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RefWatch – West Ham United v Arsenal (15/01/2011 17:30)

You might also enjoy: Another grey day: the match preview

RefWatch – West Ham United v Arsenal (15/01/2011 17:30)

By DogFace

  • Andre Marriner:               Andre Marriner
  • Assistant 1:                         Simon Beck
  • Assistant 2:                         Andy Newbold
  • 4th Official:                         Lee Probert

Good morning stat-fans and welcome to another RefWatch – apologies to Tony as I got my homework in late again this week – I got a feckless tradesman in today [Friday] to plumb in the new boiler/oven that Mrs. DogFace made me buy… it’s been sat there 3 weeks now so I had to do it as I’m not in her good books after I told her, with a brutal yet withering sincerity, to “oh just fuck off” when, at the end of the CC game she looked up from her book, squinted at the telly and snorted: “Who are Ipswich, I’ve not heard of them – I thought Arsenal were supposed to be good so how come you lost?!”.

Apparently, in her world, this is a perfectly reasonable question and I should be glad that she’s taking an interest in my ‘hobby’.

Am I digressing?  Yes I think so… it must have something to do with the fact that I’ve only imbibed Irn Bru and liquorish allsorts (left over from Christmas) today… I would cook something but the oven doesn’t work, there’s a mouse scratching in the wall (probably thinks it’s spring) and the ‘paid by the hour’ plumber keeps tinkering with pipes whilst humming and muttering ‘Super Tramp’ lyrics to himself.

Bear with me, kind reader, through this troubled time – and we’ll have a look at our referee for today; Andre Marriner:

  • Full name:                           Andre Marriner
  • Date of birth:                     01 January 1971 (1971-01-01) (age 40)
  • Location:                              West Midlands, England
  • EPL Referee Since:          2004/2005
  • EPL Games to date:         101

What do you think sir, should I give a penalty; just don’t say mean things about me ok?

Look at me jumpin’ ‘pon the SAF bashing bandwagon wid dat picture there, but upon closer inspection of young Andre’s stats will reveal that Manchester United come top of both his personal PPG and AHS league averaging a monster 2.75 PPG and a positive swing of +0.89 against the handicap.

I get the impression that Andre [like some others] lives in terror of SAF and the bad press he might give him as a fairly young and mid-established member of the PGMOL Select Group… indeed in Manchester United’s only defeat under Marriner [to Liverpool in the 2009/2010 season], the whisky faced one went out of his sour breathed way to drag his name through the dirt post-match for sending off Vidic for two caution-able offences.  This must be the reason why, earlier this season, Marriner couldn’t bring himself to send off Gary Neville for a ‘blatant to a blind man’ second caution-able offence with their game against Stoke – this game then degenerated into happy-slapping farce.  But this article isn’t about Murky Manchester United – this is about Marriner [being weak]… and besides – I think that karma [in these matters] might bite SAF back this w/e as he takes his merry men to the smelly end of Seven Sisters to tackle the Scum in the late game… with ‘Arry’s little lucky charm [Mike ‘Coupon Buster’ Dean] at the whistle.

Unbeaten run – you’re having a laugh!

But enough of all that stuff… you’re not interested in my casual observerances [I claim that word also] on the other matches this weekend; so without further ado – let’s check out Marriner’s stats for the home team, West Ham United:


Andre Marriner has had 12 games for West Ham United consisting of 1 win, 5 draws and 6 losses… ok – that looks great for us, but this has to be taken into account with the fact that West Ham United are shit; so let’s dig a little deeper.

West Ham United are currently in 17th in Andre Marriner’s personal Points Per Game League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, with an average of 0.67 PPG…  ha!

In Andre Marriner’s personal Handicap Swing League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, West Ham United come 18th with a distinct underperformance against the handicap that an averages a negative swing of -0.63… ouch – that’s bad, and you can see from the graph that this is in accordance with a progressive negative trend in the rolling average.

West Ham United are currently in 12th in Andre Marriner’s personal Booking’s Per Match League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, with an overall average of 1.75 BPM, which is a cause for worry – not because of 12th spot (these figures are not always useful) but because 1.75 BPM is an incredible low figure for a team placed 12th in any ref’s personal FPB league.

In Andre Marriner’s personal Fouls Per Booking League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, West Ham United come 13th with an overall average of 7.00 FPB – again see above – it would seem that Andre has lost his pea.

Let’s have a looksee at his form for the Arsenal:

Andre Marriner has had 7 games for Arsenal consisting of 5 wins, 1 draw and 1 loss – which is grand on the face of it but we haven’t had him this season (or did we in the CC against Newcastle where we smashed them 0-4?) – it matters not, we haven’t had him in charge in the EPL this season – cup matches seem to follow an entirely different set of rules/trends which vary a lot in accordance with the sponsors, the sponsors of the sponsors and the amount of £12 fish and chips + £5 watery lager the FA reckon they can sell at Wembley.

…Mmmm chips…

For example take last year’s FA Cup; where Bet365’s fluffy white cat [Stoke City] did rather well with lots of big home games and Bet365 banners all over the telly.  Coincidently Bet365 sponsored the FA cup that year by proxy through ITV.  Alas the shit-kickers (that is their official nickname isn’t it?) didn’t look like they could get the numbers to pack out one half of the bottom tier of the world’s biggest fast food stall and so ‘FA priority’ took over and they got knocked out by a London club… I doubt that Ipswich will buy many portions of chips either and, despite the ‘magic of the cup’ (which cup is that?), Ipswich Vs West Ham certainly wouldn’t make the spectacular advertising wank-fest that the FA crave – and I presume that Wenger knows this too – so lump on!

I’m rambling again – must be the Irn Bru…

Arsenal are currently in 2nd in Andre Marriner’s personal Points Per Game League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, with an average of 2.29 PPG – cool!

In Andre Marriner’s personal Handicap Swing League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, Arsenal come 5th with an average positive swing of 0.39… this is about right BUT check the graphics [above] and you will see that in the rolling average we are in free fall, against the handicap, under Marriner and last season we saw our numbers drop to a painful negative swing of -0.75 which doth not bode well if we were to assume that this trend will continue.

Arsenal are currently in 1st in Andre Marriner’s personal Booking’s Per Match League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, with an overall average of 1.00 BPM – this is cool, but again, if you look at the graphics, Andre has tightened up his game with regards to the opposition – so I would think that this season you will see the FPB lines even out between us and our opposition – which is no bad thing presuming that all the fouls are called correctly.

In Andre Marriner’s personal Fouls Per Booking League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, Arsenal come 1st with an overall average of 10.86 FPB – see above, we could presume from this (although I hate to presume anything from FPB numbers) that Marriner has been weak in the past but – with each passing season – he seems to be trying to establish himself and be less ‘in awe’ of the against bigger teams… well, apart from Man U of course!

Our 4th Official for today is Lee Probert – we remember Lee ‘Poorbert’, he mugged us off good and proper against Wigan – and was it he who squealed like a little bitch, to his worshipful master Mike ‘Coupon Buster’ Dean, that nasty Mr. Wenger kicked a water bottle [in frustration at yet another very ‘Old Trafford’ performance by the match officials] which resulted in Mikey Boy sending Wenger to the stands?

Let’s quickly check out his stats:

Lee Probert has had 6 games for West Ham United consisting of 2 wins, 0 draws and 4 losses… sounds about right for the Hammers.

West Ham United are currently in 11th in Lee Probert’s personal Points Per Game League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, with an average of 1.00 PPG – again, about all West Ham are worth.

In Lee Probert’s personal Handicap Swing League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, West Ham United come 13rd with an average negative swing of -0.42… nothing really suspicious here and the swing line on the graph shows no trend.

West Ham United are currently in 3rd in Lee Probert’s personal Booking’s Per Match League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, with an overall average of 0.67 BPM – ‘kin ‘ell, looks like we have got another Marriner here i.e. a fan of physicality.

In Lee Probert’s personal Fouls Per Booking League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, West Ham United come 3rd with an overall average of 18.00 FPB – Jesus wept, told you!

Now, let’s have a look at Lee’s stats for Arsenal… is he really that bad?  Check it out:

Lee Probert has had 3 games for Arsenal consisting of 1 win, 2 draws and 0 losses… poor form – we’ve not had many matches but from the graphics, over two seasons, it doesn’t look good; you can see the FPB on the rise while the PPG and AH Swing on the decline.

Arsenal are currently in 8th in Lee Probert’s personal Points Per Game League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, with an average of 1.67 PPG…  8th!?

In Lee Probert’s personal Handicap Swing League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the EPL, Arsenal come 6th with an average positive swing of 0.33… this doesn’t look bad ‘overall’ but it’s fair to say that we won’t be ‘in the black’ for long if our form under Probert continues the way it has this season.

Arsenal are currently in 4th in Lee Probert’s personal Booking’s Per Match League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, with an overall average of 1.00 BPM.

In Lee Probert’s personal Fouls Per Booking League (for teams with a minimum of 3 matches played), for matches in the English Premier, Arsenal come 5th with an overall average of 11.33 FPB.

Let’s rock on now to our final graphs which pit our plucky officials against the EPL (selected teams only) so we can see if any other teams fair better or worse under their influence:


You can see Arsenal on the decline while West Ham United have fared fairly consistently badly under Marriner.  Manchester United has done very well but they too, although still well in the black, seem to be in something of an extrapolated crash.  Tottenham and Manchester City have both turned things around this season and I suppose this is to be expected given their recent form – the same for Liverpool, form wise, who have plummeted to -2.00 this season.  So all in all it doesn’t look too out of character – but it bugs me that we haven’t had Andre this season so it’s hard to gauge where we stand.

Moving on to Lee Probert:

Not much data there (un)fortunately but you can see Manchester United, Manchester City and Liverpool sky rocketing while all the soft, southern, shandy drinking London clubs take a dive.

It looks pretty clear to me but I don’t like to spoon-feed you bright sparks; so I’ll let you decide what type of bias/prejudice Mr. Probert harbours!

So, to wrap up, what officialdom can we expect on Saturday from these 9 pages (sorry Tony I’m on auto-pilot) of analysis?  Well – it seems that neither team get shown any favours of late and we are yet to see how Andre treats us in the EPL this season – but if it’s anything like how he treats us in the CC we will smash their back doors in.  I would expect a feisty encounter with a noisy crowd that will no doubt pressure Marriner into giving a little home advantage… Marriner is only 40 so he should also be able to keep up with play and not involve the 4th Official too much – with Lee Probert as the 4th Official it looks bad – but West Ham come from London too so it might be ok?!

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6 comments to RefWatch – West Ham United v Arsenal (15/01/2011 17:30)

  • walter

    When a ref in Belgium is 40 he is starting the last years in his careerr in the highes league and is considered to be very experienced. Most refs stop their active career around 45 years.

    Most refs start their careers in the highest league around 25-30 years so I think a big difference there.

  • nicky

    Rather than spend time on ref stats, you would be better employed on solving your domestic probs. You have more there than most managers in the EPL, IMO.
    And I’d watch that plumber, if I were you.

  • DogFace

    Thanks nicky – you seem to be the expert on the subject, so why not write an article about it?

  • ugandan goon

    dear mr. dogface
    i am a fan of the series, and am delighted with the stats and charts and the conclusions, just wondering whether you it was a conscious decision to represent tottenham with the colour of the inside of a rusted rotting slurry pipe? because if it was it only detracts from the excellent work you do keeping a beady eye on these pillagers.
    Also do we know if there are any refs in the epl that hail from our end of the north south divide? thatcher’s policies might have had longer reaching consequences than hitherto suspected.

  • A Casual Observer

    nicky.. I couldn’t help but notice that you stated:

    “Rather than spend time on ref stats, you would be better employed on solving your domestic probs. You have more there than most managers in the EPL, IMO.”

    Yet in the next article you write [of Avram Grant]

    “I feel sorry for the decent guy, Grant. A football manager must be among the most stressful jobs about. They have little control after the ref starts a game.”

    May I venture to say that your ‘O’ is worth sweet ‘FA’… Please let us know which team you support so we can scrape up some mud on your manager to fling back?

    Many thanks.

    On a side note – why do so many fans from other clubs come here? Is it a cry for help? Surely it’s not for an education is it!?

  • Gf60

    @Uganda
    That’s not “rusted rotting slurry pipe”, it’s baby shit. Perfect colour.