Tiny Totts ready to give Arsenal £5 million bonus money

As we all know, The Great Lord Wenger did not want silly-billy Bentley to leave Highbury and trot his stuff around the rest of the EPL. (Actually although we know it no football journalist knows this, or if he or she does know it, he or she keeps very quiet about it.)

But the Bentley knew better and so in order to get “first team football” as he so lovingly called it, in January 2006 he went to that Mecca of football… Blackburn Rovers.

Last year he signed a deal extending his contract until the Second Coming, but now, just one year on he wants to go elsewhere in order to “play at a higher level” so he is going to Tottenham. (Look if you are not going to stop sniggering at the back I am not going to write any more of this).

Now we need a bit of background fact and figure here. The Bentley character was signed for a grand total of £2.5 million. Quite a lot really for a guy who had only played a couple of games. Anyway, they do things different up north.

Now Mr Wenger and his mates know a thing or three about idiot football teams, and so they said “if you Mr Blackburn sell the Bentley at a profit we’ll take 45% thank you very much indeed.”

So Tottenham (a “football club” thought to inhabit the other end of the long and winding road that used to house the honorable Wood Green Town until they went bust) have no money and no sense, but they are good at borrowing the former if not the latter, and so they have agreed to pay Blackburn £12million for Bentley, as a starter.

That’s right. As a starter. It goes up to £16 million with add-ons depending on his “success”. (Success at Tottenham is of course relative. They still dance in the streets each night after having their first ever victory over Arsenal in 200 years last season.)

So that’s round about £5 million now with getting on for another £2 million to come if the guy learns to tie his own boot laces.

You have to hand it to this Tottenham club. They know how to spread the money around.