The line up against Wolverhampton Wibbleyous will be much as we saw against the London Street Directory (the A to Z – do try and keep up). Carlos Vela and Armand Traore are just about ready for action, but not quite.
Denilson hasn’t started training yet, but will do so while the silly internationals are going on, and Theo will also start running about a bit at the same time, which means that neither of them will be crocked again by the games that pit one race against another . (OK so being English isn’t a race and we can’t call internationals racist, but they are still bloody annoying).
No news on Wilshere at this moment but that seems to suggest he is back in training but not ready to run around a lot. Merida is fine – the issue is, will he play?
Rosicky, Nasri and Eduardo all came through their examination of the A to Z (known to cabbies as “the knowledge” if you get my drift) so any combination of them can play.
The Wolverhampton official site is advertising a Morocco gourmet evening and telling us that Iwelumo is out for several weeks. (That is honestly true – I am not making this up, even though you think I am). Mine’s a plate of halibut and a pint of whelks with a double G&T on the side.
The last results of the Multiple W’s have been
- Lost 0-1 to Manchester U away
- Lost 2-5 to Sunderland away
- Lost 1-0 to Portsmouth at home
- Drew 1-1 with Everton away
- Drew 1-1 with Villa home
- Drew 2-2 with Stoke away
As usual, for an insight into what will happen, I went down to the allotments on Hackney Marshes to catch up with Dennis Berkgamp who is harvesting his latest crop of carrots, and picked up the inside news.
Dennis kindly bought me a triple whisky and ginger, and between us we got this team
- Gibbs, Vermaelen, Gallas, Sagna,
- Song, Fabregas (replaced by Ramsey after the fourth goal), Diaby or Nasri or Rosicky,
- Arshavin, van Persie, Eduardo or Rosicky or Nasri,
On the bench: Mannone, Eboue, Ramsey, Merida, Senderos, Nasri, Rosicky, Silvestre, Algenon Fitzgibbon-Beater-Smyth. (I think one of those is wrong, but I have to get back to work so can’t quite check it out – just a quick pint before I go, your grace).
Now down to the score. Dennis and I went for 6-1 against the Street Map. It was 4-1 and I can tell you we were blushing. If it were not for that amazingly brilliant article by Tony Attwood in the programme about his historical research and his new novel (which has apparently had rave reviews from his cat) we would have had to sneak out in embarrassment.
This time we are going for the following:
Prior to the match the entire stadium “sans” the Arsenal contingent will sing “Hi Ho Wolverhampton”. In the second half Tony’s cat escapes from his pocket, runs across the pitch but does NOT touch the ball, thus avoiding rule 184 (d) vi = interference with the ball by an alien object. But the cat does trip up three defenders who subsequently kick each other leaving Arshavin free to back heel in from fifty yards.
The Wolverhampton crowd are ordered out of the ground by the police for singing a very silly song, and Denilson comes on as a substitute carried by two stretcher bearers. After consultation the ref agrees that there nothing to prevent a player from playing on a stretcher, and he scores a hat trick with his right shoulder, his left shoulder and his knee. 4-0 to the Arsenal – somehow the W’s get a goal in the 19th minute of injury time. Everyone knows it is off side but no one can be bothered to protest.
William Small-Mountain, the famous bookies, are currently offering 8 trillion to 1 on this happening, so I suspect it is a good bet.
Finally, Dennis and I returned to my public house, The Toppled Bollard, where (following requests from the natives) we gave scores out of ten to everyone who played in the game against AZ. So here they are
- 10, 10, 10, 10
- 10, 10, 10
- 10, 10, 10
That’s about it I think. Have you seen the pretty little bollards and their coloured ribbons outside the Auld Triangle (now re-named the Toppled Bollard) before games? Apparently everyone is supposed to stand inside them, but no one does. Funny old world.
(c) Bill The Dog McGraw, licensed to write extraordinarily odd stuff about the Arsenal by the Magistrates Court, Hastings, The Toppled Bollard (aka The Auld Triangle), St Thomas’ Rd. 2009. Mine’s a pint of vodka squire.
- Arsenal v the team that will present a giant toothbrush to our captain
- Arsenal squad for Europa League game
- The abuse of female footballers is appalling, but there is a wider context
- Why Arsenal v Glimt might be tougher than the game against Tottenham
- Is the team that passes the most, the team that gets the best results?