by Sir Hardly Anyone
It is extraordinary that in a time when we don’t actually know when football might begin again, let alone how much money clubs will have, at a time when players are being asked to give up their salaries, and clubs are starting to talk about not being able to continue unless their banks get off their backs, what we have is an ever growing list of fake news stories about who Arsenal are going to buy.
We’ll be publishing another update on our fake new transfer chart shortly, but I can tell you already that it is over 50 players long, and we are still just under two months away from the window actually opening! Let alone closing!
I suppose it says something about the inventiveness of the scribblers to keep finding these names, so we have to give them that. But when we come to look at some of them in a little detail, it seems that maybe these reporters have spent just a bit too much time down the Toppled Bollard with the old gin and tonic.
But still, they are the reporters, they claim to be in the know, so here are the latest players to join the multitudes arriving at Arsenal this summer… (Remember you read it here second).
1: Kristoffer Ajer from Celtic
He’s a 22-year-old centre-back who has played 80 games for Celtic and also went on loan to Kilmarnock in 2017 where he played16 games for them. That doesn’t really sound like the sort of stand out centre back we want, when we have lots of centre backs already. But he has played 14 times for Norway.
And I guess Gunnersphere know what they are talking about.
2: Ugurcan Cakir from Trabzonspor
Now he is a goalkeeper, and the question might arise since there was not too much wrong with our keepers in the interrupted season, do we really need another one? He has played twice for Turkey and 51 times for his club. So as with Ajer (above) do we really need a player in this position? It would seem unlikely, given that money is not exactly going to be in plentiful supply. But HITC think we might.
To get the latest news I turned to ArsenalFCLatestNews.com who helpfully told me
“Arsenal Goalkeepers 2020. Arsenal goalkeepers 2020? List of Arsenal goalkeepers? Here is our list of current Arsenal goalkeepers in 2020.
“Arsenal Current Goalkeepers. Who are Arsenal’s goalkeepers? Arsenal Goalkeepers’ names? Arsenal have 3 goalkeepers in their 2020 squad. Bernd Leno is the number one choice under Mikel Arteta.
“Arsenal Goalkeepers List 2020. So here we take a look at the Arsenal Goalkeepers 2020.”
Actually I got a bit bored by then but I am sure you can work it out.
3: Noah Francoise from Rennes
The Sun is getting all excited about this 16-year-old boy, who we could sign while we are still in the EU, but not after we leave at the end of the year. They say that PSG and Sevilla are also hovering around him. He’s a midfielder, and the paper tells us he has already been called up for the under 17 squad, which I suppose is reasonable since he is … 16.
4. Pablo Mari
The Athletic leap into the unknown by telling us that this deal will be made permanent. But the guy has a bit of the wanderlust about him.
| Years | Team | Games | Goals |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2011–2012 | Mallorca | 2 | 0 |
| 2013–2016 | Gimnàstic | 91 | 6 |
| 2016–2019 | Manchester City | 0 | 0 |
| 2016–2017 | → Girona (loan) | 8 | 0 |
| 2017–2018 | → NAC (loan) | 21 | 1 |
| 2018–2019 | → Deportivo La Coruña (loan) | 38 | 2 |
| 2019– | Flamengo | 22 | 2 |
| 2020– | → Arsenal (loan) | 2 | 0 |
However Goal has a piece on him headline “Pablo Mari intends to spend ‘many years’ at Arsenal despite making only two appearances so far.” So that’s ok.
5. Dwight McNeill from Burnley.
He’s a 20 year old midfielder who has played 51 times for Burnley having come from the Man U academy.
6. Moreno from Valencia
This player is going to cost £50m and is the replacement for Aubameyang apparently. Properly known as Rodrigo the media seem to have changed his name of late. He’s 29 and has been with Valencia since 2015 and has played 135 games for them. But he has only scored 33 goals. So is he really a replacement for Auba?
I suspect someone is making this up. Namely the Metro, Mirror and Media Referee (who deserve a yellow card for this). Although he has played 22 times for Spain and scored eight.
In due course we shall see. An updated chart of all the 55 players we are about to sign (according to the media) will be published shortly.
Has Untold Arsenal been made to take down the post on Saudi Arabia taking over Newcastle and English football? If so, would you, please, re-publish the value of the various club owners showing Newcastle in its present ownership. I was surprised to see, all together, the nationalities and huge wealth of the various owners of Premier League teams.