The 10 biggest Arsenal news stories in the last 12 hours, all on one page.

By Sir Hardly Anyone

So here we are again, with the top ten tales from the “outlets” as they call each other.

And I’m back with Albert Blizzard of the The Buzzard who was bemoaning a complaint from his editor.  “He told me,” Albert announced after tucking into his pint and whisky chaser, “that my last transfer rumour column contained all the old players as the last time, but with a new set of clubs that they were supposedly going to.

“So I’ve sorted him.  Today’s column in the Excess has got the same players as last time going to the same clubs!  That will sort him.  Yes another would be nice,” this last comment coming as he indicated his empty glass.

“So who is going where?” I asked.  “Tell me the top 10 for my readers wish to know.”

“Do they?” he asked, looking bemused.  “I mean, really, do they?”

I took out my phone to record thereunto his living verities.  “I’ll tell you a good one.  Listen,” and he did a very droll amusing voice of an embittered injury prone ex-player whining.  “Former Arsenal man slams Ivan Gazidis and lists all the mistakes he has made.”  Well!  The whole pub was howling with laughter for minutes to come.

“Stewart Robson on Talk Sprout,” I said, as the noise died down.  “But come on give me so tattle and some tittle, although not in that order.

1: Vida

“Arsenal are going to sign Domagoj Vida from the London Pavillion,” he said. 

“Is that the same as the London Stadium,” I asked, but was told that was the London Palladium. 

“I got that from Sport Witness,” Blizzard replied, “and they were citing reports in Turkey, as everyone knows Arsenal needs defenders.  It will rock the football world.”

“Will it?” I asked.

“It says so here,” said Blizzard passing me a copy of his column in The Buzzard.

2.  Herrera

“The price on Herrera is negotiable,” I was told.  That one came out of The Star.

“But Herrera has been on our list of 110 players we are bidding for, since he was listed in the Mirror, weeks ago,” I protested.

“I can’t help that,” he said, and ordered another round.

3: Sell Ozil

“Sports Keeda says Arsenal are selling Ozil.  He’s lost his confidence, his performance is down and he’s not the sort of player the new manager likes.”  I chose not to comment.

4: Lucas Perez not going

“Well he’s not going to Lazio,” the old boy said focusing hard and trying to find his drink.  “That was in  Read Arsenal.”

“Could be true,” I said.  “It is easier to predict non-events.  The world will not end this weekend.”

“Really?” said Blizzard.  “You’ve sure got your pulse in your hand.”

5: Kroenke to buy every share in the club.

“Arsenal fans are afraid that Kroenke will buy up all the remaining shareholders and run Arsenal as his own private fiefdom,” was the next BIG story.

“How do you know?” I asked.

“It was on TalkSprorut,” the old boy replied.

“But Kroenke can do pretty much what he likes already,” I said.

“Yes but it would be easier if he owned all the shares.”

“How?” I asked.

“It just would,” said he.

“Anyway Aliko Dangote  is buying Arsenal.  It says so in SGB Companies Ltd.”  We left it at that.

6: Danny to Newcastle

“But Newcastle’s owner isn’t talking to the manager, and the fans are stating they will boycott the club if the manager goes,” I pointed out.

“Yes but Teamtalk says Danny is going there – and he’s going before the window slams shut,” said Blizzard trying to attract the barmaid’s attention.

7:  Nabil Allioui 
“He’s wanted by Arsenal who are battling it out with Man City,” said Blizzard.  “The Mirror had that.”“But they were making it up,” I told him.

“No he was seen at the training ground.”

“That was the head chef,” I said, “He looks just like Alioui.”

“You sure?” he asked, before scratching it out in his notebook.

8: We’re selling

“I know we are selling,” I told the old scoundrel, “but who and to whom?”

He focused hard.  “Right… Arsenal had a firm offer for Mustafi from Juventus.   Ramsey is going for £50m because Arsenal are dithering.  Ospina’s gone for £5m but no one is saying where for tax reasons.  Danny’s definitely going to Newcastle for £10m despite all that you say.  Lucas Perez is off for the same amount but I’ve forgotten where. Chuba Akpom is going to  Koninklijke Sint-Truidense Voetbalvereniging on a free and Carl Jenkinson is leaving for £3m.

“I can’t believe you said that,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

I tried to say “Koninklijke Sint-Truidense Voetbalvereniging” but stumbled over the final word.  “Have you been drinking?” he asked.

“That’s not ten,” I said.

“It is in newspaper terms,” he replied.  “Black is white, puce of maroon, mines a double and God Save the Queen,” and I thought it was probably best to leave it at that.   

Then just as I thought he had gone he turned back and said, “Arsenal star Rob Holding likened to Cristiano Ronaldo after scoring back-heel wonder goal.”

“Daily Star?” I said.

“Got it in one,” he replied before falling asleep.





2 Replies to “The 10 biggest Arsenal news stories in the last 12 hours, all on one page.”

  1. Koninklijke Sint-Truidense Voetbalvereniging but you can call them STVV….

  2. I’ll take £22m on Mus, Monreal not upto speed on the tour, Xhaka on xtended, not posting damn selfies, yay!

    Very happy with Mesut’s conduct, brilliant man.

    I said I’ll see what Aarn says, and I believe he feels a lot like me. :Good show man, we need a left back, probably a centre back, a winger wouldn’t go amiss.

    Interesting opening line up, I’d expect Chambers to be replaced by Mus, unless he transfers, which seems unlikely, unless a solid offer comes in, as it seems Rugani, who incidentally has made 0 errors leadingt o goals in three seasons, oh boy, may be headed to link up withhis former coach of Empoli and Chelsea.

    Cech wants to fight for his place, you mean wind down his contract, hoping he can get away from whoever took ot that contract.

    Ospina for £5m is fair, as long as it’s a good home. So with Chelsea moving for a new GK Tinault to Real looks fairly certain, Rob Green, Rob…. Oh the one who’s error prone, but good on his day, someone call Bruce, Karius has someone to go to counselling with.

    For me I don’t play Lacazette with Aubamyand unless we go 4-3-1-2 and I’d use that, probably all the time, with what we have, switching to a 4–2-3-1 or 4-1-2-2-1 offensively or defensively. Mickhi on or off for Lacazette, and I’d prefer Mikhi, he starts, with Torriera, Aaron and Auba and Ozil every day they can. And I’d probably play Elneny or Xhaka deeper as quarterback, or lynchpin, with the two forward midfielders pressing with/the forwards pressing the CB’s and Ozil either picking up the third CB or DM.

    this means you leave a 2 man midfield, or 3 man midfield v 3 centrally, with the fullbacks able to overload, which means your own full backs need to push up and condence midfield, chasing down through balls and slowing down attacks.

    your CB’s are going to get the work out of their life in this system, dealing with a cf, wf’s and potentially late runners from midfield.

    If I was the boss I might as stated previously revert to a simple, Athletico 4-4-2 (1-1)

    Like this you have 2 spare midfielders, can go 4-4-1-1 or 4-1-4-1 anytime and should probably buy a winger and full back.

    I am not optomistic, realisticaly, our chances are being hampered by a lack of investment, something being scruitinised at Newcastle.

    Danny would suit either Newcaslte or Everton and I expect the £12m back plus contract, he’s worth every penny.

    Some interesting snippets, people will have te feelers out, West Ham, Everton, Newcastle, Southampton, Bournemouth and several others should have yes, on Ospina and Welbeck, whilst Jenkison is a good option and Campbell likewise, at reasonable fees.

    I said it before Santi got butchered, I’m saying it ahain, Monreal should head home/ And on what I see on social media, Martinez is looking fine enough to ensure Cech doesn’t cost us money by staying.

    The team are in good spirits, probably one of the besst moods of any top 6 club, with most available, Ozil and Elneny having joined the camp with Iwoi now. Xhaka is missing.

    The final three noteable absentees beign Danny. David and Nacho.

    Liquidate and hurry up. And I’m not worried what the ES prints about Kroenke,, it seems that a sale isn’t far off, potentialy. The winds are exactly right.

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