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If you think you know your Arsenal, it is time to think again. Woolwich Arsenal, the club that changed football.
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By Billy the Dog McGraw
Having left Sir Toby Belch in control of the homespun fixtures, and hearing that he is still stranded on the M25 Olympic Canal Lane, I have followed the beloved team of The Arsenal to Malaysia, a small island off the coast of Peru.
I have to say that the game has attracted little local interest and there are fears as to the number of people who will be present, but that won’t stop me from filing full details and a report or two. Once I can find the ground that is. Peru’s a big place you know, and you can’t expect local people to know where Kuala Lumpur is, or Putrajaya, just because you ask them. I mean it is like asking a man in Basingstoke where Dorset is! Duh!
Meanwhile the team
Szczesny
Jenkinson Vermaelen (capt) Miquel Gibbs
Song
Diaby Arteta
Gervinho Afobe Oxlade-Chamberlain
OK so I have left out Theo, and stuck Benik Afobe in the middle. What are the alternatives to that forward line? There’s Ryo, Theo and Chamakh. (Incidentally there’s no Park on the tour – has he been frozen out or is he still recovering from internationals or has he been hijacked and forced to play in the Olympics which I am told are taking place in Paris next week.?)
Here is the alternative
Walcott Gervinho Oxlade-Chamberlain
Gervinho has to show that he has finally got over the Africa Cup of Nations, and there is the idea he could actually play in the middle. But Oxlade Chamberlain has to be there because “Oxlade-Chamberlain” is unpronounceable in Malaysian. Mind you so is “Szczesny”. But then “Szczesny” in unpronounceable in any language.
Anyway, Malaysia, and its football. Just to give you a flavour of what’s what, here is an extract from a press release on the Malaysian FA site
Adalah dimaklumkan bahawa Persatuan ini melalui Jawatankuasa Tatatertib telah menyiasat kes wujudnya unsur-unsur Rasuah dan gejala Mengatur Perlawanan ke atas Pasukan Piala Presiden
So there. There is supposedly an article on the hiring of foreign players, but the link took me to a very aggressive “Get Lost” page, so I quickly ran away.
Malaysia was part of the British Empire, its legal system is based on English “common law” and it is a parliamentary democracy which strikes me as a Good Thing.
Football arrived in Malaya with the British, which is perhaps why they like Arsenal since for many years Arsenal was the British, the British were Arsenal. (If you want to know how this happened you need to read “Woolwich Arsenal, the club that changed football”.
In 1921, a national tournament featuring all the states that made up Malaya was started. This was just after the battleship HMS Malaya visited the country. After engaging local opposition in football and rugby, the officers and men of HMS Malaya decided to commemorate the matches by presenting trophies for annual competitions in both rugby and football in Malaya.
They were thus quite clearly Jolly Good Chaps.
In 1933, the MFA was revived to form the Football Association of Malaya under the guiding hand of Sir Beefstake McCaldecott- Shelley-Webster, of whom it has been said. FAM became one of 14 founding members of the Asian Football Confederation in 1954, and joined the criminal gangs of money launderers, thieves and con-artists known as Federation of International Fraudsters Associated (Fifa) in 1956.
At first it was the country’s Prime Ministers who ran the FAM but then along came Tan Sri Datuk Seri Setia Raja Hamzah Haji Abu Samah in 1976.
Now if you are of a British characteristic and you think that sometimes I have a little bit too much to drink and make things up, well let me tell you sunshine, if you come to Peru and say that I’ll show you what for. This guy was Minister for Trade and Industry and he was or maybe is, real. I think its a great name and I am changing my name to his by deed poll as soon as I find the airport.
In 2004 the country adopted a Super League of 14 clubs. Get relegated and you drop down to the Premier League. I support Terengganu FA simply because I like words with two g’s in the middle.
So there it is. No sign of the Arsenal, nor any press pack. I might as well be in the wrong country.
Oh bugger.
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- Arsenal’s RVP strategy will soon be written up as a classic manoeuvre; no matter what the player does Arsenal win.
- Arsenal’s amazing new mid-field vision
- Ref Review: Fulham. Unacceptable Refereeing
- Liam Brady – celebrating the anniversary of his signing for Arsenal
- How do you replace a striker like Van Persie? (and apologies for the typo that originally occurred in this headline. I’m obviously having a bad few days in the editing lounge)
- Ref Review: Bolton Wanderers – a team with a positive away bias.
- How Arsenal changed football
U stupid dumb ass… do you even know where Malaysia is? I am a Malaysian ! Is this meant to be sarcastic? If it is, it has failed miserably. “off the coast of Peru…” rubbish…
i hope thats the starting line up, looking forward to watching benik (farca wanted me) afobe.
LOL 🙂
I told you Tony it wasn’t a good idea to use them cheap airline companies to send Billy to the far east. He now got on the wrong plane and managed to get off at the wrong place…
Will we ever see Billy again at Untold?
Will we Billy manage to make it in time?
come back and see next week…
😉
About Park: he has been called up for the Olympics so he is in London.
Thanks Billy for this rib-tickler .I almost snorted into my coffee .Had to admire your direct hit into the Malaysian FA website – unerringly good shot in the dark ! Trust you ( and Untold,as usual )to go for the jugular -in this instance,the bane of our soccer – bribery .
That part that Billy found when translated is, ” It is informed /announced that this association through /via its disciplinary committee have investigated the case regarding the presence of bribery and match fixing involving the President’s Cup team….”.
Sometimes you just cannot make it up !
Hellooooo!
Malaysia is in ASIA!!! Not South America!!!:(
I could’ve sworn Billy took that piece from the FA website on purpose. Welcome to my humble country 🙂 COYG!
43 years ago ,when I started following The Arsenal , I had dreams of seeing a countryman of mine playing for them .At that we were better than the S.Koreans and the Japananese and used to beat them regularly .
Arsenal have and have had players from both those countries but none on the horizon for us .How we have fallen .Poor mismanagement at every level have reduced us to this .
Sorry , should have been – At that time we…
I can hardly contain myself in correcting the many mistakes in your post,Billy.
1. Malaysia is nowhere near Peru. It is an island off the coast of Espana (Spain) which is why the game is being broadcast by the local tv company ESPN.
2.You quote Sir Beefstake-McCaldecott-Shelley-Webster incorrectly. My Gran (who cleans at the Emirates) assures me that a framed painting of the great man hung in the stadium quite clearly shows his name as Sir Beefstake-McCaldecott-Shelly-Winters. And you can see a clear likeness.
3.Finally, you quote that “in 2004 the country adopted a Super League of 14 clubs”. This is a monstrous slur on the
Royal and Ancient Golf Club from only whom all rules of golf are spawned. Long before Malaysia emerged from the sea, on top of a volcanic pimple, the R&A stipulated a maximum of 14 clubs per bag. They previously had in mind 15 clubs but an agent on behalf of several caddies called Eli Dense (later changed to Dein) objected on the grounds of the extra weight, coupled with the fact that 15 was his unlucky number.
Unless you send me a signed copy of the Open Championship claret jug I will have no alternative other than to report you to the R&A with the inevitable result that you will be banned from all clubs (other than those in Soho) south of Watford. You will notice that I do not ask for money (my agent does that). All I’m interested in is getting trophies, preferably in sterling silver.
Can’t write any more as I’ve re-read your post and I’ve started another laughing fit. 😆
Ok, so beside those minor mistakes, we are sure there will be two teams playing football, somewhere, sometime today? Yes?
Hm sound as quite good article to me, even more informative than most of transfer gossips.
off topic, but some very good news coming out of the club:
http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/koscielny-agrees-new-long-term-contract
Nice Nicky ,but I think Bobby Gould had more than 15 clubs !
As for our our origins , I believe that we arose from the depths as a result of a great dying belch by the last God of the Bermuda Triangle ! The cause of death was probably due to too much of rum from the sunken Spanish galleons !
Many unkind neighbours take great glee in pointing out that is was most likely flatus that caused the upheaval.They point out that the local Durian fruit( that we call the king of fruits )has a smell equivalent to a thousand farts !
Yes ,Armin there will be a game later on .Will try to keep you posted.Going home !
Everyone has their own sense of humour and I never expect people to share ours, but I do find it utterly hilarious when people make comments, without having once bothered to check what we do on this site, or how Billy the Dog writes.
It is like the people who see one Referee article by Walter and write in and say “get a life” and think they are making a witty comment.
Just a hint: see what sort of site you are on before you start slagging someone off. It only makes you look dumb.
And hey, how about billy getting an appropriate piece of text to quote. It is almost as if he knew what it said.
Nicky, your jug is in the post
Hm and you expect to win title? Without knowing where Malaysia is? Now I understand why RvP dont want to stay.
I expect in next 24 hours mr Usmanov to send mail with request for more geography classes for players and supporters.
And in sign of protest on next away game I will wear shawl with printed map of world on.
Tell you what guys… Just checked with Arsenal.com and they are running the story that Afobe could be centre forward. Don’t forget you read it here first.
Billy, whatever you do, don’t get drunk in Peru or you may have serious difficulty finding your way back. Heed that warning Billy.
And we’re back ! Take a chill pill , Tony ,as some of our young ‘uns don’t know how to appreciate humour .You’d probably be getting more brickbats from them ,so stay cool .The older crowd will be laughing our arses off ( LOAO ),while being incontinent !
Thank you again for this brilliant piece .
BREAKING NEWS: The reports are rife that we are buying Santi Cazorla from Malaga! It seems to be true and if so…then this is one name no one had any idea of! Well done Arsene…Wikipedia already lists him as an Arsenal player!
I strongly suspect that Billy the Dog’s “Sir Toby Belch” is one and the same as the one we all adoringly know and call “Lord Tony”. Billy’s for irrevance was already apparent to the hunchos at Untold Towers but this is a new low…that was why he was given a one way ticket to some island off the coast of Peru (Ester Island? Antartica?)- in summer gear.
Just found this clip on Youtube titled Arsenal vs Malaysia -one upon a time in Kuala Lumpur (1974).Check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkT17dx3qUo&feature=related
It features probably the best ever Malaysian striker – the late “Super-Mokh ” Mokhtar Dahari.He scored two superb goals in the only live Arsenal match that I ‘ve ever witness.
@ Billy – I am so glad you have sent word!
I think Tony send him away after him demanding “the dosh” http://blog.emiratesstadium.info/archives/21123
I think that was the moment Tony got the idea to give him that one way ticket with that new air line company called ‘Crash Air’.
I am not too sure how much of an exclusive Benni playing as a striker on this tour is, considering there are only two of them on the trip, with Chamackh being the other. The fact that Afobe is now wearing the No.18 is much more of a bigger deal as last time I looked that was Squillaci’s squad number. I wonder what’s going on there then? I can only guess that we are freeing up CB squad space for Bartley (who I have massively rated for years) and Iggi – not a bad situation at all. We have too players at the moment and so the pruning has obviously begun.
I am really looking forward to the game today.
Hi,
Just for the information.
Malaysia is located in South East Asia between Singapore and Thailand. Our football team is not that great but we are proud of them. Thats all..Going to the stadium now for the game. Hopefully it will be interesting.
Oh dear 1-0 down ,but what a shot !
Arsenal once again concede a wonder goal! We’re rather good at that, you know…
That guy will never hit a ball like that one. Arsenal are so good for the opponents’ confidence!
well done Chuks and Eisfeld, better late than never!
I think too many changes by the Malaysian manager upset the earlier good tempo .The pitch was poor and lucky there were no injuries .
Good game. The Malaysians decided to try a bit of everything really from having a dodgy pitch, time wasting, tactical subs to break up play and dropping to the floor every few minutes.
Excellent strike by the Malaysian player though, very well taken.
@ Brickfields – agreed, but it was a tactical move by the coach. To be honest though, if the pitches on the tours are going to be like that then it’s not worth risking injury to our players, not in that heat as well.
malaysia not from south america either espana..we are at east asean…asia country..OPR ownwer tony fernandez is malaysian and so i’m..just finish watching malaysia choice vs arsenal..possesion ball more to malysia team 55%-45%.
It is a goodwill tour afterall and not to be taken too seriously .Theo tried to use his speed to beat his opponent but the ball kept slowing and once when he turned ,a clump of turf just came out .
The Malaysian team can be proud of their game tonight especially in the first half .A couple of them won quite a few physical challanges .
There was lots of positives though in my opinion. In the first half:-
Gervinho – played really well across the pitch, interchanging sides at will. He will be hard to mark with his runs.
Gibbs – where did that confidence come frome? The lad looks like he has raised his game.
Diaby – looked good in spells, but tired after 30 mins.
Mannone – played like he did at Hull, assured decision making and made some great saves. I will give him the credit that the ESPN jock didn’t.
The not so good:-
Chamakh – has to be more alert, looked off pace.
Le Coq – didn’t look that assertive in midfield and put defence under pressure a bit.
Oh dear ,here we go again ! Satire is not for the masses .
@ Goona Girl -We had a local commentary team of Des Corkhill and the other was a Nigerian I think .Who was your commentator?
Where’s Shebby Singh when when we need him ?
Malaya 1 Arsenal 2
Weel maybe Malaya in July is a trifle warm but we went there about this time last year and won 4-0. This was a win admittedly but it was a real scuff bag of a performance in both halves. 21 different players utilised, very few of whom will be able to look in the mirror tomorrow and say “you done good.” Bitterly disappointing were the non performances of Ryo, the Ox and Theo. Theo in particular was embarrassing doing his Bambi caught in the car lights number. Young Eisefeld came on for him with about 8 minutes to go and did more than Theo in 20% of the time.
Yannaris continued to impress and fought well to lay on the goal for Eisefeld. The goal Aneke scored was deflected following good work from Miqel. These two goals coming right at the end of the game must have been heart breaking for Malaya who led from a great strike from about 25 yards late on in the first half. Even Arsene admitted that a 2-2 draw would have been fair… that we were only 1 down was thanks very much to the Italian Stallion. Mannone done good.
Arteta and Diaby both had some nice touches in the first half but it was all very slow and disjointed. Strangely the best chances we had fell to Andre Santos who made them for himself and cocked them up himself. Pity that.
In the second half we started a bit slowly, but that can be forgiven as it could be down to nerves of the young lads, but the positives were:-
Ryo – The lad is going from strength to strength and is full of ideas as well as pace, was always a threat. I don’t wan to keep going on about how much I like this lad, but I do. He is not a marketing gimick.
Yennaris – Did’nt panic under pressure, won the ball back in dangerous positions and started the counter attack. I am not suprised he got the assist.
Aneke – The ESPN guys were too busy criticizing Arsenal and failed to mention the great passes he made which led to goalscoring opportunities. As well as the fact that when he grew in confidence, he moved the ball around quicker than Song in midfield. Scored winner.
Bartley – Marshalled back four well and stopped Malaysian players from running straight at goal. He will definately get games this season. Looks ready for the EPL.
Eisfield – How good is he? Very. Cool as a cucumber too. If he can build up a bit more upper body strength, he might set the EPL on fire this season.
The not so good: –
Afobe – fluffed lines, but still did well to put himself in the dangerous scoring positions that he did. I know he can do much better.
Theo – Was contained by Malaysian players and struggled to find space for himself.
Song – played a great thru ball, but slowed the game down by holding it too long at times, when we needed to up the pace. Lost possession which led to great counter attacks by the opposition.
@ Brickfields, I am not sure actually. One was English the other a Scot. I was counting down how long it would take before they spent just going on about RVP. It was 30mins, but they had clearly been chomping at the bit to get stuck in. The well struck goal by the Malaysian player was almost a welcome relief as it shut them up.
Their voices changed to panic when we equalised, they were willing Malaysia on and not trying to hide their bitter disappointment.
Well that “selamat malam “(goodnight )from me .
@Goona Gal
I pretty well agree with your player analysis. The Eisfeld goal was a super touch – and as for the Malaysian goal – it did look like a South American shot!
Goona Gal:
Makes you wonder at ESPN. If you paid good money to follow a team and air its games in pre-season, why can’t cast around a bit more to get decent commentators who will give balanced and optimistic comments? After all, the season is not started yet and there is benefit in talking up all teams to enhance overall interest in the games you’ve bought rights to show in the new season.
@ Bjt – I don’t know too much about Eisfeld, what he can and can’t do will be like unwrapping a sweet.
@ Shaka – The ESPN commentators today showed that they only have one setting and that is cranked up full blast on hate. I am not even sure they were actually did any real homework on the Malaysian team as they were unable to tell us much about the players, except for one that had a trial at Cardiff FC. The Malaysian players looked very mature, it would of been good to know their average age. They also struggled to acknowledge or show any respect to the fact that the team was at the very start of our pre season and how well the young players came in and played the Arsenal way.
Still at least they acknowledged that the game was exciting, better than some premiership games I watched last season even.
Don’t get down Billy!
As Tony said everyone has own sense of humour. I have no problem with that, of course, I am not Malaysian, I am Indonesian! (BTW, it was their neighbours).
For many many years (until now), many many peoples already came to Bali, but they don’t know where is Indonesia (:
I have no problem with that too, surely! Emang gue pikirin!
So, Billy, selamat datang di Malaysia, jangan makan yang pedas-pedas, nanti sakit perut!
(Welcome to Malaysia, don’t eat spicy foods, you will get stomach ache)
So happy Shebby isnt a part of commentators team.. that good for nothing spuds’s fan!
shebby just appointed as blackburn new tecnical director.