Dear Santa, please can Arsenal have…

Dear Santa – My Arsenal Wish List

By Andrew Crawshaw

1. A new Centre Back, preferably with proven Premier League Experience – to provide support to Per and Kos and to enable Chambers to grow into the role gradually. Must be a battler and not prone to rushes of blood to the head.

2. A ready made defensive midfielder to take over from Arteta, probably not the mythical “beast of a player” who would get sent off every game.

He does need to be a sound passer of the ball, be positionally aware and able to direct play from deep.  I also think that for the PL he needs to be a size bigger than Jack.

Arteta is suffering injuries far too often, some are now probably age related.  I believe that his future is probably in a coaching/managerial role and I would like to see him able to pursue that within Arsenal initially at least whilst still there to provide backup as a senior player.

3.  Better and non-biased referees – enough said.

I could have put this in all places but in all honesty without the ability to place a bomb at their offices during their weekly anti-arsenal meeting, I don’t think this one is ever likely to happen.  We will just have to win as many games as possible despite those thieving b……s.

4.  Per to get his ‘Mojo’ back he is currently looking lost and has struggled as much this season as he did when he first joined us. He is not the only player in this position but is for me the saddest.

5.  Our top players back from and to remain injury free for the second half of the season.

6.  I believe that Arsene is coming towards the end of his tenure as Arsenal Manager. The Club need to have a clear cut plan as to how the management needs to evolve to facilitate the inevitable change in the best possible way for the club to progress.

It is unlikely that a new manager will possess the same skill set as Arsene and areas of his responsibility will need to be handed over to others.  Some of those changes would probably be better made sooner rather than later.

7.  A mystery gift from the Club to all supporters to help raise our spirits post Christmas, perhaps a new player when the transfer window opens?

I’m sure you will all have your own views on other things to be added.

The Christmas books

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89 Replies to “Dear Santa, please can Arsenal have…”

  1. I hope number 7 will help you through the cold nights looking at the points 1, 3 and 6.
    I think we might have a shot at getting Khedira but nothing more.

    Long Live Arsene at Arsenal!

  2. I believe we employ a top class professional manager to take care of 1 & 2 (but that’s just my amateur opinion).

    Couldn’t agree more about 3.

    4 agreed

    5 might actually improve dramatically if we got 3

    6 Agree or disagree, AFC is a multi-million pound business. It is quite absurd to believe that there is no succession planning. Just beacuse it has not been made public, it doesn’t mean the club don’t have a clear plan for the future. Only a foolish man believes that he knows everything that goes on inside the club (and no, I don’t mean you).

    7 would be nice, provided it is a player we need (experienced professionals decide we don’t always need them – which is why we don’t sign everyone the AAA want us to); the selling club isn’t asking an unrealistically high price beacuse Man City or Chelski may be interested (which is why we don’t sign everyone the AAA want us to); a player that isn’t going to hold the club to ransom for wages (some greedy ones who end up elsewhere clearly try, which is why we don’t sign everyone the AAA want us to); a player that has the right attitude (many don’t which is possibly why we don’t sign everyone the AAA want us to); and a player who won’t upset the dressing room (some might and as outsiders we don’t know that, which is why we don’t sign everyone the AAA want us to).

    Personally, I’d settled for just number 3, a lot of other things might actually fall into place after that.

  3. Yea, 3 is the one, but we all know santa ain’t existent so it’s up to us to publicise it until they take notice and change. Public opinion is something they fear, this is why they try to manipulate it.

  4. An interesting wish list. I agree with most points esp No 3!

    I think AW is planning to sign a new center back and I share the wish that this happens in January.

    I am not sure if we will see a new DM or CM in January, while it would be very acceptable it may not happen until the summer. For this position I am not sure if AW will go for an out and out DM, or a DM who can cover for CB or a box to box player who can play instead of or with Ramsey – i.e. taking the development of the mobile interchangeable midfield a bit further. But either way we need more height in midfield and additional pace.

    Re point 6 – it is always sensible to plan succession and policy continuity – but AW has approx 2.5 years remaining on his contract, I would be very happy to see him sign on for a further term. NB Red Nose stayed in harness into his 70s & he was not as fit a man as AW!

  5. 8). That Poldi plays like he did last night and even better each game and brings back his enthusiasm to the team which we need and keeps his position and proves why he is Der Prinz von Kölle.AHA.
    9). that Ramsey also plays like last night every game, and scores even better goals.
    10). Arsenal win every game until the end of the season.And next season.After that only losing once.
    11). The Spuds get stir-fried by the bloke on Brickfields video link.What kind of a mind sent you that btw?
    12). That Adam’s memory does not fade on UA.
    13).Oil money(etc) banned.
    14).corrupt ref s exposed.Riley begs for mercy.
    15). Groucho Marx comes back and makes us laugh.
    16).That all my friends on UA have long, healthy, safe lives.

  6. My priority would be no.6 then no.2 and no.1
    Bjtgooner there is no way on earth arsene should get a new deal unless we are happy with mediocrty.

  7. This morning Thursday 10. hearing BBC radio 4 constantly telling us ‘Liverpool are out of the Champions League.’, was a very nice present from Santa.

  8. Nick Lee it would appear that we have a vastly different understanding of mediocrity. Perhaps you would be happier supporting a different team? I know the real supporters would be happier if people like you, did.

  9. Liverpool lose Suarez and Sturridge for a while through injury, and they completely fall to pieces. And yet Wenger was criticised constantly while he was losing his best players every season to the oilers or to injuries, to a far greater extent than Liverpool, and yet still managed to keep us in the Champions League and through to the last sixteen.

    And yet there’s still plenty of sympathy and understanding for Liverpool and Man City when they fail to do anything in Europe despite spending vastly more than us. The media are a pathetic bunch of shit-for-brains, excuse my French.

    Anyway, regarding point 6, there’s probably no manager who can take over all of Wenger’s responsibilities, so the best solution may be to have Wenger as a sort of Sporting Director once he retires.

    It would also help to bring back ex-players into the board or coaching or whatever: Bergkamp, Henry, and please bring back Vieira, Overmars…there are plenty of candidates.

  10. I’ll be modest –

    I wish all of our injured players a quick recovery and to stay fit. The rest will follow, we have what it takes.

  11. @ Kenneth Widmerpool -December 10, 2014 at 3:40 pm – Your-
    11). The Spuds get stir-fried by the bloke on Brickfields video link. What kind of a mind sent you that btw?
    You KNOW that the Spuds will always bring a smile to our faces .They mess up without any help from others ! That guy must be a love child of Chef Ramsey and Piers Morgan!
    The guy who sent me that claims to be some sort of an artist .Completely off his rockers , just like me !

  12. 1- May happen although more likely Calum Chambers will be groomed to replace Per as our next centre back.

    2- Essential. This will be our major signing, its only taking time because we cannot afford to make a mistake here.

    3- Everything revolves around Number 3. No matter who the manager is, no matter who the players are, without this being “fixed” Arsenal FC will never be able to reach their full potential.

    4- Coupled with Kos, no problem exists, at the moment.

    5- Unless Number 3 is solved then this problem is very unlikely to go away. On the positive side, Shad Forsyth is a top-class addition to the club.

    6- No doubt we are nearing the end of The Great Mans reign, although I still believe the club needs his guidance for 2 more years at least.

    7- Lets hope but more importantly, lets be patient.

  13. For the Arsenal , more of the same , please .More joy , but less charity !
    As for me personally , Santa , just send me the list of all the girls who have been naughty !
    Bolstered by large swigs of eggnog , I shall endeavour to visit them all and …….,well , you’ll get the full report later!

  14. I have a simple wish list:

    WIN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

    (sorry 2: Stop all these blasted injuries!)

    That will shut up all the pundits, presenters and the AAA.

    We could then just smile whenever the following start their obsessive behaviour towards our club:

    Adrian Durham
    Alan Brazil
    Paul Merson
    Jamie Rednapp
    Micky Quinn
    Michael Owen
    Stan Collymore
    Jamie Carragher
    Danny Murphy
    Jason Cundy
    Neil Ashton
    Jeremy Wilson
    Antony Kastrinakis
    Darren Lewis
    Peter Wood
    Miles Palmer
    Tony Gale
    Stewart Robson

  15. Can I have my wish please.

    Only 1 I’ve got.

    Please send ARSENAL to India on pre-season tour. Little rumors around they are coming here. Make it happen.

  16. Quincy, get that chicken in the stir fry!
    No matter what, we must never forget that a cannon is always better than a chicken.
    COYG! Aha and Amen.

  17. Jammy jay..Nick Lee it would appear that we have a vastly different understanding of mediocrity. Perhaps you would be happier supporting a different team? I know the real supporters would be happier if people like you, did.

    Mediocrity with a team like stoke,villa and everton i would agree with ,but with arsenal who are one of the so called top european teams,who get 60,000 to every home game and charge some of the highest ticket prices in the world should be doing better.We have 2 milti billion pound shareholders.We pay our manager 8 million a year to manage the team and for that money we should expect the best.Our team should be Best prepared,best tactically and should be fighting for honours year in year out.

  18. Aha to that Kenneth. Stewart Robson is the nominated Arsenal commentator and pundit. You couldn’t invent this rubbish.

  19. Newcastle are shite

    And yet they also get capacity every home game. Ever think maybe your opinion isn’t shared by many others?

  20. I notice mythical DM Carvalho isn’t really stopping Chelsea for the moment…
    You know the one we had to buy and all our problems would be solved…

  21. If we had carvalho playing in our team half of our problems would be solved.All the pundits who can see our deficencies in the team cant be wrong .They are ex players and ex managers .Wenger isnt the be all of football knowledge as sometimes he talks shite.That is probably why why these knowledgeable people speak out against him.How dare they!!!

  22. @Nick Lee

    Have any of these ex players and pundits you refer to have experience of running a top football club in today’s football world?

    Do they have the ability to think objectively?

    From the ‘instant solutions’ that gabble non stop out of their all knowing mouths it is evident they do not.

    They pontificate like teenagers who know everything and all there is to know about life and can’t understand why mature people don’t listen to them.

    They wouldn’t sound so bad if they talked the wisdom of hindsight. They don’t. They instead talk the stupidity of hindsight!

  23. I really like this piece.

    We really do need a CB, and a CDM. We should not have been short in these positions going into the season for starters(or of defenders). I”m sure Wenger was aware of this but probably could not get the players he had in mind in the off-season.
    With our injuries easing up soon, Koscielny is still a worry!

    But I look forward to the new year with optimism.

  24. The thing with these pundits and the likes of Nick Lee who hang on there every word is that they don’t actually have to live with the consequences of there decisions.

    How many players get banded about that Wenger gets abused for not buying, that end up being shite somewhere else?

    Dozens I would bet.

    But these pundits and band wagon riders who lauded these failures just move on to the next flavour of the month as though it never happened. Oh well, he turned out shit. No harm done.

    If only it was that simple in the real World.

    yes, of course Wenger misses out on good players too. He has admitted as much many times. He is not perfect. I know that, as do most untold regulars.

    The arrogance of these people sitting behind a keyboard, or sat in the comfort of a television studio, or behind a headline in a paper, thinking they know better than Wenger is simply mind boggling.

    If Wenger made himself available there would hardly be a Club in the World who wouldn’t be interested in employing him.

    Nick Lee, honestly man, you are a piece of work.

  25. I didnt realise there were people who were so stupid they actually took what the pundits say as gospel. I mean; i did know they existed, but just that they couldnt use computers.

    Carvalho no good then? You can exactly put the blame on him for his team loosing 3-1 against a decent side (unless he made obvious mistakes for each goal of course). Just because the AAA morons fancy him, doesnt mean you have to dismiss the player.

  26. I started going through “group stage” data for the Champions League (1992). Back then, the group stage had 2 groups the result of which produced the final. There were only 2 points for a win. 1993/4 again had 2 groups, 2 points for a win. 1994/5 had 4 groups and 2 points for a win. 1995/6 had 4 groups, and 3 points for a win.

    The finals standings of each group, is always ordered on standing in the group. Some of the early group data at Wikipedia, has the 4×4 matrix presentation, and the order is NOT the order of finish. I was hoping that the order was due to seeding, but I can’t find data.

    Does anyone know where to find how the groups were set up, going back to 1992/3? When did seeding become part of the group setup?

    I have some questions for the data, and want to show more about using medians in doing statistics. But, what questions do you have of the data? Do you think there is something to find in this group stage data?

    In any event, we have about 22 years of CL data. For the first 2 years, we have 2 groups. For the next N years, we have 4 groups. In any event, we are going to have a reasonable amount of data on 6 game/4 team leagues, probably on the order of 100. Which is a lot more than we have EPL data for. There are more discreteness issues, but we can learn to deal with that.

  27. One light hearted short note before a longer note.

    The BBC had an article which said that Joey Barton was revealing a death threat. I read the note, to find that someone in France had threatened Joey Barton’s life if he stayed in France beyond his 1 year contract.

    I thought that the BBC article was going to reveal that Joey Barton had threatened to kill someone (on the playing field).

  28. Dear Santa , along with your regular gifts and good tidings for X’Mas and the New Year , could you also this year bestow upon the world , the ‘gift’ of not being able to lie .
    This is especially for the experts ,pundits , jurnos, commentators , smart alecs and the so called Arsenal ‘fans’ known as the AAAAA !
    Wouldn’t we all have a great year ,as those creeps tie themselves in knots and become tongue tied when they try to bullshit us ?
    Just imagine the fun we would have from those clowns on proudkev’s -December 10, 2014 at 5:58 pm –
    list , were to tell only the truth ,the whole truth and nothing but the truth !
    Apparently from Quincy ‘s December 10, 2014 at 6:02 pm ,Speaking of the devil…post , apparently it has started !
    https://twitter.com/northbanklower/status/532509877261066240

    My thoughts on this was inspired by this old Jim Carrey comedy movie ,”Liar , liar !”. The truth shall set you free ( or in free fall !)
    Enjoy the clip and also the others , but imagine the above mentioned clowns, in his stead. Use you imagination .
    In this clip I was imagining that it was Jamie Carragher ,trying to convince us that its the red side of Mersey that he loves ( the pen is just a metaphor !)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAE7uOO_4v4

  29. Nick Lee
    December 10, 2014 at 3:47 pm
    My priority would be no.6 then no.2 and no.1
    Bjtgooner there is no way on earth Arsene should get a new deal unless we are happy with mediocrity.

    Please can I have your definition of mediocre?

  30. Some citizen in the vicinity of Stoke City wrote in to the Stoke Sentinnel (sp?) to complain about officiating; that the bigger clubs are always catered to (the disallowed 4th goal).

    Is there any point in writing to the Stoke Sentinnel? Is there any point in writing to anyone in Stoke after Shawcross tried to end Ramsey’s career?

    Hello person from Stoke. I had to consult a map to have some idea as to where you lived, as I live in NW Alberta, Canada. Your local population is a little shy of 500,000 people; my city has a little over 50,000 people, serving a population of about 300,000 thousand spread over an area about the size of Germany (the Peace River region). I know small market far better than you do.

    It is easy for people to assume that referees are biased to big clubs, have you ever tried to take a step back any analyze if this is happening? A significant fraction of the referees in the EPL come from Merseyside (Liverpool, Manchester, and elsewhere along the Mersey). I will say about half, it could be slightly more or less, but the EPL doesn’t have enough referees in general. Maybe it is easier to say that more than half of EPL referees are from the north of England?

    Nearly all the EPL referees live close to where they were born, and there is little evidence to suggest they lived elsewhere for any significant fraction of their adult lives. I don’t believe the EPL has had a referee who was born outside of England.

    How does that fit in with your expectation that all referees automatically prefer the big clubs?

    Have you ever read the laws governing association football? I will suggest that a strictly ruled game in the EPL could easily have 300 fouls (about 3 per minute). Free kick situations are especially bad for fouling. A rigid reading of the laws shows that the ONLY contact allowed, is shoulder to shoulder when the ball is within playing distance. The grabbing of shirts or shorts, or using the arm as a barrier is not allowed. If the referee was to call all of that, a 90 minute match could easily become 3 (or more) hours long.

    The laws of the game, allow for a player to be booked for persistent infringment. If a player fouls too many times (whether the foul is called or not), the referee can book the player. If a person was to assume that all players are equally dirty and that the referee let all players get away with the about the same amount of fouling before actually calling a foul, it would be natural to assume that booking for persistent infringement would be about the same for all teams. If we lump all bookings together, Arsenal players are booked more than twice as often as any other team’s players (or maybe it is twice as much as most team’s players, in any event Arsenal players get booked a lot). Is Arsenal a dirty team? Arsenal tends to have smaller players. Do you think that Cazorla is going to cause any problem to Shawcross if he grabs his shirt? As an extention to that argument, how many serious injuries have Arsenal players inflicted on other team’s players since Arsene Wenger became manager?

    I have no problem with you stating or suggesting that the referees are not being fair. I do think your assumption that club size is the dominating factor is not accurate.

    Please read the laws of the game. And then take a philosophical step back to reduce “fan” relationships. Watch games between teams you don’t support. Is the referee fair? Now watch your team play. Compare how the referee performs against big teams from Merseyside and Stoke. Compare how the referee performs against the big money teams (Chelsea, ManCity, and a growing cast) and Stoke. Of the current EPL, I think Swansea and Southampton are probably closest to Arsenal in style. How does the referee perform for Swansea or Southampton against Stoke? Finally, look at the referee when Stoke plays Arsenal. Is the referee biased against Stoke?

    I think in your re-examinatino of officiating in the EPL, you will easily convince yourself that bias and poor officiating are present. But it is not as simple as all big clubs are being favoured. Some big clubs are not favoured.

    In any event, enjoy the football.

  31. Will, I think your definition of mediocre is not being 1st (or possibly 2nd). Being consistently in the top 4 with much less money to spend is not being mediocre. But how about the team you really support Will? Is it Tottenham? QPR? Liverpool? Aston Villa?

    Good night Irene (something from Bing Crosby).

  32. I think you have missed the point Gord.

    Nick was saying we are mediocre and I was asking for his definition of mediocre.

  33. mediocre

    of only average quality; not very good.
    “he is an enthusiastic if mediocre painter”
    synonyms: ordinary, common, commonplace, indifferent, average, middle-of-the-road, middling, medium, moderate, everyday, workaday, tolerable, passable, adequate, fair

    I don’t think finishing 4th out of 20, winning one of three domestic trophies and consistently qualifying for the CL is average, or common, or middling. I think you mean sp*rs

  34. Blacksheep, we are 4th out of 92 and two of the teams above us have spent billions of pounds to get there and in any other business, would now be out of business when posting losses like that.

  35. Dear Santa – can you please find me lake that slopes as much as the football fields Arsenal have to play on. I will name it Lake PGMO after the architects of the sloping football pitch. It will be a Wonder of the World.

    Can I also have as a special (seeing as Red Nose has retired) a clock in every stadium showing how long the ball is actually in play.

  36. Jambug The thing with these pundits and the likes of Nick Lee who hang on there every word is that they don’t actually have to live with the consequences of there decisions.

    I have played football Jambug for over 20 years so i can see with my own eyes what is going on with our club .Because some of my views are held by pundits ,journalists and ex players doesnt mean i am brainwashed by them as i have my own views.I could say the same with you and that your blinded by wenger and believes all the sh1te that comes out of his mouth.

    “If Wenger made himself available there would hardly be a Club in the World who wouldn’t be interested in employing him.”
    Again totally not true.Here he is on a guaranteed 8 million a year without any pressure to win ,without the threat of the sack.That wouldn’t be the case at any other club with ambition and he would be sacked when the results dont go their way>Do you think he would get 9 years at real,barca,bayern or city without a trophy.NO.Clubs are realising that arsenal only play one way and employ the same tactics for every game.Our once great manager is being found out now tactically and i dont think he would be wanted by the top teams in europe because of this

  37. Nick Lee,
    We are Arsenal. We are not Barca, Real, Bayern of City. WE ARE ARSENAL. And we do it OUR WAY.
    The way it always has been in fact. So the board will not sack him unless he does something completely un-Arsenal.
    In a two club league you can get sacked by the not winning club in Spain, but this is the PL where it is much more difficult to win.
    In a one club league you can get sacked if you don’t win it in Germany, but again this is the PL where….

    I see you didn’t mention the tiny tots in your list. How many managers have they sacked, some of them even before they were “found out” and how many trophies did it bring to them in the last 15 years ?

    I like my club just because they do it in a different way and don’t throw away people as if they are pieces of paper.

  38. cannot disagree with any of that, think points 1-3 are essential.
    Injuries as well , sort them out if it means taking on the pgmol, adding an enforcer, changing methods, even if they might upset some
    Think point 6 is very valid as well, without a succession plan, there will be chaos when the great man calls it a day , unless they are going to appoint from within. The club have to assume Mr Wenger will last the duration, but be ready should events take a downturn, not saying I think for a minute that will happen, but just be ready.

    another wish, is that we avoid Barca, Bayern or Real next round.
    I know, I know fat chance of that. Has anyone ever seen footage of the CL draw…how is it done, is it guaranteed fair?

  39. Nick Lee, Wenger is a workaholic, I would imagine he puts more pressure on himself than any board member ever could. Ok, perceptions as to the effectiveness of the fruits of his labour vary, especially at the moment.
    Wenger has a long term vision, few see some of the subtlties of what he is trying to create, his ways of playing take time and stability in the playing staff, he does not get the latter at the moment due to injuries, and losing players over the years, players as we know who have strengthened rivals in some cases.
    If Wenger has a fault…and ok, we all do, it is that he seems not to have always asked for enough help in what has been a huge task since the stadium move.
    8 million, maybe but if I was the owner with what wenger has bought in, I would gladly pay that, in recognition of so many things… his abilities, the players he can bring in, the stability he brings, and how much it will cost and how many will be needed to replace him.
    But one thing the pundits are right on, we seriously need a signing or two in Jan.

  40. off topic, but note our friend Mr Taylor is 4th official at the swansea spurs game this weekend. Antone know if this is a demotion, just part of the rotation of things- or maybe a rest if he was refereeing in europe this week?
    Cannot believe his performance last weekend went un noticed unless it was by design

  41. Walter
    Ive just amended some of your last post..Nick Lee,
    We are Arsenal. We are not Barca, Real, Bayern of City. WE ARE ARSENAL. And we do it WENGERS WAY.

    And that there lies part of the problem.One man runs the club top to bottom and is answerable to no one,a bit like a dictatorship,he listens to noone.That is not health in any business.

  42. Nick Lee

    “One man runs the club top to bottom and is answerable to no one”

    Have you any idea how impossibly difficult it would be to even come to close to achieving such a feat?

    If Arsene Wenger, or anyone else, is capable of running a high level sporting club from ‘top to bottom’ then their abilities are well and truly wasted in the world of football.

  43. That where part of the problem lies tasos.We should have others within the club running the other aspects and leave the manager to spend all his time managing and coaching the team.

  44. Mandy,
    no all the refs are 4th official usually one weekend after having done matches. Maybe Taylor is going away in Europe to do some European league match and therefore gets rested. So it is no demotion at all.

  45. Nick Lee

    These are just some of people Arsenal employ;

    First team coach Neil Banfield
    Assistant manager Steve Bould
    First team coach Boro Primorac
    Chairman Sir Chips Keswick
    Director Lord Harris of Peckham
    Director Ken Friar
    Director Stan Kroenke
    Chief executive officer Ivan Gazidis
    Physiotherapist Colin Lewin
    Academy manager Andries Jonker
    Goalkeeping coach Gerry Peyton
    Life president Sir Robert Bellinger
    Commercial manager Adrian Ford
    Company secretary David Miles

    Football Analysts. Dietrictions. Masseurs. Sports science and medical practitioners. Athletic performance enhancement specialists. Fitness and physical conditioners……..

    Why bother paying a wage to all these people, plus more, if one man can do the job?

  46. I just love people like Mr. Lee. Simplicity and simple minds have their advantages, so it seems.

    [Anyway “bruce-I’m fuckin hard-muhammad-A-Lee” is one of my favorite lines from Snatch, it’s just whenever I meet a Mr. Lee I have to say that line].

    Anywy Mr. Lee – it’s so nice to see that an enforcer would solve HALF of our problems. Which is pretty much a lot of bullshit which takes the bullshit in the media that says “Matic is the most important player for Chelsea bla bla bla bla” and extrapolates it to Arsenal.

    I just love it when some people can solve problems so easily.

    You are a douchebag. Goodbye.

  47. Thanks Walter, he should have been demoted…but we all know…
    Unfortunately, Taylors boss is, in his head, still refereeing game 49 and probably always will be.

  48. Is the (ir)regular AAAA troll capable of understanding how stupid it’s words appear to be?

    Let up us try to help explain to it how feeble the AAAA appear to be to other football or just sports fans up and down the land. In case there is any doubt:

    http://www.theguardian.com/football/cartoon/2014/dec/11/david-squires-footballers-christmas-party-season?CMP=share_btn_tw

    When one of the funniest cartoonists around can lampoon you with such ease (not even a full cartoon, only one line was required) my advice would be to look twice next time you pass a mirror. If it hasn’t already cracked.

  49. Great list
    I’m hoping the elves can do something about No.3. But they’ll have to work around the goblin lookalikes, our old friend the pitiful Gollum and the other the fallen wraiths.

  50. If there is any upside to Wenger’s ultimate departure from management of Arsenal’s senior men football team, it is that his detractors will be forced to stop blaming him for the mind-numbingly stupid crap that they make up out of thin air or that they have been programmed to spew by Arsene’s numerous detractors in the media.

    Reading journos writing about how relationship between Wenger and Arsenal fans to have reached a “point of no return” should tell any sane follower of Arsenal that these people are full of shit. Arsene Wenger’s job (and indeed that of most of the other managers) is not based on their relationships with the fans or otherwise Sam Alardice and Alan Pardew would have been sacked long ago. Managers get sacked when their employers believe that they are no longer capable of doing the job to their (employer’s) expectations.

    The fact that the people who makes the most noise on this matter cannot reconcile this extraordinarily simplistic fact shows their level of intelligence and why no one should take their rambling criticisms seriously.

    On a positive note, Wenger is with us for the next 2+ years and no matter how much the moronic haters bitch, his employers are intelligent enough to appreciate the man and extend his contract if he still wants the job when his current contract ends.

  51. Will we get our wish? Have we been good children and behaved ourselves? Going by the past few months, we have been very naughty. No Christmas presents this year, unless we promise that we will mend our way.

  52. I take it then, having read the implications in the not very subtle post above, that “gouresh” won’t be thanking his lucky stars for arsenal’s victory in the cup in 2014 then.

    Posts from this id went into the transparent “jayram” bin for me a long time ago. Nice try, but you’re going to have to do better.

  53. Boo, I reckon the Groaners will be groaning and blaming after AW goes too,its the nature of that kind of beast. Good to see Darth Robson exposed in his real colours, “chicken white”.

  54. Tommie,you call me a douch bag because i dare to have a different opinion to the brainwashed muck you comment – Anywy Mr. Lee – it’s so nice to see that an enforcer would solve HALF of our problems. Which is pretty much a lot of bullshit which takes the bullshit in the media that says “Matic is the most important player for Chelsea bla bla bla bla” and extrapolates it to Arsenal.

    So is it bullshit to believe that carvahlo couldnt do a better job than flamini who we got free beacuse he couldnt get a game with ac 2 years ago.His legs have gone ,the same as with arteta.You are living in cloud cuccoo land if you dont think matic is miles better than those two.Next you will be telling me that sanogo is a great striker cos our manager says so.Open your eyes.You think the reason why we didnt get an extra defender and dcm at the start of the season was because there wasn’t any available.You probably thought last jan transger window was a sucess when we needed to push on for the title by getting the crock kallstrom.

  55. “William Carvalho. More exciting as a concept than actually in the flesh”

    Holy jumping footballs! What kind of AAAA Expert goes onto a football blog less then twelve hours after a number of footy hacks wrote the above. They wrote it because it’s obvious. There’s a reason why this player only started one game during Portugal’s poor World Cup, I can’t claim to know why but the more time passes I think the better I understand 😉

    Is the AAAA troll hoping for some kind of commission from the Super Agent? Is the Expert aware of how AFC do things, since before they hired the current manager? Would it be unfair of me to highlight that slightly important consideration? Why do they AAAA consistently ignore the issue? I can’t imagine why they would…

  56. I have no opinion on this Carvalho bloke one way or another, but just to let you know, his agent is Jorge Mendes the ‘super agent’, who is also Mourinho’s agent. This connection is precisely the reason why everyone knew well in advance that Costa was going to Chelsea. That’s one sordid alliance, Mendes and Mourinho. And then there’s possible issues of TPO. I doubt we’ll have anything to do with this Carvalho chap.

  57. Finsbury, And then get a red card in his first match against Stoke in the first minute 😉

  58. @ finsbury – some fantastic observations and comments ,a great link and some very mighty fine AAAAA bashing .
    Has it really been only seven months since we last won a trophy ?
    Would seem like an eternity to the unbeliever .Was there any thing that we could have won since then ? No ? Oh !
    Has the Carling Cup been won by some team or another ? Does anyone care ?

  59. Brought a tear to me eye , this did ! But a happy ending none the less .

    An AAAAA tourist asked a boat man in Batang Lupar , “Do you know biology ,psychology ,geography , geology or criminology ?”

    The boat man said ,” No,I don’t know any of these .”

    The tourist then said , “What the hell do you know on the face of this earth ? You will die of illiteracy !”

    The boat man said nothing .After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking . The boatman then asked the tourist , ” Do you know swimology and escapology from the crocodiology ?”

    The tourist said , ” NO !”

    The boatman replied ,”Well , today you will drownology and crocodiology will eat your arseology .I will not helpology and you will dieology because of your badmouthology !”

  60. Do not ever say that the desire to ‘do good’ by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor stupidity are good motives.

    Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone.

    People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don’t sit looking at it – walk.
    Ayn Rand

    Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/ayn_rand_3.html#FtwdcbSsGDGxJqEu.99

  61. Sent off in the first minute? For tickling the cheek of an opponent like when that other infamous ‘ard man Gervinho was sent off.

    Remember the former AAAA pin up of D**M, Melo? That’s right, the chap who played in both 4-1 defeats for Gala. He got barged off the ball Chamberlain. The AAAA only groaned about this player for a few years…

    I can’t understand why any football fan would admire the specialist in signing players from the Special Agent.

  62. People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.”
    ― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged .

    http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/432.Ayn_Rand

  63. Getting Into Big Trouble!

    A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.
    The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons’ behavior. One day, the mother heard of a clergyman in town that has been successful in disciplining children in the past, and asked for his help.

    The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Where is God?” The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?”
    Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face, “WHERE IS GOD?”

    At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, “What happened?”

    The younger brother replied, “We are in BIG trouble now… They can’t find God and they’re blaming it on us!”

  64. Can anyone who is normal please explain what the last 8 posters on this site have written..Because i dont understand a word of it..Gobbildegook springs to mind!!

  65. Nick Lee, its simple:
    The Tott on the pot is spud from the mud and the man from the WHam is like a fan eating spam?And therefore the shitter on the twitter is the man they call the Blatter who loves to splatter on the shitter and chatter all the matter,who similar to Spud from the mud who loves the blither of the Blatter and the chatter on the twitter is the shitter on the matter like the man from the WHam eating rancid spam?Yet the player from the Palace is like a chalice full of malice but the vessel with the pestle is brew that must be true? Nah.
    But when the Blatter is the fatter with the chatter on the shitter and the twitter is the twatter with blither and the blather then we know that the stench from the bench is Song from the WHam and the Cole from the hole is the Cole on the stole and the Joke from the Stoke who`s the dross with no gloss is also a shitter on the twitter but Ramsey is the winner and the bloke from the Stoke is still a dross with no gloss and is mates with the Blatter, you know the shitter on the twitter, the chatter of the hatter like a hog from the fog stinking like a bog but the stench from the bench might be the Tott on the pot, the Spud from the mud smells like the man from WHam, the fan watching spam, that must be the pellet with poison, the flagon with the dragon,the titbit from the pundit, the blither of the Batter, the twatter with the chatter, the Blatter on a platter? Nah.

    Perhaps, the joy that is Roys is the cwafty Wenger ploy to buy Oh Danny Boy must be surely the vessel with the pestle, brew that is true?

    To understand that is to understand all.

  66. Will, yes I missed it. Thanks.

    Nick Lee out!

    Mandy

    If Wenger wants some help from me, all he has to do is ask.

    @Kenneth Widmerpool December 11, 2014 at 7:44 pm

    That was wonderful!!!

    And

    Nick Lee out!

  67. @ Kenneth Widmerpool – December 11, 2014 at 7:44 pm – Thanks for that .It would be exactly what I’ve would have also written . QED .

  68. Wisdom Comes With The Years…( This guy MUST be an AKB !)

    A 72 year old man had one hobby – he loved to fish.

    He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, ‘Pick me up.’ he looked around and couldn’t see anyone.

    He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say
    again, ”Pick me up. ‘

    He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

    The man said, ‘Are you talking to me?’

    The frog said, ‘Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!’

    The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

    The frog said, ‘What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said?’
    I said, ‘Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.’

    He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

    ‘Nah. At my age, I’d rather have a talking frog.’

    With age – comes wisdom.

  69. And this is why he has to go..Wenger: “If everybody is fit then we don’t need to go into the transfer market.Everyone can see that we need cover in defense and dcm .It doesn’t take a genius to see our squad is top heavy and we dont have enough at the back.Why not strengthen to try and push for the leage.What is stopping him???Now surely you can understand why most fans are saying enough is enough.

  70. Having been one of the first to post on this topic, I’ve just spent 10 or 15 minutes reading all the other comments.

    The theme that most comes through is that Nick Lee loves stating opinions as though they are facts and makes assumptions as though they are deliverable i.e we should have bought X in the transfer window (without having any idea whther X was available, willing, or suitable for the club). There are numerous examples to support these assertions (evidence is a really useful thing Nick, you should try using it some time).

    1 “I have played football Jambug for over 20 years so i can see with my own eyes what is going on with our club.” Oh please, I’ve watched casualty for over 20 years, it doesn’t make me a doctor……..oh and I played football for over 30 years and recognise that this doesn’t qualify me to comment on the management of a team in the Conference let alone a top football club.

    2 “most fans are saying enough is enough”. Are they? Are they really? What makes you say that? Where I sit there are two or three people who spout the AAA mantra and many dozens who moan at them for talking complete rubbish and spoiling the enjoyment for the rest of us who actually SUPPORT the club. Now I don’t know if our area of the stadium is representative of the whole but by coincidence, the pub I drink in also has a similar proportion. And the balck scarf movement is a few hundred fans. What exactly is your evidence to suggest “most fans” agree with your opinion?

    3 “If we had carvalho playing in our team half of our problems would be solved.All the pundits who can see our deficencies in the team cant be wrong”. As has been suggested, the reason they are pundits is because they don’t have the skills to do the job for real. The biggest pundit of them all, Lawrenson, was kindly pointing out how Wenger could improve the team a couple of weeks ago. Yes that’s the same Mark Lawrenson that spent two highly unsuccessful years managing those top European clubs Oxford United and Peterborough. Not forgetting that after that he tried working as a coach at newcastle United and failed at that too. Of course you may have been talking about other super intelligent pundits like Collymore or Savage LMAO. On top of that, your claim is actually that you know better than Wenger as to how well Carvlho would fit in to our side. I may have missed this but exactly what are your managemnt credentails Nick, Barca, Real, Bayern,…….do tell.

    Your wildly usnustainable OPINIONS are merely that. I have opinions too. What I don’t pretend is that my opinions are more valid than highly paid incredibly experienced professionals. A concept that seems completely lost on the AAA. I don’t think Wenger is perfect or infallible but what I do think is that if watching football on TV or from the terraces or taking one’s lead from the media was any sort of qualification for managing a top club, we’d all be at it.

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