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October 2016
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Six days to go and the Arsenal transfer machine is about to explode into life.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

You have to be sorry for the bloggetta writers, day after day after whatnot pumping out the same dross telling us that player after player has already been signed, is on his way, has been seen in the estate agents with his mother etc etc.

Only to find none of it happened, to ignore that fact, and then pump out more of the same the next day.

Indeed when I reported five days ago these were the big names all about to sign.

  • Granit Xhaka for £37m from Borussia Monchen Whatnot.
  • Andriy Yarmolenko, £25million for  13 goals in 22 games this season.
  • Odion Ighalo of Watford, the Hertfordshire Hitman.
  • Nolito of Celta Vigo who apparently created 96 goalscoring opportunities in 2014/15.  As long as he’s not nicking a living then.  A snip at £12.6m
  • Goncalo Guedes of Benfica.  He’s a winger, I’m told.

Did I miss it, or have we not signed them after all?

Go back to the 18th and we had

  • Mauricio Brozovic from Dinamo Zagreb to Arsenal
  • Paris Saint Germain striker Edison Cavani to Arsenal
  • Granit Xhaka from Borussia thingythingy to Arsenal
  • Aaron Ramsey from Arsenal to Barcelona.

What’s really funny is that most of these transfers only last a day or two, and then we are on to something else.


But anyway thanks to the magnificent awareness campaign run remorselessly by, err, me, their power is on the decline, their daily numbers are down down down, and several of the silly little beings have actually gone totally quiet.   But a few remain and here is their gibberish.

Here, just to show we ain’t forgotten them, is what ten of them are saying.  We will of course come back and check on them later….

1: Arsenal to complete second World Class January signing after Player asks to join the club personally

2: Arsenal close to agreeing deal with Bundesliga side for£10.5m star

3: Breaking: Alexis Sanchez Leaving Arsenal? Superstar Revealed his Future Plans to Media

4: Arsenal could sign him for£25M

5: Spanish giants snubbed as Arsenal agree£31.5m deal

6: Henry: Wenger Should Have Benched This Ace Instead Of Giroud Yesterday

7: Massive news BREAKING out of the Arsenal camp ahead of Chelsea game

8: Wenger Not Done This January As Report Claims Boss Is Preparing To Complete Two More Signings

9: Forgotten Arsenal Player To Finally Return To Full Training Today

10: Arsenal in key player injury blow after Chelsea defeat

You can fill in the names you want, since none of it is true, any more than the injury stories all these years were true.

Elsewhere in the make-it-up-as-you-go-along-press we have

Aubameyang: Borussia Dortmund chief executive Hans-Joachim Watzke has warned that not even a bid totalling £75 million would be enough to prise the Gabon striker from Dortmund.

Arsenal to sign the next Anthony Martial? After missing out on the actual Anthony Martial, Arsene Wenger is reportedly close to securing the signature of the next incarnation of the French striker.  L’Equipe says Giles Grimandi is on a mission to persuade Kylian Mbappe to join the club.  He’s 17.

Jack Wilshere was not in the estate agent selling his house after all but had just dropped in to see his sister who works there, and will now sign a new five-year-deal

And the Metro tells us, “A last-ditch January move for Karim Benzema may be successful this time…”  Honest I didn’t make that up.

Real Madrid will allow Isco to leave and Arsenal will get him on the grounds that he is little and plays in midfield.

Benfica’s Goncalo Guedes is 19 has played twice for Portugal, scored three times in 21 league games and  Luis Boa Morte is out there chatting him up.

Athletic Bilbao have convinced Inaki Williams to sign a new contract so he’s not going anywhere.  Or alternatively he is going to Man City.  Or maybe Arsenal are still in the hunt for him.  It is all rather confusing.

A BIG DEAL has been made out of the “fact” (sorry FACT!) that apparently Arsenal ‘must notify Real of intention to sell to any other Spanish club’.   What strikes me as odd in this one is that is a fairly common clause inserted by clubs anxious that their sale of a player to a club in another league is not a ruse for the player immediately to be transferred back to a rival.

Debuchy set for Villa loan.  Arsenal have agreed to allow Mathieu Debuchy to move on loan to Aston Villa until the end of the season, according to the Evening Standard but I think we knew that.

Back in the Metro Arsenal have made a second transfer offer to sign Leicester City defender Ben Chilwell, according to reports and have been widely reported to have already made a £3million bid for his services.

Further afield in Bilbao, Arsenal are also keeping tabs on Athletic Bilbao 21-year-old goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga, according to Don Balon. The player is currently out on loan at Real Valladolid, where his performances have caught the eye of Arsene Wenger’s scouting network.

The Daily Telegraph, one of the main institutions of the totally fabricated story about Arsenal having more injuries than anyone else, year after year after year, still has a poll in which people are invited to vote on how many transfers Arsenal need.  And it isn’t moving much.   76% say one to three, pretty much as before.  So no news there.

Ian Wright wants Pep Guardiola to become Arsenal manager and to bring Lionel Messi with him.  (The Metro)

And finally the dodgy one.   Here’s the Daily Star take but it is in quite a few papers…

Arsenal are set to complete the signings of Kelechi Nwakali and Samuel Chukwueze by the end of next week, with Arsenal waiting for work permits to be issued before the transfers are completed.

Nwakali, 17, is a talented central midfielder while 16-year-old Chukwueze is a pacy winger who can also play up front.

OK, so what about the rules about bringing under 18s into the EU?   Well, as we pointed out, it is ok if one of the parents or a legal guardian is in the country already or moves for genuine non-footballing purposes.  I am sure that Arsenal wouldn’t get this wrong, not with Real Mad, Atletico Mad and Barce Bonkers all getting caught out.

Two anniversaries

  • 26 January 1925: WHU 1 Arsenal 0 (at Stamford Bridge).  The second replay of the FA Cup match that was the scene of the Arsenal drugs scandal.  Curiously the only source for the story is the man who dished out the drugs to the team: the Arsenal manager who claimed he didn’t know the man who offered him the pills.
  • 26 January 1957: Ex player Freddie Cox DFC started his most famous FA Cup run as a manager of Bournemouth, beating Wolverhampton Wanderers and Tottenham Hotspur before narrowly losing to  Man U.

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Insult of the day

Your means are very slender, and your waste is very great.   (Henry IV Part 2.)


15 comments to Six days to go and the Arsenal transfer machine is about to explode into life.

  • SamuelAkinsolaAdebosin

    Morning Sir, Mr Attwood. I am feeling to fall asleep now after taking eba&egunsi soup not long ago. So, I can’t be able to type much as I would have wanted to do. But please, I think Arsenal might still need to sign a specialist striker for option & cover before the current transfer window shutdown.

    Despite the envisaged the soon coming back of Danny Welbeck, I believe Arsenal still need one good specialist striker to boost their capacity for the leading of the Gunners’ line department.

    Now, Arsenal have missed the opportunity to sign, on the cheap a very good specialist striker – Charlie Austin with BPL experience. And Southampton who will play against us in almost a fortnight in the League have snapped him up.

    The Boss doesn’t need to do a mega money striker signing to sign a good striker. I believe there are hidden very good strikers out there waiting to be pinpointed and signed. Jamie Vardy is a typical example in this wise.

  • serge


    Charlie Austin is rumoured to be on £100K per week at West Ham ( vaguely confirmed by co-owner),
    Not a player to “snap up” to tell the truth.

  • serge

    ……even at half this he would be overpaid.

  • porter

    Really ?
    The only comparison is season 2014/15 where Giroud scored 19 goals and Austin 18 Arsenal finished 3rd QPR 20th. Giroud featured in 36 matches , Austin 35. Pretty similar ! .
    First game for Southampton and scores away at old Trafford in a 1-0 win.
    £ 4 million ? looks a bargain buy.

  • nicky

    On the subject of anniversaries, war hero Freddy Cox DFC was yet another buy from our feeder club Spurs. A great winger in the style of Wee Georgie Armstrong. 😉

  • topanlesmana

    I don’t think Arsene will buy another player. Elneny has been a good buy, really, but i think he’s gonna be another Campbell in our team. With Coquelin soon to be back, he probably will have to wait a very long time to get into the first team. When Cazorla back, it will be even longer. Perhaps i’m wrong but i see there’s almost no rotation in our team. Wenger likes to play almost the same team every week. I mean, look at Giroud, how many times have he played this season? What about Ozil? The only way rotation will be used is when other players get injured. Consider this, if Alexis hadn’t been injured, what would’ve happened to Campbell? Would he have got his chance? I don’t think so. What about our most reliable DM right now, the Coq? Or even Bellerin?

    So,what’s the point of buying other players if we’re not gonna used them? One thing i don’t like about Wenger is he tends to play the same player week in week out even when the player doesn’t perform well. I’m talking about Ramsey here and perhaps……even Walcott. I don’t know. I’m not really an expert in this, but i would love to see some of our players get more play time. Players like Gabriel, Reine Adelaide and Iwobi. Perhaps when these players get more chance, they will truly shine and become another Koscielny, or another Alexis. Perhaps.

  • porter

    The Arsenal has a fine first team that when on song can beat anyone. There are 3 or 4 reserves that make up Wenger’s trusted group . After we have carried two or three others , the cupboard is a little bare . The ones that don’t play always face an uphill battle because of a lack of match sharpness which the occasional foray into the under 21 team doesn’t give them.

  • Mick

    People who complain about Wenger not rotating often enough are the same ones who criticize Wenger for not playing his strongest team should he lose a match in which he has rotated.

  • porter

    Might be nice if the dislike feature gave an opportunity for people to say why they disagree . So that instead of being anonymous they could put some meat on the bones and create a discussion.

  • Mick

    Due to injuries, especially in midfield, Wenger has not been in a position to rotate even if he would have liked to.

  • proudkev

    “People who complain about Wenger not rotating often enough are the same ones who criticize Wenger for not playing his strongest team should he lose a match in which he has rotated.”

    Spot on comment Mick.

    To be fair these are the mostly the agenda monkeys who would pick fault and try to discredt Arsene if we won the treble….! They would be blaming the other teams.

  • Porter

    Another anonymous dislike and I thought the art of conversation was dead.

  • topanlesmana

    People who complain about Wenger not rotating often enough are the same ones who criticize Wenger for not playing his strongest team should he lose a match in which he has rotated.

    Mick :
    That was a cheap shot. You know what, you’re not the only loyal fan of Arsenal. There’s millions out there, people who gives a lot just to support the team and watch them play. Just because you don’t agree with what others said,it doesn’t mean that you’re right. It also doesn’t give you the right to say bad things about those people. You’ve been acting like a spoil child,who wants everybody to agree on anything you say and support your childish opinions without doubt. Grow up,dude.

  • Pete

    BBC Radio 5 Live are advertising their coverage for Monday evening when “the transfer window slams shut” and clubs try to make signings that could “make or break” their seasons.

    Must admit, I am pretty indifferent towards the whole thing. Completely artificially manufactured drama. And sad that the BBC is stooping lower and lower.

  • Mick

    Goodness me you are touchy!
    Cheap shot, saying bad things about others, people are entitled to their opinions, doesn’t mean I am right, childish.
    It was just a simple observation on some peoples ability to say polar opposite things depending on the circumstances.
    How you can accuse me of the above coming out of my post is quite bizarre.
    You accuse me of intolerance of other peoples opinions, yet apparently you are equally intolerant of mine.