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Emirates stadium seriously contaminated. Profound health implications revealed

Exclusive!

Alexander Litvinenko was a former officer of the FSB and KGB in Russia who was granted political asylum in the UK.  He accused the FSB of terrorist acts within Russia, in order to bring Putin to power.

On 1 November 2006, Litvinenko fell ill and died three weeks later, becoming the first confirmed victim of polonium 210. Andrey Konstantinovich Lugovoy is suspected by many of Litvinenko’s murder – but of course I make no allegations as I don’t want to be locked up.

Lugovoy arrived in London on 31st October to attend Arsenal vs CSKA Moscow the following day.   Subsequently the stadium was checked and traces of polonium 210 were found, but the levels were declared to be safe by the UK’s Health Protection Agency.



But now, for the first time, Untold Arsenal can reveal that the effects of the polonium 210 have reached far further.

Polonium poisoning at this very low level can be seen through the behaviour of fans who visit the Emirates, when that behaviour is contrasted with fans of, for example, Barcelona.   Barca fans have recently been commenting on the ability of one of their players to score four goals against Arsenal’s reserves.

Arsenal also have such a player – Arshavin – who scored four against Liverpool.   While Barca fans are happy to talk up their player, Arsenal blogs are now picking up on Arshavin is Leaving stories.  And instead of setting these aside as pointless extensions to the endless Arshavin hoaxes (he doesn’t like the weather, he can’t speak English proper like wot the Sun dos, the thinks the players around him aren’t good enough, and he didn’t understand the tax system) these bloggers and fans are believing the stories and reprinting them.

Only people who have had their minds warped by polonium would ever believe all this stuff.  That is how you can tell them (besides their tendency to fly little flags from their cars during the world cup).

They are even saying that he has put in some lacklustre performances (conveniently ignoring the fact that he has been injured for much of the season and forced to play out of position because of other players’ injuries).

So the only explanation is that the polonium is still in the stadium and has got into their heads, warping their brains, and generally making them rather silly.

In fact this must be the explanation for the doom and gloom that has settled all over Arsenal of late.  In the face of a team who even with much of the squad missing can still challenge to win the league, those people infected with low level polonium poisoning go on moaning and winging, complaining and whining, gibbering and cursing, blaming and squadgling, flskiging and pqowjkerkljfging…  Indeed some of them even lose the power to operate a keyboard properly.



Of course the Ems is not the only place you hear complaints – but the difference is that many of the complaints elsewhere are justified.  If you were a Liverpool supporter for example, and assuming you didn’t have £300m ready money to take over the club debts (plus another £300m to buy out the owners) they you might feel like moaning and you would be justified – because your club has been raped.

If you were a Real Mad fan you might whine a bit because your club bought  C Ronaldo who was described as a “roadrunner chasing shadows” by  JJ Santos in As in Spain after the Real Mad v Bar Bars this weekend.  Apparently a year ago he was worth £80m.

If you were a Man U fan you might complain because none of the  C Ronaldo money has gone anywhere but up in smoke.

If you are a Villa fan then you can join your manager and complain about everything from the colour of the grass to the violence inherent in J Terry and the bias of the refs.

And if you are a Daily Mail reader you might complain about the cost of a paper which simply repeats the stories we run, only three days later.  (Apparently Van P is fit and ready to appear on wednesday).

But if you support the mighty Arsenal, and have escaped the polonium poisoning you might enjoy the fact that Jay Emmanuel Thomas is still scoring for Doncaster even when they play against promoted WBA.  And he’s playing in midfield.  Or that  Arsenal women are 1 point off the top with 3 games in hand and a better goal difference than Leeds and in the Cup Final.

Or that our reserve team is going to come at least third in the league, and maybe higher.

As for me I am quite pleased.  Polonium hasn’t reached block 99, and besides that,  “Making the Arsenal” the web site which celebrates Arsenal’s doings 100 years ago has been nominated for an award.

http://www.footballnation.info/survey2010.html if you would like to vote.



What we have started doing on that site is finding out little bits and pieces about the history of football from around that era and run the stories as specials.   Just recently there was the story that when Arsenal moved to Highbury in 1913, we were in London, while Tottenham at that time was in Middlesex.   OK not earth breaking, but interesting to some.

And you might even be interested in watching our reserve side take on Tottenham while noting that our predecessors played the Tinies almost 100 years ago to the day in the first Totts Arsenal league match at WHL (16 April 1910)

So to take your mind off the polonium, here’s something else that you might enjoy on Tottenham.

Arsenal’s fixed promotion. When someone wants to slag off Arsenal’s achievements they often turn to the story that Arsenal somehow fixed their way into the First Division in 1919 through bribery and corruption.  Not only is the story untrue, but it is itself a clever deception put about by the clubs who really were guilty of match fixing.  Read the full story.

And remember, the only cure for polonium poisoning is to support Arsenal totally, rather than endlessly saying that our players are fed up and will leave.

Boris WhereDidIDropTheStuff Ovich.

22 comments to Emirates stadium seriously contaminated. Profound health implications revealed

  • walter

    Another great article. I sure hope we don’t get contaminated when on May 9th we come back to the Emirates. 😉
    If you read some of the blogs, I try not to go over there but still it happens sometimes, you would think we are third from bottom and all our players are not good enough and the manager has lost it.
    And yet why are we third in the league just 3 points from first place. Our team can not be shit and our manager has not lost it. But now we finally know the answer why all those fans are moaning so much.

    Polonium210 can cause moaning problems. Maybe they should put out a warning sign before entering the Emirates ? 😉

  • Ste

    Hey, Nice blog.

    I was block 100 at the Wolves match, didn’t know you were 99!

  • Rhys Jaggar

    I must say that my greatest health hazard at the Ems to date was caused by none other than the Great Redeemer, Starbucks, who sold me a hot egg panini which hadn’t cooked the eggs properly at around 9am in the morning a season or so back. I learned they hadn’t cooked the eggs properly when the effects of Salmonella poisoning, which usually takes about 10 hours to manifest itself, appeared on one of the few occasions I enjoyed the pleasures of dining before the game, which was against AC Milan.

    This was rather embarrassing, as all and sundry thought I was paralytically drunk at 6.30pm, since what other reason would you possess for soiling the beautiful carpets on the Ems floor??

    You will be glad to learn that I limit my food intake at Starbucks now to Chocolate Caramel Shortbread and the Ems therefore required only once, on my account, to call in the cleaners for unexpected reasons.

    I do wonder whether I enjoyed the same treatment as the Tiny Totts when in Switzerland this January, but surely no-one would host you in a mostly empty hotel, promptly poison you and then demonstrate that there is 24/7 electronic tracking technology accessible to residents of the resort through knowledge of your pathways around the mountain during the day?

    Surely not those seeking good publicity along the lines of ‘For god’s sake, no matter what you do, DON’T STAY THERE!!!!’

    It can happen. Of course it can.

    It’s just that you’re not supposed to talk about it. You’re supposed to pay £1300 for the enjoyment of being poisoned and then keep quiet about it.

    That’s what tourism is all about, isn’t it????

  • Hartwick89

    @Tony,

    I am so sick of the Authors of this website being so critical of D&Gers and then blaming great and honorable Russians for Arsenal problems! Is it because of the Usmanov connection? Or is it because Dein is connected in some way or another… My theory about why negativity hits Arsenal bloggers is more closer to home than Russia…. You need to look no further than north the border. I myself have had this epidemic… It impacts greatly and I believe it was planted by the Scottish Coaching contingency that enters EMS evry so often… The culprits being SAF, Moyes, Coyle, & our beloved Mcleish. They put it into the drink supply it is called Trimethoprim… Here is the link for all interested: http://jmm.sgmjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/41/5/343

  • Paul C.

    This weekend I was doing my usual perusing of the other Arsenal blogs and checking out the comments sections (by far the most entertaining parts of those blogs). On one of them there was an individual continually coming on with such statements as “I can’t wait for this crap season to end”, “Oh well, another sh*t season about to come to an end”, etc etc. I couldnt quite make up my mind whether or not it was a piss-take. Had he only commented once I would have been sure it was just a piss-take. However the constant barrage of abuse and invective at the season our team is having made me think, quite unbelievably, that it might actually be serious. Then other people commenting began AGREEING with that poster, and more and more people seemed to be suggesting that we were having a terrible, disastrous season. It was surreal, unbelievable, and quite disconcerting. I just wanted to say “what do you people want?”. But that probably would have been a waste.

    If people cannot get excited about a season in which we are 3 points off the Championship lead with 5 games to go then I am not quite sure what will ever get them excited. Some people really need to get a grip on reality.

  • lenny

    Great Tony. Never laughed so much. What form of insidious poisoning do you think Sir Alex ( him of the ‘typical Germans’ turn of phrase } might be suffering from?

  • LRV

    Arsenal (& indeed Arsene Wenger himself) is simply a victim of Wenger’s bedazzlement over the years which gynomously raised people’s expectations beyond the sky itself. I swear that if Arsenal wins the league, these people will still complain that in doing so, we did not win every match by 4 – 6 goals margin. There is no satisfying the ‘Customers’; no way ever pleasing the D&G brigade. so lets just leave them to their rantings, as long as they do not come here to do it. They jealously guard there moaning sites; I see no reason why we should allow them invade ours.

  • Hartwick – ok I’ll lay off the Russians. Nothing against them personally you understand.

    Who shall we have a go at next?

  • walter

    The Germans …? 🙂 Oh, SAF has done them already…

  • walter

    LRV, I also really can’t believe it.
    Last year we were having the “worst season ever” and yes we were well out of the title race early on but 1/2 finals in CL and FA cup made it fine.

    Now we are within 3 points of the leaders in the EPL and they are again talking of a bad season…. I just don’t get it.
    I’m really enjoying it.

  • bombsquad

    congrats on the nomination i will get the book soon for collection. if we beat spuds the season is back on.

  • Maverick

    Great article Tony!! Always love this site and how you put things in perspective and dispel the D&G.

    What is your take on this new situation that has everyone talking. Lady Bracewell-Smith selling her shares, are you for or against a takeover? I have to admit i am almost nervous about anyone taking over and disrupting our great club…..and have to admit also i DON’T want Arsenal grouped in with the likes of Manc, United and Chelski. I am also worried about any potential changes a new owner could bring, like destroying the wage structure and putting back in debt by buying “star players” etc

    Could you maybe do an article on your viewpoints as regards this because i would be interested on them….thanks

  • Paul C.

    Walter – did you see Carlo Ancelotti’s comments today about John Terry’s tackle on Saturday? Basically he said “the rules say that if you an intention to go for the ball, then it cannot be a red card, only a yellow card”.

    So, do the rules say that?

  • Jonny

    I didn’t actually get a glimpse of the Terry tackle on Milner until today. I’m actually staggered at how little has been made of this. It’s disgraceful on SO many levels. I do not, as a rule, buy into conspiracy theories but the refereeing here is so shambolic you have to wonder. Deco should have been sent off for a second bookable, Terry should have had a straight red, Andy Townsend should be banned from the commentary box forever more.

    Neither commentator manages to find anything approaching a correct, sane response to what is a vile tackle from a vile individual. It’s an outrage and frankly it is beyond belief.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McOxoOSuX_8

    Walter perhaps you could talk us through the finer points of this refereeing debacle?

  • walter

    Jonny, thanks for the link as I didn’t see it on TV this weekend. Who on earth can go and sit in front of his TV to see Chelsea played without being put a gun against your head. 😉

    Now I must say I am speachless for a moment. He fly’s in with a leg about 0.5 meter from the ground with an outstrechted leg and hits his opponent just under his knee. If Milner would have had his foot on the ground he could have his leg broken. It was dangerous and reckless and only by luck Milner escaped a very serious injury. Red, red and red again is the only solution. This is tackle in the region from Taylor on Eduardo. Milner just was lucky and Terry… he is a mad man. In my country he would have had a straight red card from let’s say 98 % of the refs.

    About the comment from Ancelotti: this is by far one of the biggest rubbish I heard someone talk. Nowhere in the rule book it says something like that. But in the rule book there are words saying: dangerous for the opponent, excessive violence and force, reckless and they all are connected with red cards. I think you can put Terry’s assault in any of those category’s.

    But what do you expect from a coach who’s club has also “ordered” referees as now has come to the surface in the last couple of days. He knows a few things on how “ordering” the right referees.

  • Jonny

    I think if Milner had been unfortunate to get a bad injury we would have heard a lot more about this. It’s amazing that it has been kept so quiet.

    There is something wrong in Terry’s head. I wonder if it will all blow up in the WC…

  • Paul C.

    Yeah, I figured that would be your response!!!

    I had a bit of a choke on my breakfast when I saw that quote. But that is part of the problem – too many players, pundits, and commentators on the game have absolutely no idea what the actual rules are. I dont quite know how the PL and FA handle the training for referees. I the US officials of all major sports actually do a large part of their training with the actual teams, talking to them about rules and interpretations, advising them what would and wouldnt be called etc etc. This not only gives the players and coaches themselves an education as to the rules, but also lets those players and coaches understand each individual referees tendencies and willingness to play advantage, for example.

    What does not change from one umpire/official/referee to another is the basic rules. This is a foul, that is an ejection, that is a warning etc. There is very little grey area as far as that is concerned. In baseball for instance, as a batter you know that you can say stuff about the umpire just so long as you are not facing the umpire, but the moment you turn and face the umpire (as that will get caught by TV and look like you are showing up the umpire) then it is an automatic ejection, even if what you said was mild. You can ask polite questions, but you never, ever raise your voice or make an aggresive gesture. That is not only an automatic ejection (red card) but will also earn you a suspension as well in all likelihood.

    Goodness knows why UEFA, FIFA, and other ruling bodies dont start forcing the players to respect the officials. It would be so easy and yet the ruling bodies are happy to have players and coaches go on making stupid comments like Ancelotti’s that just further the whole misunderstanding of the rules and lead to even worse tackles and situations like we saw by our own players and by Bayern’s players where the referee is aggresively pressured. I used to referee rugby and if any player ever made ANY aggresive gesture towards me, of ANY kind, he would be taking an early bath. After a quarter of the seaosn everyone knew that about me and NOBODY ever messed with me, simply because they knew it wouldnt work. Once the precedent is set everyone adjusts very quickly.

  • walter

    I think part of the problem is keeping the same line over a long period. Every World cup they have a new point they highlight but you see that after some 10 games the border line is starting to move and when the final is there it is bussines as usual.
    Like the instruction to give a player who is asking a yellow card for another player by making the gesture should get a yellow card himself. This is still a rule but I think I am one of the few to still put this in practice. Must say that I don’t do it for the first person who makes this gesture, but I call him over and tell him and the other players (with loud voice – I can speak very loud they say) that the next one who asks a card for another player will be booked.
    But how many times I see players waving their hands as if to give a card to an opponent. I always tell them that if they really want to give cards themselves they just have to become a ref and otherwise leave it to me.

    But I must say that the refs are also at fault for not being consistent. And the media and the press because they criticise refs who try to do it according the rule book and instructions.

  • Phil23

    Well i’m just putting it out there but i’d prefer Arshavin left and we got Hazard. Otherwise we are going to miss out on this super talent for a player who doesn’t bleed Arsenal. (If you think Arshavin bleeds Arsenal you are deluded)

  • AnonymousGun

    -and squadgling, flskiging and pqowjkerkljfging-

    You learn new things (or words) everyday in this blog 😉

  • critic

    nothing can be disastrous than a newcastle fan telling me that wenger should go if arsenal are to win the title and if we are to be successful….just RIDICULOUS…

  • critic

    Greedebayor quits international football….none of my concerns, but i want to know if a freelance can play in club football…