Following the rejection of his plans to buy first Greenland and then the Isle of Wight, the American President has put in a bid for PGMO. Fortunately, Sir Hardly Anyone, our man on the spot, was on the spot. Here is his report of Mr Trump’s words in a press conference in Smackover, Arkensas.
“I like the PGMO, it is totally secretive. We have far too much openness today and I want everything to be behind doors that are not only closed but also bolted shut on the inside and outside.
“And you know to get this soccer thing fixed, because it certainly needs fixing, you have to see it out of focus. And the PGMO is the most out of focus organisation I have ever seen in my life. It’s like a beautiful woman.
“You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful women—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. I’m also attracted to secret societies and the PGMO is perfect for my needs. I want to kiss the PGMO. And its operational officer. And those women who play soccer.
“Nobody respects women more than me, and nobody respects secrecy more than me, nobody respects referees more than me. Maybe there is. I don’t know.
“When PGMO circle around those beautiful players on the pitch and write in their little notebooks and have their secret meetings, and they make gestures which means goals are not allowed or are allowed, according to what they want, that is power, and that is what I want. That is what I have. That is how it should be.
“These people are not interested in accepting the rules and regulations and results and all that crap. They are interested not in any result but the right result, and that is what I am interested in. Just because one team wins that doesn’t mean they have won. I’ll tell you who wins once I have decided. With the PGMO I can do that.
“And you know it will be fair, because I have the greatest temperament that anybody has ever had and you need that to run the little round ball game.
“Those people who support PGMO, those guys in it, those journalists who accept their words from on high and never write a word about PGMO – never mention PGMO – they are poorly educated. They believe in the PGMO. I love the poorly educated. They let me do what I want. I know more about PGMO than PGMO do, believe me.
“So now I am campaigning to take over PGMO. It has been a beautiful flawless campaign. It will be a beautiful flawless campaign. People will talk of this campaign forever as the best run campaign of all times. Like my campaign to take over Greenland. And the Isle of Wight. And any other island that wants me to take it over. Like England. And the PGMO.
“Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror, and I like what I see.”
Untold hopes to have a personal one to one interview with the President once he becomes head of the PGMO. And in case you don’t believe that Smackover Arkensas here it is.
You can read more about this beautiful city on its Wikipedia page
It has its own oil field and was the birthplace of Sleepy LaBeef, the rockabilly musician.
The PGMO’s website makes no mention of any of the above matters, nor come to that any aspect of refereeing.
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