By Tony Attwood
We blow the starting whistle on transfer stories yesterday with “Arsenal looking to hijack Man Utd move for Mourinho” The new rumour season is off with a plop, and wouldn’t you know it, the next day the newspapers are there joining in.
I didn’t mean it seriously guys!
And I don’t just mean the Metro is joining in, (that being the paper which runs transfer stories the day AFTER the window is closed, barred and bolted) but the Independent and the Guardian. So I thought to myself, what fun it would be to write an Untold transfer page WITHOUT any reference to the bloggettas so admirably considered by Sir Hardly Anyone. But with some RANDOM words in capitals instead.
The Mourinho to Arsenal story is gathering pace in several papers but it is the Metro that is there with “Six reasons Mourinho is exactly what Arsenal need as their next manager.” I didn’t bother with that one.
But I did notice that Piers Morgan has come out with “If Mourinho to Utd is not a done deal, as papers suggest, Arsenal should break the bank for him.”
And it doesn’t stop there. Oh no! According to the Metroid
In a particularly relaxed Q&A session with Gerard Pique, Fabregas refused to rule out a return to the Gunners but admitted such a move would be ‘very difficult’….
Gooners, on the whole, understood it when Fabregas left the Emirates to join boyhood club Barcelona but moving to Stamford Bridge was, for some, unforgivable.
This one will run and run until it falls over and the aaa blame Arsenal for not getting Mourinho when he was begging to come to the club. But nice to see the regular old notion that all Arsenal fans think the same and that the Metro can read our minds. Who needs all those billions spent on state surveillance of our emails when there are Metro journalists out there doing the job for them?
The solution is clear: only think when facing south. They can’t read your mind when you look away from the north pole because of the earth’s MAGNETIC field! Honest!
Onto the PLAYERS and ignoring Sir Hardly’s territory, the Guardian claims that Arsenal are tracking the Lorient left-back Raphaël Guerreiro and thinking of a bid “as Arsène Wenger considers whether to listen to offers for Kieran Gibbs.”
Lorient is one of our favourite clubs to buy from, but be wary about “tracking”. Arsenal has a company that it has set up which does tracking all day and night with a fairly large work force, so that it tracks hundreds of players all the time. Thus “Arsenal is tracking” is a bit like saying, “Arsenal are in training,” or “The government tells fibs.” It’s a given.
Guerreiro is considered “pacy” (that’s fast to you and me) and played for Portugal international in the European Under-21 Championship and can also play on the left wing. So just like Gibbs then.
Guerreiro has been with Lorient for three seasons but is described in the Indy as “a quick, tenacious attacking player who can also work on the left of midfield.” So not a replacement for Gibbs at all then. He’s played 95 times for Lorient and scored ten.
What we could do (once we decide if he is a full back or an attacking midfielder or a forward) is a LEASE BACK arrangement as Coquelin, Campbell and Sunu had. Although it could also be that someone else is on the radar there. Remember Koscielny came from sitting on the bench in the second division to the top 100 players in Europe via Lorient after reports that we were looking at anyone except Kos.
On the Mesut Özil is leaving story, Mr Ö has recently twitted that “Arsène Wenger was a big reason for me joining Arsenal – this hasn’t changed! Respect AFC.” Isn’t it funny how sometimes the exact opposite of the truth circulates as a rumour.
In the old days journalists used to sit in pubs with two lists – one containing big clubs one with big name players and then they’d do a mix and match together, agree on the story, and go away and write it up. You could tell how drunk they were at the time by the number of questions marks the put at the end. So they could create “Mesut Özil to Tottenham???” and you’d know they were near closing time.
Now the code is broken, the pubs are open all day and night and gibberish is written as if it were true.
Meanwhile the Independent is running the same story about Raphaël Guerreiro except that the Independent has abandoned umlauts. Pesky foreign rubbish.
Moving on Mr Wenger has been talking with Borussia Monchengladbach (that’s the team where the most unpopular man in football stands on the terrace and shouts “give us a B”). The midfielder Granit Xhaka, is the target. He’s 23, he’s under contract until the end of the universe (well 2019) and wants to play in the PL. “Your referees are so eccentric,” he said, “everyone tells me, but I can’t believe it. I need to see it for myself.”
Actually Sky Sports didn’t pick up the full nuance of that quote but did have him saying, “I think everybody has a dream. Everybody has a childhood dream and that’s my childhood dream. If my dream comes true, it remains to be seen. At the moment I cannot say how realistic it is.”
Meanwhile, another story making the PUBS, sorry press, is that of Napoli’s Jorginho who also said he wants to play in the PL.
Joao Santos, the agent of said player, said Arsenal have shown an INTEREST and there could be discussions. So has Benitez at Newcastle but Jorginho has said no.
But it is not all brightness and light. Iwobi is ill. There he was trying to work out if to play for England or Nigeria, when he was struck down with food poisoning and was hospitalised after eating a salad. Was this Tottenham’s revenge for the LASAGNE? I think we should be told.
Back with the mighty Metro Arsenal are all set to sign Alvaro Morata, and Real Mad are ready to sell the striker. That of course is according to reports. Morata has been said to have done well with Juve but, and this is really odd, Real Mad want to exercise their buy back clause and then sell him to Arsenal for £23.5 million.
If that is right it must be because of the restrictions being placed on Real Mad’s transfer deals at the moment. The EC is investigating the club’s arrangements with banks after some curious figures came up vis a vis Bale and the Tinies. Plus Fifa want to ban Real Mad from all transfer buying. With the club urgently needing to cover the holes in its accounts with the banks, selling in such roundabout ways is all they can do.
Meanwhile Mourinho is coming to Arsenal with Cesc and… oh sorry I did that one.
And the Insult of the Day – for Piers Morgan
O if men were to be saved by merit what hole in hell were hot enough for him (Henry IV Part 1)
Untold Books
Danny Karbassiyoon’s book “The Arsenal Yankee” with a foreword by Arsene Wenger will be published on Tuesday 29 March. You can buy the book…
- On line here for £14.95, plus delivery
- Or by phone on 01536 399 011 using a credit card.
- Or by Pay Pal to Jane@hamilton-house.com Don’t forget to enter the title of the book and your delivery address on the Pay Pal site, and calculate the full amount including delivery, see below.
- Or by post to Hamilton House Mailings Ltd., Earlstrees Ct., Earlstrees Rd., Corby, Northants NN17 4HH with a cheque.
The cost of packing and delivery is UK £3.95, EU £4.95, Rest of world: £5.95, and that applies irrespective of the number of books ordered. The book is also available on Kindle.
From the anniversary files
23 March 1974: Arsenal 2 Man C 0. With two goals from Radford there were hopes of a revival, as Arsenal were unbeaten in three league games and were 14th. The improvement did continue with only one more defeat in the season as Arsenal finished 10th.
23 March 1977: Stoke 1 Arsenal 1. Arsenal’s first point in eight games, and just sixth goal in ten games. The club was still without a win in 11 league matches – a record of the most unwelcome kind. Price got the goal. The crowd was 13,951.
There are many more anniversaries on the home page plus indexes to other things on the site.
Borussia Monchengladbach ( I will be honest and tell you that I cut and pasted ‘Borussia Monchengladbach’ and got it wrong first time.)
was the club that Arsene supported when living with his mama and papa. A good reason for continuing his interest.
Who knows Borussia Monchengladbach result may stil be the first result he looks for when checking European leagues.
You had me in twists and stitches, Tony. For the love of me, Mourinho to Arsenal…Ozil wants to leave if Wenger wants to stay… Real wants to buy Morata, then sell him to Arsenal… What else CAN’T these people write? And to think some actually believe these fables!
As soon as there is concrete evidence that these are just lies, nobody thinks, ‘Oh, we were just made fools to believe them stupid stories’. They just move on to the next lie coming out of the mill and peddle that around. Now you know how that it’s a sick, sick world.
The media have a go at Wenger at will, make him look like everybody’s fool and belittle him like he’s a worthless bum. They hide behind their annonimity to perpetrate some off the field ‘serial fouling’ of their own, and many people don’t have enough sense to read between the lines. It is such a shame!
B M of the “give me a B”- team was a big club in those days in the Bundesliga and also in Belgium rather popular as it is not far from the border from Belgium.
The way Özil reacted to the stupid attempt to bring more separation in the Gooner world from the Sun was rather funny. I think the chance of Özil leaving if Wenger leaves, will be much closer to the truth than Wenger staying then Özil out. Nice attempt from the media but a big fail. Watch out for the media to give Özil a lot of stick in the next weeks for showing them as the idiots they are.
@ Walter. Spot on. Imagine people (I don’t know if you can call them that) speaking for Ozil without asking him first. I bet he’s in for loads of stick till the end of this season. Brace up for ‘a return to the ‘nicking a living’ times now. No matter even if he breaks the EPL record of assists, and wins the title doing it. Some people are just aliens….(there, I finally said it). Sorry Tony, for name-calling on your blog. Couldn’t help it!
I would be contented if we bought blind van dijik
capoue mane mahrez payet and vardy.
with simeone coming in as manager
Well at least I apologised and Walter didn’t!
@ Arwar. Have you though of the possibility of all these not fitting into what is on ground? Have you thought of the possibility of it not working at all, we becoming a Man. U or another Liverpool in the process? What are you going to do then, heh? Buy another half a dozen more players that catch your fancy, and another manager? Hm?
I’m pretty certain Iwobi committed himself to the Nigerian team last year.
I haven’t checked, but I think he’s been in their 1st team at least twice.
In my view, Gibbs can still be too good an asset to Arsenal.
Steve Bould should play him at right back for the reserves until he realises he has a right boot and is allowed to use it.
Noticed a pic today of Ospina in Colombian squad with Sebastian Perez.
Was delighted when that player was on trial with us a few Summers ago as he really stood out at u20 world cup not long before.
Supposedly work permit made it a non-starter and, supposedly again, Wenger planned to keep an eye on him until that changed.
So, who knows, full international now and maybe something will happen in the future.
Some chance at least whereas with Mourinho, thankfully, there is no chance.
Many of these rumours advertise their stupidity loudly- the Ozil one the other day listed A Madrid and Valencia as possible destinations for Ozil.
If you can lose credibility when you already have none they did so with that- Ozil under Simeone! Ozil at Valencia!
Tony
With all these false stories, there’s a second bite at the cherry.
The AAAs use these as sticks to beat AW – he’s useless because he missed out on Benzema, Higuaín, Schneiderlein, Wanyama, Martinez, Carvalho, Kryzowiak etc etc.
As you’ve often pointed out for someone to be a serious transfer target:
a) player must be available (current club prepared to sell)
b) he must want to play in EPL
c) transfer fee has to be realistic
d) he’s got to bring added quality of our squad
e) he’s got to be able to adapt to pace and endurance of EPL
In most cases a) is the deciding factor.
But why let facts get in the way of a good story
COYG
@nicky- I think you’ll find that Steve Bould stopped being reserve team manager some time ago.
Generally rumours will only make sense when you consider who is going to leave this summer.
We pretty much know that Arteta, Rosicky and Flamini won’t be offered new contracts (not as players anyway) and it increasingly looks as though Mertesacker is being replaced before our very eyes.
Sad though it is Gibbs has reached an age where he should be established as a first choice and he isn’t with us. The same could be said of Walcott and maybe even of The Ox. I can’t see all three going (despite the emergence of Campbell and Iwobi) but I think age and injury records could do for one or maybe two of them.
One or at most two new faces from outside is the most we are likely to see and at least the same number promoted from within.
@rich
Ozil to Valencia? I think I would crap my pants out of laugh if I see a picture of Gary Neville explaining something to Mesut and Mesut keeping the straight face while listening to his gibberish.
@Tony
Re Ozil – Is twitted a new verb? 🙂
Made me laugh.
Rich,
Yeah Sebastian Perez, the only match that he played for us was a good one. Showed a great defensive and box-to-box play. For those who forgot here he is, http://gossip.ladyarse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/perez.png
He was not given the work-permit by England, otherwise Arsene Wenger was very confident of signing him. It is also interesting to see Arsene Wenger saying that he is still monitoring him. Still only 22 years old.
Also nice to see him team up Ospina at the national squad.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDRabyHgp54/
Our youth teams seem to be lacking many decent defenders and if Guerreiro was 17 then I think there’d be some truth to it, but at 22 it would be difficult to see him getting any playing time ahead of Monreal/Gibbs. Add to this that Gibbs is a gooner so he’ll put up with beach-time more than most others with his experience and I can’t see this having any legs at all.
Insideright, I’m sure the reserve team manager would listen if Bould asked him to do something.
nicky, yes I agree Gibbs needs to improve his right peg but even using just his left he’s a more than decent PL LB.
I could have put up with having Suarez despite his unsavoury on-pitch eating habits, as at least that is within the ‘heat of battle’, but MaureenO is just a classless slime-bag. I have problems believing Dis-United want him but the Glaziers ownership has squashed what little class they did have, so maybe it will happen.
It’s funny that people list names of players that we should buy when they probably never heard of such players before this season. So if named player doing well for a season, then we should go buy him, really? I thought you WOBs demand ‘World Class’ players?
If Giroud, Ramsay, Ox, Theo and Ospina was playing at any other club, I think these same WOBs would say to buy them.
I think you will find when Arsene was a boy ‘B M of the “give me a B”‘ were in ligue 2 along with Bayern M
All day my brain has been nagging me that there is an Arsene – Arsenal – Borussia Monchengladbach connection.
Only now have I had time to scratch around the net.
Officially Arsene started in October 1996. However before that while still in Japan he was pulling the strings at Arsenal.
He inherited a team that was entered for the UEFA Cup 1996-1997.
We played our first opponents in September before Arsene’s official arrival at the club.
We were knocked out by our September opponents (6-4 on aggregate) who were of course – Borussia Monchengladbach !
I would love to have known what was going through Arsene’s mind at the time.
This link refers (the two games) not Arsene’s mind!
http://www.11v11.com/teams/arsenal/tab/opposingTeams/opposition/Borussia%20Monchengladbach/
Interesting connections in the post. Starting with the Madrid circus buy back clauses Arsenal and Morata. Papers throughout Europe have linked our interest in him for some time. It’s a good move by Real they can get him back for 20 million and sell him on at a profit as we could have with Vela and Cesc.Talking of Cesc just how useful might he have been in the squad especially as Cazorla got injured.but that’s hindsight I suppose. Although from a purely footballing perspective I always would have had him back. Can’t see the point in selling Gibbs and can’t see him wanting to go.
@Colario
Was that the game after which Arsene said he was only interested in Champions League or after PAOK in his first double season?
Officially Arsene started in October 1996. However before that while still in Japan he was pulling the strings at Arsenal.
He inherited a team that was entered for the UEFA Cup 1996-1997.
We played our first opponents in September before Arsene’s official arrival at the club.
We were knocked out by our September opponents (6-4 on aggregate) who were of course – Borussia Monchengladbach !
Porter, I think that if the 2-faced Spaniard hadn’t gone on strike to get his ‘dream move’ then we would have taken him back, but taking him back in those circumstances sets a really bad precedent to other players.
Not my concern Andy and I doubt the players either. Once the linking with Ozil and Sanchez got started I am sure the fans would be won over too.
Some hilarious stuff in these reports.
Mourinho manage Arsenal….right…..Stan does not strike me as the sort of guy who wants a mendes take over of Arsenal…..with all the inflated transfer fees, and bungs…..sorry agent fees ….that would mean….one minute, they say Stan is a tight git…….the next, he is plotting to hand his club over to the most expensive, short termist manager/agent partnership in football. Anyone who could go from Wenger to Jose is not a steady , bottom line business man, he is a man of almost bipolar inconsistent swings of judgement and temperament……..does that sound like Stan or Ivan?
Then Cesc, the same guy the press implied was one of the guys who had Jose removed from Chelsea, is said by same press to be following Jose to Arsenal.
Then we read Wenger won’t get a new contract unless he spends in the summer.
Must be inter lull short of news week.
Tony , your very fine and apt insult of the day , ” O if men were to be saved by merit what hole in hell were hot enough for him ” (Henry IV Part 1) ,comes at very opportune time as The Brickfields Gunners Blog has become privy to what may have ensured next .
It all came to him in in a vision , or a dream or in a drunken stupor or it may all just be made up . And its veracity not verifiable , not that it should hinder the pursuit of humour .
Anyway , do read on …..
Morgan has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.
“I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”
Morgan thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.
The devil opened the first room. In it was Dubya and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, ( there WAS no WMDs nor yellow cale to be found ; such was his fate in Hell. There was a huge banner that says , ” MISSION ACCOMPLISHED !!!!” . Apparently not !
“No!” Morgan said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was the Donald with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. Apparently those who did such honest menial labour on earth were all sent away by him and they all eventually did ended up in Heaven . Bless their fine souls .
“No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!” commented Morgan .
The Devil opened a third door. In it, Morgan saw Murdoch lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Rebekah , doing what she does best.
Morgan looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”
The Devil smiled and said, ” Rebekah , you’re free to go!”
* Certain names have been changed to protect the originator of this joke, his eponymous and non existent website as well as that of Untold Arsenal from any legal or nonlegal , viral or hacker , drone and unguided missile attacks ! ‘them’ attacks , we don’t care an iota !
Please LIKE and SHARE it in fakebook and all over the internet . Every CLICK will be like a dagger stab to the heart !
The original joke is here –
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokebushhell.htm
I’m sure you’ll probably not find it as funny as mine !
@ Stan The Man -March 23, 2016 at 10:39 am – Actually Walter was not really name calling as the term , ‘idiot’ , is still considered an accepted medical condition !
Offensive maybe , possibly even politically incorrect , but not in any way offensive if it suitably fits the condition !
Also very acceptable are morons and imbeciles . But leave it to the doctors to give the final diagnosis !
A simple English test here to determine your mental and language status . Again I would ask you not to change the sequence or add or remove words to suit your convenience .
Make a sentence using the words , ” ………… is is are .
No copying or cheating please !
Final results will be published later today.
I got to keep in mind that the term in Dutch “idioot” is a very much used term to describe someone as behaving stupid. You can use idioot and stupid in the same way. It seems that the English word “idiot” is far much offensive.
So if I have been an “idioot” for using the word idiot then I apologise for my stupid use of the word I shall not mention again….
@ WalterBroeckx – March 24, 2016 at 7:05 am – Come on , Walter , you are lying through your teeth ! You know that IS the correct and just term and we AKBs wouldn’t be happy in asking you to stop .
It just seems correct and apt . Please do continue !
@Brickfields G,
The terrorist organisation that is IS are doomed.
How about that?
A very good try , Walter , and I too am hopeful that it happens , but ‘ are ‘ is the last word in that sentence .
@Brickfields G,
Actually it was my great Uncle Eli who submitted the entry into your fascinating competition.
All he in fact said was “The terrorist organisation that is IS are.”
“Are what, I asked”. “Can’t remember” he said.
Can I re-submit my amended entry, please?
No nicky , again a good try but no cigar , and I ‘ll declared the competition closed . Of the millions of readers who come on here , I am surprised that none could solve it . Or maybe they were truly busy trying to solve the world’s woes .
The answer is – The plural of is is are .
I’ve been flummoxing everyone with this for over 45 years , so don’t despair .
I was worried that my old English teacher might come on and try to correct my grammar , but was more on the look out for those cunning linguists who often dive straight in and get stuck right in ! Apparently not to their taste it seems !
Sorry just noticed that it was nicky who posted and not Walter at 8:41 am . Sorry guys , I’ll go and stand in the corner now .
No ! No ! Not the dunce cap !
And so it begins ….
A group of 40-year-old buddies decide to form a supper club……, where they would reunite once a decade to enjoy a great meal and catch up on their friendship. For the initial event, they discuss and discuss where to meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed they should go to the Chez Francé restaurant because the waitresses there wear low-cut blouses.
Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group reunites and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally they unanimously decide to dine at the Chez Francé because the food there is fantastic and the wine selection is very good also.
A decade later, at 60 years of age, the men meet and again they discuss and discuss where they should gather. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Chez Francé because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke-free.
Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group reconnects and once again they discuss and discuss where they should dine. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Chez Francé because the restaurant offers a senior discount and is wheelchair accessible.
Amazingly, a decade later all of the men are still living. At 80 years of age, the supper club manages to gather, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally, they all agree it would be a great idea to dine at the Chez Francé restaurant because they have never been there before.
The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body, I’ve devised the following:
Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper.
Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head.
Bend over backwards
Jump on the band wagon
Run around in circles.
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire
Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge.
Pick up the pieces.
Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Uplift my hands in praise
Hug someone and encourage them.
What a Workout!
And …..Rest .