There were unprecedented scenes tonight at Untold Towers, the rural enclave which houses Untold Arsenal.
As editors and copywriters gathered on the 42nd floor and watched in amazement a crowd of over 400 bookmakers, bookies runners and a couple of burger sellers attacked the building with sticks, staves and a centurian tank.
At first it was thought that this was a grouping of everyday citizens who had mistaken Untold Towers for the home of an MP or banker, but from the shouting and banners held aloft it was clear this was not the case.
These angry folk wanted the football predictions carried by this site to stop, and they wanted them to stop now.
“We want them stopped, and we want them stopped now,” they shouted, just in case we didn’t get the point.
At the heart of the problem was the article on this site on Sunday 3rd January 2010 in which Billy the Dog McGraw predicted certain events, which did indeed come to pass. He noted, in particular that West Ham would score first (Billy described this as “mild peril”) and that Arsenal would eventually win.
Exactly as happened.
The overnight staff in Untold Towers were, as can be imagined, much alarmed and the Rutlandshire Constabulary was quickly called. Five hours later a police car (pulled by a rather tired horse – there being petrol rationing in Rutlandshire) arrived, and a gentleman of the law got out, and said, “Now then now then.”
The crowd attacked the poor man, and threw him in the moat.
After a stand off lasting several more hours, four representatives of the gambling community were allowed in for talks accompanied by six representatives of local religious bodies who believe that predictions of the future are their preserve. The talks are still going on, or on-going as they are generally called in the media.
Untold Arsenal demand the right to predict scores and details of games as and when we wish. The industry and their religious allies demand that we stop.
It seemed for a long time it would be hard to compromise. However the UA team has just suggested that we could, from time to time, simply get the result wrong – on purpose. As long as we didn’t announce when this was going to happen, all would be ok. No one would know, so bets would not be affected.
It seems that this might happen, although it also seems that I will not be able to tell you about it, first because the agreement will be secret, and second because, as I pointed out in my last notice on the site, I am now living in Tierra del Fuego – where we are actually having a rather fine and jolly summer.
But anyway, back to West Iceland against Arsenal which I watched on Tierra TV. We predicted the result, and we predicted that West I. would score first. So there we are; right on both counts.
We also successfully predicted that the East End Team would use a collection of down and out Norse gods, and two characters from a children’s cartoon series of the 1960s, as their players. And watching from my hut overlooking the Antarctic I could see that this too was perfectly true. I thought Nogbad the Bad was fairly poor, and expect him to be transferred to Chelsea quite soon.
I trust you enjoyed the afternoon’s entertainment, what with Manchester IOU being beaten by a third division club, and all.
Anyway Walter will be back tomorrow with something approaching sanity. But who needs sanity when we’ve just seen off West Ham with most of our team out injured or having a rest and Man U have lost at home to a third division outfit using a team that cost £65m?
Ah the joy of football, the smell of the fish, the crash of the iceberg, and pickled herring for tea.
(c) Tony Attwood, Plazza Del Starfish, Tierra del Fuego.
PS: If possible, please don’t tell anyone where I am hiding.
Another one , only you can do it Tony.
P.S. Your P.S is awesome finish 😀
I think.. as good as peoples made Ramsey be today.. its clear that he need peoples around him to draw the attention away from him to deliver his magic.. something that Jack and Fran was unable to deliver the first half.. until the arrival of both Samir and Abou.
Still, very enjoyable turnaround for the first half.. and is it me, or do Dudu’s goal look like a slomo? Even without replay it seems like the ball was hanging and gliding toward the corner.
From now on is real crunch time cos we are without Emperor Song. Whom BTW kick started most of our attacks last night.
What an article. More enjoyable than the match itself.
Our comebacks stories are talk of the town now a days.
Sitting at my desk at work my collegues are thinking that I am still in the new years mood. This brings another very big smile to my face.
How deep is the moat (another new word I learned today) round Untold Tower by the way ? and isn’t it frozen ?
Untold Towers is a momument to what patience and trust for one’s team and coach can build. Everyone of your irreverent and quirky musings and predictions are based on these and, as the team matures and plays to your book, the world is justly aghast.
It amuses me to read these days, from other blogs, extolling Diaby and moaning about Song’s absence for 4 or more weeks. Blogs that had demanded the heads of these players and more on a platter time and again. They missed out on backing them 19or more months earlier – when the boys needed it and when they would have shown themselves to be people with patience and trust, not to talk of grace and foresight.
Next, the rabble will be up in arms that there is a deal between UA and AFC to play according to what UA predicts…I wouldn’t blame them.
FD
PS Give some thoughts to insuring the U Towers against fire, theft (yes! it can be outrightly appropriated by a repentant Arsenal blogger or two) and gale force spittons
Well said Fem Dee, hilarious to hear the change of song for errr, Song, Diaby and Walcott. Denilson still seems to have his share of pub-bore critics though.
Ramsey’s step up in consistency and quality over the last few games has been astonishing. I always knew he would come good but in the last 3 games I saw true glimpses of the player he will become and it is my firm belief he will become a frighteningly good footballer.
The question for right now is how will the defence cope – we still look shaky at the back and that is with Song’s invaluable contribution.
Bolton should be too weak for us anyway but nonetheless one wonders if it is time to revert to a 4 man midfield to provide a little more support for our back line.
Let’s hope Wenger can find a little magic in the transfer market – the DM names don’t exactly jump off the page.
“It’s just the same old Song,
Just a different tune since you’ve been wrong”
Sorry, but had to sing that one to the D’nG-ers
——–
Is that post-modern terrace irony?
One group of supporters singing to another internal group of supporters?
LOL Mark. 🙂 top 10 to round it off.
Tony
When we went behind, I must admit my mind instantly went to Billy the Dog’s prediction!
The bestest irony of all was sung to Tottenham supporters as they went 2-0 down…
“Are you Tottenham in disguise?”
Quick! We must fortify the Tower. We musk hearken to Fem Dee’s words and insure instantly.
There, without doubt, was a metamorphic performance that showed the maturity that our boys who have now become young, strong men.
*must* not musk