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October 2016
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Post-Truth football: the 20 myths they want you to believe but which are absolutely not true.

By Tony Attwood

Over their past two editions both New Scientist and the Economist (two of the most respected and serious weekly magazines published in the UK) have both run editorial comments on the fact that we are now in the era of Post-Truth.

In the era of Truth, the truth was the fundamental from which those (most notably politicians and journalists) who wanted to mislead us, would wander in order to make a point.  Truth was known because it could be proven – because we had data, logical construction of argument, the scientific method and evidence.

Now we are in Post-Truth, the era in which the populace in general has caught onto what used to be the preserve of politicians and journalists.  Worse, in all discussion it has become a starting point.   Make up a statement, say it a lot, claim it is true.  Evidence, data, logical construction, who needs them?

Of course we have always had rumour, fairy stories and make-believe but generally in the past these were kept well out of the way when debating more serious matters.

So what made all this change?   Quite simply the dramatic growth of the news media and its need for cheaper, simpler sensational stories, and the advent of social media, where anyone can play the post-truth game.  Make it up, say it is true, and wouldn’t you know it, people start to believe you.

Football of course has been swamped with post-truth illogic for a number of years, and in publishing Untold I’ve tried to show this with little ventures like the Transfer Index (collecting over 100 transfer rumours about Arsenal in one window which were all just fantasy).

What we found was that while stories that have been untrue in the past come back for another round, others just play with the language deliberately to mislead.  I keep banging on and on about Amy Lawrence’s comment about Arsenal being so poor they only had two players who scored in double figures last season, not just because it misled (Arsenal were among only five clubs who had two players in double figures) but because it was Amy Lawrence and in the Guardian.  I had hoped they they would stay out of this drift.  Sadly no.

To fight the battle I started to call those propagating the myths that swirl in the post-truth era the AAA (until Blacksheep suggested the capitalisation gave them too much prominence and we changed it to the aaa).   Sir Hardly Anyone made fun of the transfer market, Dr Billy the Dog pointed to the misuse of journalism and logic and Brickfield Gunners regularly shows us that the old notion that there are three physical dimensions is simply a fallacy of number theory.

But we have failed to stop the march towards insanity in football – for what we now need is to find a phrase to mean post-insanity which does not reflect an era of waking up to reality, but an era of diving ever deeper.   Post-modernism is dead, welcome to Post-Truth.    (Hell we even recruited the Witchfinder General (Matthew Hopkins back from his grave – he died in 1647) to have a poke: #CurseTheStar #CurseJackWilson).

So whould we just leave them to get on with it, to make up stories and innuendo?   I think not.

In psychology there is a term called “identity fusion” – something that brings and holds together members of gangs and other groups.  It is something so powerful that it can make groups and organisations that are beaten and humiliated cling together even more than they did before.

It is something that Arsenal don’t have, largely because the club has continued to have top four finishes for so long.  There has been no relegation, which is the normal process following the building of a new stadium and which is a powerful source of “identity fusion”.  Instead we have what to me (biased as I am of course) looks and feels like the best – or at least one of the best – stadia in the League.  I’ve been to most, and in many cases have been not just in the tucked away, away support section, but in the home bits too, as a guest of a supporter of the home club.

And much as I try to set aside my Arsenal support, the Ems still seems the best league ground there is.

OK, I moan about the catering, but to be fair catering is awful at all grounds.   At Leicester for example, they had a range of beers available, so you could choose one, and they could deliver it, but when you got it, it turned out it wasn’t the beer mentioned.  They actually only had one beer, and all the taps delivered it.  But they forgot to change the labels.  Or tell customers.   Then, on hearing our complaint, they tried to do staff training while the fans queued and waited…   Not very clever, and a clear breach of the Sale of Goods Act, but it was an interesting adaption of post-truth.  All beers are one even if not.

Anyway, we have quality at the Ems, except for the catering, and the leaking roof, and the fact that two guys openly smoking at the last game were not stopped by the stewards.  Oh and the flares…  but even with all this I state rate it.   But as a result of the quality stadium and no relegation, we have lots of in-fighting and bickering because the identity fusion didn’t kick in, because we didn’t have real big problems.

As Martha Newson, at the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology, University of Oxford, pointed out recently when writing about football fans, “Our research suggests it is the intensity of emotion that counts, so their history of shared painful losses is as important as the joy of winning the league in creating “self-shaping” experiences.  These experiences lead fans to fuse their own identity with that of their club and fellow supporters.”

Thus “really negative experiences, such as humiliating relegations, are just as important as shared feelings of euphoria for producing this self-shaping mechanism.”   Co-author Professor Harvey Whitehouse, Director of the Institute, said: ‘We find that deeply unpleasant, painful shared memories can strengthen ties rather than breaking them.”
Thus we have the problem.  Arsenal, by staying in the top four for so long, have never had a chance to experience the painful losses and humiliation that will bind Arsenal fans together in defiance of the rest of the world.   Tottenham have it each time we sing “It happened again”.   West Ham have it with their relegation and the growing fiasco of their free stadium which (because everything was free) didn’t have anyone organising arrangements properly. 
So we find that two FA Cup wins and coming second in the league across three seasons is grounds for wanting the manager out and the creation of the endless post-truth myths.   Such as…
  1. That you can’t move a player from one position to another with success.  (Thierry Henry anyone?)
  2. That Arsenal dither in the transfer market.  (Granit?)
  3. That there is no problem with refereeing.  (Just read the thousands of reviews here).
  4. That every other club is better run than Arsenal.
  5. That the level of money spent in the transfer market is an indicator of how well you will do in the coming seasons.
  6. That revolution in football is better than evolution even when looking at the average tenure and success rate of incoming managers.
  7. That buying youngsters doesn’t count – only spending big counts.  (So it is right that players like Iwobi, Bellerin, Coquelin etc don’t get included when transfer window sums are done.)
  8. That a player who makes one mistake should never be played again.  (Ospina v PSG?)
  9. Because everyone else does it we have to do to (actually everyone else doesn’t do it, but for the sake of the argument we pretend they do).
  10. A new manager will automatically improve the situation because no one can be worse than this manager.
  11. That anyone can see how to improve a club without having had any experience of running one, sometimes without even going to games.
  12. That seeing one or two things and not analysing what is seen and looking for possible explanations is “evidence”.
  13. That buying a very expensive centre forward will make everything ok.   (Only two players in double figures Amy Lawrence?)
  14. That journalist commentators who have no experience of running a club at any level can have insights into the way a club is running which those experienced at working in the game don’t have.
  15. That if anything is of any value it can be said in one sentence.  (Try that with entanglement!)
  16. That we can tell what is going on in someone’s mind even if they try to hide it.  (“You obviously believe that…”).
  17. That criticising a club very strongly is actually going to make things better.
  18. That if you want to buy a player in the transfer market of course you can get him irrespective of whether he wants to leave, whether he wants to come to Arsenal, whether the club that owns him wants him to go.)
  19. That the actions of critics has no effect on how others see the club, and thus do not make it harder to buy players.
  20. That all arguments lasting more than five words can be justifiably dismissed as “clever-clever”, and as we have so often been asked, “Do we really need all these clever-clever arguments? Surely (these people say) the truth is obvious.

As they used to say on the X Files, the truth is out there.  The trouble is, in the post-truth world, most people seem to be looking in the wrong direction.

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Anniversary of the Day

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34 comments to Post-Truth football: the 20 myths they want you to believe but which are absolutely not true.

  • para

    Truth has been hijacked and replaced by the opinions of those who have some form of power or control.

    What makes it so dangerous is that they do come to truly believe that THEY have THE truth.

  • Leon

    I see you’re Amy bashing again. Her comment about only two Arsenal players scoring in double figures was actually in support of Wenger’s own criticism of our scoring rate, but you conveniently forget to include that part of the article.

  • Lekan gunner

    oh number 1: not only henry: RVP, almost all commentattor including d berkamp said rvp should play in the hole(10). of course the fans all thot wenger was stupid that we had no striker. of course wenger took a gamble cos of his injury. but i dont know who does take a gamble.
    other include toure( striker to defender, kos; striker to defender, other club: bale defender to striker; cahill of everton: midfilder to striker.

    people who waven’t nmagaged a big club for more than a year/season including roy keane always talking more than they know . but ask only one neville to run a club of valencia. he now knows how to talk less.
    let me stae that u might have been a great player in your days that doesnt make u a good manager because u arent the one kicking the ball, u are managing people who are, u must try to think the way the player think to direct them not try to make them play the way u know how to play ( yes u may try to make them play the way u want them to play , but the first is best. ( bring out the best of who they are not try to make them to you.

    i will rather have us oscillating between 2nd and 4th cos we are closer to first..the day we come first no one will guess it happen b4 the season, it may even be this season.

    we have been

  • Lekan gunner

    correction: line 3″ who doesnt take a gamble”

  • Brickfields Gunners

    You were not considered a great or big club until you won the Holy Grail of European club football- the Champions League trophy , or the European Cup before that. And having won it your greatness is forever etched in the annals of history and your club WILL never , ever regress .
    You club will always have a seat in the great table in the sky .
    BEEB ! WRONG !!!!

    Manchester United(1968 ) ,Nottingham Forrest (1979 & 1980 ) and Aston Villa(1982)have all been relegated .

    ( Former European Cup winners meet on Sunday and the Villa stalwart Brian Little believes his club can rise again - . Bet there very few dry eyes at that game !)

    Now I await hopefully for the day when Man Utd ( again !), Liverpool and Chelsea are relegated. Just to balance out my argument , you see !

  • Pete

    Slightly OT, but the Economist also had a recent article on match-fixing in football.

    If you can access it, it is here:

  • Jambug

    Good article Tony.

    The basis on which I make my arguments in support of Arsenal and Arsene Wenger over these last, relatively difficult, dozen or so years, is in drawing a comparison between what we have achieved against what I, and this is a personal view, think we should of achieved, given the events that have occurred, and the circumstances that have changed over this period.

    These are the absolutely key events over this period.

    1-Arsenal committed to, and built a new training ground and medical complex.

    2-Arsenal committed to and built a brand new state of the art stadium.

    3-A combined investment of £500 Million plus.

    4-Manchester United, through continued success on the football field and a Global Marketing strategy second to none rose to be the richest football club in the World.

    5-Roman Abramovich arrived at Chelsea and invested £100’s of Millions into the Club.

    6-The Abu Dhabi United Group Investment and Development Limited arrived at Manchester City and invested £100’s of Millions into the Club.

    7-These are by far the most significant things to happen to any individual clubs over that period.

    8-These events created an absolutely massive financial disparity between Arsenal, and what had now become, there 3 main rivals for trophies.

    9-These events made it possible for Manchester Utd, Chelsea and Manchester City to massively out spend Arsenal in the transfer market.

    10-This had the effect of making it, not only difficult for Arsenal to afford the top top players but to keep the ones they had.

    As I see it those 10 points are irrefutable facts. If you do not agree fine, feel free to highlight the specific point and tell me what I have got wrong.

    So taking into account all those points, from the almost one Billion pound disparity in available funds for transfers and the problems associated with that, to the sheer disruption that moving stadiums can and does cause, under what judgement should, indeed could, Arsenal and Wenger of been expected to match, let alone out perform any of those 3 clubs.

    Given the situation that developed, and lets not forget the money arriving at Chelsea and City was totally unexpected, hanging on to there coat tails was the absolute best that anyone with a grasp of reality could expect. Not ‘want’, ‘expect’. We all want to win something every year. That’s different to ‘expecting’ it, even ‘demanding’ it, as some do.

    None of this means that Arsenal and Wenger didn’t make mistakes. From making poor buys, selling players too early, hanging on to players too long, getting tactics wrong.

    But all these mistakes, and worse, are made by every single manager that has ever stood on the touch line, including Fergie, Mourinho and the rest. But even this has a caveat that it’s much more understandable that mistakes are made when you are trying to find bargains, rough diamonds etc as Wenger often was, than when you are more often than not buying the finished article as was the Utd, City and Chelsea managers most of the time.

    But this is the point, and the bit that relates the ‘Post-truth myths’.

    Ever since all these events, or ‘truths’ have taken place the media has ran a campaign of lies and misinformation, or ‘Myths’ about us.

    Not least is the one that over looks the financial disparity between them and us as if it doesn’t exist, and even if it did, that it makes no difference.

    Well as I always said, if spending all that money made no difference why spend it ? Roman must love it that after pumping around a Billion pounds of personal wealth in to Chelsea he is told it made no difference and Chelsea could of actually done it all without him. Yeah right.

    In my opinion and taking in to account all the immense challenges faced by Arsenal FC and Wenger in particular, finishing in the top four every year, a couple of Euro finals and a hat full of domestic finals was a very creditable return, given the circumstances. Of course we’d all of loved to of turned a couple more of those finals in to trophies but it wasn’t to be.

    One thing I do know is that despite everything we out performed every other Club, except the 3 mega rich ones, over the period, and that, despite many of them for a large proportion of that period, being able to spend more than us in the transfer market.

    Liverpools domestic performance has frankly been lamentable over the period yet you would never believe it by the way they are endlessly lauded throughout the media. They obviously have the one saving grace of a CL trophy in the period, but still that should hardly of been enough to give them the immunity from criticism they so obviously enjoy.

    Spurs. What can you say, except perhaps ‘it’s happened again’. Sums them up perfectly.

    Can you imagine the shit Wenger would of got for Spurs pathetic capitulation at the end of last season. Nothing. In fact they felt sorry for them and as usual turned it around on us for having the temerity to enjoy the day.

    Similarly Liverpools capitulation at Palace was passed over and seems to of been air brushed from history.

    But this is how it works in the ‘Mythical’ World of the media.

    Every day the ‘truth’ is ignored in favour of the ‘myths’ that allow Arsenal to be criticised.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    In my practice nowadays , I have to re-educate my patients by telling them not to follow the(ill)advice of their uneducated /unqualified children , neighbours and friends . And my treatment consists of undoing the side and direct effects of their ‘therapy ‘.

    I tell then not to listen to those famous ‘personalties’ who peddle dangerous crap in the media , claiming it to be all natural ,healthy , traditional , herbal and organic . Instead I tell them to follow these people over a period of time and determine for themselves why most of them end up in end stage renal failure. Or looking like Jabba the Hutt !

    I always ask them that if their vehicle were to have a problem , who would they first consult- a mechanic or their idiot nephew ?
    Sobers them very fast !

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    Hmm, thanks for the 20 myths the football journalists and pundits want us to believe but are not necessarily the truths.

    We have serious business on Saturday in Iru hands to start thinking about how we are going to handle it. I know you will come to the subject latter. But I want to 1st you come to it if you will allow me.

    Arsenal will tame and caged 3 tigers tomorrow at the KC Stadium and bring them to the Emirates Stadium for us the Gooners to behold them.

    Le Prof MUST make a strong game application starts and bench which SHOULD be technically and tactically superior to the game application starts and bench the new Hull City AFC will have on offer for this match tomorrow.

    My starts:
    Bellerin Koscielny Mustafi Monreal.
    Xhaka Cazorla.
    Iwobi Ozil Perez.

    Bench: Ospina Debuchy Holding Gibbs Coquelin Oxchambo Giroud.

    Can these my starts and bench be bettered? Let’s wait to see the ones Le Prof will bring out on Saturday.

  • Zuruvi

    I am a great admirer of Arsene Wenger. I think he is the best manager Arsenal Football Club has ever had (and he is one of the best managers in the world).
    I am not a qualified coach. I have never managed a football club. My only qualification to praise or criticise Arsenal or Arsene Wenger is the fact that I am a die-hard Arsenal fan. I am a lover of good football generally and that makes me love the Arsene Wenger type of football.
    As a genuine fan of Arsenal and Arsene, I think our manager is right most of the time. I also don’t hide it if I think my favorite manager or club are making a mistake (despite the fact that I know Arsene is more qualified and experienced then me on football matters). Arsene despite his greatness does make mistakes.
    After 2 or 3 seasons of watching Nicolas Bentner I knew this fellow wasn’t good enough for Arsenal. Unfortunately, Wenger kept flogging the dead horse.
    After watching Almunia fluffing his lines, I quickly realised that Almunia was just a poor keeper. Wenger persevered with him and this cost us dearly.
    This season, Wenger seems to be persevering with trying to use Sanchez as a central striker. This experiment doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t think Sanchez is good as a central striker, I think he is a brilliant winger.

    Wenger is a brilliant manager but we as genuine fans shouldn’t shy away from calling out his few weaknesses and errors.

    I think the Arsenal hierarchy (Gazidis, Wenger, etc) are more likely to read Untold than Le Grove. We therefore should always tell the truth. If we are happy with the signing of Ozil, Sanchez, Elneny or Xhaka we should say it. If we are happy that our club is developing good young players such as Iwobi and Bellerine we should say it. And if we think, a club like Arsenal needed a proper striker to assist Giroud last season and the season before, we should have said it. And if we think that playing Sanchez as a striker instead of as a winger is not effective (and possibly costing us points), we should say it.

    Untold is a facts-based forum but it is also a forum for constructive criticism and dialogue between Arsenal fans who want the best for Arsenal. Wenger himself admits that he makes mistakes. We therefore should never shy away from calling out a persistent mistake that he is making (eg. Nicolas Bendtner and Almunia).

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    Hmm, thanks for the 20 myths the football journalists and pundits want us to believe but are not necessarily the truths.

    We have serious business on Saturday on our hands to start thinking about how we are going to handle it. I know you will come to the subject latter. But I want to 1st you come to it if you will allow me.

    Arsenal will tame and caged 3 tigers tomorrow at the KC Stadium and bring them to the Emirates Stadium for us the Gooners to behold them.

    Le Prof MUST make a strong game application starts and bench which SHOULD be technically and tactically superior to the game application starts and bench the new Hull City AFC manager will have on offer for this match tomorrow.

    My starts:
    Bellerin Koscielny Mustafi Monreal.
    Xhaka Cazorla.
    Iwobi Ozil Perez.

    Bench: Ospina Debuchy Holding Gibbs Coquelin Oxchambo Giroud.

    Can these my starts and bench be bettered? Let’s wait to see the ones Le Prof will bring out on Saturday.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    And elsewhere –

    A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr.Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breast without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.

    Dr. Bumbutu advised her, ” Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, ‘Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!’ ”

    She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!

    One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, ” Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”

    A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ” Are you a patient of Dr.Bumbutu’s?”

    ” Yes I am.. How did you know?”

    He winked and whispered, ” Hickory dickory dock……….”

  • Norman14

    Great stuff..

    Regarding item 15:

    The reason for this is because people take a sentiment, then come up with one word to describe that sentiment, and that is then peddled as the truth.

    If you doubt this, read a dictionary 😉

  • Samuel Akinsola Adebosin

    Zuruvi, Sanchez has shown in the PSG match he has a powerful shot that can beat the goalkeeper when he is playing centrally. If Ozil and other Gunners can give him the assists correctly, he will bang in many decisive goals for us from the striker’s position this season. Giroud despite his lack of pace is very good and he’s an asset to Arsenal especially at heading in some goals for us. A 24 goals scorer for Arsenal last season cannot be discarded. His time to starts or come on as a super sub for Arsenal is still very much in place and will be coming for him as the season pans on. We’ve not seen much of Perez in action for us save for his cameo in our home match against Southampton. I’ve advocated for him to Le Prof to play him as a mid-left striker for us against Hull on Saturday. But I don’t know if he will agree. Perez should come good from that position against Hull I am imagining.

  • Under the title” you can never second guess AW.” These are points that I dont understand and feel that most would have done differently.

    1.Why wait until the last week of the transfer period to do your business when you have proof that to do it early ( Xhaka ) you can get the player cheaper ( Mustifa could have been bought for less had AW done the buiness earlier }.

    2.If a set of players fail so appaulingly in the first half of a game. Why would anyone think that that same combination will do any better to start the second half.

    3.Why say to the fans and the media that the reason why we had a new stadium built was to increase Arsenal FC’s revinue so that it will be able to compete with the big boys ( Man Who, City and Chelsky ) in purchasing blue chip players and once all the dust has settled and the stadium is as good paid for say, NO not really !
    4. Why have Sanchez as a striker when it is clear that its not working.

    5. Why have two natural strikers in your team that are fit and ready to perform in that position but choose to put a player not natural to that position there instead. And continue to do that.

    6. Why have a defence that it appears are “technical” in ability but do not know the basics of defending.

    7. Why have a library of videos on every footballing side that you could play against so as to know how they play, thus highlighting their strengths and weaknesses. But then do not set your team out to exploit those weaknesses.

    Yes I am not a football manager and am only an Arsenal supporter but I would like to believe that I can learn from my mistakes of the past so as not to repeat them for the future. I can put my hand on my heart and say that I do not believe that is the case for our present Manager.

  • engram

    Do we say no CL wins in 20 years or domestic PLs in 12 constitute truth/s. Somehow think your hook examples were not quite referring to Arsenal amd your main point that the ground is a roaring success would seem to fall into the well trodden post this/that world. Poor catering does not sit well with a club who promote the foodie experience as much as the reason for the stadium’s existence. Under the current regime this club is simply getting the press it merits. This site itself is merrily esconced in post truth with apparently millions visiting it and yet only a dozen at most actually posting. Perhaps a college paper on the delusional will balance things out.

  • Great article. Wenger is a true football coach. A rare breed. Arsenal is a true club. Sadly not all It’s supporters.

    Congratulations to the owner spreading light to the greatness of the Manager and the club.

  • engram, Rubbish!!

    Catering and matchday experience could be better but what’s worrying is section of supporters throwing abuses towards the great man.

    20 years of consecutive CL football is unmatched. Only Real Madrid can challenge that record. Arsenal is a special team in CL. Longest participant in CL..

  • Andy L

    21 That one deranged ‘supporter’s’ words can be taken and used to express the views of the many . What gives them the right to state opinion as if it comes the vast majority when it really comes from the very smallest minority.

  • Goonermikey

    Jambug at 10:57 am

    A splendid response to a splendid article.

  • Nonny

    I don’t think I’d be wrong if I say your prognosis is based on hindsight. We have no privy to Arsenal training methods or what Wenger see in players that makes him stick to them over a period of time.

    Coming out to say now that Almunia or Bedtner were not good enough players after they’ve served and gone even if they were not premium players does disservice to them and is illogical on your part.

    They, I believe, put in their best when they were with us even if it was not good enough and contributed in keeping us among the elite during the austerity years.

    Just like a doctor knows knows more about the human anatomy than you do, a coach of Wenger’s standing has much more knowledge of Arsenal players and football in general than you can ever muster. Your comment is a slap on his face and if you think you can do better, I believe there are still available spaces for a coaching badge.

  • goonersince72

    @Jambug – couldn’t agree more.

  • MickHazel

    After a mere five games during which time Giroud has not been available due to his late return from summer tournament participation starting Sanchez as central striker in some, not all of them, was somewhat forced on Wenger so can hardly be described as ‘persevering’.
    When Perez is fully integrated into the team we will probably see him deployed in the striker role together with Giroud and the necessity to use Sanchez there will not arise, that is presumably why he was bought so let us not pass judgement just yet.

  • MickHazel

    Right on the money as usual.

  • austinpaul

    It is absolutely clear people want our team to return quickly to our scintilanting football wich makes every true Arsenal fan proud and joyous watching d team play games;undoubtedly dis has occassioned d seeming inpatience of many,however, we all must realise it takes sometime for teams to gel especially wen new players hve bin. Injected into d team. AW is presently experimenting wit combinations dat wuld work for d team to function effectively at maximum threashold hence d woblly nd fumbling matches we hve seen so far dis last 5 games; especially PSG game must hve given him some clear direction to go; AW is a real gem of a coach who undastands his job absolutely well, he knows wat. He wants nd how to get it; how many coaches can we point to who hve attempted half of wat he has achieved for Arsenal within. His period at the helms at d Arsenal in comprehensive terms on nd off d pitch or in d boardroom?I cannot point to any! Let us be patient nd support our team nd d manager wholeheartedly nd eschew unnecessary distracting criticisms whilst we lay our thoughts consrtuctively for consideration bcos I believe AW reads some blogs like UT ,Arseblog et al.very soon our boys will gel nd hit top form.shallom!

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Good Riddance to Dumb Patients

    I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. 
He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, “I have a new obstetrician.

    ( You’d be surprised how many on here that I would like to refer to a Gynecologist ! And them being men doesn’t matter at all !)

  • Brickfields Gunners

    My doctor took one look at 
my gut and refused to believe that 
I work out. So I listed the exercises 
I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, 
push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot 
in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

  • omgarsenal

    Brickfields…………so you’re an opthamologist! I guess you’re familiar with the two major ailments the aaa suffer from:

    1) Occulitis – where the optical nerve gets crossed with the rectal nerve and you get a shitty outlook on life, and

    2) Supposotosis – where the iron in the blood turns to lead and settles in your ass, thus rendering your brain unusuable.

    I was recently at my doctors for my annual checkup and met two of my neighbours there. We got talking about how retirement was treating us and one said that he was playing golf and gardening, the other said he was out fishing and camping alot. I said that I was doing research. They both were surprised as they thought I had retired as well but I told them that I was always searching for my glasses,car keys, the remote!

  • Milly, asking questions without evidence to back up the assertions behind the questions is still not using evidence

  • Brickfields Gunners

    @ omgarsenal – September 16, 2016 at 5:12 pm – Actually am a GP -but sort of Jack of all trades . Eyes , brains and arses ! That joke was from Reader’s Digest and I cut and pasted it here.

    But there are times I too am glad certain patients don’t come back – and choose to drive someone else crazy !

    Will try to add these new diseases you mentioned in a future medical article .
    And welcome to the research club !

  • Brickfields Gunners

    ‘ The richest wealth is Wisdom . The strongest weapon is Patience . The best security is Faith . The greatest tonic is Laughter . And surprisingly all of them are free !’

  • Brickfields Gunners

    1. Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
    Guitar, for sale…….. Cheap……. . …….no strings attached.

    2. Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
    Smoking Helps You Lose Weight … One Lung At A Time!

    3. On a bulletin board:
    Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

    4. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking…
    I Gave Up Reading

    5. My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn’t Need Glasses….
    He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.

    6. You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
    Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off

    7. Sign In A Bar:
    ‘Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.’

    8. Sign In Driving School:
    If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don’t Stand In Her Way….

    9. The Reason Men Lie Is Because
    Women Ask too Many Questions..

    10. Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
    Snore And You sleep Alone

    11. The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
    Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

    12. Sign At A Barber’s Saloon in Detroit :
    We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business…

  • Polo

    Did you know:
    ‘Jurgen Klopp is the first manager since Arsene Wenger in 1997 to win his first two PL visits to Stamford Bridge as a manager.’

    Good record for all three.

  • Polo

    @ BG, you never disappoint with your humour. Keep it up.

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