The Ennui of an Arsedrought

The Ennui of an Arsedrought

By Melancholic Brian

I hate the ‘interlull’ (© ™ Arseblog patent pending), watching our warriors play in often meaningless games to repay the ill-advised and usurious debt of the national stadium.

I had a conflict of emotion, pride at seeing so many of our players in the team, performing so well versus the constant nagging nervousness that someone will be injured.

I was as jittery as Diaby’s bank manager would be if Abou was on a ’pay for play’ contract.

I hate it almost as much as the transfer window and after suffering the drought of Arse action that the summer represented coupled with this current hiatus, I needed a diversion to fill those idle hours.

My thoughts turned to the usual pursuits of my locale, wine, women, song or even ‘sixty seconds’ worth of distance run’, but nothing truly sufficed. I couldn’t get no satisfaction

….and I tried and I tried…

But then as if by magic a cry for help landed at my door, someone needed help with an upcoming examination.’ Not the most fun you’ve ever had with your clothes on!’ I hear you cry, but it is, for my sins, my job, my passion, my vocation.

Now as a professional trainer the key to a student’s understanding and developing recall often lies in metaphor, examples if you like, and the more off beat often the more memorable they become.

Now the topic was one of the more quirky to be found in this wonderful English language of ours ‘Collective or Group Nouns’.  I’ll not bore you with the details because if you’re reading Untold you already understand but she did learn…

  • A flock of sheep (personal preference)
  • An obstinacy of Buffaloes
  • An intrusion of Cockroaches
  • A troubling of Goldfish

And then ‘cos I simply couldn’t resist it she also learned…

  • A safeguard of Szczeny’s
  • A canvas of Dubuchy’s
  • A gargantuan of Mertesacker’s
  • An antique of Arteta’s
  • A fracture of Diaby’s
  • An inertia of Podolski’s
  • A scapegoat of Wilshere’s
  • An adeptness of Özil’s
  • A coiffure of Giroud’s
  • A santa of Carzola’s
  • An assault of Flamini’s
  • A messiah of Ramsay’s
  • A lunchbox of Coquelin’s
  • A haggle of Wenger’s

Perhaps if like me you have some spare time you could suggest alternatives and complete the Arse set.

Or you could try

  • A delinquent of Shawcrosses
  • A baseborn of Terry’s
  • A corruption of Referees
  • A déclassé of Cole’s
  • A turncoat of van Persie’s

The possibilities are endless….

Happy Arsedrought. © ™

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28 Replies to “The Ennui of an Arsedrought”

  1. A bench of Songs (Alex)
    A DNA of fabregas
    A corrupt of FIFA
    A divings of Young’s
    A thugs of stokes……….

  2. A whining of Wengers
    A stable of Sagnas
    A notion of Nasris
    A collection of Cescs
    A bowlful of Blatters
    A posse of Platinis
    A typhoon of Taylors (referee)
    An archetype of Akpoms
    A windfall of Wellingtons(the player not the boot)
    An option of Ospinas

    this is ridiculous!!!!

  3. A selected Invincibles version:

    A Folly of Lehmanns
    A Deception of Coles
    A Crunch of Vieras.
    A Blaze of Ljunbergs
    A Swoon of Pires(es)
    A Voom of Henrys (couldn’t resist)
    A wall of Gilbertos
    A Bruise of Reyes(es)
    An Afterthought of Laurens

    A Repentance of Campbells — Must be a better one for him.

    A Bergkamp. (No collective noun exists, as it would imply the possibility that more than one could exist).

  4. It feels like Blatter himself should be a collective noun

    As in — A Blatter of Pundits.

  5. The Blatter with the twatter is the pellet with the poison but the splatter with the Blatter is the brew that is true?

  6. Or is it the pellet with poison is the Blatter with the shatter and the matter with the splatter is the Blither of the Blatter that is the stench of the bench from the flagon with the Dragon thats the twatter of the Blatter?

  7. Unless the vessel with the pestle has the splatter from the Blatter and the flagon with the Dragon has the shitter from the shatter and the pellet with the poison is the Blither of the fatter and the stench from the bench is the chalice from the palace and the matter from the twatter thats the brew that is true?

  8. However, perhaps the corruption of the Blatter is the twitter from the shitter and the stench from the bench is the splatter from the twatter while the vessel with the pestle has the Blither of the Blatter and the titbit from the pundit is the pellet with poison in the flagon with the dragon and thats the brew that is true?
    Cant be…

  9. A. A wishy-washy of AAAAs.

    wishy-washy- adjective
    1. lacking in decisiveness; without strength or character; irresolute.( Oh yes, that they be !)
    2. washy or watery, as a liquid; thin and weak. ( Pissy ,describes them well too!)

    B. A wellness of Welbeck .

    The AKBs were filled with a sense of wellbeing when Welbeck arrived ( and scored , and kept scoring !).

    C. A waft of Wilshire .
    1. to carry lightly and smoothly through the air or over water:
    2. to send or convey lightly, as if in flight:

    D. A shafting of shitheads.
    What happens to the AAAA on Untold Arsenal !
    ( see also , A splitting of hare-brains.)

  10. A piffling of AAAA pricks ( or pussies !)’ opinions .
    1. of little worth; trifling; piddling: piffling efforts.


    1.nonsense, as trivial or senseless talk.
    verb (used without object), piffled, piffling.
    2. to talk nonsense.
    Origin 1840-50; perhaps akin to puff ( closer to poop ,I would think !)

  11. So perhaps the the Totty on the potty is spud from the mud and the man from the WHam is like a fan eating spam?And therefore the shitter on the twitter is the man they call the Blatter who loves to splatter on the shitter and chatter all the matter,who similar to Spud from the mud who loves the blither of the Blatter and the chatter on the twitter is the shitter on the matter like the man from the WHam eating rancid spam?Yet the player from the Palace is like a chalice full of malice but the vessel with the pestle is brew that must be true? Nah.
    But when the Blatter is the fatter with the chatter on the shitter and the twitter is the twatter with blither and the blather then we know that the stench from the bench is Song from the WHam and the Cole from the hole is the mole on the stole and the Joke from the Stoke who`s the dross with no gloss is also a shitter on the twitter but Ramsey is the winner and the bloke from the Stoke is still a dross with no gloss and is mates with the Blatter, you know the shitter on the twitter, the chatter of the hatter like a hog from the fog stinking like a bog but the stench from the bench might be the Totty on the potty, the Spud from the mud smells like the man from WHam, the fan watching spam, that must be the pellet with poison, the flagon with the dragon,the titbit from the pundit, the blither of the Batter, the twatter with the chatter, the Blatter on a platter? Nah.

    Perhaps, the joy that is Roys is the cwafty Wenger ploy to buy Oh Danny Boy must be surely the vessel with the pestle, brew that is true?

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