Tiny Arsène, Arteta signs, we’re buying Suarez, and dictionary lackadaisicals latest

By Tony Attwood

‘Arsenal to make audacious swoop for Suarez’

Roll up roll up all the nonsense you want to have.   Suarez plays for a club quite rightly banned from transfers because of its child trafficking policies, and Arsène Wenger says that we are not signing anyone, and so we get that headline.  Oh what fun.

Here’s more fun too…

 It’s a Citroen advert with a retro car, players in retro kit (circa 1951 – I know cos I have one) and a grinning Arsène walking by behind.   Apparently he’s not supposed to be there.  Happy days.
Anyway we have Gabriel Paulista and so now all the papers are full of his playing against the infamous Anthony Taylor tomorrow.   Our Arsène says, hold on a tick, Gab can’t speak English and has had one training session with the lads.  He could cost us goals at this stage.  And the papers say that Gabriel will join the host on the pitch.

Per Mertesacker and Laurent Koscielny are fit.

But still there is time for Arsenal to change their mind (about signing no more) it seems, including not only in the infamous Suarez but also Valencia left-back Jose Luis Gaya.

The fact that we have just bought a player who can play left and right back and already have Debuchy, Gibbs, Monreal, Chambers and Bellerin – plus Kos if needs be, who can play in the full back position doesn’t seem to be of importance,

But Gaya is 19, and according the Daily Excess “is one of the brightest defensive prospects in Spain, and Wenger is understood to be keen on activating a £13.5m release clause in his contract.”

Of course it is tough at the end of the window with a manager saying “unlikely to sign any more” to whip up the enthusiasm for the final seconds, especially with Sky removing its sex toy programme on transfer deadline night.  So now we have the “no transfer” transfer news.

And so, in Portugal, the agent of Jackson Martinez (“one of Europe’s hottest properties”) has said he is sitting still and not moving.  So there.

Now I don’t think we ever wanted Jackson Martinez but that didn’t stop one rather over excited gent in the, err, well, gents, saying

Jackson Martinez hands Arsenal transfer blow

Anyway he plays for Porto who are in the Champs League so apparently they won’t sell.  Even though he is “one of Europe’s hottest properties”

Maybe we should run a competition on how overexcited one can get by a piece of no news.  Try this as the basic standard model.

“Arsenal have been dealt a blow by the Colombian hotshot’s agent after he revealed the player would not leave Porto in January. And to make things worse for Arsene Wenger, Henrique Pompeo added his client is keen on a Serie A switch, not a move to the Premier League. He said: “He has his heart set on Italy and if he were to leave Porto then Serie A would be his first choice.”

So it is all over.  Forget Alexis, Theo, Giroud, Gnabry, Welbeck and the up and coming Chuba Akpom, we need a guy who scores goals in the Portuguese League.

(Competition point: name five clubs in the Portuguese top division.  As a clue I’ll give you Sporting, Benfica and FC Porto.  No cheating by looking on the interWeb).

But Mikel Arteta  has signed a new contract for another year taking him up to June 2016, so can’t go to Everton who were said to have wanted him again.   He’s apparently not one of Europe’s hottest properties but injury free is very useful for Arsenal indeed.  And he’s only 32 unlike Tomas Rosicky who is an amazing 34!!!  Shock horror!!!

But still we can have last minute hijacks.

Now “Hijack” is an interesting word because it gets people who worry about such things all worked up over its origins

The best bet is that it is related to the verb “to jack” which in the 19th century meant to hunt by night with a torch of the era known as a jacklight. The Oxford English Dictionary however which gave us the story of Tottenham and 


is still giving us the example for that word of the “Spurs defence”.  Lackadaisical is actually a mid 18th century word and was often used in the meaning of ‘feebly sentimental’ which seems to me about right in the Middlesex part of the north of London context. 

But if Tottenham are lackadaisical what are Chelsea?  A nice 19th century word for them would go down well on this cold and snowy morning in the midlands.

However I meander.  Chelsea are “reported  to be looking to hijack Arsenal’s bid to lure Sergio Ramos away from Real Madrid.”

Now that doesn’t mean Arsenal have put in a bid.   Because in that sentence above we have

  • Report (= give a spoken or written account of)
  • Looking to (= rely on someone to supply something)
  • Hijack (= illegally seize while in transit)
  • Bid (= offer during an auction or similar event)
  • Lure (= tempt)

(courtesy of Oxford English Dictionary)


“Chelsea have given a spoken or written account of relying on someone illegally to seize while in transit an offer during an auction to tempt Sergio Ramos away from Real Madrid.”

Here’s another

Arsenal look set to miss out on the Newcastle United midfielder Moussa Sissoko after the Daily Star reported keeping the French international as one of John Carver’s main priorities for the Magpies.

You can work that one out for yourself.

Jackson Martinez hands Arsenal transfer blow – Click right for some positive striker news

Arsenal have been dealt a blow by the Colombian hotshot’s agent after he revealed the player would not leave Porto in January. And to make things worse for Arsene Wenger, Henrique Pompeo added his client is keen on a Serie A switch, not a move to the Premier League. He said: “He has his heart set on Italy and if he were to leave Porto then Serie A would be his first choice.”

In case you still want more here are some bits of tripe from the last two days…

  • Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United are ready to move for Borussia Dortmund’s Marco Reus
  • Arsenal Remain Interested In Daniele Rugani
  • SHOCK for Spurs as Arsenal set to replace Szczesny with Lloris
  • Hamsik to become ‘world-class’ after making £20m Man Utd, Chelsea or Arsenal move
  • Arsenal Plotting Audacious Swoop On Tottenham For£25m Star
  • Napoli reportedly prepared to lose Arsenal&Liverpool target Gonzalo Higuain

Dont You Just Love A Sentence In Which Every Word Starts With A Capital?

I could go on but I am losing the will to live, so I’ll end with my favourite

Campbell, Podolski & Sanogo exits leave inconsistent Arsenal light up top

All three have in fact gone out on loan, and any or all of them could come back for next season having picked up games or changed their style.  Meanwhile we have in the forward department, as I mentioned

Giroud, Theo, Alexis, Welbeck, Gnabry, Akpom.  Gnabry by the way seems to be fit again.  Add to the fact that you can’t keep players who you don’t play, and anyone else brought into the forward line at the moment is simply not going to break through that collection.

An occasional burst of realism is, of course, too much to ask.


Anniversary of the Day.   Ever got bored by Tiny Totts telling you that Arsenal bought their way into the 1st division in 1919?   We’ve covered that in great detail on the Arsenal History Site, to prove it is totally false, but the anniversary of the day is one of the classic moments…

31 January 1919: “The Sportsman” reports Tottenham’s letter to league clubs which admits that there are no league rules for deciding on how the league should be expanded for the 1919/20 season.

What criminal acts will BBC football pundits suggest should be used against talented footballers tonight?  Find out on Match of the Day at 10.30pm on BBC1.

Untold Arsenal: the home page

25 Replies to “Tiny Arsène, Arteta signs, we’re buying Suarez, and dictionary lackadaisicals latest”

  1. How about Clamjamfery? 1. Rubbish; trumpery. 2. Worthless people. (English Dictionary) That’s a good old 19th Century word that seems to fit the bill.

  2. I love retro cars and, specially retro bikes. And I am not that fond of Citreons. BUT whenever I see that car in the pic, It makes me turn again. Good choice of a car for the photo shoot.

  3. @Mr Attwood,

    You forgot Ox (injured at the moment) as an option for the attack.

    Ospina-Bellerin, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal-Coquelin-Ramsey, Cazorla-Walcott, Giroud, Alexis.

    Szczesny-Debuchy, Chambers, Gabriel, Gibbs-Flamini-Rosicky, Özil-Chamberlain, Akpom, Welbeck.

    Martinez, Gnabry, Arteta, maybe even Diaby.

    Enough players until the end of the season.

  4. As I did not want us to drop any more points, maybe I got panicked as the boss said, top Alexis and Welbeck will not be available for our Sunday’s game with Villa due to the injuries they have. And I also started thinking ahead of our big game with Spurs. Consequently, I nonetheless made a suggestion on this Arsenal Untold website that the boss should make a late bidding in the transfer market to sign a top striker on loan for cover and option. I even suggested the boss should consider Mario Mandzukic for this likely loan signing. But on a second thought and after reading this your latest article. I think Mandzukic should even be CL Cup tie. And besides, Arsenal are now having 4 strikers available for selection out of the total 6 strikers they now have with the coming back of Gnabry to their forward line. I thought Gnabry was a midfilder. But truly, the facts remain Akpom and Gnabry are still in the apprentice stage as they failed to set the ground running at Arsenal. But we can stil excuse Akpom.

  5. Samuel, I can’t agree with you on Gnabry. He really did perform for us before his long term injury and was making a regular contribution to the first team squad. I think, injury permitting, he is ready to roll.

  6. Looks like yet another day when results are not going our way.
    City and Chelsea draw?

  7. @Samuel – Gnabry is a winger/attacking midfielder. He has shown a lot of exciting qualities for such a young lad: bravery, pace and ability to make a pass in the final third. He gave excellent performances against Swansea and Spuds (FA Cup) respectively last term and from the moment he entered the pitch at the Old Trafford, he gave our team a width (subsequently Sagna exploited United’s left side of the defence to make two excellent crosses but Bendtner couldn’t get an equalizer from either of them.

    Although Mr Attwood has a point about Gnabry being ready to roll, I also agree with you that he is still learning his trade. Like that miss against Sunderland last term when he should’ve made it five.

  8. More on the head injury. Why write about this? It is supposed to be policy, let’s see how serious they are!

    At the beginning of the 90th minute, Leeds took the lead (and won 2-1). Shortly after that, the Huddersfield defender collided with his own goaltender. The game was suspended for about 10 minutes. In that time, someone realized how serious it was, called for the air ambulance, got the fans out of the stadium, got the helicopter onto the pitch, loaded him up and flew him to hospital. Then they let the fans back in, to finish the last minute or so of play.

    The defender was drifting in and out of conciousness. No update on his condition.

    I’m amazed at the scheduling. The helicopter must have been on hot standby, and not far away.

  9. While I admit that Gnabry did make an impact and showed massive potential, he has made a total 5 starts for Arsenal, all on the wing. Having missed over a year of football since, I do wonder how anyone outside Arsenal football club coaching and medical staff could make a claim that he thinks he is “ready to roll”. Particularly when you look at how long it took excellent young talents such as Wilshere and Ramsay to find their feet again after missing a year.

    Considering we have Giroud, Alexis, Welbeck and Walcott who can play as the main striker, I would like to see Akpom who has been fit getting his chance with the first team ahead of a new signing.

  10. Not always Quincy. It depends on the ststem they are employed and instructions of the manager. Ray Parlour could not have been called a forward, Marc Overmars possibly could.

  11. ThomB,

    hahah marc overmars was a winger. thus a forward.

    ray parlour was a midfielder that could play in multiple positions. he may be the romford pele, but he certainly wasnt an attacker.

  12. @ThomB – it depends on your perspective. If you play 4-4-2 Parlour and Overmars could play on either side of the midfield quartet (Parlour could play in the middle too but that’s not relevant right now). However, if you decide to make a switch to 4-3-3, Overmars could be a part of attacking trident and Parlour could only occupy one of the spots in the midfield.

    Nobody’s saying that Gnabry will instantly become a key player. He’ll need playing time, patience and nurturing on the pitch like the one Sagna and Rosicky have shown last January against Spuds.

  13. A winger by definition is a forward. I’m explaining why Gnabry appears as a forward on arsenal.com.

  14. Which is to say, in a four or three man midfield the wide players are called LM/RM. Otherwise they are forwards, which includes the wide men in a 4-2-3-1 and the front three in a 4-3-3.

  15. Great result, Coquelin was superb, I would love to see has stats for this game.
    Walter, can you attend all our games, I think you have a 100% win record do you not? Mrs B also brought us luck, biggest Prem League score for 2 years.

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