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Why do the AAA behave as they do?

Why the AAA behaves as they do

From the case notes of

Dr  Brian.  MBChB, BSc, Dip.So.Mani@c

Consider 2,008 years ago in the days  just before football was a twinkle in Tony’s eye, Narcissus was a really, really, really good looking bloke who suffered from the unwelcome attentions of a nympho called Echo (so good they named her twice), but gave her the  cold shoulder as his heart belonged to another.

 Echo’s BFF ( best mate) Nemesis who specialised in revenge didn’t like the fact that Echo got the old heave-ho and cursed Narcissus (not by calling him a tw@t, but a magical curse) and he ended up gazing into a pond at his own reflection for eternity (or forever whichever came first).

His mind began to wander and he  fell deeply in love with himself (as some are prone to do) and eventually committed suicide having realised he could never have himself. (Yes in that way!)

A sad story indeed and who would have guessed so many of the words we use today in everyday speech and in Medicine were originally based on the names  and deeds of old dead Greek folks.

Now we all know a mirror-hog or two and may well accuse them of being vain, toteamazeballs or generally up them self, but on occasion individuals take it much, much further.

Quite recently in my Wetherspoon’s Surgery I met a very troubled young man, for  the sake of confidentiality let’s call him Mr AAA.

Sadly triggered  by a traumatic event earlier in his childhood he started to display bizarre behaviours and thought processes. His mind like many other lost souls had  begun to meander into the cognitive wastelands.

His  thoughts had wandered away from the well lit paths and tidy lawns of sanity and strayed into the unhealthy suburbs of Aberrant Behaviour-Ville, they took the  third right at the Amygdalar roundabout and ended up in Personality Disorder or PD land.

There are many strange places in PD land and on the wrong side of the tracks in the region known as Cluster B  you might find the villages of Histrionic PD.(drama queens live there) and Antisocial PD. where monsters live.

Nearby you will find the superficially picture postcard perfect hamlet of Narcissistic PD

The people who live there like Mr AAA are interesting to say the least and  it is said by the few who have visited and managed to return that

  • They believe they have special powers, are uniquely talented and believe that they deserve special treatment.
  • They have smaller than average penises often combined with Peyronie’s Disease. (Not the lager!)
  • They disregard and disrespect the worth and opinions of those around them irrespective of how well informed.
  • They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success and power and have a sexual affinity for farmyard animals.
  • They fantasise and masturbate about their superior intelligence or stunning beauty.
  • They display an attitude that is arrogant and superior poorly compensating for their micro orchidism.
  • They actively seek to create conflict with normal people who naturally dislike being treated in a condescending fashion.
  • They feel devastated when they intermittently realise that they have normal limitations and these realisations are accompanied by feelings of  alternating rage and shame often manifested by beating their naughty knob with a dessert spoon.
  • They lack all empathy for others and their relationships are  superficial and devoid of real intimacy often triggering chronic premature ejaculatory problems when on escalators.
  • They blog extensively and negatively about famous and special people.  This provides them a disproportionate sense of importance.
  • They shift from over-idealising their idols to devaluing them to showcase their superiority.
  • They require constant admiration from others in order to bolster their own fragile self-esteem and stuff a rolled sock in their pants. (Sometimes down the front)
  • They are manipulative in extracting the necessary attention from all of the people around them and then swiftly discard them like an used, very damp and sticky snotty tissue.

Tragically for Mr AAA  there is no magic pill or simple cure (though a Brillo pad enema has shown promise)  and his only hope would involve reprogramming his cerebral sat-nav  by a well-trained psychologist or psychotherapist with high voltage cattle prod.

Failing this rather than seeking to get help for someone like Mr AAA with NPD, it might be more useful for us to learn coping skills and techniques for dealing with them; namely deprive them of the attention they seek and hope they go away or literally kick ( figuratively is for pussies) them in their diminutive nuts.

———————–

If you have, as it were, a historic bent, you might also enjoy

The Arsenal manager who founded the AAA

Celebrating 120 Years of the Anti-Arsenal Arsenal

20 comments to Why do the AAA behave as they do?

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Buttkicking awesome ! Well done ! Rates AAAA for me !

  • RooM28

    They need help. Please donate to their fund. Oil is finite.

  • Mick Mahoney

    Bang on. As usual.

  • Rantetta

    Oh yes.
    Loving the historical mash-up, too.

  • nicky

    @Doc Brian,
    Rarely has Untold published such a masterpiece of dissection of the AAA.
    We of the Flat Earth Society hope that you will never wield your mighty pen in our direction.

  • dan

    @all

    Will Diaby be available soon? Love watching him play, alongside our new comers he”ll be awesome.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    Different strokes for…..

    A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home, a boy commented, ‘very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?’ upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, ‘the husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?’ hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

    Further on the way home, they met an old lady. She commented, ‘how can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman.’ The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, ‘poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you.’ Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

    It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.

    You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Do not be too bothered by others’ words if your conscience is clear… coz one man’s meat could be another man’s poison..

  • colario

    There are people in this world you can never please. We all know that and we experience them in own life. They are everywhere and that includes here.

    So I don’t really see what the fuss is about.

    Just leave them to get on with it.

    With regard to the contorted minds of the AAA, I am curious to know something.

    We all know how much they were against Geroud and demanding Arsene buy a better striker. Then Geroud is injured.

    Over at manure land they are clearing out thier English players and replacing them with imports.

    So with an injured Geroud Arsene steps in and buys Welbeck a ready made striker with a better goal ratio for England than for manure.

    Would Arsene have bought Welbeck if Geroud had not been injured? What do you think?

  • bjtgooner

    An excellent article and very funny – a good insight into the history and mind (or lack of) of the AAAA.

    But lets not overdo the treatment – e.g. if there was an over enthusiastic application of the high voltage cattle prod to a certain orifice, would the AAAA person retain too much electricity and would this interfere with the smooth running of his trolling tool (i.e. his computer)?

  • Dr Brian

    @bjtgooner

    A great question, the area of treatment depends on where you consider their brains actually are!

  • @ colario:

    “Would Arsene have bought Welbeck if Giroud had not been injured? What do you think?”

    Yes, I think he would have.

  • AL

    Brilliant read! Agree with every word 🙂

  • AB

    Come the Glorious Day ! Bop Bop .

  • omgarsenal

    Well done…..here is a definition of Peyronie’s disease:Peyronie’s disease or Peyronie disease (/peɪroʊˈniː/), also known as induratio penis plastica (IPP)[1] or chronic inflammation of the tunica albuginea (CITA), is a connective tissue disorder involving the growth of fibrous plaques[2] in the soft tissue of the penis affecting 5% of men.[3] Specifically, scar tissue forms in the tunica albuginea, the thick sheath of tissue surrounding the corpora cavernosa causing pain, abnormal curvature, erectile dysfunction, indentation, loss of girth and shortening.[4][5][6][7] A variety of treatments have been used, but none have been especially effective.

    Sounds like AAA to me.

  • omgarsenal

    By the way Dr.Brian, are you a urologist or proctologist since you seem to have an anal/penile focus? Mr.AAA most definitely suffered in the nether regions.

  • He he he he he he I just like all wot you guys wrote, keep it up.

  • I don’t know much about the penile analyses but this is dead right about the AAA in my opinion:

    “They blog extensively and negatively about famous and special people. This provides them a disproportionate sense of importance.”

    Absolutely spot on!

  • Umar

    As much as i love been an AKB. These days i have been unhappy with what wenger does.may be i don’t understand it but give me good reasons for these ideas of the man i will be happy to learn.firstly,wenger seems to love tall strikers even though less talented,sanogo is nowhere near campbell in ability.bentner will never be a better striker compared to carlos vela.he also seem to allow them time to learn thier deficiencies where as benches the short ones,giroud has never corrected his poor chance conversion regardless of his two years time.what amount of time has podolski gotten to perfect his positioning as a striker?how many clubs won the league and champions league because they have a TALL striker?why do wenger play players out of position?Arshavin,Özil anyone? Its killing thier carreers.when will he realize that it doesn’t matter whether you play beautifully or not the aim is to win the trophys?just tell me whether you hate goerge grahams double winning team?now he is playing 4-1-4-1,the only good thing about it is it allows wilshere and ramsey to play together.otherwize,it isolates the lone striker and the lone defensive midfielder,chunk up the midfield thereby removing space for our midfielders,makes us one dimensional(majority of the attack is through the full backs crossing),exposes the defence as the full backs are mostly further up than they should be,hence the center backs are dragged wide and the space is exploited with good crossing into the box.i think 4-1-4-1 give the impression of’defend our crosses,score with yours’.can somebody justify these decisions by the manager.before i get tags on me,let me confess of being an AOB and not otherwise.lastly, i agree with sagna that the manager,players and staff get thier jobs too easy as a result of a superfriendly homely feeling.thank you.

  • omgarsenal

    Here is a theme each AAA needs tattooed on his or her arse:

    PROMOTE WHAT YOU LOVE INSTEAD OF BASHING WHAT YOU HATE!

  • bjtgooner

    @omgarsenal

    Pity the poor tattooist!