Untold Arsenal: Supporting the club, the manager and the team
"I believe the target of anything in life should be to do it so well that it becomes an art." A Wenger
Special advanced notice: although much of the commentary consists of mindless gibberish there is a bit of serious stuff part way through, which is all true. You have to guess which bit it is. Part the First: The Evil Empire Bolton Wanderers, known as Notlob, make the Evil Empire look like a troupe of ballet …
Read More “How to speak Notlobian and what a man in the Isle of Man has to do with this match”
Billy the Dog was not quite in the best of moods or the finest of fettle when I met him on the allotment to discuss the game against the almighty Notlob in the Land of the Fabled Beast. I started by asking the question everyone asks, “Is there life in Bolton?” “It doesn’t really matter,” …
Read More “Life in Bolton, and other elements of chaos theory”
Well, hi-de-diddley-do there. Phil’s doing exams, so I’m doing the predictions and stuff. Right, of we go… High-flying Everton travel to the Emirates aiming to continue their fantastic run in the league. (How am I doing so far?) The Gunners dropped out of the title race when they slumped to a 3-0 home defeat to …
Read More “Arsenal v Everton preview unlike any other Arsenal Everton preview. Honest.”
Warning: contains dead bodies, mild peril, partial nudity, swearing, irony and occasional violence. “West Ham are in dire straits,” said Billy the Dog, as I approached the allotment and offered him a pint of sweet sherry. “That Mark Knoffler has lost it, the new glacier tax is hitting them hard, and their bid to host …
Read More “West Ham v Arsenal. Score, teams, and what happens afterwards”
By Billy the Dog McGraw, Enfield Allotments, Middlesex. I have rarely seen my old mate Tony Attwood as close to tears as he was when he approached me this morning on the allotment. I was just nattering to that Dennis Bergkamp who grows carrots next to my plot, when Tony rushed up. “They’re all arguing …
In a tearful and emotional statement, Billy The Dog McGraw, landlord of the Toppled Bollard, just off Gillespie Road, today denied that he had had any close or passionate relationship with golf master Tiger Woods. “It is stupid to suggest I could do such a thing,” said Billy over a pint of vodka. “Do I …
Read More “Billy the Dog McGraw denies intimate relationship with Tiger Woods. Exclusive!”
It was a very subdued Billy the Dog McGraw at the Toppled Bollard public house today as we gathered just beyond our old spiritual home, deliberately drinking in the street, just to annoy the police. The news had come through about Rob VP, another martyr to the insane stupidity of the international friendly. I debated …
Read More “Blaming Holland is like blaming Pink Floyd for Syd Barrett’s death”
Walter Broeckx and Tony Attwood meet László Bölöni Most visiting teams playing at the Ems tend to stay at the Toppled Bollard (also known as the Auld Triangle) in Islington, and so it was natural that this week Walter, our Belgium correspondent and I (UNTOLD’s resident loonie) went to meet Transylvanian László Bölöni, manager of Royal …
Read More “An exclusive interview with Bölöni – manager of Royal Standard de Liège”
By Billy the Dog McGraw Landlord, The Toppled Bollard, Islington As usual for a Friday I trotted off to the allotments on Hackney Marshes where I bumped into Dennis Bergkamp who was bemoaning the state of his turnips. “But what about that Terry Enry?” I enquired, ingloriously. “But what about my turnips?” said Dennis, and …
Read More “Do we always need someone to boo – plus team from Billy the Dog”
With our regular pre-match pundit being asked (bizarrely) to write an essay by his university (something that never happened when I was a student) we turn this week to Billy “The Dog” McGraw, landlord of the Toppled Bollard, St Thomas’ Rd, for a run down on the match against the London Street Atlas, or A …
Read More “Arsenal v A to Z: the teams, the tactics and Billy “The Dog”.”
15 October 2009 “‘If people are stupid enough to shout abuse when I go back [to Portsmouth] they need their heads looking at.” 16 October 2009 “I know some idiots will try to have a go.” 17 October 2009, The Sun: “Harry Redknapp has let rip on the eve of his explosive return to Fratton …
Billy “The Dog” McGraw speaks exclusively to Untold Arsenal ahead of the vital match against the Tiny Totts. I tell you something, we ain’t got a fucking chance, darling. The defence is so over the place we could let in six. Just make it a pint Vice-Chancellor. Call themselves defenders, they spend half their time …
Henri Lansbury – what a player in the making. If for no reason other than to see the midfielder play for Watford you tuned into Sky last night you would have seen him score a terrific goal. A pass, the perfect positioning for a return, heads for goal, a player on either side of him …
Black, blackest blackness, Blackburn Rovers, your worst nightmare, the antithesis of football. Black Blackburn, the embodiment of all darkness and evil, the beelzebub of football, the yawning heights of the oblivion into which we fall at the end of time, when time itself winds down, to leave an eternity of rotational fouling and an infinity …
It is interesting that few if any of our so-called journalists are doing a compare and contrast job on Arsenal’s wealth and the abject poverty of football clubs like Liverpool and Manchester U. It is as if saving money, planning, and making money legitimately (rather than through usury) is now bad news in the UK. …
And so it is Fulham who come under the spotlight of “All Tomorrow’s Parties” – the historic (not to say hysterical) analysis of future events named after a Velvet Underground hit. (Exciting isn’t it?) Fulham: who last season caused all the posts of, “This is exactly what I feared would happen” from the people who …
Read More “Fulham Arsenal: full report and score, hours before it happens”
This is it: the big one for the little one’s. Or “le grand un pour les petits” as they don’t say in foreign parts. Who can ever forget one year ago? There was the memory of the fact that our little guys (with one or two biggies) had a year before smashed Liverpool at their …
Read More “Arsenal v The Wobbleyous. The result before it happens”
If you have not come across “Talk like a pirate day” before, or indeed if you are not resident in England, it may come as a bit of a shock that there is such a thing. But there is, and it has been around for about 10 years – go to http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html if you don’t …
Disgusting, disgraceful, appalling, shameful: I speak of course of the coverage on Sky Sports last night. There was a moment of amusement before the game when Redknapp-the-Younger started to talk about why UEFA was so biased (in this case against English clubs) and the chairbeing nearly fell off his chair, chuffling like a steam train, …
As usual Phil has done an excellent, well-researched piece which tells us all we need to know (see last post if you haven’t read it – you really can’t watch the match without it). Which naturally allows me a chance to do my usual jink around the fringes of reality and consider the delicate matter …
Read More “Royal Standard de Liège: the result before it happens”
ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES: Arsenal results before the game starts. So, where were we? Everyone’s been off being kicked for their country during Cripplegate Week, and everyone is injured, so we are putting out the under 11s for this fixture. Arshavin’s out, Cesc is probably out, my cat’s out (but that’s a cat-flap issue) and Theo …
Read More “SPOILER ALERT: Man A vs Arsenal, teams, report, result before it happens”
Last year was, according to the muddleheaded, the year of going backwards. We entered league match number 3 with and win and a defeat, plus a comfortable saunter into the Bent Cup (as I’m now forced to rename the Champs League). Match three was Arsenal 3 Newcastle Zebras 0. Line up was Almunia Sagna, Toure, …
Read More “Man IOU / Arsenal, score and report & SFA/UEFA corruption – new evidence”
Ah the joys of football. A year ago, after seeing off the club curiously known as Steve Umbrella and having won 2 and lost 1 in the EPL we were written off. A top four finish was not possible. The end was nigh. Mid-table beckoned. Aston “Hold Your Head” would overtake us. And you know …
Read More “ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES: Arsenal/Celtic score + WHU/Millwall”
ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES: Giving you the results before the ball leaves the centre spot. When predicting the results with the stunning accuracy of the “All Tomorrow’s Parties” team it is important to understand the opposition, their psychology and their tactics. Portsmouth have been pursued by Sheik Yerbooty for the past 8 years, but sadly in …
Read More “CHERISHING THE LONESOME: Portsmouth – the result before the match is played”
Welcome to the new world – the world in which Arsenal have recreated a team, devised a new free-flowing 4-3-3 system, and produced players of the highest quality who just a year ago were derided. Welcome also to the new world in which Untold Arsenal is able to influence complete matches and give you the …
Read More “Celtic 1 Arsenal 5: senational team, sensational prediction, sensational history”
