by The Brickfields Gunners
Having been a very devout reader of UA almost from its inception , I have observed the various characters that come on here to either share observations and/or contribute in a positive and informative way , or just come here in an attempt to ridicule us and dampened our spirits .
Despite the bold lettering on the top of the page that proudly and clearly proclaims the very noble intent of this blog ,
ie….. ‘Supporting the club , the players and the manager ‘, yet many still come here to denigrate our noble efforts .
As I have closely observed over the years , much have I learned much about ‘them’ and their ailments ans symptoms . Since their conditions may not fall within the purview of regularly established medical norms , diseases and conditions , I have endeavoured , in all sincerity to classify ‘them’ to the best of my ability and knowledge .
I have chosen mostly satirical and double entendre terminology , in keeping with my personal philosophy that , ‘ Medicine is the best laughter ‘ ! I was inspired by this brilliant piece that has been on the internet for a long time . Do check it out at – http://www.washingtonpostsmensainvitational.com/
There are a few that sounds very much like ‘them’ , for example ….
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
With that being said , and strictly observing my motto that , ‘ Medicine is the best laughter ! ‘ , and that ‘them’ types deserve to be always laughed at , and am being hopeful that by invoking number 8. ‘Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.’ , ……here go on and have some fun.
Do add on any conditions that you may have observed yourself . This of course applies only to the AKBs . ‘them’ opinions count nought here !
A COMPREHENSIVE MEDICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CLASSIFICATION OF ‘them’
1. THE ANALTTENTIVE
Is characterized by or
unnatural or undue attention and focus on the wrong end ! Anyone reading or listening to him would think to themselves , “What crap !” , or “He’s really full of it !” , or ” He’s barking out of the wrong hole !”
Too much pressure and he could very well end up with Carnal Tunnel Complex .
An empty vessel and a big fat zero . A firer of blanks . Of no redeemable value . Impotent .
The tongue in other’s cheeks type . A crack up !
4. THE FIBBRILLATOR –
A teller of a small or trivial lie or minor falsehood , but in such a quick and rapid succession or shocking manner.
While totally harmless , yet the lies are so blatant as to shock and to render the listener dumbstruck .
On UA , we regularly de–fibbrilate them with cold logic and hard old facts . A few choice bursts and they are cleared.
5. THE FAWNICATOR –
Tends to seek approval , notice or favor by servile demeanor , especially from a Fibbrilator . Usually an inexperienced youth or simpleton who is looking to ride on the analttentive coattails of the fibbrilator , but invariably gets rear ended !
His behaviour is often unduly affectionately , condescending or gratingly effeminate as to cause consternation among the regulars here .
6. THE FELLOTEUR –
Like the Fawnicator , he too tends to bow before and bend the knee to the Fibbrillator , who he looks up to . Is able to enjoy and swallow all that the Fibbrillator spurts forth . And that ‘s often quite a mouthful , and leaves a bad after taste !
7. THE FUDGER –
He chooses to exaggerate extensively , dodges and evades direct questions and generally lies through his teeth .
8 . THE GOBBLEDEKOOK –
As the name clearly suggests , they are weird , strange , foolish or insane people whose language is characterised by circumlocution and jargon , as well as gibberish , bosh , double talk and great dollops of mumbo jumbo .
They often write in capitals , without proper grammar , nor punctuation or paragraphs . Their utterings often sound like a vaguely familiar foreign language . Or a truly bad Google translation !
9. THE HEMORRHOID –A true pain in the butt ! And often bloody crappy , too.
10. THE MIRTHSUCKER . –
He is a person who sucks out all the fun , joy and pleasure out of an Arsenal win or draw . A plunder of mirth and a pillager of enjoyment . A spoilsport and a killjoy. A truly miserable old sod .
11. THE . PRERAMBLER –
Know to start off with a false or fallacious introductory statement , preface or introduction ; before proceeding to talk or write in a discursive, aimless way as an attempt to confuse or confound the simple minded. Especially referring to faulty or fake data and ‘stats’ .eg , ” AW does not conduct training or do tactics ,that is why ……”
or ” Arsenal fans all know that ……”
or “Piers Morgan has only Arsenal’s best interested at heart when he goes on a tirade against the club , the major shareholders , the manager and the players . His previous record speaks for itself …….”
12.THE RETRORICALIST –
A rabid follower of the George Graham was a god club . Despite AW’s successes , still tend to go retroactive to a time long gone by and that many may not recall with the same enthusiasm , fervour or fondness . Pål Lydersen
,bungs and boring football most often come to mind .
No manner or undue use of exaggeration or hyperbole will ever efface certain unpleasant memories from us . Like being the manager of the Spuds , the treatment of certain players and the criticism of AW in the media .
13 .THE SCEPTISCHISMIST –
Tends to widen the simmering gap or schism between the true believers and the doubters . Rejoices in spreading a divergence in faith , opinions and belief . Drives a wedge of division or disunion between two or more parties or camps here. Attempts to spread a sundering breach in cordial relations .
THE SCEPTICHASMIST –
Like the Sceptischismist above , he too derives great pleasure in fermenting a more wider and larger divisive chasm between the divide .
Please do LIKE it and SHARE it and I shall present my further findings as soon as possible.
c/o Medical Division UA