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Within this review is a joke about Wolverhampton. (It’s not very funny)

Wolverhampton Wanderers Football Club.

A resume by Billy the Dog McGraw, Landlord of the Toppled Bollard Islington and head of the Republic of Abyssinia.

“The stuffed heads of West Brom supporters on pikes that adorn the walkways of Wolverhampton are bad enough, but what makes it worse is that many still have dark glasses and streamers around their necks revealing that they were enjoying themselves at a party to celebrate winning the league in 1920 when they were shot.”

Grubby Towns of Great Britain.  1995 edition.

Wolverhampton Wobblewibble is a football team from the porridge making villages of rural West Midlands which was formed in the 8th century at the time of the “Wolverine Conspiracy” against the Great Danes of Mercia during which rat poison was fed to the inhabitants of villages to the east.

They played in the back garden of the Duke of Ditchwater for 19 centuries before becoming a staggeringly great team under ex-player Stan Cullis who won them the league three times and the Fairly Awful cup twice in an 11 year period.  At this time the press got very excited about them and declared the Wobble “Champions of the World”  after they beat South Africa, Spartak Moscow and Honved.   This was because the world was a lot smaller in those days.

But, sadly, the export of Black Energy from the neighbourhood undermined the structure of the area and this proved their undoing as the world grew larger, due to the Higgs Boson, who played outside left.



While some clubs would honour the man who had brought such success and fame to an obscure provincial shopping centre, they do things different in Black Porridge County.  Stan Cullis was sacked in September 1964.

It was a strange line to take, and one that would have haunted their mutual consciousness for ever more if they had a consciousness.  But they kept making the porridge and as anyone who has been to Manchester knows, self-conscious brains were not allowed up the M6 owing the to the lack of atmosphere (see footnote).  Thus they were trapped without a teaspoon to their name.

Anyway, having taken this step the club then decided that it would be more fun to fight in the Grimsthorpe League Division 3 North and they duly set out about getting there with relegations in 1984, 1985, and 1986.  At this time they were owned by the Bhatti Brothers who are still so secretive and litigious that there is hardly a word on them on Google.

When they made it to the fourth division I went to see them with my dad, playing away against Torquay United.  We supported Torquay and threw porridge at them.

Wolverhampton were good, and that year they lost to Chorley 3-0 in the first round of the Fairly Awful Cup.

The local manager, a M McCarthey who speaks North, but is learning other tongues, said in an interview in the Express and Start of Arsenal, this week, “They have the size of the pitch going for them.”

And who can gainsay that?

Arsenal will play their children’s team for this match because everyone else is injured.  Wolverhampton will play their reserves because that is what they do when faced with failure.

Djourou is just about ready to play but they might give him another 10 days before facing the Evil Empire.  There is a rumour that Denilson (who was multiple magnifico against the Black Sheep) is injured.  But that might just be a story.

Arsenal’s Children’s Team…

Almunia

Sagna, Silvestre, Vermaelen, Clichy (Eboue, Campbell)

Diaby, Song, Denilson, (Nasri, Rosicky, Eastmond)

Theo, Bendtner, Nasri (Eduardo, Rosicky, Vela, Merida)



Footnote:

Wolverhampton joke…

Q: Why do NASA send their astronauts to train at Molineux?

A, It’s the only place in the world with no atmosphere!

Yes, well…

You can find all the odds and some of the evens for betting on this match on our unique money spinning gambling section, as well as a wonderfully new and fresh configuration of the Arsenicity of everything by going click

Untold’s prediction (in the absence of Phil who got the Bar Bar Barca match correct) is 8-1 to Arsenal.

20 comments to Within this review is a joke about Wolverhampton. (It’s not very funny)

  • critic

    damn it, whole of our team is injured now making fun of other teams won’t lessen the pain and no they won’t play reserve team against us because there’s a general feeling in england that anyone can beat arsenal as we don’t pay refree enough as alex fuckerson does and of course our FIRST TEAM IS INJURED.

    FA cup = fairly awful cup???!!! i think u should also rename EPL, CARLING CUP, and CL. Coz arsenal don’t need that titles they have fan like us.

    DISGUSTING ARTICLE at depressing time. 🙁 🙁 🙁

  • walter

    Wenger said something about bringing in fresh legs tomorrow. So it will be interesting to see the line up.

    I think Rosicicky will start or play a part in the game.

  • Phil

    Fresh legs? That could well be interesting! A few seniors (Vermaelen, Almunia and Bendtner) would be enough if padded out with the best of the kids.

  • notlager

    Walter,

    as a referee what do you think of Mike Dean being in charge of the Manu Chelsea match tomorrow which also has an impact on Arsenal’s title chances? How can the FA award him with such an important match after Dean’s terrible performance at Burnley? (One can also ask why he’s still refereeing at all after his suspension in 2005 for breach of contract (betting syndicates)). Barry Glenndenning wrote about it in today’s Guardian.

    It’s about time Dean’s, let’s say, strange decision making when it comes to certain teams as well as the FA’s refereeing system are being highlighted. Sadly there was complete silence after Arshavin’s stone wall penalty that Dean ignored (on purpose) when we played at OT. This is even more astonishing considering he’s the most generous ref when it comes to awarding penalties. But nothing surprises me these days. The FA, Dean, Webb, they’re all on a mission…. They’re not even making an effort to conceal their intentions anymore. Hopefully Glenndenning’s article will make everyone take a closer look at Dean’s performance tomorrow.

    Sorry for going off topic. Come on you Gunners!

  • walter

    I think I have made clear what I think of Dean after our game at Utd earlier this season.
    Whenever I see Webb or Dean come out in front of The Arsenal I know we have to beat not only the opponents but also the ref.

    I think those games should be refereed by top refs from another country. I’ve said this before.

    If you would have Belgium referees in EPL you can be sure they will give red cards in every game. But the ‘it’s a tough mans’ game attitude’ has so affected the refs that it really is frightning at times.

    yesterday I saw Atkinson doing HSV-Standard Liège and at a certain moment a HSV defender made a tackle with two legs to an opponent who could jump up and Atkinson just let it go… horrible and terrible.

    Most of the EPL refs attitude is disgracefull at times and it is only thanks to the fact that players sometimes can jump out of danger that there are no more legs broken in the EPL. It really should happen to one of the darlings like Rooney or Gerrard before they will start to open their eyes I think.

  • simon bailey

    was the joke critics reply?

  • lee

    hi there, i love your blog and check it all the time.
    first thing, i hope u now agree with me that eboue is the best player at arsenal at present. if u go back and watch the champions league match again u will see that he is the man that supported theo and bendtner and they did it for us. he is by far better than sagna even when he plays right back. i hope wenger sees it too. infact sagna can play in gallas’s place and we leave eboue as a full back so as to have song back in front of the defenders where is more at home and he can ochestrate things.

  • critic

    @simon
    what’s their in article???he has just showed how great arsenal is by putting down wolves. i don’t like ppl putting down , making fun of other teams in order to show ur team is gr8est.

    To show a line segment is smaller, u draw a bigger line segment near it, not erase the original one.

  • critic

    @tony
    u said barcelona and real mads were heavily in debt and problem will be their at 2015, but unfortunately spanish govt will again bail them out. Who cares about likes of villarreal, valencia,and other small clubs. U urself said spanish league was designed in a manner to favour real mads and occasional cups for barcelona, can’t see why it won’t continue.

    As far as utd is concerned somebody will bail them out, red knights are their hence again postponing the inevitable(according to u).

    Charity fc will remain charity fc until abrhamovich realises what a fool he has been.

    Paul C. said in a comment (in earlier post) that wenger’s acid test comes next season, if he can’t win title next season he should go. And i agree with that completely.

    Not to mention Arsenal are still in two very winnable competitions, we just need luck on our side. Cl will be our best chance.

  • Saintyjones

    @Critic- i think u must b a fool. Good followers of this site know that most of their pre match analysis is to reduce the tension on we fans before we go into matches against opponents hence making us expectant of good result.This is the simple reason i love reading pre match analysis here.
    Always read properly before u comment on articles n cease acting like a moron.

  • simon bailey

    critic old fellow, the point i was making was that even though the headline of the article suggested that what was to follow was pure lampoonery, you wholesalely missed the point.

    i think sainty has it right. about the reduction of tension not that you are a fool or a moron. maybe you are german and have had a comedy bypass.

    c’mon the boys.

  • walter

    YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH SUPER NICKLAS BENDTNER!!!!!!

  • IndianGooner

    Left it really really late.. But 3 points is 3 points.. Still in the battle for the title..

    Now to Barca @ Camp Nou…

  • tim

    Wow. I’m glad I’m not over 60 and a chain smoker. Would be at super-high risk of a heart attack.

    It’s bad enough now as it is!

    We’re still in it!!!

  • With only bodies on Emirates tonight, this was best what could happen. Beside, such games are good for moral.
    Players are rested, game even it doesn’t look that way, but didn’t “spend” players too much. So we are still in.
    One week without Rooney and Fergie talking about Chelsea as favorites in title run… Hm what if he had more games without…
    But 5 minutes of injury time? By my calculations it should be at last 15. I had feeling that Haneman each time goes on Molineux to take ball.

  • Lanre

    Not bad a performance. 3points’ 3points. Everybody played their parts. But i am not happy with Eboue’s. We know you can drive the team, but teamwork is teamwork. Pass the ball when u are crowded. Walter, do u think Henry’s sending off was worth it? I think it was a bit harsh, prob a yellow card

  • hartwick89

    I’ll answer that……… Well just because we didn’t see a bone out of a sock or a limb hanging or the physio draping an O2 mask from Rosicky’s head doesn’t mean it wasn’t a RED… WTF if I was on the pitch I would have gotten a RED for sticking my boot up Henry’s ass…

  • hartwick89

    BTW cricket…. The only thing disgusting are ingrate’s like you… I’ll say this your authority of Wenger goes in a year is if you go now!

  • barotsage

    With All These Injuries, Does Anyone Fear the Worst? Meaning getting knocked out by Barca, defeat to the spuds and possibly Man City, and ultimately a possible battle to keep 3rd/4th place rather than the title tilt we had all hoped?

    I know that I’m probably being overly worried and pessimistic but with 4 or 5 first team regulars out and doubts over a couple others like Clichy, Diaby and Denilson, we really are ‘down to the bare bones’ (Copyright ‘arry Redknapp).

  • Ok this story is a tiny bit haphazard, but I conceive it must to do. 😉 Skillful write up. Yes, you build a redeeming dissertation.