Dial Square Dave: a word from the wise


Its about time that Tony fella let me on here, I’ve been pestering him for weeks ever since we met in that excuse for a pub off the ‘olloway road – flipping ‘Swimmer’ or summat.

I mean I ask you what kind of a gaff is that? It used to be a perfectly decent boozer before them Spaniards got hold of it. You could get Pride, Tetley and a glass of chardonnay for the missus and one of Fred’s cheese and onion baps. Now it’s all them wotsit craft beers, a dozen different vinos and hummus and the like. And flippin’ burgers served on bits of slate. Fancy foreign muck if you ask me.

Which brings me to the point of why I am ‘ere. My name is Dave I’ve been going to the Arsenal since 1972 when me old man left me on the north bank with a bag of monkey nuts and a drunken geezer called Phil. I found me way home again but dad had buggered off – mum said he’d joined the foreign legion (but old Ethel next door said he’d run off to Scarborough with some dolly bird, so who knows).

Anyways…i digress.

From ’72 I have been going regular and all I can see is the sad decline of a once great club. For a kick off this new stadium ain’t a patch on Highbury. They let too many people in now and some of them don’t even speak the lingo. Then there’s the food – its rubbish compared to the pies we used to have. And there are no nuts, the beer’s cold (not tepid) and what on earth is a cuppa chino?

And you can see the game from anywhere. Honestly what’s the point of that when it used to be perfectly good to peer behind the sticky out ears of the fat bloke in front of yer. It’s just all too posh if you ask me.

But the real problem is on the pitch. We used to have proper footballers who wore proper boots and kicked the whatsit out of the opposition. I mean where’s Peter Storey when you need him? That Mertersacker bloke trapped a ball with his instep the other day, you’d never see Willie Young do that. He’d have belted it to Manor Park and we’d still be looking for it.

We want proper football not poncey foreign rubbish. The only Coq I want to see is me own (geddit?), that bloody Monsignor Venga needs to get some more Brits in and less of these Frenchy types.

Anyway, I’m gonna be here now and again just to bring some perspective to this site ‘cos IMHO its far too lovely dovey with the Arsenal board. I reckon you lot need a dose of reality and the reality is that under Monsignor Venga this club has gone backwards 30 years (and not in a good way). We need change and the campaign starts here.

Laters losers

Dial Square Dave


Dial Square Dave recommends…

Woolwich Arsenal: The club that changed football 

23 Replies to “Dial Square Dave: a word from the wise”

  1. When you’ve got your tongue out of your cheek put down what you really think.

  2. 🙂

    You forgot the charm of the rivers of p**s running out from the ‘period’ toilet facilities.

  3. My point for constant change really 🙂 else it all become stagnant and will start to smell, even the pies.

  4. Good to meet ya, Dave – and a refereshing, amusing perspective. I started at Highbury in 1965 but have never made it to the Emirates – too exxy and the wrong end of the country.
    And Tony / Walter – nice going to give Dave a platform. I appreciate the blog and enjoy the comments.

  5. Nice one Dave! You take us back to an era when there was romance in the game, the pies, the limited views and even more limited players, a time when you could go to any given ground and take part in giving or receiving a good kicking if such things do it for you.
    It was a time of simple pleasures, fans were intelligent, even political, a few, but by no means all….from Chelsea and West Ham were very political in their support for what came before UKIP.. Peter storey…..didn’t he end up in the clink for a while?

  6. Love it, Dave sounds like a diamond geezer, salt of the erf ‘n’ all that. Good to have some comedy on this site and the unexpected nature of it certainly brightened up things for me. Never hurt to have a bit of a chuckle. Are there such fans still out there? I hope Dave does continue to contribute once in a while so we can see how the others live. Thanx

  7. Dave,sorry to tell you here in fornt of everyone,but the truth is that I’m that “dolly bird” (Polly Filler)and your old mans(Ol’fly by night we called him) son, so its nice that we can finally meet dear lost bruv.I saw you on some other blogs over the years but never had the guts to tell you.Got to admit, I look up to you as an older wiser brother,although my wife Pamela Flitton calls you a fascist.But I said she was wrong and that must the name of your aftershave.
    Luckily I managed to get rid of my northern accent otherwise you might not accept me as a real Gooner.Dad taught me that before he left us in Scarborough.He also tried to make me be like you he said.But I told him to go live with the West Ham, it was after that he left home, calling me an art school ponce on the way out.God knows where he is!We searched in for years,even at the Coop to see if he was there, but no luck.Then we heard he went off with some woman called Glenda Slagg, and tried to have a career as a reporter on a local rag.The rest is hazy,some said he ended up as a bit part in the Sweeney and later George and Mildred but that was years ago now.Is it true you had a night out dogging with Ethel later?Mum heard some kind of strange rumours.

    What about that O’Zeel bloke hes a load of kack isnt he?Those eyes, I blame them,nasty shifty eyes,eyes that want money.They all want money and have those shifty eyes these days.Weirdos the lot of them.Everything was better in the 70s.Glam rock, greasy hair,greasy cafes, deep fried spam fritters,sideburns,weird blokes in the park,cigs,pie and chips,chips,pies,pork pie hats,pork pies,Bay City Rollers,angel delight,Gary Glitter,cigs,greasy hair,babycham,budgie haircuts,chopper bikes,two pints for 50p,cowhorns,flares,ripped up bits of porn mags in the woods,no central heating and proper brown wallpaper,or wallpaper with nice patterns that made you feel better when you had the flu.And everyone was harder in those days,I mean Dad always taught me before he left to be hard, kick the sh*t first ask questions later,especially in the late 70s.Better to be hard.Also looking forward to your views on Arteta- get rid I say!Hes a bloody scouser!Dont talk to me about Diaby.Wengers the worst isn’t he?Perfume ponce!And those that like him, as you say, losers.I can give you some tips on this lot Dave over here.Its a cult mate, and every ones thick as pork pie but with no mustard and a lot of weird people around,especially that Brickfields bloke, youve got to watch him or that Jambug or Bootomee – trouble makers they are, none of them know whats right,there’s even someone called Mandy, shows how weird it is around here,whats the world coming too? -dont worry they know nothing and are out to lunch mate, take my tip, just a lot of intellectuals or dodgy types,especially them blokes that run the blog, the bloke from Holland, he makes up the ref stats just for a laugh,I swear he does. I only hang around to kill a bit of time.But Im sure you will soon be able to persuade them that they’re wrong especially with your knowledge of the 70s and how much better it was in those days, when men were men and not like that Cazorla and the others all tippy tappy football shite.Being a winner thats what counts,Dad said that.Anything else is just a joke isnt it, I mean who wants to be a loser?And lets face it Wengers a loser.What we need is some kind of big wig suit in marketing to become the manager, not some football bloke.A real manager, a bloke in his 30s who knows a thing or too about anything other than football,someone who can call everyone a berk and slag everything off not some old geezer whose way past his best, as you say French and left wing, even.Bloody ponce.I reckon hes in the Illuminati myself that Wenger, or something to do with the Vatcian at least. I reckon that Gordon Ramsey bloke would be great as the next manager-except hes a bit of nancy cook ponce isnt he?But what we need that kind of real attitude.Sort them out.Make winner of them all as Dad would say.
    Your right about Mertesacker though, hes terrible compared to Willie Young.Willie was brilliant in the 78/79/80 finals was Willie, and he was faster than Mertesacker, its just that he tripped up Paul Allen by accident…dont listen to that Jambug if he starts defending Willie, he knows nothing,anyway I mean, what sort of blokes play for us these days?It’ll be Buddhists and vegetarians next.I mean lets face it things are bad enough already. Well better go Bruv, look forward to reading your bit here at UA soon.

  8. Man, if your article was a joke, it’s really a good one. I almost hated you.

  9. @ Dial Square Dave – Brilliant ! Nice to make your acquaintance , sort of , I think . I was under the impression that you lot were extinct .You know , with getting you head regularly bashed in by the coppers and the other lot. Not to mention those alcohol related disease that were the rage those days .Please do give us your opinion on those BSM lot and those black bin bag huggers .

    @ Kenneth Widmerpool – May 22, 2015 at 10:25 pm – Am so glad you found your long lost kin , pity about you dad , though . That was one convoluted and tall tale, but somehow in a strange way ,very plausible .
    Its been a very long time since someone called me weird .Insane , quite often , but weird ? Brought tears to me eyes , that did !

    And people wonder why the AKBs love to come here ! WOO HOO , HOO !
    Go Untold Arsenal !

  10. OK a little bit of self praise: AW Comments:
    ““We need to be faithful to the football we want to play but play the football we want to play better,” Wenger told Arsenal Player. “That means more speed in our passing and more quality in our finishing.”

    BOOM 🙂 All those who don’t think i know what i am talking about (well at least this time 🙂 ) go boom.
    See my previous comments about the last games.

  11. Is it only me or do you guys get an uneasy sense of errr.. unease with Kenneth and Dave’s luv in ?
    All that talk about the 70’s music ,style ( or the lack of !),movies brought me memories of this scene from that male bonding ( in more ways than one !) defining movie of 1972 – Deliverance .
    Nice in some ways ,but also somewhat disturbing in a uneasy way . Take a look .
    Kids who have not seen the movie , there is a link to it , but be warned – its not for the weak of heart .


  12. @ Kenneth Widmerpool May 22, 2015 at 10:25 pm – Who’s “……the bloke from Holland, he makes up the ref stats just for a laugh,I swear he does.” ….? Have we a new guy on here or were you referring to that Belgian guy who goofs off from his work to ” moderate” us ?

  13. Brickfields,yeah, Belgium or Norway somewhere outside of England anyway somewhere “European”. He makes them stats up and goofs off work,theyre all the same on this board.Dial Sq. Daves good on the guitar but Im better on the banjo!

  14. Here’s a multi -international joke of Panda-monium proportions doing the rounds locally .

    In 1972 China gave pandas to President Nixon .Two years later he stepped down after the Watergate scandal.

    In 1974 China gave Briton’s Prime Minister Edward Heath pandas . He was forced to resign as PM , and the next year lost the party leadership to Maggie Thatcher.

    In 1971 , China gave Japanese PM Tanaka pandas. In 1974 he was forced to resign for taking bribes.

    In 1976 , China gave Holland pandas. The same year , its Prince Bernhard was stripped of his titles for accepting bribes .

    In 2011 , Scotland received two pandas from China .My Scottish history is quite fuzzy , so please fill in the obvious blanks !

    In 2014 , Malaysia received two pandas from China . Welcome Fu Wa and Feng Yi , Malaysians are pinning their hopes on you !

  15. Does Switzerland have easy access to bamboo shoots ?
    Would China consent to send some pandas to Herr Sepp Blatter ? They could get a World Cup Final in exchange !
    This sounds like a real win -win situation for all , if the omens play out right .
    Who would you like to send pandas to ?

  16. @ Kenneth – Go for it . Your prose and poetry will surely bring some class to this site ! Untold Poetry and prose …has a nice ring to it !

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