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8 men offered the managerial job including a character from Hello Hello

By Bulldog Drummond

What do the following all have in common?

  • Gennaro Gattuso
  • Paulo Fonseca
  • Antonio Conte
  • Hansi Flick*
  • Mauricio Pochettino
  • Erik ten Hag,
  • Brendan Rodgers
  • Julian Nagelsmann
  • Tony Attwood

Answer: none of them want to manage Tottenham Hotspur.

Now it is true that the last name on the list hasn’t actually been invited to manage the Tiny Totts, but the feeling in the Untold offices is that it can’t be long before he has the pleasure of turning honourable club down.  (It also appears that at one stage they offered the job of Tiny Tott in Chief to a character from Hello Hello*, which seems odd, but I am sure they know what they are doing).

So that is 14 appointments who have manifested themselves in the 21st century.  Some of them of course have turned up at the same time not quite sure which one of them had the job and which was visiting for a day or two, and some of them have cheated and done the job twice.

The man in charge (not literally) From  To
Ryan Mason 19 Apr, 2021 Present
Jose Mourinho 20 Nov, 2019 19 Apr, 2021
Mauricio Pochettino 27 May, 2014 19 Nov, 2019
Tim Sherwood 16 Dec, 2013 13 May, 2014
Andre Villas-Boas 03 Jul, 2012 16 Dec, 2013
Harry Redknapp 25 Oct, 2008 15 Jun, 2012
Juande Ramos 29 Oct, 2007 25 Oct, 2008
Clive Allen 26 Oct, 2007 29 Oct, 2007
Martin Jol 05 Nov, 2004 26 Oct, 2007
Jacques Santini 03 Jun, 2004 05 Nov, 2004
David Pleat 21 Sep, 2003 03 Jun, 2004
Glenn Hoddle 02 Apr, 2001 21 Sep, 2003
David Pleat 16 Mar, 2001 02 Apr, 2001
George Graham 01 Oct, 1998 16 Mar, 2001

Arsenal have not had quite so many

The man in charge (literally) From  To
Mikel Arteta 23 Dec, 2019 Present
Fredrik Ljungberg 29 Nov, 2019 23 Dec, 2019
Unai Emery 23 May, 2018 29 Nov, 2019
Arsene Wenger 30 Sep, 1996 14 May, 2018

Now it is interesting to note how many prizes and pots each club has won during this century.  And because we like to be fair and reasonable we will take what Tottenham call their

Major Honours

(who possibly served alongside Herr Flick).   And if you feel I am editing or otherwise messing around you can check on this page   But seriously they do have a “major honours” section and it includes the Charity Shield.

So in the 21st century and under the heading “Major Honours” we have for Les Tots très petit

  • Football League Champions:
  • The FA Cup Winners:
  • Football League Cup Winners: 2007/2008
  • UEFA Cup Winners:
  • Football League Division Two Champions:
  • FA Charity Shield Winners:

And so again to avoid any accusation of bias we will take the same list of possible trophies and see what Arsenal did…

  • Football League Champions: 2001/2002, 2003/2004
  • The FA Cup Winners: , 2001/02, 2002/03, 2004/05, 2013/14, 2014/15, 2016/17, 2019/20
  • Football League Cup Winners:
  • UEFA Cup Winners:
  • Football League Division Two Champions:
  • FA Charity Shield Winners:  2002, 2004, 2014, 2015, 2017, 2020

So looking at this I see one trophy for Tottenham, and 15 for Arsenal.  Now I don’t normally count the FA Charity Shield (or Community Shield as it has been called for about the last 200 years) but Tottenham included that so six of those are included of us.

But now looking at this it seems there is a link.   Tottenham have had 14 managers and 1 trophy this century while Arsenal have had four managers and 15 trophies.

Which makes me think, why don’t Tottenham try the Arsenal method of not having lots of managers but instead have lots of trophies?  It seems to work for us.  Still I am sure they know what they are doing.

Sacking a manager mid-season is always a dodgy thing to do, because it means you are going to thrust someone into the job who may not be ready for the job.  That certainly happened with Freddie, and as a result we have lost him from the club, while I thought he was doing a really good job with the under 23s before the wretched “who wants to run the club?” thing started.

But I think there was something very fish-like going on at Tottenham last season, and it could well be that all these obviously highly qualified managers who pop along to the club looking for work, have discovered it too, and then decided they didn’t want to work there.

And that fishy thing is this.

Tottenham and Arsenal both cut their yellow card rates dramatically last season – Arsenal’s went down by 45% and Tottenham’s by 35%.

Now Arsenal did it by cutting their tackle rate down by 22% and the foul rate down by 18%.

But Tottenham hardly changed their tackle rate – it went down by just 4%.  And their foul rate actually went up by 4%!

So they increased their fouls, and yet the got 29 fewer yellow cards.  How did they do that?  And what does it have to do with the number of managers who turn up, have a big row with Mr Levy and then leave?

Of course I am not suggesting anything untoward went on last season.  Not at  all. Tottenham fouled more but got fewer yellow cards.  Nothing suspicious there.  Nothing to see.  Move on.

I’d just like to know how they did it.

Team Tackles 2019/20 Tackles 2020/21 Change Fouls 2019/20 Fouls 2020/21 Change Yellow 2019/20 Yellow 2020/21 Change
Arsenal 584 456 -22% 421 345 -18% 86 47 -45%
TottHot 665 636 -4% 423 439 +4% 82 53 -35%

As indeed, I suspect, did

  • Gennaro Gattuso,
  • Paulo Fonseca
  • Antonio Conte
  • Hansi Flick*
  • Mauricio Pochettino
  • Erik ten Hag,
  • Brendan Rodgers
  • Julian Nagelsmann

Of course it wasn’t when they found out that they decided they didn’t want the job.  That would be ludicrous.

The proof that something is seriously wrong with football refereeing and reporting

10 comments to 8 men offered the managerial job including a character from Hello Hello

  • Matt

    The programme was called ‘allo ‘allo you ‘tard.

  • Nitram

    “So looking at this I see one trophy for Tottenham, and 15 for Arsenal”.

    When you think of the ridicule and abuse we have received in comparison to Spurs over this period, it just shows how unwarranted it is, and what’s more, when you consider a lot of that criticism is from our own fans it’s actually pretty embarrassing !!

  • Menace

    Gary Lineker just asked diving Jurgen Klinsman if he would like to take the job under the cock, and he was not surprised to know that Levy has not spoken to him yet.
    Levy is waiting for the cock to lay an egg. Not satisfied with beer glasses that fill from below, he is expecting his cock to lay.

  • In the normal everyday world of conversations, people make mistakes, misremember something and so forth. Among most people, if the meaning is clear, a mistake is let pass. But to take time to be abusive to a person for making a mistake requires a certain strangeness of attitude.

  • Dec

    ‘Tard’ ??
    Seriously?

    Tony, please get this disgusting ignorant clown off the page.

  • Jack

    Nitram

    When was the last time St Totteringham’s day was celebrated? There is nothing to be happy about.

  • Mikey

    @ Jack

    This reminds me of a couple of moaners who sit behind me at the Ems.

    If we won a game 10-1, they’d scream for the manager to be sacked because we conceded the one.

    Never happy unless it’s perfection all game, every game. No perspective at all. Life in general must be such a disappointment.

  • Nitram

    Mikey

    Isn’t nice when you make a point about our over entitled, never happy, endlessly whinging fans and one turns up just like magic to prove your very point. You couldn’t make it up.

  • Brickfields Gunners

    I still miss the St. Totteringham’ Cup, and the best laugh was when they could not hold out 5-0 at Newcastle a few years ago,whe we were thumping Aston Villa , then managed bt a Spud !
    And in Lt. Gruber’s memorable words , ” Fuck the Gestapo !”