Arsenal face new midfield injury chaos as transfer window gets ready to shatter.

Posted on by Tony Attwood

By Sir Hardly Anyone, Prince of the Make Believe.

Just when we thought it was safe to conclude that Alexis was ready to walk away from Arsenal having had a big fall out with Arsene Wenger over money, position on the pitch, minutes played, tactics and how big the banner about his dogs should be, the talk has changed.  But six wins and a draw in those last seven, 18 goals in the last six games, and what do we find but Alexis saying positive things and making it sound as if he is ready to sign.  He’s very happy at Arsenal, and “wants to give the fans a new title.”

But it never pours but it rains les chats et les chiens, or something like that, and we are in desperate straits as Arsenal’s midfield is very thin, according to the Guardian’s man at the Africa Cup, and Mohamed Elneny is out of the semi-final (which Egypt has got into) with a calf injury.

Indeed there is hardly a bloggetta that is not crowing over the LATEST ARSENAL INJURY SCARE without of course any reference to the actual number of players who are injured at the moment.

And I know it is not my place to do injury news, but a quick glance at the physioroom injury chart shows us just one place off the bottom.  True, they are not reflecting Elneny in the list, but then he’s not available anyway what with being in foreign parts.   One place off the bottom, and with the worst injury record of any club in the multiverse.  Hard to  believe isn’t it?  Injury crisis and next to bottom.  [Shakes head quite a bit until medics come in with an injection].

But then again, oh, what’s this what’s this what’s this, we have a new amazing super maestro defensive midfielder in Alex Oxlade Chamberlain, and a new almost-ready central attacking midfield maestro in Le Jeff.  So who needs Alexis and Özil at the Emirates?

Well, actually it turns out it is the other way around as Alexis and Özil both want to stay, which is ludicrous.  I mean, how am I supposed to round up an utterly uneventful transfer window when we don’t have any vacancies because all positions in the “25” are full?

Actually it is not that hard, because fake football news continues even outside the window, so here are a few snips from fenêtre de transfert…

First the Latest Latest shock horror, Arsenal in advanced talks

Arsenal are in advanced talks to let Krystian Bielik join Charlton on loan, according to Polish publication Pierwszy Jedenaście, which has just been discovered by the Daily Star.

And number the numbered list of fake news as propagated by our delightful media…

1:   Antoine Griezmann

Arsenal are expected to challenge Manchester United for the signature of Atletico Madrid’s Antoine Griezmann, according to The Mail having failed (because Arsenal always fail) in the summer.  The fact the Le Griez has extended his contract at Atletico until 2021 is a trivial detail which more dominant clubs than Arsenal would not let bother them.

Arsenal are willing to offer £85 million largely because with only Alexis, Giroud, Lucas, Theo, and Welbeck available the attacking range is very limited.

Chelsea and Manchester City are also interested but Atletico are willing to do a deal to take Alexis on a salary of £220,000 a week in exchange.  Chelsea are said (and seriously I have read this in the “news” papers) that they will offer over £400,000 a week.

2: Max Allegri

Now if you keep up with these things you will know that Max is a manager and not a player, and is indeed manager of Juventus, and just the man to bring success to success starved Arsenal this summer according to the Sunday Excess.

Discussions with Quick Max are at an advanced stage but no agreement has yet been reached. If he says “Nessuna possibilità” then Leipzig master-boss Ralph Hasenhuttl is lined up as a second choice.

Just to check out the form here’s the Italian league table…

# Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1  Juventus 21 17 0 4 44 16 +28 51
2  Roma 22 15 2 5 44 21 +23 47
3  Napoli 22 13 6 3 48 25 +23 45
4  Internazionale 22 13 3 6 37 23 +14 42

3: Karim Benzema

Apparently it is now written into the constitution of the Association of Fake News Publishers that no transfer story about Arsenal is allowed to be published without mention of Karim Benzema.  He’s not coming to Arsenal but he has to be mentioned.

4: Marcelo Allende

In the olden days (well up to three weeks ago) every Arsenal transfer window was filled up with stories about a Peruvian goalkeeper who had been spotted by Mr Wenger playing in the Antarctic Super League and was going to become our new number 9.   Sadly such days of invention have been long gone and now all we have is the fact that Arsenal have handed a trial to a Chilean teenage star who is apparently “the next Alexis Sanchez.”  Which is odd because we already have the current Alexis Sanchez.

5: Leandro Paredes

This is a very curious one.  “Roma are hopeful their £25 million valuation of Argentina midfielder Leandro Paredes will tempt Arsenal to make a bid for the 22 year-old.”

Does that mean Roma are under valuing the player to get Arsenal to sniff around, or just saying he is worth lots so Arsenal will buy, because Arsenal buy anyone without checking, because they are full of silly people who know nothing?

6: ‘Gunners given boost in Alvaro Morata pursuit’

The Times pronounces that “Guardiola is desperate to upgrade on his current right-back options of Pablo Zabaleta and former Gunner Bacary Sagna.”  Ah, “desperation”.  It’s the new buzz.

8:   Chuba Akpom is going out on loan

Probably to Aston Villa, and that is according to El correo de Birmingham where Steve Bruce, who you will recall got to known Chuba at Hull City has an Escasez de delantero (striker shortage).   Arsenal too are desperately short of strikers, as we have seen, and the loss of Akpom would be a huge blow, and with Giroud apparently ill at the moment, things are looking desperately grim according to Spanish news agency Acabo de inventar esto.

9:  Gedion Zelalem

Le Z has joined Dutch second-division side VVV-Venlo on loan for the rest of the season.   FACT!

10:  Juventus hijack Corentin Tolisso deal

You might not have known that there was such a deal but apprently there was and it has now gone.  “Juventus have moved ahead of Arsenal in the race to sign Corentin Tolisso” according to Talksport, who recently told us that Arsenal have a massive injury crisis.   The player is saying that he would not sign for any manager who went around pushing referees over.

Arsenal were thought to be in the driving seat at the start of the month but French sports daily L’Equipe claims that Juve have opened a channel of communication and believe “they can lay crucial groundwork” ahead of a swoop for Tolisso.

11: Marseille have muscled in on the action around Wolfsburg defender Ricardo Rodriguez.

Also on Talksport is the news that Arsenal and Chelsea had thought it was a straight shootout for the 24-year-old “blocker” (presumably a relative of Blockley) but the Swiss international is now being “courted” (really, that’s what they said) by Marseille who are “rolling in cash following their autumn acquisition by billionaire owner Frank McCourt.”  (Ditto).

12: Jack ain’t coming back

Calcio Mercato (which is Italian for Foot Ball) says that AC Milan and Roma are hanging around Jack Wilshere in the belief that the Arsenal won’t want him back.   “When he was injured he was great,” said an Arsenal spokesman, “but since he has been at Bournemouth, well he’s not the same man.”  So there is talk of “resurrecting his career” in Italy.

Bournemouth are said to be keen to sign him permanently but the two Italian powerhouses are both ready to table big-money offers in the expectation that Wilshere will follow Joe Hart’s example (now with Torino) and resurrect his career in Serie A.

Anyway, it’s just about all over, but that won’t stop the fake news from continuing.

Editorial footnote: Apologies to all readers for whom English is not their first language.  Come to that apologies to all readers for whom English is their first language.

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12 Replies to “Arsenal face new midfield injury chaos as transfer window gets ready to shatter.”

  1. I hope the rumours of Miralem Pjanic from Juve coming to us in the summer are true. A top top player, ideal replacement for Santi and would compliment Xhaka brilliantly.

  4. Well, I was most surprised this morning to get a mention on Sky Sports. That pratt who sits between Tony Cottee and some bald fellah who played for both Manchester United and Chelsea, yet still manages to get caught out drowning his sorrows!

    Anyway, Rob whoever led with this:

    “Now, here’s something Arsenal fan’s don’t want to hear – Arsene Wenger has said that he won’t be signing anybody further in this window – and that includes Karim Benzema.”

    Wrong on a few counts old man…

    1. I know we are not signing anybody else
    2. I’m quite happy hearing that we’re not signing anybody
    3. I’d be REALLY pissed off if we were going to sign Benzema, because he’s a blackmailer and a child abuser
    4. I’m REALLY REALLY REALLY happy at hearing we’re not signing Benzema.

    Where do these morons get this shit….

    There must be a lot of reasonable money around in shadow writing, I mean, when does Martin Samuel take enough time away from eating, to actually write something?

    Anybody heard the one about Maureen who, in his desperation to get out of his job, actually tried to burn down Old Toilet?

  5. An ESPN presenter asked after the Southampton game if Welbeck can be the solution to Arsenal’s striker problem? . Was there a problem in the first place I asked.

  6. From Fotball365.com mediawatch….
    ‘Arsene Wenger plays down Karim Benzema links but refuses to rule out summer swoop for Real Madrid star’ is the Mirror’s take on that story.
    What Arsene Wenger actually said:
    “There is no need for us to buy any strikers. The summer window is not my worry at the moment.”
    Not my worry = Refused to rule out.
    These are desperate times.

  8. I see the government is to launch an inquiry into the amount of ‘fake news’ on the internet. This should have most football journalists and blogetta owners quaking in their boots.

  9. The government is not in a position to conduct that enquiry, given that they are responsible for more fake news than anybody.

  10. Leon

    Thanks for the link.

    Don’t normally bother reading a word that sweaty fat dullard says, but as you posted the link I thought I’d take a look.

    And guess what? I would estimate somewhere in the region of 80% of the replies don’t agree with him

    Look, it’s hardly surprising Samuel has a distorted view of things. We all would if we spent as much time as he does with our heads stuck up Mourinhos arse.

  11. I happened to listen to talkshite today.I know what you are all saying, that I must be a sad old man.However, the brown envelope carrier(Good old Arry) was on.One Arsenal supporter said AW played it correct on Saturday with the changes to the team.Redknapps response “he made 10 changes and went onto say that we werelucky in the last round against Preston and should have been out of the competition!.He hates us, big time.He did not realise, we had 7/8 full internationals in the team on Saturday.
    Watch the twiiter feed on BBC Sport gossip that Xhaka has put out.A great video showing a wonderful spirit amongst the Arsenal player.

  12. With January transfer windows I am more interested to see which potential youngster Arsenal would sign, that to me is just as exciting.

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