Welcome to the Arsenal Conspiracy Centre: 7 conspiracies currently on the loose

By Iver Tail

Yes rumours are really, really so last year.  So last decade.  So last century.  The new rumour is the conspiracy, because as the blogs show us, football is utterly packed jam solid with solid jam.  Or failing that, conspiracies in which clubs plot with each other to bring down rivals with false stories

Here are some of the latest


HITC have uncovered a conspiracy to get Reiss Nelson out of Arsenal.  He is not in the England under 21s, and he is not playing for Arsenal.  Put the two together and you have an almighty conspiracy by the powers that be to nullify this brilliant talent.

‘Needs to leave’ is the conspiracy slogan.

The conspiracy continues with the view that Arsenal are conspiring to force the young player out of the club.  But why, you may ask, and indeed ask you might, but these are matters for others.  For now all that matters is that Nelson has not featured for Arsenal this season very much (two games this season after 17 last season) so clearly there is a plot.


Normally Arsenal rely on the people in the stadium to create a bad atmosphere, waving cardboard banners denouncing the manager, flying aeroplanes with messages over the stadium, and generally marching about a bit before appearing on AFTV and then going down to the pub.

Now you might have thought that this has all gone, what with the virus type thing, but no.  The Mirror will have none of that as it pronounces that Bernd Leno details “bad atmosphere” and “big problems” at Arsenal.

So who has caused the atmospheric problems when there’s nobody in the ground?  Why it must be the Daily Mirror.  And the talk is of a bad atmosphere in the dressing room.  Clearly more oxygen is needed.

But this one is a conspiracy on the move as the Express piles in with, “Arsenal goalkeeper Bernd Leno discusses worrying ‘bad atmosphere’ in Mikel Arteta’s squad” thus repeating the conspiracy idea.


“‘It’s really weird’ – Journalist issues claim on ‘strange’ situation emerging at Arsenal.”

That quote is from This Is Futbol, which speaks about the way Aubameyang left in a huff immediately after the victory over Tottenham without even saying goodbye.

But the really weird thing is that all the reports of this mention that everyone still in the stadium doing the warm down could hear the roar of Auba’s Ferrari as it left the stadium.  Now that would have to be some roar to travel from the car park which is at a lower level and off to one side, surrounded totally by concrete (being partially underground), through the walls of the stadium, and up to pitch level where the players were warming.  Was somebody playing a tape recording of the sound of a roaring engine just to unsettle the squad?

Or had someone removed the Ferrari’s silencers, while the police stood by and did nothing about the noise pollution?


“Arsenal star shoots down club claim with admiration for Liverpool’s Mohamed Salah”

An Arsenal player conspiring against the club by denying his team mates are any good!   So claims the Liverpool Echo with the story being that Mohamed Elneny believes Liverpool star Mohamed Salah is the greatest African footballer of all time so undermining the statement in Arsenal’s report of the match last Thursday that Elneny is “The Egyptian King”.  


There is clearly a club conspiracy to get Arteta out of Arsenal, as Sport Witness runs the headline, “Manager ‘remains among very first on list’ of Arteta replacements at Arsenal, before adding ‘Already probed’ which sounds painful.

The person coming in is also known. Calciomercato.it revealing that Maurizio Sarri, once a manager at Chelsea, is to take over from the Spaniard at the Emirates.


Saying something that sounds at one level like it might be right but when analysed doesn’t actually mean anything much at all, is a great way to spread a conspiracy.  And so Football.London, writing of Aubameyang and Martinelli say that the are centre forwards (which we know) “but with the squad balance that we have at the moment, to play on those positions on the left we don’t have five players,”

Clearly conspiracy by gibberish.


Clubs conspiring to bring Barcelona to their financial knees is a big “talking point” (or as we grown ups call it, a conversation) these days with the club having suffered dramatically from the lack of fans and museum tours.  Now the talk expands as other clubs conspire to remove Barcelona of its young talent while the club is weak.   “Barcelona defender Junior Firpo is reportedly on the radars of a host of clubs including Arsenal ahead of the summer transfer window,” says Transfer Market Web.  A “summer swoop” is suggested.

Yes, it’s a rather dark and murky world.  But if you’ve heard a conspiracy, do write in and share it.

Gaslighting: how refereeing in the Premier League is manipulated, and why the media never speak about it.

One Reply to “Welcome to the Arsenal Conspiracy Centre: 7 conspiracies currently on the loose”

  1. Much similar material along lines of “Arsenal legend warns Arteta”, “Arteta ruining ESR/Saka/Nelson/Nketiah/Martinelli”
    etc headlines.
    or “Fans demand that Xhaka /Bellerin /Elneny Luiz/Holding / Leno never play again” etc.
    “Arsenal flop may be on his way”
    “German wonder kid the answer to Arsenal goalkeeping/defensive / midfield / striker woes”

    Rubbish content and rubbish writing style b.ll.x

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