Alexander Litvinenko was a former officer of the FSB and KGB in Russia who was granted political asylum in the UK. He accused the FSB of terrorist acts within Russia, in order to bring Putin to power.
On 1 November 2006, Litvinenko fell ill and died three weeks later, becoming the first confirmed victim of polonium 210. Andrey Konstantinovich Lugovoy is suspected by many of Litvinenko’s murder – but of course I make no allegations as I don’t want to be locked up.
Lugovoy arrived in London on 31st October to attend Arsenal vs CSKA Moscow the following day. Subsequently the stadium was checked and traces of polonium 210 were found, but the levels were declared to be safe by the UK’s Health Protection Agency.
But now, for the first time, Untold Arsenal can reveal that the effects of the polonium 210 have reached far further.
Polonium poisoning at this very low level can be seen through the behaviour of fans who visit the Emirates, when that behaviour is contrasted with fans of, for example, Barcelona. Barca fans have recently been commenting on the ability of one of their players to score four goals against Arsenal’s reserves.
Arsenal also have such a player – Arshavin – who scored four against Liverpool. While Barca fans are happy to talk up their player, Arsenal blogs are now picking up on Arshavin is Leaving stories. And instead of setting these aside as pointless extensions to the endless Arshavin hoaxes (he doesn’t like the weather, he can’t speak English proper like wot the Sun dos, the thinks the players around him aren’t good enough, and he didn’t understand the tax system) these bloggers and fans are believing the stories and reprinting them.
Only people who have had their minds warped by polonium would ever believe all this stuff. That is how you can tell them (besides their tendency to fly little flags from their cars during the world cup).
They are even saying that he has put in some lacklustre performances (conveniently ignoring the fact that he has been injured for much of the season and forced to play out of position because of other players’ injuries).
So the only explanation is that the polonium is still in the stadium and has got into their heads, warping their brains, and generally making them rather silly.
In fact this must be the explanation for the doom and gloom that has settled all over Arsenal of late. In the face of a team who even with much of the squad missing can still challenge to win the league, those people infected with low level polonium poisoning go on moaning and winging, complaining and whining, gibbering and cursing, blaming and squadgling, flskiging and pqowjkerkljfging… Indeed some of them even lose the power to operate a keyboard properly.
Of course the Ems is not the only place you hear complaints – but the difference is that many of the complaints elsewhere are justified. If you were a Liverpool supporter for example, and assuming you didn’t have £300m ready money to take over the club debts (plus another £300m to buy out the owners) they you might feel like moaning and you would be justified – because your club has been raped.
If you were a Real Mad fan you might whine a bit because your club bought C Ronaldo who was described as a “roadrunner chasing shadows” by JJ Santos in As in Spain after the Real Mad v Bar Bars this weekend. Apparently a year ago he was worth £80m.
If you were a Man U fan you might complain because none of the C Ronaldo money has gone anywhere but up in smoke.
If you are a Villa fan then you can join your manager and complain about everything from the colour of the grass to the violence inherent in J Terry and the bias of the refs.
And if you are a Daily Mail reader you might complain about the cost of a paper which simply repeats the stories we run, only three days later. (Apparently Van P is fit and ready to appear on wednesday).
But if you support the mighty Arsenal, and have escaped the polonium poisoning you might enjoy the fact that Jay Emmanuel Thomas is still scoring for Doncaster even when they play against promoted WBA. And he’s playing in midfield. Or that Arsenal women are 1 point off the top with 3 games in hand and a better goal difference than Leeds and in the Cup Final.
Or that our reserve team is going to come at least third in the league, and maybe higher.
As for me I am quite pleased. Polonium hasn’t reached block 99, and besides that, “Making the Arsenal” the web site which celebrates Arsenal’s doings 100 years ago has been nominated for an award.
http://www.footballnation.info/survey2010.html if you would like to vote.
What we have started doing on that site is finding out little bits and pieces about the history of football from around that era and run the stories as specials. Just recently there was the story that when Arsenal moved to Highbury in 1913, we were in London, while Tottenham at that time was in Middlesex. OK not earth breaking, but interesting to some.
And you might even be interested in watching our reserve side take on Tottenham while noting that our predecessors played the Tinies almost 100 years ago to the day in the first Totts Arsenal league match at WHL (16 April 1910)
So to take your mind off the polonium, here’s something else that you might enjoy on Tottenham.
Arsenal’s fixed promotion. When someone wants to slag off Arsenal’s achievements they often turn to the story that Arsenal somehow fixed their way into the First Division in 1919 through bribery and corruption. Not only is the story untrue, but it is itself a clever deception put about by the clubs who really were guilty of match fixing. Read the full story.
And remember, the only cure for polonium poisoning is to support Arsenal totally, rather than endlessly saying that our players are fed up and will leave.
Boris WhereDidIDropTheStuff Ovich.
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- How the Taliban infiltrated the World Cup and used it to maintain its war on women
- Which 4 Arsenal transfers are being mentioned the most by the media?