There were unprecedented scenes tonight at Untold Towers, the rural enclave which houses Untold Arsenal.
As editors and copywriters gathered on the 42nd floor and watched in amazement a crowd of over 400 bookmakers, bookies runners and a couple of burger sellers attacked the building with sticks, staves and a centurian tank.
At first it was thought that this was a grouping of everyday citizens who had mistaken Untold Towers for the home of an MP or banker, but from the shouting and banners held aloft it was clear this was not the case.
These angry folk wanted the football predictions carried by this site to stop, and they wanted them to stop now.
“We want them stopped, and we want them stopped now,” they shouted, just in case we didn’t get the point.
At the heart of the problem was the article on this site on Sunday 3rd January 2010 in which Billy the Dog McGraw predicted certain events, which did indeed come to pass. He noted, in particular that West Ham would score first (Billy described this as “mild peril”) and that Arsenal would eventually win.
Exactly as happened.
The overnight staff in Untold Towers were, as can be imagined, much alarmed and the Rutlandshire Constabulary was quickly called. Five hours later a police car (pulled by a rather tired horse – there being petrol rationing in Rutlandshire) arrived, and a gentleman of the law got out, and said, “Now then now then.”
The crowd attacked the poor man, and threw him in the moat.
After a stand off lasting several more hours, four representatives of the gambling community were allowed in for talks accompanied by six representatives of local religious bodies who believe that predictions of the future are their preserve. The talks are still going on, or on-going as they are generally called in the media.
Untold Arsenal demand the right to predict scores and details of games as and when we wish. The industry and their religious allies demand that we stop.
It seemed for a long time it would be hard to compromise. However the UA team has just suggested that we could, from time to time, simply get the result wrong – on purpose. As long as we didn’t announce when this was going to happen, all would be ok. No one would know, so bets would not be affected.
It seems that this might happen, although it also seems that I will not be able to tell you about it, first because the agreement will be secret, and second because, as I pointed out in my last notice on the site, I am now living in Tierra del Fuego – where we are actually having a rather fine and jolly summer.
But anyway, back to West Iceland against Arsenal which I watched on Tierra TV. We predicted the result, and we predicted that West I. would score first. So there we are; right on both counts.
We also successfully predicted that the East End Team would use a collection of down and out Norse gods, and two characters from a children’s cartoon series of the 1960s, as their players. And watching from my hut overlooking the Antarctic I could see that this too was perfectly true. I thought Nogbad the Bad was fairly poor, and expect him to be transferred to Chelsea quite soon.
I trust you enjoyed the afternoon’s entertainment, what with Manchester IOU being beaten by a third division club, and all.
Anyway Walter will be back tomorrow with something approaching sanity. But who needs sanity when we’ve just seen off West Ham with most of our team out injured or having a rest and Man U have lost at home to a third division outfit using a team that cost £65m?
Ah the joy of football, the smell of the fish, the crash of the iceberg, and pickled herring for tea.
(c) Tony Attwood, Plazza Del Starfish, Tierra del Fuego.
PS: If possible, please don’t tell anyone where I am hiding.
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