a pint of the black stuff about an hour prior to a match at the Auld Triangle, standing outside at the junction of the St Thomas’ and Plimsoll Road. If you recognise me, say hello. I’m the one supporting Arsenal.]
MAKING THE ARSENAL is about to be published. Please help me buy another pint by buying just one copy of the book. www.woolwicharsenal.co.uk for the fullest details. Pint of heavy if you please, Canon.