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January 2020
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The nation goes bonkers but no one can tell the difference

By Sir Hardly Anyone

Never have I seen anything like it. Not once, not ever! Upon finishing my nap upon the Saturday afternoon I took what I expected to be a gentle motor across England green and pleasant rolling hills from Imperial Rutland to the megalopolis of Leicester that home of the working man.


At the moment of the last report, I was wet

By Tony Attwood

Towards the end of last night’s match it started to rain. And I really mean rain. Rain so heavy and unremitting that one rarely sees in England.

Yes it rains in England, but not rain that within minutes swamps your shoes which are designed for dodgy weather, makes your jeans weigh 20 […]

Mr Redknapp: The Coincidence Man (and what those earlier Untold articles were all about)

Woolwich Arsenal, the club that changed football. Have your name in the book as an official sponsor. Updated information here

By Tony Attwood

If you have a long memory, and take note of the occasional ramblings of mine on this site you might recall that I’ve written a few things about the Redknapp […]

Being an Arsenaloholic

Don McMahon

Being an Arsenaloholic

Season after season, week after week, month after month, Cup after Cup, run-in after run-in I stay glued to the TV or computer alternately surmounted by euphoria or equally often pummeled into an abyss of despair. Where does this Gooner addiction come from and what are its consequences?

Take right […]

Dennis Bergkamp talks to Billy the Dog about Aston Villa and other cabbages

By Billy Le Dog

Today is World Vampire Day, and in celebration, we note that the Emirates is the only stadium in the western spiral arm of the galaxy in which a goal scored with a shot from outside the penalty area this season.

And thus, therefore and so we come to Our Jack’s 50th […]

Arsenal set to play their first off-shore match of the season

Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

Untold Arsenal on Facebook here

Ipswich vs Arsenal

A preview by our man with a spot: Billy the Dog

“The Gunners are firm favourites to progress to the Wembley showpiece after an impressive run through the competition so far.”

I copied that from the Sky Sports web […]

i guess that’s why they call it the blues. (i believe i’ll dust my broom)

Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

Untold Arsenal on Facebook here

A preview by Billy The Dog McGraw

Birmingham is a diminutive village famed for being the lowest settlement in the United Kingdom at 170 feet below sea level.

The location, home to elves, dwarves and other such creatures, was discovered by chance […]

Untold’s Xmas works outing. Wild happenings. Men! Women! Horses! Drinking! Hairdryers! Billy the Dog!

Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

Untold Arsenal on Facebook here

In the day before Christmas each year, the worldwide staff at Untold Arsenal come home to the editorial hub and join with the local hacks and associates from the Toppled Bollard – famed drinking den run by Billy the Dog McGraw – […]

An Untold Letter to Father Christmas; love, hate, laugh, cry, and the truth about the AAA.

Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

Untold Arsenal on Facebook here

Dear Father Christmas,

We think we have been good boys all season long and now we want to ask you if you could bring our friends and ourselves some nice Christmas presents.

Of course we know you have already done so much […]

Arsenal Stoke: the Chinese perspective; the Swiss view

By Billy “The Dog” McGraw

Watching Stoke City is rather like dancing the night with a girl with no rhythm Only to wake up with a hangover and find She won the dance competition.

Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher, Zen Tse Province, 537 BC

December 18th, 2010 | Category: All Tomorrow's Parties, Arsenal stories | 12 comments - (Comments are closed)

Arsenal 4-2-2-2 format takes on small kingdom from the northern outlands

By Billy the Dog McGraw.

This weekend we shall see the new formation – at least that is my prediction. In a second and a half I shall give you the low-down and upside down on the Castle of Neu but first, look at this…


Sagna, Squillaci, Koscielny, Clichy

What a total bloody disaster, fiasco and utter cock-up

By Billy “The Dog” McGraw, (ably assisted once again by his nurse).


I speak, in my headline, of course, about the line up for the EPL game or “clash” as the media like to call it, Arsenal vs Western Pornography.

I mean, what sort of shambles of a club gets into this […]

Songwriter Paul Simon, and the Professor of Philosophy, University of Frinton on Sea, discuss the game with Her Majesty the Queen

By Billy “The Dog” McGraw, Professor of Post-Postprandial Philosophy, the University of Certain Things, Frinton on Sea.

Arsenal travel this weekend to the Manchester Riviera for a game next to the sand dunes and beaches of the exotic ShipCanal on Sunday.

It is a game of some significance for me, as I have been invited […]

Feck! Girls! Arse nal!

Feck! Girls! Arse nal!

By Belfast Kiwi

Ambrose is aptly named after his Patron Saint and is a bit of a character that drinks down at my local Irish bar, The Shuck and Shamrock, seemingly he lives there.

There is more than a bit of Father Jack about him. Wild grey hair and fascinatingly long […]

Arsenal travel back to the future

Back to the Future – Arsenal 201

By Paul Blythe

As I stand here, piping hot coffee mug cupped in chilled hands staring out of the living room window through the distorting condensation, into the languidly lifting mists of the street beyond. I catch a glimpse of the lovely Christine, a woman of […]

Greetins poms: Arsène’s huge down under!

Arsène’s huge down under

By Bruce

G’day all you whingeing Poms from the land Down Under, a paradise of amber nectar, aerial ping-pong and white pointers!!

Just stumbled upon your site as I was googlin’ Arse, now don’t get yer knickers in a knot, it is strictly research for my own gratification like and […]

It’s good news day. Win 2 club level tickets for WBA; plus Gibbs is OK and Vela is freed

By Tony Attwood

Good news on free tickets, good news on injuries, good news about women, good news about Carlos Vela.

It is all Good, Good, Good, Good. Oh yes!

First off, the two free tickets for club level this weekend.

If you read my meanderings on a regular basis, then in between your need […]

The Sunderland pitch is tilted and gives an unfair advantage

By Billy the Dog McGraw

This weekend Arsenal play away to Sunderland – the smallest village to have a team in the Premier League. Beer is 1/3 a pint.

The Sunderland web site currently carries an article called “Behind Enemy Lines” which features an illustration of barbed wire in what appears to be a prisoner […]

Arsenal v the Arsenalistas of Arsenal do Minho (aka Braga) (and a car park)

By Billy the Dog McGraw. Our man in the car park.

Thus it was.

I know the Guardian said it was 25 passes, but that’s tripe. They were quite clearly drunk at the time. I could see them in their little press boxy type thing, below us executive types in club level with me […]

02 and Untold together, but Wenger is a cheat

By Billy The Dog McGraw.

Allow me to explain.

02 are doing this thing with Arsenal in which they provide entertainment and hand out some free beer, free tickets, free beer, free fun and games, free beer, free beer, and free beer.

One of these free things takes place in a tent (or “bubble” to […]

Untold interview Allerdyce as Arsenal play Bleach Rugby Team at Pleasington Cemetary. It could get nasty.

by Billy “The Dog” McGraw.

As Arsenal prepare to play Bolton, or as they are called locally, Blacheborne (a name which, as I mentioned ahead of the fixture last year, is taken from the Old English name for bleach) Untold Arsenal have had the privilege of an interview with Magnus Samo a notorious northern gangster […]

Bogus Cheese takes on the anti-Arsenal brigade and tells them what for!

By Bogus Cheese, our man with an argument

Mes cheery cheries. Bonjour, hello and what’s new?

A happy Limburger to you all.

Our dearest old chums of chance, the Anti-Arsenal Arsenal are up to it again! You’d have thought they might climb back down a bit having taking such a hammering over the question of […]

Exclusive: Untold Arsenal interview with the owner of Manchester City.

By Roxy Beaujolais, our correspondent in foreign parts.

Well, my little Tour Eiffels, my little je ne sais quoi. Tony advertised for a foreign correspondent, I replied, got the job, and he sent me off to… Manchester.

I know it is a foreign country et al, but realmente, I mean. It’s not even in Europe. […]

Billy the Dog’s match preview – Arsenal welcome The Creature from The Black Lagoon.

Arsenal welcome The Creature from the Black Lagoon

By Billy The Dog McGraw, Landlord of the Toppled Bollard, Islington.

At the heart of the matter there are three creatures. Oysten the Greater, Oysten the Lesser, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

All three have a significant part to play in the world of Blackpudlian […]

What we have learned so far, and why it is vital not to have a sense of humour

By Tony Attwood

So with two weeks to go, what do we know? As usual I have no idea, but here’s some of my own thoughts from the last couple of days…

1: We have bought a centre forward and a central defender and both look fairly nifty.

2: Arshavin is playing like he plays […]