Yes indeedey, roll up roll up roll up.
The Survey will take you 15 seconds – all you have to do is vote for the Biggest Prat, Idiot or Nincompoop in Football. (Actually being an Untold Survey it was suggested by residents of Untold Towers that we should not give out the questions, but in the end the executive board voted that down as being too silly).
So there’s seven suggestions for the silliest man in football, and you can add your own if you wish. The results will be announced with a mega fanfare and a bowl on nuts in a couple of days time.
Press releases will be sent to the media, and I expect vast coverage as we give our unique prize – a specially minted 2008 replica 5p piece bearing an image of the Queen’s Head (that’s the pub not the monarch) – to the winner.
All you have to do is click on this link http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/tony and you will be taken there at the speed of a darkened arrow flying through a trail of pigs trotters on a sunlit night in the bemusingly brilliant Bolton backwoods while trying to escape from a horde of gigantic gangrene infested pig’s heads that you spy, lumbering towards you as if propelled by dark matter sucked from the outlying reaches of the eastern spiral arm of Croydon. On a Tuesday.
So, couldn’t be simpler.
Got any good rumours?
Making these stories up, sorry researching the stories in depth and verifying their veracity, is tough. So if you know any good tales, do drop me a line – Tony@hamilton-house.com
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José Mourinho has received a three game ban from the techie area and fine of 40,000 Euros for revealing his penchant for being handcuffed and (this is the bit I really like) “making offensive expressions at the referee and linesmen in the tunnel at San Siro at half-time.”
Not gestures, but “expressions”. If we did that sort of thing in this country Sam Allerdyce would never work again.
That awfully lovely Ashley Cole has announced that he feels he is being victimised by the club (who want to tell him off), the press (who keep phoning him up), Arsenal fans (who keep giving him telephones) and Ron Gourlay (the new Gruppenführer at the Invented Club.)
Cole says its so unfair that they didn’t lash John Terry and throw him in the river for being a witch to see if he floated under the Wayne Bridge (a tradition in parts of Newcastle apparently).
Ann Corbitt has been named as centre forward for the next match involving the KGB in Fulham. (Actually I am not sure it is possible to have a Gruppenführer working for the KGB – but it makes you think.)
Keith Harris, the man who wants to buy Manchester United has told fans not to go to football matches at Very Old Trafford. He says that a drop in attendances will mean the current owners will cut the price from £1 billion to 24p and he will then be able to buy it. He plans to play Orville at centre half.
In other news
This imperium of judicial excellence is now being published two or three times a day, and the Making the Arsenal blog is published four or five times a week, so if you’re an occasional visitor do flip back through the other articles to find all the great bits you missed such as…..
Arsenal win the league: the start of the new golden era.
Preparing for Arsenal v Sunderland one hundred years ago
The England captain we signed from Kettering Town.
Why did Arsenal move to Highbury, and not somewhere else?
Arsenal in 1910 – the complete story as a novel.
Tony Attwood 2010
- 24 players leaving Arsenal: the full updated list
- How Arteta gave us a hint of what he was about to do, but we missed it.
- What will the PGMO do about Arsenal next season?
- Players tipped to come to Arsenal reaches 66: the full list
- Arteta’s revolution: the secret behind the post-Christmas improvement at AFC