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By Bulldog Drummond
Once upon a time we played league games on Saturdays at 3pm. Funny old idea that was. It meant you could have lunch with the family, go and see your mates in the pub before the game, watch the match, get home, and then go out in the evening for some Saturday night entertainment.
Oh those were the days. Now we have 8.15pm on a Thursday followed by 8pm on a Monday. Ah well, I suppose these poor TV stations and their chums in the Premier League know what they are doing.
(Actually I have just re-read that last sentence and it doesn’t make sense).
Our regular prognostication system of looking at the home and away form of Arsenal and the opposition which has been a good guide for the past few years down totally against Hove Albion, but since I don’t have any other magic wands to wave I will stay with that system, until I find another way of making a fool of myself.
Recent away games look like this:
| Date | Match | Res | Score | Competition |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 24 Aug 2019 | Liverpool v Arsenal | L | 3-1 | Premier League |
| 30 Sep 2019 | Manchester United v Arsenal | D | 1-1 | Premier League |
| 01 Oct 2019 | Peterborough United v Arsenal | L | 1-0 | Football Lge Trophy |
| 21 Oct 2019 | Sheffield United v Arsenal | L | 1-0 | Premier League |
| 30 Oct 2019 | Liverpool v Arsenal | L | 5-5 (5-4) | League Cup |
| 05 Nov 2019 | Cambridge United v Arsenal | D | 1-1 | FL Trophy |
| 06 Nov 2019 | Vitória Guimarães v Arsenal | D | 1-1 | Europa League |
| 09 Nov 2019 | Leicester City v Arsenal | L | 2-0 | Premier League |
| 01 Dec 2019 | Norwich City v Arsenal | D | 2-2 | Premier League |
Which is not a pretty sight. Even if we only count league games we have five without a win away from home.
West Ham playing on their own laughably named London Stadium site provided by the likes of me and other tax payers stupid enough just to let the London’s government walk all over us (at the behest of that ex-London mayor; I forget his name) have these results…
| Date | Game | Res | Score | Competition |
| 05 Oct 2019 | West Ham United v Crystal Palace | L | 1-2 | Premier League |
| 26 Oct 2019 | West Ham United v Sheffield United | D | 1-1 | Premier League |
| 02 Nov 2019 | West Ham United v Newcastle United | L | 2-3 | Premier League |
| 23 Nov 2019 | West Ham United v Tottenham Hotspur | L | 2-3 | Premier League |
Which I suppose means that it could be a 0-0 draw or a 5-5 draw.
Arsenal’s away record in league terms is interesting, not for our own position, but for the fact that a win tonight by 3-0 would take us into the top half of the away league table. And it is the away form that has been causing all the the problems in the past couple of years. Of course a defeat could make our away record even worse than Tottenham’s.
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 8 | Manchester United | 8 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 10 | 11 | -1 | 9 |
| 9 | West Ham United | 8 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 9 |
| 10 | Newcastle United | 8 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 16 | -8 | 9 |
| 11 | Southampton | 8 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 9 | 12 | -3 | 8 |
| 12 | AFC Bournemouth | 8 | 2 | 1 | 5 | 9 | 12 | -3 | 7 |
| 13 | Brighton and Hove Albion | 8 | 2 | 1 | 5 | 8 | 14 | -6 | 7 |
| 14 | Arsenal | 7 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 7 | 11 | -4 | 6 |
| 15 | Tottenham Hotspur | 8 | 1 | 3 | 4 | 11 | 16 | -5 | 6 |
| 16 | Burnley | 8 | 1 | 3 | 4 | 9 | 16 | -7 | 6 |
| 17 | Watford | 8 | 1 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 17 | -12 | 5 |
| 18 | Aston Villa | 8 | 1 | 1 | 6 | 12 | 17 | -5 | 4 |
| 19 | Everton | 8 | 1 | 1 | 6 | 8 | 17 | -9 | 4 |
| 20 | Norwich City | 8 | 1 | 1 | 6 | 4 | 14 | -10 | 4 |
Comparing this with West Ham at home we see
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | GD | Pts | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 15 | Sheffield United | 8 | 3 | 1 | 4 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 10 |
| 16 | AFC Bournemouth | 8 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 9 | 12 | -3 | 9 |
| 17 | West Ham United | 7 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 10 | 14 | -4 | 7 |
| 18 | Norwich City | 8 | 2 | 1 | 5 | 13 | 20 | -7 | 7 |
| 19 | Southampton | 8 | 2 | 1 | 5 | 9 | 23 | -14 | 7 |
| 20 | Watford | 8 | 0 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 13 | -9 | 4 |
So they have got seven points at home and we have got six points away. We’ve both got a rather depressing goal difference of -4, which suggests it might be a minus 1 all draw, although I am not quite sure how minus goals are scored.
But overall we are up against a team whose form is fundamentally as shocking as ours…
| Date | Game | Res | Score | Competition |
| 25 Sep 2019 | Oxford United v West Ham United | L | 4-0 | League Cup |
| 28 Sep 2019 | AFC Bournemouth v West Ham United | D | 2-2 | Premier League |
| 05 Oct 2019 | West Ham United v Crystal Palace | L | 1-2 | Premier League |
| 19 Oct 2019 | Everton v West Ham United | L | 2-0 | Premier League |
| 26 Oct 2019 | West Ham United v Sheffield United | D | 1-1 | Premier League |
| 02 Nov 2019 | West Ham United v Newcastle United | L | 2-3 | Premier League |
| 09 Nov 2019 | Burnley v West Ham United | L | 3-0 | Premier League |
| 23 Nov 2019 | West Ham United v Tottenham Hotspur | L | 2-3 | Premier League |
Eight games excluding Trophy games and not a win. Although if we included Trophy games it gets worse as they have lost two of those as well.
As opposed to Arsenal with ten games without a win.
It would be great to say that something has to give, but I suspect it might be a draw. A defeat would leave Freddie very exposed in his position and headlines saying “Arsenal is unmanageable” would immediately flow. We haven’t had those for a while, but they used to be commonplace, and you know how these journalist chappies like to go round in circles (it saves having to think of anything new to say).
Who has been appointed as West Ham’s twelfth man for this game?
We have the delightfully neutral Mike Dean!
No better way to describe Mike Dean’s involvement in our next game!
Banker bet, West ham win tonight – Odds are 3.5 easy money if you ask me.
This team will be in the relegation dog fight – mark my words
Would like to see this line-up tonight.
Leno
Bellerin, Chambers, Luiz, Tierney/Kos
Xhaka, Torreira
Pepe, Ozil, PEA
Laca
Maybe Dean will be unavailable for some reason: influenza, food poisoning, wanking too much?
Dean’s first allegiance is to the bookies and not Mike Riley, so he might be fair tonight.
FoLo has admitted that they have simulated their combined staff having more than 2 brain cells, and found that the simulations are too far away from the reality of how FoLo has existed. Further simulations for 2 and 1 brain cells will be done to find out which is more accurate.
@ Jason Morris, ‘Banker bet, West ham win tonight – Odds are 3.5 easy money if you ask me’. I hope you have placed a big bet on your prediction. You’re a genius.
Oh Jason you really should of engaged the brain first shouldn’t you.