Southampton v Arsenal: Daily Telegraph joins Independent by moving into the Post-Truth world

By Bulldog Drummond

According to the X Files (remember them?) the Truth is Out There.

Now we have Jose Mourinho telling us that the result of the match against Hull wasn’t a win for Hull because the ref made a mistake, so their unbeaten run continues.  (Which means that Arsenal’s unbeaten run wasn’t 49 at all but at least 50).

And then we had the Independent telling us that Arsenal get more injuries than all other teams with data so fake that a dead parrot sold by John Cleese could recognise that there was something wrong.

Surely there would be no more.  But no, for now we have the Telegraph telling us that the FA Cup match involving the Arsenal tomorrow is at the Emirates.  Here’s the exact section of their site today at 4pm – although to deny their cock-up they might change this at any time.

And they say…

Arsenal vs Southampton (Saturday 5.30pm)

They then follow this with a picture of the Alexis dogs’ banner and suggest that Arsenal fans will “display a new banner in place of the one for Alexis Sanchez’s dogs, this time for Mesut Ozil’s pug Balboa.”

Putting Arsenal’s name first on the fixture and “in place of” suggests replacing the banner at the Ems.  Yep they really want us to believe the game is at the Ems.

In fact they caught Tony out who was to be heard frantically calling Blacksheep (with whom he normally goes to the games) to check that it really was away.

So what next – the results are not as we are told, the venue is not where we thought, everyone is injured so no one can play…

And yes there is more

Southampton boss Claude Puel, who has led the Saints to their first cup final in his first season in charge, has been looking ahead to Saturday’s FA Cup tie against Arsenal.

That is on the BBC site.

The Saints first cup final???????????????????????????????

It’s not even their first cup final against Arsenal!  Here is a selection of cup finals involving Southampton who at any moment are likely to be called Southampton Academical.

Season Winners Score Losers Venue Crowd
1899–1900 Bury 4–0 Southampton Crystal Palace 68,945
1901–02 Sheffield Utd 1–1 Southampton Crystal Palace 76,914
1901–02 (R) Sheffield Utd 2–1 Southampton Crystal Palace 33,068
1975–76 Southampton 1–0 Manchester Utd Wembley 100,000
2002–03 Arsenal 1–0 Southampton Millennium 73,726

This really is getting seriously out of hand.

Let’s try and find a few real facts.  Sort of really real, real facts that are actual facts and not made up at all type facts.

Manchester United and Arsenal are the dominant teams in the FA Cup.  FACT!

Each has won the cup 12 times and has been runner’s up seven times, making a total of 19 appearances.  FACT!

The nearest challenger in terms of wins is Tottenham with eight, and the nearest in terms of appearances is Liverpool with 14 (seven wins, and seven defeats).  IRRELEVANT FACT!

Mr Wenger is the most successful FA Cup manager of the last 100 years, and one more win would make him the most successful manager of all time in the FA Cup.  FACT!

The last time any team scored more than the four Arsenal got in beating Aston Villa the season for last was in 1903. FACT!

So, what about Southampton, who have never been in a cup final (apparently)?  How are they doing at the moment?

Here’s their league record of late courtesy of

Game Date Opposition Venue Result Pos Pts
18 28.12.2016 Tottenham Hotspur home L1-4 8 24
19 31.12.2016 West Bromwich Albion home L1-2 9 24
20 02.01.2017 Everton away L0-3 10 24
21 14.01.2017 Burnley away L0-1 13 24
22 22.01.2017 Leicester City home W3-0 11 27

In the league cup they have done much better, beating us 2-0, and Liverpool home and away 1-0 to get to the final.  But it is interesting, those league cup games were on 11th and 25th January, which suggests either they were putting far more effort into the League Cup or the victory over Leicester turned the corner for them.

Here’s the home and away analysis

Southampton in the league at home have five wins, three draws, three defeats, 13 goals scored and 11 conceded.

Arsenal in the league away from home show a better set of results – six wins, three draws, two defeats, 27 scored 12 conceded, which certainly looks to give us the advantage.

In the third round of the FA Cup they beat Palace 2-0 at home, while you will recall we were at Preston and had a grotty first half, but it all came good in the end.  The Arsenal team on that day was


Maitland-Niles, Mustafi, Gabriel, Monreal,

Xhaka, Ramsey,

Ox, Iwobi, Lucas,


Beached:  Martinez (who the Telegraph, keeping up their recent run of errors, called Martinex), Jenkinson, Holding, Reine-Adelaide, Dasilva, Willock, Welbeck

Obviously we can’t put out the same team again, but we do have quite a few options with the injured returning.  I’ll return to this tomorrow.

Anyway, for now the key things to remember are these.

1: The match is not at the Emirates FACT!

2: Southampton have not just reached their first cup final. FACT!

3: The name of Arsenal’s third keeper who is likley to be reserve tomorrow ends with a Z. FACT!

4: Hull did beat Manchester United. FACT!

Like I say, the truth is out there.


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29 Replies to “Southampton v Arsenal: Daily Telegraph joins Independent by moving into the Post-Truth world”

  1. Media is soooooo disconnected. These people don’t know whats really happening.

    One wants Mr Wenger referee a Sunday league as punishment. This person clearly doesn’t know Mr Wenger has been sympathetic about the non performance of the referees due to the pace of the game and has openly advocated for assistance to them to perform better.

    Another one who calls football soccer, thinks referees are abused and jeered for doing their job!!!…. Seriously????.
    They are jeered for not doing their job. If they had, ManUtd would’ve been lower down in the league table.

  2. Spotted your deliberate mistake saints beat norwich 1_0 in a replay in the 3rd round guess you just wanted to contribute to your own article on wrong info

  3. WA
    In view of what Tony has just written can we be sure it’s a four match ban and not something else?
    I will wait till I see it on

  4. IMO 4 match ban is ridiculous. What did Wenger do to warrant such nonsense. What the FA is trying to do is to ensure that Wenger is not available in the dugout for the Chelsea game. I hope Arsenal is ready to appeal.

  5. Mourinho is really a gentleman, who has never gouged the eyes of an opposing coach.

    Costa is a boy scout, who managed to behave with utmost courtesy and restraint when he was savagely beaten up by Gabriel.

    Mike Dean and Jonathan Moss are excellent referees.

    Sir Alex Ferguson would not tolerate diving and fouling by his players.

    The BBC is balanced and fair.

  6. TEASER: The end is really the beginning.

    esnes erom sekam ti – sdrawkcab gnihtyreve dear tsuJ

  7. I think the FA went a bit far in handing down a four match touchline ban to Le Prof for his using what had been considered to be offensive language to the match referee and also for pushing Anthony Taylor the fourth match official, who all officiated in our last PL home match against Burnley at the Ems last Saturday.

    If the FA have to take disciplinary action on these two offences which they’ve charged Le Prof with, it shouldn’t be more than for them to hand down a two match ban of one ban each for each of the two offences committed plus the £25k fine they’ve fined him. I think the FA action which they took on this case was swayed by the calls of the two former Pgmol senior retired referees who have both called on the FA to hand Le Prof a lengthy match ban from the touchline instead of the FA to consider this case solely on it’s merit.

    Four match ban or no four match ban of Le Prof from the dogout by the FA, all the Gunners and all the Gooners should not worry because Le Prof will still be in charge of the Gunners in their next four games and manage them for the matches but this time from the stands where he’ll be passing instructions using some communication aids to Steve Bould his able assistant on the touchline telling him what he should do. So, the problem caused by this FA four match touchline ban of Le Prof is not unmanageable but manageable. Arsenal will shame their foes by winning all these four matches which the FA have banned Le Prof from managing the Gunners playing these matches from the dogout but instead manage them from the stands.

  8. BBC bias. Goalkeeper positioned exactly where he should be. England player heads the ball straight at him and apparently the GK is “lucky to be in the right place”. In my head I have numerous recollections of an Arsenal player making the same header and being berated for being very poor for heading straight at the GK. Its my fault, I shouldn’t have the volume up!

  9. Fear the true punishment for Wenger will come not in his ban of his fine, but on the pitch…..Atkinson Taylor Dean and co will be despatched

  10. 4 match touch line ban is a bit harsh, I think it should be two, one for the verbal and one for the gentle push.

    Anyway, not as bad as stadium bans that those ex referees were seeking, at least AW will be in the stand and can direct instructions via any communication means.

    Also, will be interesting to see Bouldy managing on the touch line.

  11. Well who’s been a bad boy(s) then? Wenger and Xhaka, shame on you. 🙂 Wish i could make £20.000 that easy.

    Give us some excitement and a win today please. Thanks!

  12. I see the odd whining (whinging) article about Wenger not getting a long enough suspension.

    In so far that if the officials were doing there job, that nobody should be abusing them; suspending Wenger has meaning and usefulness. But I would think that out of all the managers in the EPL, Wenger would be the least likely to exact lasting physical, mental or emotional harm on any official. In that sense, The FA giving out a ban as long as 4 games is really just playing the “bully”. But this seems to be a theme with The FA, to demonstrate things against Arsenal. And later on, when some other favoured club gets in similar problems, ignore that there was ever a problem.

    But, let’s take another discipline problem. ManCity has apparently said it has been guilty of drugs problems. To ban management person X, Y or Z from attending games is meaningless. Fine, apply (some of the) punishment to the visible member of management, the manager. Give Pep a 4 game ban because ManCity was flouting rules.

  13. As it’s the Lunar New Year , my best wishes to all for the year of the Rooster.
    Or Cockerel , or Cock.

    As the wise guy said , ” Soon all Monkey business will end , and everyone will start to talk (poppy) cock !”

    Those who have been at it (ie, poppycocking !) all this while will probably double their efforts !

  14. I wish I could have heard AW’s defence. Got to wait for that book I was talking about.

  15. How the feck can Wenger on Taylor be a push & the Bournemouth barge on Bellerin not be a push. Taylor was truly behaving like Riley’s pooch border collie rounding on Wenger to get in his pen. If it wasn’t true it would be funny.

    Once again the FA & PGMOL prove beyond doubt that they are corrupt. Remember the choke hold by Stokes’s Charlie Adams on Alexis Sanchez? Evidence galore – nothing done. What a despicable society we live in.

  16. And in the spirit of goodwill, prayers, best wishes and hopes ….

    A Chinese man who had no wife, no child, no money, no house and a blind Mother prayed fervently to God and God was moved by his prayers and told him to make ONLY ONE request which will be granted to him.

    Then the Chinese man prayed and said, “God, I want my Mother to see my wife putting diamond bangles on my daughter’s hand inside my car parked in front of my mansion.”

    When God heard this prayer, HE said to himself, “I still have a lot to learn from the Chinese people.”

  17. Apparently tweeted by The Donald – not able to confirm .

    Trump’s latest Tweet:

    “One week after I took office, China has completely shut down. Factories have stopped production, shops have closed, stock markets are not trading, and the government has ground to a halt.

    The wealthy have fled overseas with their families, citizens are desperately trading the RMB for foreign currency, doors all across the country are plastered with red notices. Supermarket food stock are depleted and food prices have risen.

    The people who staying have nothing to do except day-long drinking and gambling. There may also be sound of gunfire on the streets for days!”

    China foreign ministry replied on Weibo: “That’s Chinese New Year, you dumb ass.”

  18. Now that AW will not be in the dugout for four matches , what will the cameras pan to when the opposing keepers are time wasting ? Or the ball boy is refusing to give back the ball ?

    They are really going to miss those shots of AW ‘struggling’ with the overcoat zipper. And him supposedly looking worried . Or having another friendly ‘chat’ with the forth official .

    Steve Bould would just be looking on without any expression on his face . Let then try to read his thoughts ! Good luck with that .

    Bet there will be pandemonium at their tracing boards as they come to realise that they HAVE to show the games in its totality !

  19. ”Steve Bould would just be looking on without any expression on his face . Let then try to read his thoughts ! Good luck with that .”

    They already know his thoughts. No problems there.

    Not just Bouuld’s we here it in commentaries and and other spoofings. A typical line that springs to mind.
    After an incident or before or after a game. ”He will be thinking…..”

    From the wordweb dictionary:
    spoof= Something intended to deceive; deliberate trickery intended to gain an advantage.

  20. Confucious say : ” Man who put rooster in freezer , bound to wake up with stiff cock . “

  21. The media will be a lot more favourablly disposed towards Bould being English. And the moment we defeat Southampton, be prepared to read stuffs like this is a dress rehearsal of Bould succeeding Wenger. How tactically inept Wenger has been and what an air of difference it makes with Bould on the touch line. They will claim that this exactly is what they have been clamouring for all these years as Wenger has been responsible for Arsenal’s stagnation.

  22. Well as the prevuous punishment dishe out to a manager for pushing an official was two matches it is no surprise that we were treated more harshly (par for the course), but I was thinking if Arsene was two ho in and two good an opponent would ge get the lesser sentence of a 3 match ban?

  23. Perhaps Arsene should have just grabbed a Burnley player by the throat as Pearson did while “managing” Leicester, the FA saw nothing wrong with that, but then again we know that lack of respect towards the players as we are remi see that the game couldn’t exist without refs… obviously players don’t matter…

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