The most screamingly silly misleading headline about Arsenal of the week

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Like dinosaurs raging across the primeval swamps our nation’s scribblers daily produce so many silly headlines (not to mention stories), that it is getting hard to pick out the most insane, although at Untold Towers we really did quite like this one from the Daily and Sunday Express website.

This appeared on 22 August

“Carabao Cup draw details revealed with Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal to discover opponents”

What they did not quite manage to say was that the draw would be on August 28 at something like 4am in China.  So six days after that headline.   It is a bit like running a headline saying “FA Cup final details revealed” at this time of year and telling us that the final will be at Wembley in May.

But there was more, as they added, “Holders Manchester City, alongside runners-up Chelsea, will enter the competition once the second round is completed.   Fellow European trophy chasers Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham will also wait to hear who they will face in the first of the domestic competitions this season.”

Oh good.  I’m so glad they are waiting.

Indeed we can imagine the writer of this tripe… The face drawn, the eyes haggard, the general appearance that of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gaspipe with a lighted match...

Another good one in recent days came with this headline

“Why?”, “When will we learn?” – these Arsenal fans are baffled after learning club’s choice for Liverpool clash”

That was from Read Arsenal and had us all gasping and wondering what on earth had the stupid fellas at Highbury House done this time, and you know what it was?  Well, oh my goodness, let me tell you,  it is the end of the world because… we are going to wear the wrong colour shirts in playing Liverpool.

These fellas write with a certain je ne sais quoi in the style, suggesting that each if not being disgruntled is probably quite a long way from being gruntled. 

And with this in mind in third place for silliness was the Liverool Echo which announced

“Arsenal’s key weakness highlighted as Liverpool told where to hurt Gunners”

“Highlighted” suggests something new, but then when you see it is Charlie Nicholas writing you know it is going to be nothing of the sort.  And indeed it isn’t.   Speaking of Arsenal he said, “The defensive frailties are still there and with Liverpool playing their front three, they will have pace and menace to deal with,”

And that is it.  Was that worth clicking the mouse for?

Actually Charlie was really sinking to the depths this week for he also got “Charlie Nicholas doesn’t want Arsenal 26-year-old in the team to face Liverpool” according to The Boot Room. 

Personally I don’t want Charlie to have any more opportunities to make his opinions known, but there seems to be no chance of getting that wish  I have the image of him sitting at his writing desk with pen and paper and a little mug holding his coffee, the mug labelled “a present from Blackpool” being something his mum brought him back from her summer hols in happier times.

Other dishonourable mentions must go to…

“Disgrace”, “Dreadful” – these Arsenal fans are raging with Liverpool stars after they mock key duo” from Read Arsenal.  You really don’t have to read the rest of the story to know what’s what in that one.  Does any Arsenal fan seriously care about what Liverpool players get up to?

Presumably some scribblers do.  I imagine these fellas with a grim manner of a grammar school teacher who has just discovered his prize A level English student splitting an infinitive in an essay about TS Eliot.  

Heading ever faster down the hill we also had

“Eddie Nketiah creates new nickname for Helder Costa at Leeds United” from Football League World – as if we actually cared about that either – but it turned up on Arsenal sites.

But even though that is just irrelevant, the raging negativity is never far away as we also got “‘Better stay away’, ‘Get rid’ – These Arsenal fans don’t want duo starting against Liverpool” The Transfer Tavern gave us that one as they seek, as ever, to make individual fan opinion on single topics of import.   Yes it is important to the guys doing the chatting, but for the man standing next to the chatterer in the pub? I think not.

Of course this being the media, misrepresenting statistics is never off the table for long.   Give me Sport talking about Robin van Persie and his transfer from Arsenal to Man United reminded us of this RVP quote when he made the move…

“It is always quite difficult to find a perfect match but I do feel that this is perfect for me,” with the website then adding, “How right he was.  The two-time Premier League Golden Boot winner was outstanding during his debut season with United, scoring 30 goals in 48 appearances.”

Well yes,  that is good form, but the point about statistics is that they should always be put into context and the context here is that the previous season with Arsenal, the club RVP chose to leave to follow his dream, he got 37 goals in 48 games.  So he actually declined by seven goals on making the move.

And finally, just to give you a little chuckle as you depart, Soccer Souls tell us Arsenal should sign Zaha.  Err…  For once words fail me.

12 Replies to “The most screamingly silly misleading headline about Arsenal of the week”

  1. ‘How right he was’

    Well in so much as he did in that first season win the PL but from then on in it was all down hill for both him and Manchester United.

    Although rather bafflingly, according to one particularly I’ll informed Untold visitor, his departure was a significant contribution to our perpetual decline.

    I asked him to justify this claim considering over the next 4 years we won 3 FA Cups and attained our highest PL finish for years, whilst since RVP’s first season United haven’t won the PL again.

    Unsurprisingly I never did receive an explanation.

  2. I must say that as a converted TV viewer, by virtue of age and infirmity, I was appalled by the choice of Arsenal shirts in the Liverpool game.
    Apart from close-ups, I found it near impossible to distinguish between the players.
    I’m sure that those attending the game had no difficulty but I would ask Arsenal FC to remember that to the vast TV audience, the mix of blue and red simply does not work.

  3. Opinion: Should Emery start the Gunners captain Grant Xhaka from the onset in the Arsenal starting XI or start him from the bench in the Arsenal home match against Tottenham Hotspur on Sunday at the Ems in the Pl? I think most Gooners who have voiced their voices out on the matter have all opined that Granit should not be started in the match. But instead, they would prefer Torreria, Ceballos and Willock to start in the match in front of the back-four defense-line and behind the dangerous tridient forwards of: Pepe, Lacazette and Aubameyang. A strong Arsenal starting XI that if Emery would allowed to start the match will from all indications murderTottenham in the game whitewashing them by 4 home goals scored at full-time to none away goals scored in the match.

  4. Sir Hardly

    I don’t read all the silly, , inane and outright crazy stories about AFC. Especially those purported to be quotes from supporters. When the first words are ‘Arsenal fans say….’ you know the next word are the writers’. I don’t take any of it seriously.
    However, I do read the headlines for the COMEDY of it. Gives me a chuckle to see the headlines screaming the imminent demise of a club that Forbes Magazine ranks 6th most valuable in the world! How can you not laugh? I’ve seen this s**t for a long time now, Tony, and the club is still here.

  5. goonersince72

    “I don’t read all the silly, inane and outright crazy stories about AFC”

    The problem is gooner, many do, and what’s more they believe it, hence we have posters like the one that claimed selling RVP to United was an embarrassment and effectively the final nail in our coffin when in reality it was nothing of the sort.

    This from Wenger at the time:

    Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger says he had “no choice” but to sell Robin van Persie to Manchester United and that he does not now need any more forwards.

    “It’s never great to lose players of that quality but he only had a year contract so we do not have a choice,” the Arsenal manager told French TV.

    Wenger revealed he will not be replacing Van Persie – having already brought in Lukas Podolski, Olivier Giroud and Santi Cazorla this summer.

    (Cazorla alone was an upgrade)

    “We already recruited to replace him. We have already recruited since we bought Giroud and Podolski, who originally were intended to offset the departure of Van Persie.”

    He added: “I’d have preferred to sell him abroad, to PSG [Paris St-Germain], for example, over Manchester United.”

    And this from Bob Wilson at the time:

    “Obviously it is very good business from the Arsenal point of view. Their perspective is it is £24m for a 29-year-old who has a history of injury problems and one truly magnificent season in eight. That is great business,” said the former Arsenal player.

    The ex-goalkeeper, who also worked at Arsenal as a coach, is still excited about the three new signings.

    “I look at it and I’m very excited by the team Arsene Wenger is putting together,” said Wilson.

    “The fact that Van Persie is gone is hugely disappointing, but he’s wiped out in one go a lot of the fee that was spent on three talented players – Podolski, Giroud and the Spaniard Cazorla.”

    (Three players of that quality for almost the same money! Come on)

    I remember all the negativity in the media at the time, but the reality was entirely different and in truth actually we did very well out of the situation and as I said went on to win 3 FA Cups in 4 years.

    The medias take on all things Arsenal is nearly always negative but unfortunately a lot of our fans do buy into it, despite, as you say, much of it being ‘silly, inane and outright crazy’.

  6. Nitram

    I understand the value of strikers but as a straight-up footballer, Santi Cazorla for me. RVP had that one good season for United and was pretty much done. That’s not a criticism, just what happened. I always enjoyed his play. Like a lot of athletes injuries were his undoing.

  7. Not sure if you’ve understood what I’m saying, but basically exactly that.

    As good as he was, unlike how it was betrayed, we did very well out of the RVP deal.

    I said Santi alone was an upgrade without Giroud and Podolski.

  8. Just watching the Champions League games and I’m totally flummoxed by the VAR interpretation of off side. I was watching because the teams involved play good football.

    In the Ajax game an off side was given for an Ajax players boot being off side even though the player didn’t get involved with the ball through the whole movement before Huntalaar scored.

    In the Bruges game a clearly off side player in the first ‘phase’ scored the goal when the ball was passed to him by his team mate who was on side when the ball was first played forward.

    The whole VAR interpretation stinks and is open to corruption & chaeting.

  9. Yes but did anyone hear what RVP say was his reason for leaving Arsenal recently on BT Sport? It is not the same as when he published that statement before he left Arsenal.

  10. Ben

    I haven’t seen it but let me guess, it’s not complimentary to either Wenger, Arsenal or both.

  11. Ben

    This is what I said back on the 7/8/19 @ 8.53

    “One more thing. If RVP does suddenly fall in line with BT’s usual anti Wenger line it will show beyond doubt he is working to instruction, and it will prove once and for all it is actual ‘policy’ at BT to criticise Wenger.

    As I say, we shall see”.

    NB: For Wenger you can read anything Arsenal actually.

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