The players Arsenal will buy immediately the corona virus crisis is over

By Sir Hardly Anyone

After the shock of the closure of the Premier League the bloggettas and newspaper websites went silent for a day.   But only a day.  Now they are acting as if nothing is happening and are back with stories of the players that Arsenal will buy for next season.

Which means it must be time to start our regular summer account of all the players Arsenal are tipped to buy by those who claim to know things, but actually don’t.   We’ll be keeping tabs on all these players and seeing if the fantasists can get above 3% accuracy rating last summer.

And there is another point… can we afford to buy anyone, having spent £130m last summer?  Well, we won’t worry about that because that will spoil the fundamental of newspaper and blog reporting from here until August 31.  Yep we’ll only have five and a half months of this…

1: Arsenal plot bid for 23-year-old Wolves star 

This comes from The Sport Review, and tells us “Arsenal are weighing up a swoop to sign Wolves star Diogo Jota” which really doesn’t take us beyond the headline.

He’s a forward, and he is Portuguese.  With Martinelli and Nketiah and Pepe do we need any more forwards?  Seemingly yes, even if the old time forwards leave.

The 4th Official has this citing the Mail as the source – the Mail talking up this summer as last summer as the summer before as the … well you know – saying Arsenal will “overhaul” their squad.   Football London (FoLo) have the same.

2: Arsenal plot Issa Diop transfer as Mikel Arteta considers complete defensive overhaul

This from the Mirror.  Diop is a centre-back currently with West Ham United.  So we are overhauling the defence and the forward line.

3: Arsenal urged to complete £45m transfer deal for Mikel Arteta’s top target 

The use of “urged to complete” combined with “top target” suggests Arteta knows exactly who he wants, but those administrators and pen pushers in the club are going so slow that we’ll lose the opportunity.   So the Metro has set up two stories with one headline.

The man in question is Atletico Madrid midfielder Thomas Partey

4:  How Arsenal should be preparing for the next season if this one is finished early. 

This piece from Just Arsenal News tells us that the thing Arsenal need to do is “sort out the future of their current players,” with the implication that the club officials are so utterly pathetic and stupid that they haven’t thought of that.  Doh!

In summary Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Bukayo Saka need to sign a new contract, (presumably by someone at the club remembering to tell them to sign) or replace Auba now.  Kolasinac has to go, along with a range of other defenders and replacements bought – which presumably means replacements who don’t mind being reserves.

Ceballos should stay, but if he won’t we need another player like him.  Just see it to will you!

5:  Barcelona make Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang transfer decision with Arsenal ready to sell 

Thus says the Express, but there is a twist, because the decision is Barca don’t want him, but Auba wants a 30% pay rise.  That makes it a bit of a tough one.

6:  Journalist suggests Arsenal are interested in Newcastle star 

The amusingly titled “Media Referee” tell us “Why Arsenal should do everything possible to sign Miguel Almiron” and cite as their source Luis Enrique Perez, speaking on Paraguayan radio station Radio 1º de Marzo.  Although actually they got it from the Express.

Almiron, 26, is Newcastle’s record signing just over a year ago and this season’s top scorer.  With six.  But despite that number the blog says, “One area the Gunners boss should address is the attack.” Aubameyang had 20 before football was abandoned.

7:  Arsenal urged to sign Thomas Partey after Liverpool performance

And that sums it all up.  One great performance and the “sign him” signs come out, and when we don’t we are seen to be too slow.    “Do it now, do it quick” – Arsenal told to sign €50m player who helped sink Liverpool” says Squawka.  He’s a midfielder with Atletico Madrid.  Does anyone think they’d let him go for that price?

8:  Brazilian defender is scouted and two summer transfers lined up 

FoLo likes to blow the others out of the water so we get three for one.  Thomas Partey and Diogo Jota.  OK they came in above, but now the transfers are “lined up” so that means they are about to happen.  Doesn’t it?

9: Arsenal interested in Wolverhampton Wanderers duo Diogo Jota, Ruben Neves

OK Jota is dotting in and out of reports everywhere, but Neves is a midfielder and less mentioned.  Sports Mole must take responsibility for this one.

10:  Who is Marc Cucurella? The £20.9m Barcelona starlet Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham have scouted 

Football.London report that Arsenal want to sign Getafe CF player (who is on loan from Barcelona and who plays left back or wide midfield.

And there we have it.  For now at least.

3 Replies to “The players Arsenal will buy immediately the corona virus crisis is over”

  1. These articles are amusing and frustrating. They are like the fan posts on the fan websites of American football teams. The themes are always the same: management and the coaches are ignorant, lazy or incompetent; money is no object and will suffice to entice any player to come play for the club; there must be a star at every position and stars to backup every one of them; stars will gladly come to sit on the bench and not complain about playing time if paid enough; and the author of the piece always knows more about everything than management or the coaches and medical staff, even without access to any factual information.

    So, now it’s my turn to commit some of these sins.

    I get guff from time to time for my opinions because I am an American, but one does not have to be an expert observer to see where Arsenal has been weak since Arteta took over (the weakness has been there all along, but it was overshadowed by a worse one that has been at least partially addressed) and where management is likely to try to make improvements if it can afford to do so. And, that is in the midfield. There is no consistently dominant player and no consistently reliable depth. Individuals can have a good or even superb performance or two, but none consistently. Unlike Saka and the forwards, Guendouzi and Willock are either not ready yet or out of their depth, Ceballos is inconsistent and, as a result, Torrierra is being asked to do more than he appears capable of. If I can see that, Arteta and management certainly can and they have a much better grasp of what they want to do and what they may be able to this summer than I do. But, if I had to bet, I would expect them to try to address the midfield with one or two (three if Ozil goes) judicious additions. With the purchases that they still have to pay off, I doubt that there will be any big money purchases… one at the most. Which makes a lot of the speculation in the articles we will see moot, if not ridiculous, in my estimation.

  2. As long as there are still players who were signed by Arsène Wenger on the Arsenal roster, including Aubameyang, there will be people demanding a complete overhaul. Because these very stupid people will presume that, if Wenger signed them, then they must be rubbish.

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