Cohen Bramall the new Bellerin (inc film), Belloti and Griezmann on the way. Plus nicked copy – an outrage.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Our young Mr Cohen cost anything from £40,000 to £80,000, opinion varies, but in terms of his age there is an agreement he is 20, which makes him rather old for a youth signing for Arsenal.  His position is best described as Bellerinesque.   Well, ok not best described as Bellerinesque, but I like the word so there!

In the tales told by Bellerin himself as to why he came to Arsenal, one of the statements he always makes is that the Arsenal boss told him that he would train with and play with the first team.  Wenger assured him he would thus become a first team player.   So he came.   And when Barcelona made plaintive DNA noises he didn’t go back, despite all the transfer rumours saying he was off.

Now maybe Wenger has spotted another one.

He was signed from Hednesford Town in the Evo-Stik Northern Stick Premier Evo League.

1. Buxton 27 9 3 0 5 4 6 14 7 6 46 26 20 49
2. Rushall Olympic 27 8 1 4 7 3 4 15 4 8 42 31 11 49
3. Blyth Spartans 24 8 4 1 6 1 4 14 5 5 45 23 22 47
4. Whitby Town 27 8 2 2 6 3 6 14 5 8 34 29 5 47
5. Spennymoor Town 25 9 1 2 4 5 4 13 6 6 52 30 22 45
6. Matlock Town 24 8 3 2 5 1 5 13 4 7 35 26 9 43
7. Workington 27 8 0 6 5 3 5 13 3 11 39 39 0 42
8. Grantham Town 28 8 2 5 4 3 6 12 5 11 47 35 12 41
9. Nantwich Town 23 4 1 4 8 3 3 12 4 7 44 30 14 40
10. Hednesford Town 26 7 3 3 5 1 7 12 4 10 45 34 11 40


Cohen had a trial with Palace reserves (that’s Crystal not Buckingham) two months ago, and played a couple of friendlies for Sheffield Wednesday. recently before being poached by Arsenal.

The 20-year-old has scored once in 26 appearances for Hednesford and there is even a film of him… just flip past the opening stats and ads if your time is limited.  It is the game against Frickley Athletic in September.


And oh yes he has pace, as we require in all our youth players.

A piece in the Telegraph says that “The day before the call came from his agent telling him of Arsenal’s interest, Cohen Bramall had been made redundant from his job fitting radiators in a Bentley factory.  He is reported as saying, “When they told me I was thinking I needed to sort something else quick, I needed more money coming in. I was driving home to get my things together for a trial at Shrewsbury Town when Lee called.

“I thought it was a wind-up, I was going mad, but as soon as he told me he was serious I grabbed all my stuff and headed straight down to London.”

Sky Sprouts have the lad saying, “In the next six months I want to try and build on keeping the ball, being powerful, and getting my body used to full-time football.  Hopefully I’ll go on pre-season with them and try to break into the first team. That’s my goal, that’s what I want to do as soon as possible. I’m just going to take everything on board and go for it.”

So who else is on the incoming train today?   Well with Giroud in great form, Alexis having had his rest and Welbeck now back playing, plus Lukas Perez making his mark and scoring goals, the obvious thing for any sports reporter to think that we need is a new striker, and that’s what they have come up with: Andrea Belotti from Torino for £50 million.  It’s in The Sun so must be true.  But Sky says Torino has rejected the bid.  And its just about on every web site.

Manchester United and Chelsea are also interested and it is suggested Arsenal will make an offer once the season is over – which presumably means when they know if Alexis goes or stays.  And to prove it an unknown source in Foreign Parts said, “Arsenal have an option for Belotti from Torino, and he is available for €60 million.

“That is to get him now before any other teams come in for him, but Arsenal will not pay that amount just yet. They will wait to see what happens with him this season, and think about moving for him again in the summer.”

But wait, there is more, because we also want Atletico Madrid’s man Antoine Griezmann, who we were going to get last summer but didn’t.  But the Daily Star (the paper that exists to make the Sun look intellectual) is dead certain that Mr W met Griezmann at Euro 2016 to discuss his future plans. Now that would be completely illegal, if he didn’t have AtMad’s permission, but we shall let that pass, along with the fact that we already have four first team strikers, not including Theo of course.  The Independent says we have not made a bid for Griez so maybe it is like 97% of all the incoming transfers of last summer.

The price is of course a snip at £80 million, but that alone makes me suspicious.  With the pound falling faster than a fast falling thing on a very heavy planet, no one quotes player prices in pounds these days.  It’s Euros, so the price just goes up day after day after day when paid in pounds.  Unless of course Arsenal have a Euro bank account.  Now that would be nifty.

But still the Star is also sure that Alexis is going to China.

Elsewhere Rangers really do keep popping up as the name of the club that will take Jon Toral after he moved back home from Granada (which is a Spanish club not a TV station).

Next up there is FC Porto defender Ricardo Pereira, currently on loan at Nice (which the Daily Star who reports this tells us is in France rather than a description of the location).

Elsehwere Giroud is about to sign a new contract apparently, Ozil has said he won’t sign until he knows Mr Wenger is staying, [cue aaa saying “how can he be so blind???] the very large Sam wants Jenkinson on loan for a while, Alexis is not going to China but to PSG (this one just goes back and forth every day), Atletico Mad want Alexis, so maybe we could have Griezman in exchange…

And just to wrap it all up, The Daily Canon, has nicked one of our anniversary stories (the one about Danskin not getting elected to the Royal Arsenal Committee) and made it their own.  I know it is one of ours because the only place that is mentioned is on the Untold / Arsenal History anniversary file, and in the book “Woolwich Arsenal the club that changed football” of which Mr Attwood was the co-author and he said I would lose my column if I didn’t mention it.  [This is not true – Tony].

If you want a copy either on Kindle or in print form there are details here.

Arsenal on this day also appears on the home page of Untold each day.  Except when it doesn’t.

11 Replies to “Cohen Bramall the new Bellerin (inc film), Belloti and Griezmann on the way. Plus nicked copy – an outrage.”

  1. I don’t bother reading any of those ‘transfer stories’. They are all meaningless tbh. All that matters to me is some exciting on-field success for Arsenal

  2. Cohan Bramall. Another Cinderella story. Hope it comes to pass and he becomes an Arsenal great. Welcome to the Ems.

  3. Bramall looks very one-footed.
    Hopefully it’s something he can sort out quickly…

  4. Ha ha: “the Daily Star (the paper that exists to make the Sun look intellectual)” – brilliant!

  5. I distinctly remember another young one-footed player doing rather well for us, one Ashley Cole…

  6. BTW, our Chief Scout should take a look at Omar Bogle, 17 goals this season, 2nd top scorer in EPL and EFL.

    Offers around £1.5 million should do the trick.

  7. Have we confirmed the signing yet. Anyway, if we have really signed him and he really makes it here, This story should be an inspiration for all young footballers. From non-professional to top club in no time. Talent + hardwork.

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