Arsenal has got completely the wrong management team. This is who we should have at the club

By Dr Billy “the dog” McGraw, chief psychologist at the University hospital of the North Circular Road


It is self-evident that Arsenal have got completely the wrong group of people running the club.  As an example of out to tackle problems we should take a good hard look at our government in the UK and see how they do things.

We have had far too much of this Wenger Out! business and actually need everyone out.

And it is not that there is a shortage of people available to do the job of running the club.  One only has to look at the UK government to see exactly the range of talent on offer.

First of all we need a public spokesbeing, a new front man to face the journalists and supporters.

Head of PR: Boris Johnson

Just read what he has said…

My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.

Very much what Arsenal need I think you will agree.  He also knows his place in the hierarchy of things…

The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP they have run out of better ideas.

Since that seems to be the journalists’ common view of why most people come to watch Arsenal, he would obviously get on with the gentlemen of the press very well.

Manager: Theresa May

By separating the Head of PR from the manager we could have much more clarity.  Now it is often said that our PM is nothing more than a robot, indeed in Westminster she is generally known as the MayBot.  And that works.  I mean look at this…

“In tough times, everyone has to take their share of the pain.”

Mr Wenger’s great mistake is to take responsibility for what the club does.  If we had a manager like the MayBot we’d know where we stood on all matters.  As supporters it would be our fault.

Head of transfers: David Davis

We need to be out there, doing stuff, getting players, telling those foreign johnnies who’s who and what’s what.

Now you’ll know Davis in this regard, he’s the Brexit Bulldog, a legend in his own lunchtime.  The man of whom one of his colleagues said, “He’s the only man I know who can swagger while sitting down.”

That’s what you need in doing transfers.  Go out, get the man, bring him back.   For as the Bulldog said, “The free trade agreement that we will have to do with the European Union should be one of the easiest in human history.”

In charge of the defence: Gavin Williamson

He’s the man who as secretary of defence (see he already has the job) said that Britons fighting for Islamic State should be killed before they can return to the UK.  And we don’t want any of this namby pamby obey the rules stuff.  We want big defenders who show those lilly livered attackers from the other teams what it means to be an Arsenal man.

The New Statesman quoted one female Conservative MP as calling Mr W “a self-serving c***”  Except they put the full word in, but if I do it here, Untold will be banned by Virgin Media again and thus not readable in Terminal 4 at Heathrow.

In charge of player well being: Jeremy Hunt

Now here is the man you need to keep players laughing and jolly, even at the worst of times.  The man who said that the creation of the National Health Service in the UK was due to the Conservative Party (who were not in government at the time and voted against the bill over a dozen times in Parliament).

Day one he would be saying, “As you can see, Arsenal are top of the league and on course to win the European Cup this year).”  Exactly the sort of positive approach we need.

In charge of contacts: Liam Fox

At a Guardian conference Liam Fox said, “I am the great thresher! I gulp in passers by and spit out pieces of blood and bone! I am the destroyer of worlds! I shall tear into this country until nothing is left but ash and crackling, and all the citizens shall wail and gnash their teeth! All will perish before the might of Fox!”

And you can’t say fairer than that.

Training: Damian Hinds

The great thing about Damian Hinds is that when he makes a speech his office then puts out a printed version of a quite different speech.  And what better training for a footballer is there than doing things and then claiming you haven’t especially when it involves night clubs.

And it helps get through all those boring international weeks.

Also Hinds, despite being in charge of education has never said anything the slightest bit noteworthy ever.

Contracts: Esther McVey

The woman who said the rise of food banks was ‘positive’ and to be ‘expected’ has clearly got something going for her when it comes to getting the best deal for the club.  She also compared social claimants to children, took benefits away from 300,000 people on the grounds that “bodies heal”, and ensured that a job seeker who turned down a zero hour contract would lose all unemployment benefits.  A perfect fit.

So there we are.  A new team for next season.  Just what we need.   Mr Wenger for Prime Minister.

Recent Posts

And from the Arsenal History Society



6 Replies to “Arsenal has got completely the wrong management team. This is who we should have at the club”

  1. As far as I’m aware none of the above support the IRA or other murderous organisations ….whereas certain members of the shadow cabinet…….or did they jump ship to support Brexit AFTER the national public vote…..or did they blame government cuts for the Grenfell Tower disaster before the ashes had even settled.
    …but I might be wrong, I usually am!

  2. Billy I laffed (Irish accent) so I did!

    Clearly we need to conscripts every one of them, immediately.

    There was me thinking the IRA formed due to conservative backed British secret police intentionally not destabilizing the country!

    Jihad – correct definition

    To seek internal cleansing through a holy war with oneself. #Arsenal #Arsene

    To take Armani against oppression #Arsenal #Arsene

    Wait one second, Can anyone name a peacefulness revolution, the problem with impressive dictatorships, even those disguised as democracies or free worlds is, no matter how much wailing, screaming and moaning the masses do, some ignorant those same victims revel in their sadomasochism and the oppressors really wouldn’t Ben very oppressive if they just relented and left for the greater good, in line with the central philosophy of their job description!

    If I hadn’t had my passport stolen, ID’s, home, money, business, personal effects, and accountant closed and had to reduce the the princess I’d have joined any one of the Untolders abroad!

    Long live Untold!


  3. So also what do I know, Alexis claims he’s burnt out!

    And Jack says although heavily incentivized, the base wage is too low, why is this idiot letting key player skills leave and own talismanic creators, when we are struggling for rhythm!?

    Oh; buy, inflate, sell, currency exchange when the economy stops flagging, eventually!

    Someone attend a republican gathering wearing just a vest already!

  4. Arsene set to make Jack captain amid rumours!

    He’s right wing, he doubts the left right but has right wing ideals.

    He’s not a great historian either, sounds like he write so the mail let alone reads it!

    Our boy captain ignorant the young eagles has hit 3/4 from a run of ten games in the Dutch top flight and will hopefully be able to on stake a claim for further first team action with his parent club in pre season.

    Meanwhile Ozil has returned early hopefully to spare him injury as we look to be at full strength for the season close.

    After a struggle in the league and an unprecedented early exit from the FA Cup for Arsene. A silver lining will be sought in the form of the europa league.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *