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March 2009

Insanity Week: Secret letter to Arsenal revealed

As the news just gets worse and worse (Diaby is now out) a letter sent by an national association to Arsenal with each player who is used by the country has been leaked to Untold Arsenal. We print it below:

Dear Sir / Madam,

Thank you […]

Insanity week: injury to Arsenal players updates

Thanks to everyone for the updates – I really do appreciate every email. In case you missed any…

It seems Vela didn’t play because he was suspended (silly me, didn’t know that).

Van Persie has left the Dutch squad because of a hamstring injury. That could be a bit of a bugger, because those things […]

Insanity Week: Arsenal injuries so far; News of World censors Untold Arsenal

It turns out to be quite difficult to get information on the inevitable damage done to Arsenal players by the insanity of the international week, in which players who we pay turn out for countries which they may or may not have been born in, to play games of no particular interest to many people […]

News of the World runs Untold Arsenal “Cesc leaving” story today

It started as a little joke – but got more comments than most posts on this site: a list earlier this week predicting that everyone would leave the club this summer. Exactly the sort of rubbish the charlatans who write newspaper football columns write.

And would you believe it, the News of the World jumped […]

Welcome to Insanity Day

It is the day when we take all our best players and give them to nutters who don’t care about their long term well-being and will sacrifice our players’ careers just to keep their own job.

It is the day that Capello has decided to have a spat with Appy Arry Headcase over Ron Knee […]

Coming to Arsenal next season

One of the great things about Arsenal is that every year we have a whole stream of players who graduate through the ranks. We have the fringe first teamers who step up to be properly part of the main squad, while others come through and move into the Diddly Cup team.

This step up process […]

Entire Arsenal first team will leave this summer

As you’ll know if you read the wonderful honest excellently truthful British sporting pages, every year every single player from Arsenal is about to leave and play somewhere else.

In fact, what actually happens is that the Lord Wenger manipulates the market in order to move on players that he thinks have come to the […]

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Manchester Bankrupt debts up for sale.

While Arsenal continue to sell replica shirts, companies and banks that have stupidly financed Manchester Bankrupt’s dive into bankruptcy are now selling off the club’s debts. At a discount.

So if you thought that this season’s away shirt is a good deal at 50% off, how about some Manchester debts at 70% off the list […]

Cursed Hull start the downward spiral

Having been granted the Curse of Arsenal, in honour of their activities in the FA Cup, Hull Spitty began their descent into the depths with a defeat to Wigan. Now they are starting to watch a greater unwind as they struggle to control the results of their wild and crazed allegations against Cesc Fábregas.

The […]

It’s insanity week

Adebayor hasn’t played a game in 78 weeks (or something) so he flies off to his country to train with the squad, and Togo say, “we promise he won’t play”.

Eduardo plays bits but keeps getting injured, so he meanders off to Croatia (you’ll recall he is Brazillian) to play for them.

Yup – it’s […]

Yet another cup final…

If you follow the women’s game you’ll know that for years we’ve dominated, going for century after century without being beaten by anyone.

But this year Everton have tried to match the record. The Arsenal/Everton games have somehow slipped back to the end of the season, which is how we have Arsenal played 15 won […]

Horde of zebras attack Arshavin and Clichy

There were gasps of horror and amazement yesterday in the dim and distant north east as a bunch of men dressed in zebra outfits assaulted Arsenal players who were attempting to play a game of football.

In one incident Arshavin was smashed in the face, while in two others Clichy was twice pulled down, once […]

Arsenal in 2010, beating rotational timewasting, & Bob Dylan

Thank you Nahn – ~I love it when people quote Dylan at me. Although it has nothing to do with football, I run a little Bob Dylan blog which slowly records commentaries on the meaning of Dylan’s music.

But meanwhile back in the real world, how about starting to talk about next season now? Perverse, […]

Walcott out of under 21s, Hull Spitty receive the Curse of Arsenal

Theo has been injured in training and misses the game against the Zebras, which is a great shame, but also the Under 21s games in Slobanova-land or somewhere and then against someone else. Uzbuggerme or something like that. That’s a relief, because the way players are treated in internationals is always a matter of great […]

Copy of evidence submitted to FA over Hull spitting allegation

Copy of letter sent today to the FA re the allegations by Hull City management against Arsenal FC


I understand you are seeking evidence concerning the allegation that Cesc Fabregas of Arsenal FC spat at the feet of a member of the Hull City staff at the conclusion of the FA Cup quarter final […]

Hull & Blackburn must logically be handed disrepute charges

There is no doubt about what has to happen now. The FA has the report from the ref, and has called for evidence from Hull Spit to back up their claims against Arsenal. These claims are now fourfold:

Cesc spat at the feet of the assistant manager of Hull Cesc was on the “field of […]

EPL bring the game into disrepute. Arsenal 15 Hull 2.

The extent of the collapse of football as a contest between two teams looking to play approximately by the spirit as well as the letter of the rules was once again revealed at the Ems as Hull added the new insanity of rotational accusation to their well-practiced rotational fouling and rotational timewasting.

With the Hull […]

Let’s get violent

Another game on TV, so that will be commentators telling us that the opposition to Arsenal should get more violent, should cheat, should block, trip, kick, dive and generally (as they euphemistically put it), “stop Arsenal playing”.

Quite honestly they might as well show a movie of Allerdyce and his disgraceful disgusting team display, and […]

Media refuses to criticise Allerdyce or O’Neill

I don’t read everything in the sporting press, obviously, but so far I have not found any serious condemnation of the tactics of Blackburn in the press. On Match of the Day the BBC commentators laughed at the diving, and noted the attack on Almunia, but left it at that. The notion that Allerdyce had […]

Having by-passed the evil of Allerdyce, where next?

It is interesting how the world changes. On 1 March Aston “If you go down, hold your head” Villa (so named after their tactics at the Ems this season) were six points clear of Arsenal, following a 2-2 draw with Stoke.


But despite this rarefied position in […]

Allerdyce should be banned from football for life

The way Blackburn approached the game against Arsenal was, in my opinion, an utter disgrace. The Blackburn players clearly went into the match with every desire to cheat and maim. The fact that they got away with much of it, suffering only 4 yellow cards and no red suggests that the ref was for some […]

Injuries after comeback: what will they think of next?

Frustrating ain’t it? This Brazillian guy from Croatia (or is it vice versa) comes in, does great (as in “the boy Eduardo done great” – if you remember that type of football talk) and then gets some niggle injury. There’s talk that Theo’s in the same barge.

(Actually I once wrote a piece about that […]

Broadcasters to blame for football violence

So I wasn’t on my own in thinking that there was something seriously wrong with football commentaries on TV.

Two things come out of the comments made about the game against Roma: one was the fact that TV commentators regularly urge footballers to be more violent, and the other was the wholesale negativity directed against […]

Roy Keane on Arsene Wenger: everyone should read this

Mediation has posted a comment on my last set of ravings which I think is infinitely more important than anything I have to say, so I want to give it full blast here.

Mediation cites an interview by Roy Keane in the Telegraph about TV pundits and Sky Gibberish in particular and this is part […]