PGMO reported to the Committee of Public Safety and charged with crimes against football.

by our Anglo-French revolutionary team.

It is part of the cleverness of PGMO that no one – mark this my friends, no one – oversees the body.  It is independent, separate, complete in itself and above all laws.

Now of late there has been some debate to whom the PGMO answers.  Certainly in a sport that is run on the basis of wholesale corruption (one thinks primarily of Fifa but it is of course elsewhere) it takes a lot to raise an eyebrow, but PGMO has managed that.

Even the government of the UK has begun to be a little concerned about the PGMO and following a vote of no confidence in the FA made in Parliament recently, the House of Commons has decided to set up its own internal organisation that will oversee the PGMO and all its activities.

This department will be known as the Committee of Public Safety and in order to learn from the introduction of the VAR system on the continent it has been suggested that a European with some experience of this type of work should be brought in as the head of the committee.  Maximilien Robespierre has been chosen.

M Robespierre, as you may recall, has already spoken out about one of the main attributes of the PGMO when he said, “The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant.”  This is indeed a most fundamental and encouraging point and it was one that I carried in my head when I got the opportunity to interview M Robespierre.

I began by pointing out that the fundamentals of the PGMO seemed to be all wrong to most football supporters since it is based on the premise that it is always right, while the players that its members judge, are always wrong.

M Robespierre agreed with me at once, commenting, “Any institution which does not suppose the people good, and the magistrate corruptible, is evil.”

“So if you consider the PGMO and its referees to be oppressors of football and a danger to us all then I take it that you think they should be punished.” I suggested.

“To punish the oppressors of humanity is clemency; to forgive them is cruelty,” the Frenchman told me, “but your club has a Frenchman in charge and so he will understand that.”

“And what of the situation in which M Wenger was charged with questioning the integrity of the referee after a recent match, for which he was removed from the bench for three games?”

“It is with regret that I pronounce the fatal truth: PGMO must die, so that the country may live,” said the inquisitor.  “I know they go around with their funny little diktats and petty little rules saying, “He has until 6pm on Friday to respond,” but this is not how things should be done.

“The inalienable rights of all football supporters is to have laws and rules controlling referees which are fair and just.  Any law that violates the inalienable rights of the football supporter to see a properly refereed game is essentially unjust and tyrannical.  It is not a law at all.  It will be swept away along with those who have made such laws.”

“But do you not feel any pity for the PGMO referees?  Some of them might be quite reasonable men caught up in a grand conspiracy to undermine the fairness and wellbeing of football in England,” I argued.

“Pity is treason,” he replied shortly and I paused for a moment to take this on board.

“So will the PGMO referees be rounded up and tried?” I asked.

He smiled.  “Of course,” he said.  “Is it to be considered unreasonable that the supporters, in atonement for the wrongs of a century, demand the vengeance of a single day?”

“And when they are removed from the position of power forever,” I asked.  “What then?”

“They must die that football may live.”

“But I have heard tell,” I said, “that the PGMO believe they are a force for good, a modernising force, that they are the best referees in the world, and that they get more than 100% of their decisions right in every match.”

The great reformer looked at me and smiled.  “No one,” he said, “likes armed missionaries.  Terror is nothing more than justice.  Prompt, secure and inflexible.  And we need it so that a spirit of fairness shall arise once more in English football.”

“But what of the journalists, and the sniggering commentators on TV, and bloggettaistas.  They are bound to protest at the introduction of fairness and reasonableness on the football pitch.”

“Omelettes are not made without breaking eggs,” he told me looking stern.  “By sealing our work with our own blood, we may see at least the bright dawn, of universal happiness.

“The aim of a revolutionary committee overseeing football refereeing is to lay down the foundation of the new age of football.”

“And what will happen to these members of the PGMO?” I asked.

“When a banker leaps out of a window, jump after him, as that is where the money is.    We must smother the enemies of football or perish with them.  Keep writing your blog.  Lead the people by reason, and fight your enemies with terror.  Softness with the traitors of football will destroy us all.

“Supporters do not judge in the same way as courts of law; they do not hand down sentences, they throw thunderbolts; they do not condemn referees, they drop them back into the void; and this justice is worth just as much as that of the courts.  Death to the PGMO, Death to the bloggettas.”

“Oh,” I said.  “Of course I agree with you, but can’t we just poke fun at them for a while longer?”

But he shook his head, shook my hand and went on his way.

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11 Replies to “PGMO reported to the Committee of Public Safety and charged with crimes against football.”

  1. If we drop them into a void, how can we be certain they are dead? That’s the kind of uncertainty that makes three at the back look indestructible.

  2. very interesting reading I hope it proves to be true. This gentleman certainly is saying the right things. I wonder how many weeks before a scribbler does an interview. Please let the pigmob die.

  3. My understanding is PGMOL can only add referees based on who the FA put forward for selection. So the ‘select group’ of 16 or 17 ‘should’ consist of the referees who finished top of the FA’s merit tables at some time. Referees move within the merit tables based on marks awarded by the FA assessors.

    So it’s the FA who are responsible for this because they provide the training, the assessors and, most importantly, set out the way the rules should be interpreted.

    The problem is therefore threefold:

    – The FA are manipulating the rules to suit the ‘fast moving, physical English game’. (This is why Continental referees seem so much better, they actually impose the rules correctly).
    – The FA are training and assessing referees based on their own interpretation of the rules to suit our game
    – Training is concentrated on Northern regions hence why Northern referees make up 90% of PGMOL
    – Referees once added to the select group become unaccountable because there is no relegation or punishment for a bad or biased performance.

    To fix this problem it seems pretty simple to me:

    1. FIFA’s rules of the game are followed to the letter, we no longer allow the FA to interpret the rules differently
    2. The merit tables should now produce a more fairer and accurate method of measuring the best referees.
    3. PGMOL should introduce a merit table for their select group of 16/17 referees.
    4. PGMOL referees should be available for deselection based on marks.
    5. A PGMOL referee should be given a two week break when giving a bad performance or making a bad decision

    Once we have the rules being followed properly and a degree of accountability, we might see our referees being appointed to World Cups.

  4. Somehow, I don’t see Riley as a “John of Salisbury” type at all.

    He won’t be defending his cause or followers, but grabbing all the money he can and running away!

  5. Sounds like Young Pep read this article just before his latest broadside at the assembled hackery.

    Young Pep:
    “You don’t discuss the football on the football pitch”. Yep. That’s what we’ve been highlighting. Given the amount of Wonga some pay for the coverage it is: weird.

    Nevermind the Football eh?

    “Orf with their heads?”

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