By Sir Hardly Anyone
In the last month Arsenal have been tipped to sign an unbelievable 57 players. 57 in one month, and it is more than likely that in the hurly burly I have missed a few. Apologies to those players, their agents and the tipsters in the press for all omissions.
According the “reports” (that word which seeks to blame gibberish onto some other newspaper – as in “We only report the news mate, we’re not the ones making it up,”) we have actually lined up no less than another seven new players this week, although you may be excused if you haven’t seen them all. And that is in addition to Granit, who we have actually signed.
Meanwhile 12 players are said to be leaving Arsenal this summer – up from 10 noted last week.
We also have one new youth player going out on loan, plus the previously reported four ready to rise from the youth team, and 1 addition to the coaching staff for next season.
The new players we have actually got hold of and apparently signed already, are…
- Medhi Benatia
- Kalidou Koulibaly
- Chiori Johnson (and yes we may actually have signed him!)
- Maxi Romero
- Islam Slimani
- Jamie Vardy
- Karl Zouma
Perhaps the most confusing is Kalidou Koulibaly whose deal was signed and sealed as he joined us from Napoli (The Metro). Except that within a week the Metro told us that no he hadn’t joined us at all and the whole deal was dependant on Chambers going to Southampton.
I mean if newspapers are going to turn their own stories upside down in the space of a week, who are we to believe? And how is the Index supposed to keep up???
The players added to the list since the last Great Transfer Index are in Red.
|1||Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang||Forward||B. Dortmund||Being urged to leave||Man U|
|2||Carlos Bacca||Forward||Juventus||49 goal striker||Real Mad buy back clause|
|3||Michy Batshuayi||Striker||Marseille||£22m asking price||Chelsea|
|4||Riechedly Bazoer||Cen mid.||Ajax||Barcelona, Chelsea, Man U, Tottenham|
|5||Medhi Benatia||Centre back||Bayern||29 yrs, prone to injury|
|6||Rodrigo Bentancur||Midfield||Boca Juniors||Real Mad, Juve|
|7||Karim Benzema||Striker||Real Mad||Involved in court case|
|8||William Carvalho||Def mid||Sporting Lisbon|
|9||Edinson Cavani||Striker||PSG||He’d like to come|
|10||Ben Chilwell||Left-back||Leicester||“Arsenal monitoring”|
|11||Troy Deeney||Striker||Watford||WFC captain|
|12||Mario Götze||Attack midfield||Bayern Munich||Flopped after Dortmund||Liverpool|
|13||Goncalo Guedas||Wing||Benfica||Next C Ronaldo||Chelsea|
|15||Alen Halilovic.||Attack midfield||Barcelona||Last season loan to Sporting Gijon,|
|15||Rico Henry||Full back||Walsall||Next Ashley Cole|
|17||Gonzalo Higuain||Striker||Napoli||Man U, Liverpool?|
|18||Zlatan Ibrahimovic||Striker||PSG||Self proclaimed God||Man U|
|19||Mauro Icardi||Striker||Inter||Man C Man U|
|21||Chiori Johnson||Defender||Aged 18, Now signed|
|22||N’Golo Kante||Midfield||Leicester||Won the most tackles|
|23||Naby Keita||Central mid||Red Bull Salzburg|
|24||Toni Kroos||No 10||Real Madrid||£45m|
|25||Grzegorz Krychowiak||Midfield destroyer||Sevilla|
|26||Kalidou Koulibaly||Napoli||Signed and Sealed (Metro) but…||Dependent on Chambers going (Metro)|
|27||Robert Lewandowski||Striker||Bayern||About to break the bank|
|28||Marquinhos||Defen||PSG||Man U Man C Chelsea and Bayern Munich|
|29||Riyad Mahrez||Wing||Leicester||Considered him while at Le Havre|
|30||Kostas Mitroglou||Striker||Benfica||“Happy in Portugal”|
|32||Henrikh Mkhitaryan||Midfield||B Dortmund||Liverpool! Chelsea, Tottenham|
|33||Alvaro Morata||Striker||Juventus (loan) Real Mad||Said to be the next one to happen||AFC talking to Real Mad direct|
|34||Ruben Neves||Defend midfield||Porto|
|35||Kelechi Nwakali||Midfield||Reported as already having joined Arsenal||WHU, Bayern, Chelsea, Man U Liverpool!|
|37||Adrien Rabiot||Midfield||PSG||Asked for a move, not liked by fans||Chelsea, Man U|
|38||Rafinha||RB||Bayern Munich||Metro utterly certain|
|39||Jese Rodriguez||Forward||Real Mad||Surplus to requirements|
|40||Maxi Romero||Forward||All Boys, Argentina||The new Messi||We were going to sign him last year but he got injured|
|41||Daniele Rugani||Centre back||Juventus||Can’t get a game.||Man U|
|42||Riccardo Saponara||Attack midfield||Empoli||Liverpool?|
|44||Islam Slimani||£23.25m Sporting Lisbon star||£23.25m||Tottenham, Leicester|
|45||Dominic Solanke||Chelsea||Chelsea want to keep him|
|47||Daniel Sturrage||Striker||Liverpool?||“Will reportedly…”||“Tried last year”|
|48||Jon Toral||Attack midf.||Arsenal (loaned to Brum)|
|49||Yaya Toure||C Mid||Man City|
|50||Arda Turan||Attack midfield||Barcelona||Struggled at Barca|
|51||Jamie Vardy||Forward||Leicester||£20m||Signed but kept it a secret|
|52||Victor Wanyama||Def. midf.||Southampton|
|53||Julian Weigl||Midf.||Borussia Dortmund||£20 million|
|54||Granit Xhaka||Defend/ midfield||Monchengladbach||“Deal done”||He’s actually signed!!!|
|55||Andriy Yarmolenko||Winger||Dynamo Kiev||Tottenham Liverpool|
|1||Alexis||Forward||Asking for transfer|
|2||Arteta||End of career|
|3||Bellerin||Full back||Barcelona||Must be the DNA||But also denied|
|4||Chambers||Centre back||Southampton||1 year loan|
|5||Debuchy||Been on loan|
|8||Tomas Rosicky||End of contract|
|9||Santi Cazorla||Mid/For||Back to Villareal|
|10||Mesut Ozil||Midfield||Delayed talks|
|11||W. Szczesny||Goal||Roma||Happy in Rome||A second year loan mooted|
|12||Walcott||Wing||State Aid Utd||£20m||On the verge|
|Thierry Henry||Under 18||Accepted post|
|Up from the youth|
|1||Jon Toral||Attack midf.||Arsenal||Loaned to Birmingham|
|2||Gedion Zelalem||Attack mid||Arsenal||Loaned to Rangers|
|3||Chris Willock||Attack midf.||Arsenal||Played in U21s.|
|4||Jeff Reine-Adélaïde||Wing||Arsenal||Kept at Arsenal and not loaned|
|Players going on loan|
All this action has now taken place with one month to go before the transfer portal slides into the open position. With that month, and then two months of the window being open, that gives us the likelihood that if the current rate of announced transfers continues, by 31 August Arsenal will have been linked to a grand total of 228 players who will be coming into the club.
Meanwhile 48 players will be on their way out (that is the entire first team and under 21 squad).
This is of course utterly preposterous, and yet the media churn this gibberish out day by day and seemingly people read it day by day.
So what are we to make of it all?
Psychological theory 1: It’s a negative/positive/negative thing. The average supporter lives in a state of total depression, but then thinks, wow we could sign these guys and win the league, and then when we don’t gets reassurance from the fact that he was right in the first place he sinks back into depression.
Psychological theory 2: The average reader of such stories is bonkers, and the media are pandering to this bonkisity on the grounds that someone silly enough to read this, might also buy something advertised in the paper or on the web site.
Psychological theory 3: Most readers know it is all tripe, but enjoy reading the silly stories that other people are willing to believe as it gives them a sense of superiority.
Psychological theory 4: No one reads this guff apart from me.
I leave those of infinitely higher intelligence than I to sort that out.
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- Details of all the the books Untold Arsenal has published
- Do Arsenal need to get better or different or both?
- Last season the table after 3 games was headline news. But probably not this season
- 117 players tipped as coming to Arsenal before the window closes
- Why Arsenal recruited a new defence first, then a new attack
- After two games we can start to make one or two judgements