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Criris News: an occasional guide to the cock-ups of our friends in football

Newcastle Zebras.   The Zebras reach number one this week through the sheer weight of crazy events.  Top of the pile must be the attempt to get the man from Dagenham whose business activities have raised the odd eyebrow, to be manager.  That is manager of a club where the fans walk around the ground with banners about Cockney Mafia (whatever that is).

The point about the Zebras of course is that they have only the slightest notion of what the word Cockney means (as in being born in the sound of Bow Bells).  To them anyone who speaks an even vaguely recognisable version of English is a Cockney – so how were they going to react to Very Tenable (as he’s known in financial circles)?

Meanwhile the Nigerian who sent an email saying that Ashley Ashley had won $10 billion on the local lottery, and if he would just send across his bank details the money would be in his pocket in half a jiff still hasn’t coughed up the cash.

Now they are going to ask our old mate O’Leary to be manger after he did so well at Leeds U and Aston V.   Oh yes and they did the impossible – they lost in the Children’s Cup to the Tiny Totts.

WHam.  So, Sheffield Untidy (who actually put up a jolly sporting show I thought on Tuesday at the Ems) have won their case to get a £30m cheque from WHAM.  (That is the same WHAM that don’t have any money so starting selling players without telling the manager).   Now we hear that the Sheffield players who were at the club when they went down (after Wham illegally used a player who they shouldn’t have used) are all suing WHAM for lost earnings.

Bankruptcy is around the corner I suspect.

Manchester Bankrupt.  And speaking of bankrupts, Manchester B would be higher up the league were it not for the activities of others – for their financial outlook just got worse.  We know about the failure to pay interest on debts last year, and their sponsor going bust.  Now we find that another part of the financial base of the club is crumbling.   This season, for the first time in quite a long time, season tickets are available, and not being sold.   Worse, match tickets are going on general sale – again an unheard of situation.

Of course this doesn’t mean that we will see an part-empty stadium (as we saw in the Children’s Cup match this week) for league matches – at least not yet, but with the manager Sir Alex F-Word demanding to spend billions every transfer window, and no buyer in sight, the financial good times are over.   Just to think, before the Yanks came to Manchester, the club had no debt at all!

The Tiny Totts.   The crisis in the High Street is just continuous, so one almost forgets it is there.   The Totts had a moment of glory when they beat the Zebras in the Children’s Cup, although both sides cheated by playing old men.   And to hear the Totts talk (or “grunt” perhaps is a more accurate word) you’d think they had won the league.

In fact I discovered that is exactly what they did think, until I pointed out that they were holding the league table upside down.

Manchester Arab.   Richest club in the galaxy, and they lose to…. Brighton.  Not a crisis, I admit, but still, rather an amusing situation.

Liverpool Insolvency.  Still there, still giving out false messages.   The problem with the Insolvency is that the battles between the owners is still going on, the club still can’t score goals, and for all their glory in beating the Bankrupts, they still aren’t a very good team.   The stadium is certainly not going to be built either.   And the fans of revolting.  (If you see what I mean).

1 comment to Criris News: an occasional guide to the cock-ups of our friends in football

  • Ian Trevett

    And for Manchester Bankrupt there is also the small matter of Carlos Tevez, who is I’m sure, still just a loan player with one season left. They will have to spent big next year just to keep what they have – other wise Citeh will be straight in there.