Cesc to leave, amazing inside story

There I was, pausing in my busy daily schedule of writing stuff, to take a quick Florida Salad Sandwich, when the news pops up.

Arsenal will sell Cesc for £40 million.

And you know it must be true because it is in that central and vital source of all news about Arsenal, the people on the pulse, the people who can stroll next door and ask the question.

Yup – The TIMES OF INDIA hath spoken, and it says, Cesc can go.

So I thought, why don’t we cover all the other big stories, as revealed by the main and important journalistic centres of the universe, so that people who believe everything that turns up in the paper can get their fill.

Here we go….



Milan are willing to give Flamini back to Arsenal. (The Dandy)

Adebayor is going to play for Athletico Madrid (The Eagle)

Robin Van Persie tricked everyone at the club by signing his new contract with the name Mickey Mouse, and is off to Spain (Enfield and Walthamstow Gleaner)

Kolo Toure is off to Tottenham (Tiny Totts)

Carlos Vela was about to sign for Inter before suffering an injury in the early minutes of his last international (Wood Green Weekly Review and Soothsayer Analysis)

Michael Jackson is alive and living with Elvis on the dark side of the moon (Daily Sport)

Eduardo is moving to Birmingham City (Lands End Analysis)

Arsenal are moving to Woolwich (Tashkent Bugle)

Michael Owen is going to Manchester IOU (Antiques Weekly)

Jamie McSporron wins competition for best name of a footballer ever (Gillette Soccer Saturday, Sky Sports 1)

Paul Ince has gone to Milton Keynes (Isle of Man Pirouette)

Gabriel Obertan will join Arsenal next week (The Fermanagh Farmer)

Arsene Wenger’s gone on holiday (Co Wicklow Advertiser incorporating Veterinary Surgeon’s Holiday Weekly)

Arshavin is leaving because of his tax bill (Daily Mail incorporating The Mud Slinger)

The kid who is in Harry Potter, not the one who plays Potter but the other one, has got Swine Flu. (Exchange and Mart)

Zyklo Xemyjok signs for the Scrabble company. (Readers Digest)

Yeah, well, you get the point. It’s a case of look at the rumour AND look at the source. If it is the Daily Mail, Star, Sun, Express, Mirror, then it is completely made up. If it is the Times of India, the Hindustan Metamorphosis or Fortune Teller’s News, it is just repeated from the Mail, Star, etc etc.

If it is in the Times it is untrue, but was planted there by someone having a laugh, and the player doesn’t exist anyway.

If it is on Untold Arsenal then it will soon be on Team Talk.

(Actually now that would be funny in relation to this article).


23 Replies to “Cesc to leave, amazing inside story”

  1. ha ha Very funny.. not sure if you had come across this one but apparently we were going to get Reyes back on £2mill deal only to loan him straight to B/ham,

  2. So Tony.. why is this funny????

    The Sun comes up with this kinda S**t every morning and every other tabloid steals from it…. Times of India did the same thing, So u forgive the source, which is a GB based Tabloid and u find it funny coz it was published by a Indian Paper??? hummmmm…

  3. Gunnerz, if you think I forgive the source when it is the Sun, then clearly I have not expressed myself very clearly. In recent weeks I have had a bash at the Sun, Mail, Express and Mirror for their hoax stories about Arsenal, and have repeatedly had a go at the Times of London for the way it was duped over the transfer of a player to Arsenal (the player did not exist).

    Now I am including in my tirade the Times of India, the Exchange and Mart, and comparing them to a couple of classic children’s comics and some invented regional papers.

    If it is not funny to you, it is not funny. Fair enough. For me it is slightly amusing because it picks up on the activities of the writers who correspond with this blog about all the players leaving us, and who see some gibberish in the Sun (or maybe the Times of India) and place it here as if it were true.


  4. guess,all u guys been smoking shit n it’s gotten all ova ya brain cells. wao! you’ve all got to wake up from this terrible sleep. fush buck!! Ooooooooooops!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. It IS funny, Tony. End of.

    The Sun won’t even publish my well crafted missiles at Kastrinikas anymore. Too bad, really. I spend a great deal of time and effort telling him how worthless he is. I’m seriously beginning to wonder if his bank account is seeing some unusual growth from Spanish wire transfers, such is his support of Barca’s tapping up of Cesc.

  6. Nice one!!
    I am from India and a regular reader of Times Of India, I also read all the crap newspapers from England on Net. From my observation I can tell you that the people at Times Of India just surf on the net for all the leading papers around europe and do the regular copy-paste job from all these crap papers. They, by no means, will be able to reach any such ‘inside news’ or smthing like that in next 50 years or so!!! So don’t bother reading it!!
    Times Of India is as crap as all the leading newspapers in England as far as sports is concerned!!
    Silly journalism!!!

  7. Its just Human Nature Tony…. Every one wants a piece of glory, Which is why the Sun comes up with Excellent Translation (Cesc to Spanish paper – I am Angry we didnt win anything recently, Sun’s Trasnlation – Cesc Angry on Arsenal, Leaving to Real Madrid) and Other Tabloids want to copy it too… I Have never been so disappointed with Arsenal fans as much as i have been this season, Who fall for these kinda article so easy… (Out of topic),

    End of the day… I have stopped going to Sun. Its just a crap tabloid with Crap writers,

  8. this just made my day!!! tis actually very funny especially these ones –

    Michael Jackson is alive and living with Elvis on the dark side of the moon

    The kid who is in Harry Potter, not the one who plays Potter but the other one, has got Swine Flu.

    nice work!!!

  9. at 24 i have been spoilt as an arsenal fan in my life. This is the first time in a long time that we have begun questioning the set-up. As a kid you would go to a semi final and knew more often than not we’d win. Now thathasn’t happened much recently but that still hasn’t led me to believe we’ve had it.

    I genuinely believe in a few years we will look back and really appreciate our policy as a club. It’s well known throughout the continent we are a model club and if wenger had of gone to real do you think they would have bough ronaldo? no way they would have got him in to try and create a structure and change they’re club for the better long term.

    Arsene Wenger is not fobbing us off, he knows we’re on the cusp of something special, similar to the success fergie achieved with his team of youngsters that played the footballing culture he’d installed. In our worst seasons yet we’ve got to a champions league final and two semi’s and recently the semi of the f.a. cup. All with a very young team, is that a club in crisis or a team on the verge of greatness?

  10. Freddie Ljungberg(starr) ate my hamster…..was one of the original master pieces.

  11. Funny one Tony.
    I really love England en London since my first visite to the capital just over 30 years ago.
    In those days our teachers told us that in the UK you had 2 different types of newspapers: the reliable and the tabloids. Well if I would be a teacher in Belgium I had to teach my children there is only “sewer press” as the call it in Belgium. Hope the translation doesn’t fail on this one.
    Still love England, London, speccialy the Arsenal but I feel so lucky that I don’t have to relie on such a press like in the UK.

    Karim, I’m with you all the way. The signs look great for those who want to see and those who can be patient. Maybe one difficult season, altough I’ve got a feeling we might win something this season allready, but after that… we’re in for some amazing years.

  12. hahahaha Times of India of all newspapers … im from India and I know the newspaper is junk … but “exclusively” reporting transfers of Arsenal from unnamed well-placed Arsenal insiders… lol.
    I think the Cesc transfer bollox is nothing but a joke from the papers … they know no one believe it — it has become a sort of transfer meme.

    if u want to have a laugh at the sh!tty journalistic “standards” of India in general and Goa in particular check out http://penpricks.blogspot.com.

  13. I wish it was our poor players like Denilson who were linked to people every week instead of cesc, its so annoying

  14. I believe we all feel that certain clubs spending spree is insane, but it is also very much out of our control. Let’s hope FIFA assesses the problem, because it is indeed a problem.

    Our youth policy is a good longterm investment, and I’m very pleased that the club has chosen this path instead of seeking fantasy money from the middle east. The youngsters at the acadamy are making excellent progress and hopefully some of them can take the big step soon.

    Experience however, is different. If you don’t have it at the club, you need to buy it, simple as that. Our young first team squad could use a few older players to look up to and learn from, so fingers crossed we are not done with our summer spending just yet.

  15. Then there is as story on insidefutbol about Arshavin’s Agent telling Barca to make an offer for him… blah blah… ambition… et al. Didn’t Arshavin fire his agent or was that news made up too??!

  16. Buying established players already comes at such a high cost, but recently with Real Madrid’s splashing the cash in the current transfer notable managers and officials such as Barcelona’s Joan Laporta, UEFA president Michel Platini and our very own Arsene Wenger have been quick to recognise the negative impact that the spending of both Real Madrid and Manchester City could have on the transfer market.

    The policies of both these clubs is going to have a profound effect for any club entering the transfer market. The transfer prices and wages for the best players is going to surge and incorrectly represent the economic times. Angel Barajas, a professor of Finance alluded to the current market as being inflated by the big spending clubs.

  17. Great site Tony,
    But are you suggesting that the legend that is Jermaine McSporran has a ridiculous name?
    Personally I don’t think you can beat Danny Invincible…

  18. GodWoreTen = I long ago learned that for every apparently unusual name there is a person with that name. Blackadder is a perfect example. Half of Britain thinks that was made up by Rowan Atkinson, but is apparently quite widespread as a Scottish name. Danny Invincible is, I agree a great one.

    So far I have never met a Sir Hardly Anyone, however, so I think I am safe with him.


  19. Let’s not forget we have made the best signing of the year so far: Arshavin. And the way the transfer market is shaping, I suspect no English club will make a better one. So far, Man U have overpaid £16m for a Wigan winger, Liverpool have overpaid £17m for a Portsmouth full back and Chelsea have overpaid £18m for a Russian second fiddle to our boy. I’d say Mark Hughes has done better deals with Roque and Gareth (throw in Tevez, and he is way ahead of SAF). And Vermaelen, at 23, captain of Ajax, full international for years – not a bad CV at all. Ribery for Man U? Forget it: all the really good players will be going to Madrid or Barcelona or London, not Manchester or Liverpool.

  20. we may have only signed Vermaelen but as far as im aware, our main rivals


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