Following weeks of anguish and annoyance expressed by fans, the Lord Wenger has agreed to step aside as Arsenal’s manager.
Sir Peter Hill-Wood has announced that in a revolutionary move the manager will be replaced by a committee of fans who will decide who to play, who to buy, and who to sell, how much the beer costs, and the length of the white stripe down the sleeve.
“The idea has worked at Ebbsfleet in the Conference, so I don’t see why it can’t work here,” said the Chairman.
The first vote has already taken place, and it has been decided that all games will start ten minutes after they start, will stop five minutes before half time, will restart ten minutes after half time, and will finish ten minutes before the end.
“Half time is a problem because we have to get from the changing rooms to our seats, and there are 30,000 of us,” said one of the new Committee. “But we are energetic and forward looking, even though we don’t get to all the games.”
So far the committee, which is made up of fans who were very unhappy with Wenger in the summer, and whose slogan is “I told you so” have decided to…
Sell Adebayor for being disloyal in August
Sell Van Persie because he is too prone to injury
Sell Eduardo because there is little chance he will ever be any good again
Sell Almunia because he isn’t very good
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Sell Gallas because he once played for Chelsea
Sell Eboue because he is Eboue
Sell Denilson because he isn’t Flamini
Sell Song because he isn’t Flamini
“This shows how radical and forward looking the whole club has become,” said Mr Hill-Wood. “We are moving forward with the times, and quite possibly, we should be able to move into a situation in which we can change managers every year, change the structure every year, change the approach every year, and apply for planning permission for a training ground every year – and in short be as truly successful as the Tiny Fantasists along the Seven Sisters Road. I look forward to this new era that the fans of the club have brought about themselves. “