Here we are
This is it.
It is nearly over.
We (the great tribe that lives at Untold Arsenal Towers) are holding our own and each other’s breaths, and it is getting painful.
We’re so nervous we have to keep going to the toilet (and holding our breaths).
The cause of the excitement is quite simple: it’s nearly over. The great Injury Fest has nearly run its course, and AS OF TODAY NOT ONE ARSENAL PLAYER IS INJURED.
OK we’ve had it easy this year. The dopey idiot French manager chose not to put in his team the EPL left back of the year, and the EPL right back of the year, and instead proposed to his girlfriend. C’est la vie as they say when getting knocked out in round one. The Swiss didn’t play one of our players, and anyway got knocked out early. The Almighty Jens has moved on so we can watch him and remember one simple fact…
He is the only person in the history of the planet to have played through an entire English league season and never been on the losing team.
And that left Robin – and yes, amazingly, he is still in one piece, and playing brilliant football.
And finally, the God of gods, Cesc. That’s our one worry left. He’s playing at the top of his game as we knew he would – but, after that performance last night there is a serious chance that the manager of Spain might just have finally realised that he has lurking in his pack an astonishing player.
So (and this is the bad news) he might just think of playing Cesc all the way through the game on sunday.
And that is our final big risk – one game to go, and one player left in the tourney. No injuries yet but…
It is, you will agree, too much to take. So a flying squad of Untold Arsenal specially trained robots has been sent to somewhere in Europe (we lost the map so we’re not sure where) with the purpose of stealing Cesc and replacing him with a silicon based reproduction. Cesc will be bundled into cotton wool and brought home, unharmed, and WE WILL HAVE A FULL SQUAD (except Rosicky) to pick from for the new season.
I know it is a shock. I know it has never happened before. But just you watch it happen. The European Championships came along, they took our lads, they tried to injure them, and they failed. WE WON.
I am sorry for the slightly hysterical tone of today’s posting only the regular crew are down the pub and we let the office boy write today’s piece cos he’s been asking for a go for ages and we didn’t want to upset him as he’s good at cleaning out the pizza pan, and really he seemed quite sensible. We didn’t know he would get so carried away but it won’t happen again. Honest.
- Everton v Arsenal: a happy video, line-up and what the league table will look like after
- Everton v Arsenal: Injuries, points needed for 4th, and Arsenal the first to 100?
- Everton v Arsenal: extraordinary figures seen in the last 6 games table
- Everton v Arsenal: how this referee treats the home and away team
- Everton v Arsenal and the oddity of referee behaviour