By Paul Blythe
The Art of Name calling.
We all have one, more often than not several. The ones bestowed upon us by our loving parents and those used by friends and foes alike, often to describe our obvious flaws and shortcomings.
However names often have a deeper more powerful and historic significance often lost in the sands of time. In the past they were chosen carefully as a necessary precursor to lead the person to greatness and fame. These labels often act as indicators as to the future characteristics of those burdened to carry them for life are sometimes eerily accurate, or decidedly wide of the mark.
The Arsenal team has names to conjure with, from all corners of the world. They should be redolent of talent, skill and intelligence, of athleticism and prowess. You judge how accurate, when the player is compared to the true meaning of their patronymic.
Here’s a list of the meanings of the names of some of our team. In case you can’t guess who each one is, there’s a guide at the end…
1. God is found in us, widely misjudged, rock like.
2. He has the heart of a lion, the hair of a llama, stamina of a wolf.
3. One of the immovable twins.
4. One who speaks Gaelic, a Roman land owner and apt to attack rather than defend.
5. A mighty oak standing tall above all others in the grove of laurel trees.
6. A true and fearless defender of the faith from the region of Sebaste.
7. A welcome bringer of light to save us from the dark.
8. Elegant as a gazelle, strong as a water buffalo.
9. A Frenchman (yes really!) born of the forge of Catalonia, near a quaint fishing village.
10. A maestro of fluid movement, one of twins.
11. A bringer of victory upon the wind.
12. A protector of mankind, praised like a pine tree on a large mountain.
13. A gift from a gracious God to a small town in North Leicestershire.
14. Both manly and courageous with curiously smooth nether regions.
15. A smile on the darkest of days to remind us that God is with us.
16. He is famous and brilliant, hailing from the Pierce Valley.
17. He is manly and strong with an eye to finish what is started by others.
18. He is the most divine of gifts from a humble peasant’s cottage.
19. A victorious conqueror with a taste for older women.
20. Tireless, loyal and unsophisticated in the ways of tricology.
I wonder just what goes through a person’s mind when they name their children. The more obvious mistakes could be found amongst these beauties, Barb Dwyer, Hazel Nutt, Terry Bull, Paige Turner.
Then there’s Helen Back, Stan Still, Tim Burr, Teresa Green, Anna Sasin, Ryan Shawcross, Justin Case, and Barry Cade. All real and must have lead to some playground or workplace taunting and bullying.
Oh the answers, as if you didn’t know already…
1. Manuel Almunia
2. Bacary Sagna
3. Thomas Vemaelen
4. Gael Clichy
5. Laurent Koscielny
6. Sebastien Squillaci
7. Kieran Gibbs
8. Abou Diaby
9. Cesc Fabregas
10. Tomas Rosicky
11. Samir Nasri
12. Alex Song
13. Jack Wilshere
14. Andre Arshavin
15. Emmanuel Eboue
16. Robin van Percy
17. Carlos Vela
18. Theo Walcott
19. Nicklas Bentner
20. Marouane Chamakh
I was spot on with number 9. The word Catalonia gave it away.:)
I thought 19 was brilliant
Yeah 19 was great. Might have something to do with his confidence levels too eh.
indeed 19 was great!
I have one for shawcross- merciless barbarian and a mindless freak who is lucky enough to be rewarded for his deeds against mankind.
…….and whats in the name dowd? dreary, dank and unfasionable?
Superb Article!!!! 🙂 i love number no.8…purely describes wat Diaby is all about. Though you forgot to write something about ‘Arsene Wenger’!! 🙂
I think they’re rather good…all better than my nickname with a spud contingent…the clue:
Slinger of arrows at and hurler of beasties at the misbegotten swamp dwellers.
Acronym. COC
15 is brilliant. Got to love Eboue
I think Paul is taking things to another level. Some real good ones as is said above here. My personal favourite was the last one.
It means ‘a masculine man from a sloping meadow’.
Arsene Wenger that is…
No. 14 had me in splits!!!
how’s this obvious one:
21. Nobody knew him, now they do; destiny written in his name.
what the Szczesny means?
@ Hooshi
Happy fortunate and lucky….. as fate would have it!
Lukasz Fabianski: Polish for “Luke (or Lucas), son of Fabian” — luminous son of the grower of beans. There’s nothing luminous or light-giving about Fabianski, and he can’t keep goal worth beans!
As for the real names, what about Nicky Butt?
As by now you will have been made aware that AW has been charged by the FA regarding his “alleged” push on the 4th idiot during our away match at Sunderland.
Anybody that has read my comments and articles will know where I stand in regard to the FA and that I have always suggested that we stand up for ourselves and our players against the partisan powers that be in English football.
Here is how I would handle this were I chairman/owner of Arsenal.
1: I would instruct AW not to contest the charge, sit the one match out against WBA and I would pay the fine of £8000-£9000.
2: I would inform the FA to never EVER darken the door of our wonderful training ground again with that bunch over over-hyped, overpaid and oversexed losers that are the England National team. If they want to play hardball with us we can do the same. let them build their own facilities instead of sponging off of ours. Rooney only smells up the place. They can explain to Capello why they suddenly have his favourite facilities unavailable.
3: I would place a call to the 2012 committee and inform them that we were withdrawing the availability of the Emirates Stadium from the 2018 bid and all bids for future international tournaments.I would fax this intention to FIFA as well.
Let the FA explain to the media how their arrogance gave Russia the world cup.
It is about time we played hardball with these assholes.For far too long they presume upon our patience.
Unlikely oh Gracious Son of Governor….
Would prefer if he fought it, perhaps bringing long a vid or two of real on field assaults that did not merit any sanction…Daiby anyone?
The Fa embody the true spirit of “There are none so blind as those who wont see”.
If he appeals, the ban will be increased no doubt to coincide with tough games. the FA operate through bullying and need to be not just stood up to but evicerated in a manner that scars them for years as my approach would achieve.
Unfortunately kiwi, I agree that it is unlikely but at some stage Arsebal will have to take a very serious and aggressive stance against this sort of thing or they will be perceived as easy targets of endless myopic abuse.
Loved this. I think lot of them were close to be true.