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August 2021

Fulham v Arsenal. An underwater game with no point 8.

By Billy the Dog McGraw

Fulham is a diminutive principality on London’s north coast, and is the only football ground in London which is built underwater.  [It isn’t – they are building a stand over the water you stupid turnip.]  The club is run by the ghost of Henry Norris, who after he took over Arsenal in 1910, was a major force in both clubs, and mayor of Fulham.

The club climbed from the fourth tier in the 1990s to the top tier of the cake and is owned by Mafco Holdings, based in Bermuda which is a triangle in the Atlantic.  Mafco is operated by Mohamed Al-Fayed who is an awfully nice man.

They won the Southern League in 1906 and  1907 and have also won the Intototototototo Cup [Don’t start being a silly Billy]

Mr Wenger spoke about his English (and Welsh) players ahead of the Fulham game saying, “The trend is changing. I have good young English players who play: Kieran Gibbs, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Carl Jenkinson, Jack Wilshere, Theo Walcott. And it is not my fault if Ramsey is Welsh!”

He also spoke up for Giroud: “He gave a lot until now, and for his first season he is doing extremely well because he has a fantastic attitude, he has a positive mind,” our Lord said. “He has scored 17 goals in all competitions, 11 in the championship, for a first season that is quite good.”

And on Alex Oxlade-C: “He’s doing very well.  I believe he has moved forward this season and you will see that next season. He is still very young but you can see now that there is more urgency in his game.

“He’s less of a boy than he was a year ago. He is becoming a man. When he comes on, he plays to affect the game and he has the capability to do it.”

For this game Fulham have Riether doubtful, or we might say he’s rather doubtful!. [That’s enough wit for now – Ed] and injuries to Duff, Dejagh and Diarra, with Frimpong unavailable as he’s on loan.  The leading scorer is someone called Berbatov with 13.

Their recent CD [We call it record Billy – their record]  (starting with the most recent) is a not very inspiring LDLWWD

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Our recent record is DWWWWL

We have Rosicky still doubtful and Fabianski and Diaby injured.  Cazorla, Wilshere, Oxlade-Chamberlain have been mentioned in dispatches as all  needing tests, but quite what sort of tests I have no idea.  A Levels are starting soon, so maybe its them.  [Don’t be daft and just get on with it – Ed]

Here’s on possible line up


Sagna, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal;

Ramsey, Arteta;

Walcott, Wilshere, Cazorla,


Or maybe better written as this


Sagna, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal;

Ramsey, Arteta;


Walcott, Giroud Wilshere,

Subs from Mannone, Gibbs,  Jenkinson, Vermaelen,  Coquelin, Podolski, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Rosicky, Gervinho,  That’s nine – perm seven and you get

Mannone, Gibbs,  Jenkinson, Vermaelen,  Coquelin, Podolski, Oxlade-Chamberlain

Just so difficult to fit everyone in these days.

Ten big factors about Arsenal and Fulham.

1:  In the last four games with Fillem up (as we used to call them – oh what wit we had in our youths)[No you didn’t – Ed], Fulham have won three and one was drawn.

2:  We’ve lost once, drawn three and won seven in our last 11 Premier League plays [you know it “games” not “plays” – write properly or you’re out].

3:  In the last 10 games that Martin Jol has come up against the almighty Lord  Arsène Wenger, Mr J has 1-1.  [No, he has won one.  God this is tedious.]

4:  The next goal conceded by Fulham will the be the 100th during manager Martin Jol’s rain [it’s reign Billy, Mr Jol is not a wet thing that falls from the sky, although…].

5:  Arteta is now the most effective penalty taker in the league having hit six and scored with five.  The missed one was against Fulham.

6:  Fulham have one clean blanket [stop it Billy] clean pillow case [you daft bugger you know its a clean sheet], in the last 12 home games.

7:  Since the start of 2010, Arsenal have won just three of their 13 London derbies away from home in the Premier League (L8 D2).

8:  There is no point 8.  [Billy I am warning you…]

9:  Fulham have been saved by deforestation [woodwork] 18 times this season.

10:  Dimitar Berbatov has scored 13 Premier League goals this season, including four in his last four.

Now the referee: Andre Fisherman [Marriner].

Below the chart shows first Arsenal’s premier record up to a couple of weeks ago.  The next line is Arsenal when Marriner is in charge.  Then the next two rows show Fulham, and then Fulham with Marriner in charge.

As the final column shows, we do better than average under Marriner and Fulham do close to average under Marriner.

For Fulham Sidwell returns having missed three games after being sent off against Queens Park Ranglers. [Rangers]
Arsène Wenger’s bedtime TV this week will have been Fulham v Chelsea and what went wrong for Fulham, which was pretty much everything just before and just after the tea and cake break.  [It’s the interval Billy – please try and use proper terminology].

But despite all this positive stuff, the last three games weren’t that wonderful…

Arsenal 3 (Giroud 2, Podolski) Fulham 3.  November 2012

Fulham 2  Arsenal 1 (Koscielny), January 2012

Arsenal 1 (Vermaelen) Fulham 1, Premier League, November 2011

Mr Wenger on Fulham:
“They are a good side who everybody takes seriously.  They have a good technical level. Martin Jol plays with good football philosophy. He is from the Dutch school and so they always have a good positive attitude.

“He has bought the players who suit his game and who can play his game.  Berbatov is at the heart of their creative side. He can score and he can provide so it’s important that we keep him very quiet.

“But Bryan Ruiz did well the other night, Steven Sidwell played well too and they were very solid at the back.   I remember we played a 3-3 at home and we missed a penalty in the last minute. They played very well here and, for me, they have done well overall.

“But then we have put a fantastic run together ourselves. We want to continue that. After the Tottenham game I told you we had no room to drop points and that’s where we are now. We do not have to look at the history, just the performance of the day.”

So there you have it, or if not, you don’t

Original text: Billy the dog McGraw
Editorial control: Freddy the Frog Fitzhammer.
Thanks to

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22 comments to Fulham v Arsenal. An underwater game with no point 8.

  • ARSENAL 13

    Billy, good one as always….Well, looks like you had a good medical care, the past week. You’ve turned normal again. After being Zombied ie…

    Mr Wenger spoke about his English (and Welsh) players ……….. And it is not my fault if Ramsey is Welsh!”

    Some times I feel, Ramsey being ‘Welsh’ has a lot to do with the criticism he collects…..I hope he sustains his strong run to the end of the season and then take the next step.

  • weedonald

    Aren’t the entire lot of Scots,Welsh,Northern Irish and English all Great Britains, although what is so great about them I personally don’t know!
    Good purview Billy and absolutely twisted as usual!

  • Gord

    BBC is being its usual, attentive self in covering the Arsenal game.

    Of course, some expert (Steve Claridge at 1518) says that it wasn’t a red card at all, just a yellow. At 1628 they notice that Tomas Rosicky is no longer playing, and that Jack Wilshere is. They completely missed that Lukas Podolski has joined the action and that Theo Walcott has left. As the shots either on target or not has hardly changed in the second half, I gather the bus is well and truly parked.

  • WalterBroeckx

    Fucking (sorry) important result after what was a not that good game from our boys. Win ugly they said. We’ve just done that.

    Per is such a BFG and not just for his goal

  • WalterBroeckx

    And Everton lost so they are not well out of the race for the CL spots

  • Rufusstan

    Very good win. Away, playing badly, clean sheet.

    Should have kept my mouth shut about Sidwell’s card. Said it looked red, but I’d feel hard-done-by if it happened to us.

    Now I do feel hard-done-by. Wonder if with United next week we will appeal Giroud’s red (is it worth trying?)

  • Ong Bing

    I think my heart is weaker week by week, but worth it, 3 important points.

  • Jambug

    SKY pundits seemed to infer Sidwells a nailed on RED. Umed and Arred about ours but as you would expect with Thompson came down on the side of a RED. Well I’ll have to make my mind up when I see it. Either way it wont change the 3 points. Get in. COYG.

  • A win is a win the rest will come later.

  • sperez

    It was really an embarrassing performance against a very average 10 man team. If you still had any doubt that Wenger is not the person to manage Arsenal then this game is the answer.
    This has been going on for years.
    I always complained about the lack of consistency and a winning mentality in the team.
    It’s crystal clear that Wenger’s complacency reflects on his players.
    I cannot see this lot winning a trophy because their manager doesn’t have what it takes to make them true champions.
    If Arsenal plays against ManU like this then it’ll be the easiest away game for them. They’ll lift the trophy at the Emirates, unfortunately. I hope I’m wrong.
    Why bother with Giroud’s red card? I thought that was the only positive in the game today.

  • Stuart

    Ours was not a red, he tripped up.

  • Stuart

    This game did highlight a weakness in our side that I have been going on about for years. For much of the game when we had the possession, Fulham just stood there rather than coming at us to tackle and our reaction to this is to always do nothing. It’s as though because we are not playing out of the way of danger, then there is nothing to do.

  • Yassin

    Sperez just get the hell out of this blog you are truly annoying man, can you be positive for once, if we want to hear your bulls**t talk we could open Le Grove or something, so please just leave this blog your are truly annoying.

  • AL

    3 points, one less hurdle.

  • Yassin

    @ stuart

    I believe the weakness was because of walcott, he doesn’t play well as a second striker, he is a typical winger and moves only on the right, that is why when Gervinho play we always have chances, its just the finishing that kills us then….

    Giroud`s Red card can be a good thing, cause in the last two matches he was over stressed and needs a break, too much pressure on him, I believe Wenger didn`t want to take him off so he doesnt become the next Ramsey/Gervinho type of destroyed players by their own fans…..

    By the way, Giroud was the PLan B Wenger wanted to get through Bendtner and Chamack but they failed, he shall not be our main striker, but due to Podolski`s injury (which requires an operation in the summer so he is not starting) he had to stick by him…..

    Again 17 Goals 13 Assists for a Plan B type of player is not bad…yes he was not on form at all in the last two games, but he is not what some call, support instead of destroy…

    Man OF The Match for me, first I wanted to choose Ramsey, but Kosienly in the last 20min. was superb, Sczenzney what unbelievble display, and so is Sagna and Mertesacher…

    Also as we always slaughter the refs for their mistakes ( Bias) on this site I would Love to praise the assistant referee (girl referee), WOW she is so good, I would say best assistant i have ever noticed

  • C4

    Are the blogs for your real team really that boring that you need to keep popping up here?

  • Asif

    @Sperez do u exist or are you some kind of an ET?

  • nicky

    A good post, Billy, except you failed to mention Fulham’s stand with a detachable back which can be lowered to become a viewing area for the Boatrace.

  • Stuart

    I know what you are saying but what I am talking of has been going on for years. We seem to play so much better when the opponent tries to shut us down all the time rather than wait for us to bring the game to them. We just have no ideas when they stand there waiting and therefore pass the ball back and forth waiting for some magic to happen somewhere.

  • Rupert Cook

    @Stuart, this is certainly true, too much sideways passing with no imagination. Our football at times is just too ponderous. Still we won and that’s what matters.

    As for Giroud’s red, well he connected with the player’s ankle, nobody tripped up.

  • Jambug

    We won playing badly. If Utd did this, and they do, everyone would be hailing there tenacity, grit and deternination to win no matter what. When we do, our ‘fans’ still come on here,(why they have to blight this site when theres others with far more like minded ‘neg-heads’ is beyond me) whingeing and whineing. We did’nt play well. We won. What’s not to like. Our suppossed inability to break teams down has resulted in us being top scorers at home. Our supposed rubbish defending has enabled us to have the best away deffence in the PL. Our team is doing us proud but we are not as yet quite good enough to win the PL and alas keep falling frustratingly short in the cups. But this is due entirely to the fact that we have spent £400 Million on a new stadium while others have been ‘Given’ similar amounts to spend on players. When this inballance is addressed by the paying off of the stadium debt and (to a lesser degree as most of it wont work) the implementation of the ‘fair play’ rules we will start to win things. Either way my love for all things Arsenal is as strong and joyous as ever. Neg heads please ‘do one’ this is a site for lovers of Arsenal Football Club and not johnny come lately glory hunters.

  • Stuart

    The replay they showed on the TV I was watching showed there was no contact and the player slipped after (only very shortly after but it was after) the supposed incident. No Red for me, I thought this prior to the replay also.