In September some brave souls made predictions about Arsenal. Here’s how it went.

Clairvoyants Wanted THE RESULTS

By Psychic Brian,

Professor of Applied Frotteurism at the Tamakeri Institute

On 12 September 2014 many brave souls decided to risk humiliation and embarrassment by predicting the outcome of Arsenal’s progress and achievement for this season.

There were many who stepped forward but only few have been chosen. Of the 11 points available some performances of merit included:





However three stood head and shoulders above the rest a reminder of the questions and the top answers given follows…

What will Arsenal’s final English Premier League position be? 3rd 1 point  



3rd 3rd
What will Arsenal’s total league points be? 75 1 point 85 83 82
Who will be Arsenal’s top or joint top goal scorer in all competitions? ALEXISSANCHEZ


1 point Sanchez Sanchez Alexis
What will Arsenal’s final position in the Champion’s League be? Round of 16 1 point semi-finals Quarters Last 16
Who will score more EPL goals, Welbeck, Granny Shagger or Van Per$ie? WELBECK 8ROONEY




1 point Tooney Van P Welbeck tied with WR
On what date will St. Totteringham’s day fall in 2015? 5th May 2015 1 point May 1st 2015 May 9th/10th weekend No idea
Who will we sign in the January 2015 transfer window? Krystian & Gabriel 2 points Carvallho Rabiot No-one
Which 3 teams will be relegated from the EPL in 2015? HULLBURNLEY


3 points QPR,Burnley, Crystal Palace QPRBurnley


Burnley, Palace,West Ham
  11 5 4 4

Correct answers shown throughout in bold.

Our clear winner of the title

Untold Psychic of the Year is……………………yet another drum roll…………………

OMG Arsenal!!

For a bit of fun you may want to answer the final tie break questions

  • Who will, by general consensus of the Untold team, be Arsenal’s best player?
  • Who will be by general consensus of the Untold team be EPL’s C*nt of the year?

 And just so you don’t forget

  • 26 May 1989 Liverpool 0 Arsenal 2.  Arsenal won the league.   Prior to the match the Daily Mail ran the headline “You don’t have a prayer Arsenal” and Brian Moore’s commentary of the game, which was shown live on TV, contained the famous line, “It’s up for grabs now”. Alan Smith’s goal gave him 23 goals in 36 league games.  Michael Thomas (who later played for Liverpool) scored the winner “right at the end”.


16 Replies to “In September some brave souls made predictions about Arsenal. Here’s how it went.”

  1. Are we having this psychic competition next season??

    BTW, who is this ARSENAL 130?

  2. OT: Dumb Statistics Tricks

    One of the articles being offered by the medja, suggests Arsenal have improved in most areas, but their passing has gotten worse.

    Total Passes
    21,562 last season, 20,531 this season.
    The average of those 2 nmumbers is 21046.5. If we assume passes per game is actual variable, we get close to 554 passes per game. If the distribution of total passes is Poisson, we expect the frational standard deviation to be 4.2%. If we add 4.2% to 20531 we get 21,393. If we subtract 4.2% from 21562 we get 20,656. The 2 numbers are not identical, but they are just outside of 1 standard deviation from each other, let alone considering that they are both within 1 standard deviation of a common mean (of 21,046).

    There is no story here, just careless use of statistics.

  3. So joint 2nd… Congrats to OMG and commiserations to the rest of us.

    Re tiebreakers:

    Best Player: Koscielny.
    Other Question: Mourinho. If it has to be a player, then I have developed quite an intense dislike of Cahill although no one has really stood out this year (other than the aforementioned manager).

  4. Congratulations to all the mystic wonders, well done.

    To my credit I wasn’t fooled by our poor start and had a score on us to win the Premier League at 20/1 in early November.

    I never once felt we looked anything other than a top 4 team. In fact at no time did anyone other than Chelsea or City look remotely better than us. Alas the gap was just too big to claw back.

    Anyway, despite our still massive financial disadvantage I am going to predict we will win the PL next season. It will be very tough and there will be no shame if we don’t, I just think we are ready.

    As for best Player, I think there where a few candidates but in the end I narrowed it down to the 2 that maintained there form for pretty much the entire season, time out for injuries accepted, and that was Koscielny and Cazola. On the toss of a coin I went for Santi.

    Honourable mentions for Alexis, Per, Bellerin and Monreal.

    As for the EPL’s **** of the year: Do we really need to say it?

  5. But ‘Answer’ got every single one of them correct…….

    It’s be interesting to trawl through some of the Sept/Oct/Nov comments and see who said things like “you’ve got to be on drugs to think we’ll get into the CL” etc.
    Wish I had the time.

  6. Frotteurism?Is it a bit like when the door bell rings and the dog starts a bit of potty invisible nookie in excitement? Must be an achievement to become a professor in it!Do you have to work your way up from the bottom?
    Ive heard rumours of an Tamekeri Institute its down the Seven Sisters road isnt it?I know there was an Ars Nova chanson years ago, back in 1322 when Ye Totty Spudes last won somethings (the small goblet) sung by Ulric and Cedric, whose real names were Chas and Dave famous wandering troubadours:

    “Im Totty the frottage man, I live in a caravan, when others are hugging, I do me rubbing, Im Totty the frottage man” and rounded it off with a big hey! at the end.Such fun!

    Then they would dance in the firelight naked around a chicken singing about the quest for the fabled Thorsday night chalice and then indulge in a bit of ye old Tamakeri for a few hours.Such fun in the country world of Middle Earth sex…

    Well done OMG!

    Best player? Ozzle.
    Dirty frotten frotter of the year? Joe”on the buses” Moaniho.The specialist in expensive bus tickets and the invisible Blakey moustache.Either that or Stoke City.

  7. 1. Ozil – apologies, I still don’t know how to do an umlaut.
    2. Mourinho.
    Recent press conference. Journalist asks what AW thinks of something Mourinho has said. AW says he doesn’t listen to what people say. Journalist, ‘Even Mourinho?’ AW looks amused and slightly scornful. Journalist, ‘Especially Mourinho?’ AW, ‘Exactly.’ This says it all.

  8. Pat, use ALT + 153 for Ö. 😉

    Speaking of predictions, one brave man came here in August and wrote a few correct things with many wrong ones. He wrote that Arsenal would score 107 goals in the league. We have scored 105 across all competitions with a game against Villa ahead of us which means he might have misunderstood his crystal ball.

    Here is what he predicted for Alexis:

    “Alexis – to me at least – is the most exciting signing since certain Bobby Pires opted for Arsenal instead of Juventus and Real Madrid. As Walter pointed out, Alexis will add a lot to our defensive solidity. Of course, his main duty will be goals. Özil’s touches of magic behind the defence, Alexis’ dribbling and shooting technique (just take a look at his goals in El Classico last season or against Atletico Madrid in that title decider) = 15 goals at least, with possibility to get involved in at least 25. He might be used as a lone striker as well but Wenger mentioned only flanks last time he was asked about the Chilean. So, it’s already 35 goals from Giroud and Alexis.”

    Alexis has scored 24 goals and created eleven more across all competitions. It’s 35 goals in which Alexis has been involved so far, with one more game to go. And, he’s been probably the most exciting signing since Bobby Pires.

    The brave clairvoyant also said this about Giroud:

    “Giroud – provided that he gets 30 matches to start and 8 in which he will be brought in to face tired legs of the opponents’ defenders – should get involved in at least 30 league goals. He will have a lot more space to operate with Alexis and, hopefully, healthy Theo on the flanks. When you add two world-class midfielders Ramsey and Özil who can both pass and make runs behind the defence to ease the burden from Giroud, the Frenchman should enjoy a really great season. Also, let’s not forget about Debuchy – he seems to me as better attacking option than Sagna and his crosses for Giroud – something that they probably did in the national team as well – might add another dimension to our attacking play. So, let’s say Giroud would score 20 goals next season.”

    Giroud has scored 18 goals, has enjoyed with Alexis and Welbeck/Chamberlain/Walcott on the flanks and has enjoyed a really great season.

    Here is the one about Ramsey:

    “Then, there is Ramsey. One of the best midfielders in the world – provided that no butchers harm him this season – can get at least 12 goals as well. He can do it from the outside, he uses his head in both meanings and it seems to me his IQ on and off the pitch is second to none.”

    Ramsey has scored 10 goals so far and his intelligence has been proven over and over again.

    He even got this one right about Flamini:

    “Speaking of deep-sitting-midfielders, Flamini will score one as well.”

    One part is especially brilliant:

    “Provided that Mikel Arteta plays a regular role in the team, we might score at least five penalties. Alexis’ dribbling will force the opponents to tackle him in the box. The thing is, now when we are obviously the title contenders from the Day One, PGMOL might instruct their…personnel to turn the head on the other side whenever Alexis or Ramsey get the ball in the box. Still, I’d go with five penalties for Arsenal and Arteta’s 100 percent record. He has missed just one in his Arsenal career.”

    We have scored six penalties in the league with the one from Alexis being missed. Arteta has taken one in Champions’ League (Anderlecht) and converted it – 100 percent record. Unfortunately, PGMOL read the script as well so they had turned their head on the other side in too many situations in the first half of the season.

    So, you might raise a glass for Josif as well.

  9. OMG …..I actually won something (what DID I win???)… wife tells me I am useless at predicting things but now I have definitive proof to the contrary!!!!

    Here are my answers to the final questions:


    2)Mike Riley without a doubt!

  10. Typical media sour grapes and anti Arsenal bullshit.
    Lineker on MOTD accusing Arsenal fans of ‘hijacking’ the goal of the season vote to ensure a Wilshere majority.
    Durham on Talkshite accusing Arsenal supporters of ‘hijacking’ the vote in favour of Alexis for player of the year.
    You can guarantee that whenever Arsenal, be it player or manager or club, win a supporter based voting award we will be accused of hijacking the vote, though where they get their evidence to support their claims I know not.
    I’ve not noticed similar accusations made to any other clubs.

  11. OMG

    I saw that too and thought WTF. Lets just suppose that was true for a min, where was the fans of other clubs, leaving Arsenal fans to hijack the vote. Why did the other clubs’ fans not also hijack in favour of their players? How did Arsenal fans coordinate this hijack anyway, to be able to do it so stealthily that noone noticed or couldn’t also copy them. These guys have accused Wenger of everything under the sun, now they’re doing it to the fans.

  12. I got 2 points ! Will wonders never crease ? Next season I ‘ll bravely move on to tactics and such.
    I remember predicting that we will all 4 trophies – may get at least one right this weekend!
    On the flip side I did predict that ManUre will be relegated ! Or that we’ll end up with 100points !
    I should have got more right but off hand ,I really cannot remember if all the stars were in line or if all right boxes were ticked when I made those prediction .
    1. With wine or without
    2. Was laid or no such luck
    3. Bed or sofa
    4. Was that time of the month .
    5. Crystal ball was foggy and contaminated due to the maid’s poor cleaning techniques . She did come highly recommended and claims to have worked at the Holiday Inn and the Sheraton and Embassay suites. What do you guys think ? Was I misled ?

  13. Best player – Alexis 1st half / Le Coq -2nd half ( Well they always say it a game of 2 halves !)
    Piece of shit of the year – Moanin’inho forever !

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