Survey result: Biggest prat in football, plus exclusively made up Wayne Bridge statement

After months of deliberations, and hours of time on our server, I’ve come up with the answers to this week’s questionnaire…  Who is the biggest prat (or idiot) in football.

I suggested seven people – and you had the option to write in more.

Here’s the result for the seven I selected

  • Ashley Cole 28.7%
  • Sepp Blatter 22.5%
  • Someone else 15.7% (see below for details)
  • Mr Adebayor 15.1%
  • John Terry 10.4%
  • Romn Abramovich 5.5%
  • Sulaiman Al Fahim 2.1%

And now here are all the other nominations received under “someone else”, with the number of votes given in each case.

Alan Hansen 4
Alex Ferguson 3
All of the above 1
all of the above+ ‘Arry 1
Christiano Ronaldo 5
Craig bellamy 1
Diouff 1
Drogba 1
Everyone involved with the English Nationl team, incl media and FA
Florentino Perez 1
Gerrard 2
Graham Poll 2
Harry Redknapp 2
Jason Cundy 1
Joan Laporta 1
joey barton 1
Jose Mourinho 3
Lorik cana 1
Michel Platini 3
Mike Dean 1
Myles Palmer
Rooney 1
Other Arsenal Fans 1
Patrice Evra 2
Paul Gascoigne 1
Phil Brown 3
Pundits 1
Rafa Benitez 1
Rednapp 2
Septic Bladder 1
Shebby Singh (ESPN ‘Pundit’ in Asia, Spurs fan) 1
Sorry, no multiple option – Blatter AND Cole AND Terry -all w**kers 1
Stan Collymore 1
The Manchester United Fan 1
The Media 1
The Neville brothers 1
Wenger 1

Made up stuff which would be great if only it were true

Wayne Bridge has announced that he is not going to play with Fabio Capello and John Terry any more.  In a statement he said,
“Capello is a man with a criminal record for tax fraud, who is currently under investigation in Italy for further crimes against the state.  John Terry is a graduate of the Ashley Cole School of Decorum and Correct Behaviour when dealing with Young Gals.   Terry has also been filmed gaining vast amounts of money by selling off trips around the Chelsea training ground, and despite a promise of legal action against the newspaper who uncovered the story,  none has been forthcoming.
“These people are a disgrace. Capello, Cole and Terry all have deep personal issues and they should all retire from the arena of public life in order to get the proper psychological help that they need.  We might look back to the lives of Tony Adams and Paul Merson who also suffered horribly with their own demons.  But there we see people who were able to face the public, apologise, and then sort themselves out, and ultimately hold their heads high once again.
“Sadly there is no sign of this among people in the England team – nor indeed in the FA itself, which openly and seemingly with no sense of irony, supports the crooked, deceitful and (as we now see in the latest statements from Jack Warner) racist world of FIFA.
“Perhaps the worst part of all this is that journalists on radio, TV and the national press, have all said that I would simply ‘be professional’ and continue to be in the England team.   To have acted in such a way would have reduced me to the level of a tax crook, a serial philanderer, and a man completely unable to control his own greed.
“To assume I would stoop to this level is appalling, and until I receive fulsome apologies, combined with suitable donations to charity from those who made such statements, I will refrain from talking to them again.
“Football in England has sunk into the mire, and I see no sign of any of these people even recognising what sort of place England football is in.  I am glad to leave.”
Actually Wayne Bridge didn’t say any of that, but it would have been nice if he had.



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Well, perhaps not.

Still, you’ve got to laugh.

12 Replies to “Survey result: Biggest prat in football, plus exclusively made up Wayne Bridge statement”

  1. Don’t you need to wait for the retirement book before you’re allowed to say all that?? Assuming of course that he doesn’t want to work in football again……..

    Rumour of the day:

    President Obama wilted before the enraged pressure of Rupert Murdoch by refusing to back UK ownership of the Falkland Islands. Commenting, Obama said: ‘Spain will always be my friend as they didn’t take control of East Africa. My team West Ham are experiencing resistance in getting their hands on the Olympic Stadium for a suitably paltry sum, so Mr Murdoch told me to let the Argies press for the oil in the South Sea bubble bath that is Port Stanley. Mr Murdoch assured me that unless Mr Johnson, Mayor of London, does what he’s told, his rottweiler Andy Coulson will tap his mobile phone, track it on his bike and arrange for a Mulcaire-style dirty tricks brigade to cause him to fall off his green transport mode into an enormous puddle. This will start to set straight the despicable Mau-Mau escapades that I was brought up to despise. The only reason we won’t take the oil away is because the weather there is too bad for Mr Murdoch to countenance an EPL franchise setting up there. And if Mr Johnson doesn’t do what he’s told, if he turns up in Hawaii without spending $1m on holiday, then I’ll set the dogs on him’.

  2. “Give an exam asking the students name and ID number, you’ll get a distribution of scores!!” Lol!! Am amazed especially by the “Someone else” results.. Someone threw in Lord Wenger’s name with options like Blatter made available to him.. That guy needs to visit a priest and thank god for the right to opine freely or he would’ve been mauled to death by now..

    Rumour of the day:
    Tony raises bloodhounds and sets ’em off on D&Gs at night!

  3. shebby gives praises very generously to gunners – but why not haha just for his nazi moustache.

  4. The biggest prat in the English Premiership is the king of dives Stevie Gerrard ,England and Liverpool,s finest,just think of all the millions he could have made at Barcelona,Real Madrid,Man.City,Chelsea but he prefers to stay and continue diving and playing in a second rate team,give us a break?

  5. The second biggest prat is another England legend John Terry ,vastly overrated , hansomely paid but no clue on how to defend,did you see him against Inter Milan ,Champions League 1st leg in Milan ,maybe he had sunny Dubai on his mind ?

  6. The third prat ,yet another England legend ,always injured ,suspect in defence for club(Trash.United )Rio Ferdinand ,absolute rubbish ,yet on his way to the ex-colony South Africa ,you must be joking?

  7. From Wikipedia (fount of all unverified nonsense):

    Singh has been quoted as saying his goal is to make his commentary as insightful as Lawrenson’s.


  8. I LOVED it when RvP called his former strike partner Mr.Adebayor. Tony, I think you should post something in response to le grove’s latest post.

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