Cripplegate Week: cherishing the injured

Oh what to do in Cripplegate Week – the week when all our top stars go off and get injured while playing not for the Arsenal who pay their wages but for a bunch of morons called “international managers” who treat them with utter contempt.

Well, the first thing is, if you fancy doing a spot of writing the wonderful HIGHBURY HIGH will be back at the next home game.   If you do want to write, and can write quickly (you only have a couple of days to do it) please email urgently.

And while not writing let us pray for our brave lads getting their legs broken in foreign fields (or in the case of sweet Theo being mercilessly removed from reality while sitting on the bench) (pesky things those benches).

Come back home fit and well our brave lads!  (We can but hope).

Meanwhile, when not writing for Highbury High, and not praying for our lads, we can do little but sit and twiddle those bits of the anatomy that are twiddleable and seek solace in the wider world of football.

Thus it is that as a public service I offer you some of the most jolly stories of the last few days.

First, and I kid you not on this one, Untold received this email in its ever growing correspondence  box

“If you want good entertainment and want to get enjoyment of live matches of pool then get Liverpool Tickets in online market for more enjoyment of holidays.”

Yes, well.  You have to read it twice to even begin to understand that rather than being a Scouser rant it actually makes no sense at all.  But then come to thing of it, the two are synonymous.

Next onto that awfully nice John Terry who has said (and in public no less) that he genuinely believes English players are too honest to dive.

“I think we’re too honest, sometimes even in the Premier League you see the English lads get a bit of contact and stay on their feet and try and score from the chance they have been given.”   So that would be “too honest” as his mum is “too honest” (having accepted a caution from the police for shop lifting – a caution in English law meaning you admit you have done it).   Or come to that like most of the England team who of course never dive.  Rooney? no!  Gerrard? no! etc etc.

Anyway if that is not enough try this one to contemplate over your pint.  Chelsea are now being accused for kidnapping an 11 year old from an amateur team in Marseille.

Apparently the story is that the boy’s parents had split up and both the mother and father were trying to have custody.  In order to make it harder for the wife, the father then offered the lad to the KGB in Fulham, and they snatched him.  (You think I am making this up don’t you, but I assure you I am not).

Chelsea deny all wrong doing.  They also deny that Buddhism is dedicated to the overthrow of governments by violent means, that the moon is made of green cheese, and the London Underground is a hippy revolutionary movement.  Which goes to show you can’t trust anyone these days.

Anyway, speaking of something rather nasty sticking to your shoe in West London, it seems that although the BBC did a film in 2006 about Frank Arnesen (the Tiny Totts lovable rogue of a youth development officer who was stolen by, oh, I don’t know, who was it, oh, what’s that club in west London called…) tapping up the Middlesbrough kiddiewink Nathan Porritt. And it seems the Sweet FA have done nothing, interviewed no one, and said nothing.

It is good to see that the FA are on top of the game – but then I suppose they are so busy preparing to injure our players to worry about the tapping up of young players.

What else?  Oh Disgraceful Amazon have stopped selling the Pedophile Song but have failed to issue an apology, or even reply to my email.  ITunes is still selling it.  It has been suggested that is selling it, but I can’t find it on their site – if you have seen it there, can you let me know the page ref?

And so that’s about it.  Don’t forget Highbury High if you want to write an article for the next edition.

I shall spend the next week playing, “Falling in love is so hard on the knees” by Aerosmith.  Such a jolly little tune.

(c) Tony Attwood 2009

PS: In case you think some of these articles are getting a bit, well, weird, it is because I have found that when what I write has a strangeness quotient of over 9.3 on the Refrigerator  Scale, Team Talk doesn’t nick it.

10 Replies to “Cripplegate Week: cherishing the injured”

  1. Do I need to say it again?

    Jonh Terry is a cunt who, I assume, got bashed in the head in training by Drogba’s falling over from all the grass that poked him in the left foot.

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I first got wind of this bullshit piece by the great one who slipped and missed and played alongside the greatest divers in world football.

    And the fat cunt from Manchester also talked about how he’s against diving—5555555555555555555555555555555555555—what!!!!!

    I guess this is why we support the Arsenal; it’s all the morons vs us.

  2. O I hate this international games. A weekend without Arsenal is like a weekend that never exist.
    When we play it is a constant looking at the clock to see: still X hours before kickoff- guessing the starting 11 (mostly wrong…) – feelings the nerves come in – …..
    And now…. my country’s team plays Spain this evening and I pray to God that Cesc isn’t involved and stays on the bench.
    RVP another player who mostly gets injures when playing for Holland…
    Rosicky…. if there is a God he wouldn’t let it happen that he would get injured would he ?
    O my God, I’m bored of it. And then to think that next week games I cant see it live because my wifes parents are married for 60 years (what a performance… ) and the invited their children and grand children over to have a meal… just when the second half against City is going to start. So with the riding up there I gues I all goes right I would be able to see the kickoff and then some 10 minutes if my wife gives us that much time.
    Man, man, I’m getting depressed. 😉

  3. It is not right that these Internationals take precedence over clubs that pay huge wages. And when the players get injured what compensation does clubs get? FIFA should rule that each country’s FA must pay the wages of each player injured on international duty for the duration of the injury and they should also pay for their treatment throughout the injury period.

    Terry is a cunt and a bloody liar. Not only him though, but Rooney and Alex Ferguson as well. All lying two face cunts.

  4. Talking about injuries…. Djourou seem to need an operation ? Out for 6 months ? If this is correct then he is really a very unlucky player. Every time when he can step up, he gets an injurie.

    And seeing on other blogs, for some fans, I dont call them gooners, it looks like it is Wenger who commited the foul by wich Djourou got injured. Jesus Christ, what kind of fans do we have…. ?

  5. walter: saw the same blogs – they don’t deserve to be called fans!

    Japan 0 Holland 1 van Persie classic in 23rd min

  6. What irritates me the most is that there exist ‘fans’ who actually feel satisfied when the team loses so that their doom and gloom predictions are vindicated and they can say ‘I told you so’.

    Such people don’t deserve the happiness the fans get when the team actually does well.

    Secondly, what kind of a person is John Terry? I mean, look at the irony. This guy is blatantly lying whilst he is telling everyone that he and his teammates are ‘too’ honest. And everyone knows that he is lying and he knows that he is lying and he knows that everyone knows that he is lying. But, he still lies.

  7. Isn’t lying also not a form of cheating ?
    Just forgot, JT is English so he can cheat/lie whatever you want to call it.

  8. Bendtner also scored a rather nice goal.
    Just watching the game Spain – Belgium (4-0 after 70 minutes) and that c*nt of a coach puts Cesc on the field. Untill now I was just watching relaxed now I’m getting affraid. Damn….. I hate these games?
    About Vermaelen theres not much he could about the goals. For some reason it doesn’t seem to gel with Van Buyten and the full backs… Van den Borre (Portsmouth)…. very poor

  9. Love the “Sweet FA” bit.. Nice stuff, Tony ~ Being a Hindu, a Pacifist and English, am just hoping either J”My mum needed the money!” Terry…or Wayne”Grandmothers…Mmmm” Rooney get injured, a la Johann sometime soon. (Wednesday please, footballing gods!)
    Naturally I’d pray for their swift recovery… when time permits.

    As usual, excellent stuff. Have a genuine concern that Eduardo might be ‘taken out’..erm, tackled – Mark Taylor style ~ no doubt someone will throw some nice coins at him, to show their appreciation aswell..

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